I have just discovered something about the man i am about to marry...

[upsydaisy1974]

I have had reason to think that all is not as it seems lately and I have just checked my partners spare mobile phone and I have found that he has created an entry in the address book with my name on it and has put the contact number as the spare phone. He has been sending absolutely filthy messages to his own phone, but obviously as my name is in the address book it comes up as from me. The same messages are in the sent box and in box. He is sending them to himself. How the hell do i deal with this?

WWIFN, just a quick reply to say I don't care how you find my suggestion, plus I didn't suggest that the OP was an airhead, merely a pisshead.

Thanks for the update Daisy

Whatever happens, I think you are very wise and brave to postpone the wedding. In your shoes, it would be so much easier to accept the first excuse given - because when you are pregnant and about to marry the man you love, you just want everything to be ok - and so many people would just let events take charge of them instead of taking charge of events.

You aren't doing that and that is commendable.

It will also send the message to your DP that you mean business. I hope you get the answers you want to hear.

roffle @ SGB's 'All men are bastards, leave him now before he kills you and rapes your corpse' or whether it's 'come on, men are like that but we love them anyway, just suck it up and suck some cock or you might end up SINGLE'.

Good luck Daisy

A sombre update there, Daisy. As Lillly said, I too am shocked that he would rather have the wedding cancelled than tell the truth (as his lack of candour and openness suggests).

'Despite having no more evidence to go on than she had at the start she was talking about cancelling her wedding.' There is no 'despite' here, Notalways. It is precisely because there are so many unanswered questions arising from what she has found that she cannot now go ahead with the very serious matter of the wedding.

It was a good move to postpone or even cancel the wedding until you get some answers, Daisy. You need headspace.

Hi, I am sorry to push in but I just wanted to say what seems clear to me about this apparently odd situation.

I know from having done this myself I'm afraid.

The texts are almost certainly texts that he has received from someone that he doesn't want to lose or forget, so he's forwarding them to his other phone to store them undetected. (or so he thought)

Using her name to forward them on under seems a totally logical, but horrible way of covering the tracks and making his 'sent messages' column less suspicious, depending on the phone.

I did this myself in an affair as I did not want the incriminating texts on my phone, but did not want to lose them either.

Well done Daisy. Consequences enacted as a result of his
behavior. His shutting down the discussion will not be a winning strategy for him, will it? Instead, IMHO, it is just more duplicitous behavior for you to process. Why would he not try to prevent the cancellation of the wedding he was so looking forward to just yesterday?

IMHO, he might think silence will put the cloak of invisibility on his shenanigans; but it doesn't at all, does it?

IMHO, it is rather telling that he'd let the wedding drop rather than offer candid communication. This may offer validation for your move toward detachment.

Best wishes for you to get closure on these issues, regardless which way the relationship is resolved.

tessa Your post is food for thought

That is a far more likely explanation of the texts than the idea that he sent texts to himself, Tessa -- I think someone upthread suggested something along those lines too.

It does sound really plausible, Tessa.

The thing is, if someone would rather have their wedding cancelled than tell the truth, that probably indicates that the truth, whatever it is, would very much be a deal breaker anyway.

So it doesn't make much difference - he knows the wedding would be off whether or not he told her.

If he has previously got off on sexy messages then it would be logical to think these were more of the same, from someone else. that's just my thoughts on it. I could be wrong though.

and this way it means he can attempt to blame Daisy for being unreasonable and flouncing from the wedding plans without good cause, rather than accepting full responsibility for the situation by telling the truth which would almost certainly land him in it.

again just supposition. But if so, what a c*nt.

God, that makes perfect sense! wow, cunning sod.

certainly very plausible explanation Tessa. It could also be messages from a previous relationship and something he likes to look back on for obvious reasons. Not nice but probably quite forgivable.

Daisy hasn't said that he hasn't given an explanation or the truth. I am very curious as to what his explanation is.

If Daisy has a cheating rat bag of an ex husband then she will be hyper alert to any odd behaviour and her imagination will probably tend towards a negative expectation. Before you all jump on me - I am not suggesting that she cannot trust her instincts I am simply pointing out that not all imaginings are true.

I have gone crazy when stressed and pregnant about some random girls picture found on my husbands phone. He was away with work for a couple days so I couldn't discuss it with him. I had built it up connecting the dots to form an awful picture. Turned out to be a picture of my cousin from when I had leant his phone to her while he was away for a couple of days. I had been so caught up in my imaginings that I couldn't even see her - when it was pointed out I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed it was her.

I am normally quite rational but under the right circumstances I went screwy. I also brought mistrust from a previous relationship.

Anyway, my fingers are crossed Daisy that he is as nice as you thought and you can get back to looking forward to a happy life together.

Tessa's reason does make sense. And I think it's probably the only thing that has made sense in this whole thread! Although why would he REPLY to them with the old phone?

Tessa - that was mooted by someone else further up thread:

TrillianAntra Fri 04-Mar-11 15:44:33

Rather than him sending texts from his phone to his phone, isnt it more likely he copied and pasted them from a text he'd received from someone else, because he wanted to reread them but wanted them under ops name so she wasnt suspicious?

I agree, seems far more likely than texting himself.

wander what reason he has given daisy. The reason from tessa sounds very plausible. I hope your ok daisy and managed to get answers

the OP has already discounted that as she says they use terms and phrases that the 2 of them use all the time.

Has he actually offered any explanation at all? Other than "ha ha you have fallen into my trap"?

Reality - come now sweetie I'm sure you know plenty

actually if you do can you teach me some, my brain stops at 'oooh Ja'

Well yes Reality, but I could tell whether a text (normal one :)) came from DH or from smeone else. Ways of phrasing things, words he consistently misspells etc

Yes but if there was another woman he was constantly texting then I am sure she would soon be using similar phases? Ie she would get to know what he wants to hear by what he says to her. Haven't worded it very well so sorry if that doesn't make sense

I said what Tessa said, right at the start of the thread.
People were far more interested in the thought that he was texting himself though.

no i do know what you mean Lilly
OP seemed fairly sure though

tis annoying when that happens Malificence!

maleficence - I think the OPs post since then have changed what people think a lot.