The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Into Spring - BOING!!

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So, this is The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

All are welcome, regardless of your background, stage of sobriety, or anything else.

I'm Mouse and have been here since June 2010, and in control of my drinking since August 2nd 2010.

You will find unconditional support here. Always.

Whatever you feel about drinking (or not), we've been in your shoes. Some more than once.

So, come say hi, come grab a seat. There is always an open door and a warm welcome on this Bus.

Morning everyone. Feeling a bit sy this morning. I did manage to have less to drink than I normally would though but feeling the affects of what I did have. Also feel pretty scared this morning and thinking back to MIFLAW's commenets about dating when you realise you are an alcoholic try and cut down on drinking. I really like the guy I am seeing but I am terrified of messing things up. I said something to him last night and he thought I was being a bit short with him, just a misunderstanding but I immediately thought 'there you go its the drink thats talking'. Feel very vunerable and wondering if I should be starting a relationship that could leave me feeling hurt again

zany - i have to ask love - what is it with you seeming to need a relationship?, you sound a lovely, kind, fun-loving person, why do you seem to need a bloke so badly? i know its wonderful to be in a happy relationship, share your life etc, but sweetheart, right now you ARE vulnerable, you need to sort YOU out before you start trying to have deep and meaningful shit going on!

cant you just be dated for while?, let yourself be wooed and chased for while? why not give yourself some time and space?, you need healing time and actually, so do your dcs (im not nagging or being horrid, just looking at this from an 'older person' perpsective)

build on your self confidence and self esteem!, you have all the time in the world to meet mr right, and beleive me, you will find the decent fellas will flock round a 'together' woman!

i hope to my depths that i havent upset you, its the last thing i would want to do, but my word, you dont half worry me!

I am upset JWN but was feeling that way before I read your post and I know your intentions are good. I have often felt lonely recently but I don't think I need to be in a relationship. I left my last one as he was very emotionally abusive and I have been dating over the last few months but usually end up finishing things if I think the other guy wants a relationship when I don't. This guy I am seeing now is different and I feel very different towards him, I can see us being together a long time but that scares the hell out of me and makes me want to run as I have been very hurt before and I know I still feel very raw about that and I often wonder if I will always feel that way. I try and build on my self esteem but don't think I will feel 'together' again.

hi everyone!!
been watching the bus for a while and i think its time i got on board. I really need to get my wine drinking in order!its getting out of hand and stopping me from doing thinks i should be doing. I keep justifying it but its all rubbish.
I hope i can....

Zany - TOUGH LOVE ALERT!

Can you not just be on your own for a while? Just until you get your drinking is under control?

And, I have to ask, why did you let him meet the DCs so soon?

It's hard enough for you to adjust to being in a relationship, but if it all ends, the DCs will have met him and no doubt miss him.

I'm telling you this lovely Zany because I remember the men my mother dated. I remember them all. Some were nice, some not so. One was particularly violent towards her and even chased me and my sister around the house with a samuri sword.

Not a very nice man. Not at all.

I knew that my real father had cheated on her, more than once but I always wanted it to be just us, you know? I hoped we were enough for her.

Then she met my step father. At first, I found it really hard to accept him. I couldn't understand why she wanted to be with another man after what my real dad did to her.

Then, over time, I realised why she married my step father, what she needed, why she felt incomplete. And, he's my hero. I love him so much, for loving me like his own daughter, teaching me, guiding me and giving my wings lots of feathers.

There are good men out there, I'm very lucky, I found two, my step father and my DH.

Zany - just take your time, find the right man for ALL of you. YOU are worth so so much more. Maybe you need time to heal. You know?

Sorry if this has upset you but I wanted to maybe let you see it from your DC's side of the fence. xx

X posted.

Sorry Zany - ignore my post xx

Hello WWW - how are you today? What are you plans to tackle the demon drink?

Hello www welcome aboard, good to have you with us

JWN thanks for taking the time out to post that to me, it has really helped put things in perspective.

That and the fact that I feel totally different today than I did last night, it's wasn't so much a feeling of grieving for the drink - more of a period of re-adjustment I'd say? I hope so anyway!!

