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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have just discovered something about the man i am about to marry...

987 replies

upsydaisy1974 · 03/03/2011 00:16

I have had reason to think that all is not as it seems lately and I have just checked my partners spare mobile phone and I have found that he has created an entry in the address book with my name on it and has put the contact number as the spare phone. He has been sending absolutely filthy messages to his own phone, but obviously as my name is in the address book it comes up as from me. The same messages are in the sent box and in box. He is sending them to himself. How the hell do i deal with this?

OP posts:
IngridBergmann · 07/03/2011 19:43

What was his response?

IngridBergmann · 07/03/2011 19:44

x posts...Oh my Good lord.

Well he clearly thinks you are. What a load of rot.

Malificence · 07/03/2011 19:47

He's beginning to sound utterly deranged - It doesn't sound like he knows how to be honest or open with you.
I think the only decision you need make is whether you want to carry on with this charade.

Whether you want to carry on with this pregnancy is actually a seperate matter.

MissySmith · 07/03/2011 19:49

Allright. He's changed his mind about the wedding. He may well want a family life. I just don't think that he expected a pregnant bride.

Thingumy · 07/03/2011 19:52

Missy read the thread.

So the texts weren't 'trails' ?

FuppyGish · 07/03/2011 19:53

MISSY - ARE YOU INSANE?? READ THE GODDAMN THREAD.

Portofino · 07/03/2011 19:54

I think WWIFN post was very good. The text thing does need to come out in the open. The DP still has much explaining to do before everyone can move on from that.

Daisy, I know you already posted about not being 100% happpy about the pregnancy. Do you think your "niggling" worries played a part in that, or was it just the logistics of having a third child?

Malificence · 07/03/2011 19:55

Missysmith, are you 12 or just illiterate?

FuppyGish · 07/03/2011 19:56

Thingumy - good point. So if they were meant as a bit of fun for you then he can't try and pretend they were the 'trails' therefore he needs to tell you what the trails are.

Have you tried saying to him quite clearly:

I am thinking about the wedding and our baby and my options. It is very important that you tell the truth now

Sorry, probably overly simplistic but maybe he just doesnt realise how serious this is.

LadyBiscuit · 07/03/2011 19:56

He really doesn't seem to understand how serious this is does he? His reaction is really odd considering you've just postponed the wedding. He's just carrying on pretending that things are going to the plan in his head even though it's all collapsing around his ears.

Portofino · 07/03/2011 19:58

Xposts! A bit of fun!!!! OMG, words fail me that that is the best he can up with!

boxingHelena · 07/03/2011 20:01

OP keep what's going on very close to your chest for now
people (mother in law etc) can guess but no need to know private details.
Too many people knowing may put too much pressure on you that you do not need
You are very sharp, keep going like you are, you are doing amazing

Portofino · 07/03/2011 20:05

And don't worry about the fags and the wine either. It won't make a jots worth of difference.

moodymama · 07/03/2011 20:08

Daisy I have nothing particular to add, but just wanted to say that I think you are handling all this in the best possible way and are being very brave and sensible. Keep on going and best of luck.

MissySmith · 07/03/2011 20:13

He simply doesn't want to get married. Find the 'troll' a pointer to tell me that he does. I haven't seen one of you 'experts'(prolific therefore I am)show that a 12 year old knows any less than you do.

Malificence · 07/03/2011 20:18

OK Missy - tell us in your infinite wisdom just what is simple about his mind games?

Assuming that he is a mature adult, could he not simply say that he has had second thoughts and wants to be neither a husband nor father?

Have you read the entire thread?

TheFlyingOnion · 07/03/2011 20:21

Am I the only one wondering how someone who has never met the OP's other half knows better than her what he is thinking??

MissySmith · 07/03/2011 20:34

Mal,there is nothing simple in his cruel mind-games.
He's behaving in a manipulative manner,to ensure that he has a valid explanation of the future collapse of the marriage,that he doesn't want to happen anyway. He's too much of a coward to call it off (family pressure blah blah blah)and would rather poor Daisy takes the flack. Daisy will be a lone mum.

Thingumy · 07/03/2011 20:40

I think "gabby" has ventured onto the relationship boards Hmm

MissySmith · 07/03/2011 20:44

Mark my words Thingumy,you PP you.

Thingumy · 07/03/2011 20:47

PP?

How can you be so sure,you are a outsider who knows nothing other than what you've read.

PeterAndreForPM · 07/03/2011 20:54

PP ?

is that the same as "peepee" ? Hmm

or even "peepee-head"...

Portofino · 07/03/2011 21:01

I don't know either what pp is....

Malificence · 07/03/2011 21:03

Peppa pig?
Pork pie?
Purple petunias?
Penis pump?
Petulant pixie?

FuppyGish · 07/03/2011 21:08

whats 'gabby'? Confused