Have a great day babes

recovering from turning into white wine witch last night!!!!
i really want to be able to get through the week and not drink every night! Get to Friday and have a dring but just not this habitual drinking- bad!
I am trying to organise work for myself and find once i have a drink - nothing matters , i'll do it tomorrow etc!
So today hopefully is the start of a new way!!

I let him meet my DC's because I felt so sure of how I/we felt. They haven't met anyone that I have dated before, they have met most of my XH's girlfriends and I didn't want to introduce them to a string of Mum's 'men friends'. They both really like him and I have assured them that the 3 of us (plus dog) will still do lots of things on our own and they know I woulldn't say that if I didn't intend to do it. I feel that he is the right man for ALL of us and that's whats scaring me because the last time I felt like that it came and bit me on the arse. I have just told him how I feel and I think we should cool things so I have probably blown it now anyway just like I thought I would

Hi WWW sorry for waffling on, how are you

hi Zany!

Your not waffling- good to get it all out. I think you were right to say how you feel- you have to be honest with yourself. Well done.

Me - sore head self inflicted!! Drinking tea and trying to forget the www antics!!

Gonna take dd off for some fresh air and for me too!

I know what you mean WWW about nothing mattering when you have a drink and thinking I'll do it tomorrow. I think thats one of the reasons I feel guilty when I have had too much as I think of all the things I haven't done. I have managed to cut down a bit the last few weeks and have got loads more done around the house. Just neen to cut down some more and I might even manage to decorate my kitchen

i know i am freelance and when i drink it all goes out the window manyanna baby!!
Well done you!When i dont drink i get so much more done and just feel better!
So really going to try to cutdown - cut it out of the week!
Yesterday, was'nt good- i thought oh its friday!You have got nothing done so hey, have a large wine in the afternoon- that'll help!
So definately- cut down some more for me!!

whitewinewitch glad you found us. If you've been reading for a while you will have seen that there are all sorts on here - some not drinking at all, some cutting down, some lurking and posting. Whatever you decide you want to try there'll be someone around who can chat to you. I think we all try to post about our own experiences and don't try to force our own particular viewpoint on anyone else.

Whenever (and if) you want to, tell us something about yourself - dcs? partnered? tried to cut down but it hasn't worked? trigger times when you feel particularly drawn to a drink? Anything you like. And of course, come and post particularly when you are feeling an urge to drink and you want to resist it, and also when you are feeling great and celebrating being sober . Room for all here.

Ah WW I see I x-posted. I too work freelance, and had got into the habit of treating myself to a nice lunch (i.e. a glass bottle of wine .

Why have you blown it Zany? If you like him, the DCs do and he feels the same, why not just slow it down with him?

And actually, why not tell him how you are feeling? If you are sure he's the one, why hide your worries about drinking?

WWW - you have to do what works for you. Over time I have cut down dramically from 90+ units per week, to well under 10. Assuming that I do drink.

The other night was a , ahem, one off shall we say for me. None of us are 'cured' from the abusive relastionships that we have/ have had with booze.

You just have to work out how to get to where you want to be x

thanks so much venus- you are a star.
i have been reading for a while and have found some very inspirational people posting!
Also very funny!
I am married and have a 3 yr old daughter.
I am trying to cut down and struggling with occasional blow outs!
Thanks for the support allready!
Last night was bad and i was a bus crash- thanks for finding me!posting in august??!!! oh www!!!

bafana where are youuuuuu!!!

hope you're ok xx

I have found that by cutting down my tolerance has lowered so so far haven't had any big blow outs. I still have a long way to go though and not sure it cutting down is the long term answer for me, time will tell I guess. Also from reading the experiences of others the craving for a drink gets easier, not sure if this only applies when you don't have anything though. Lets try together then WWW and have nothing in the week.

zany is there a middle line that you can take with the new guy, so that you are not rushing in too deep, too quickly, but are not pushing him away either? And also, have you been out with him without having ANYTHING to drink?

Take time to get to know each other, have some good fun, sit and have a long chat over a cup of coffee and some cake. Let him know that you like him and want to see him again, but don't see him every spare minute and make sure you have time in your life for you, for your kids, for your house, for your family. he sounds like a nice guy, and if he is he will understand and accept that you can't make HIM the whole of your life (at the moment) - he may be a little disppointed but if he's half the man you think he is he will be OK with that.

Can't echo JWN and mouse's words enough, coming out of an abusive relationship is tough (and not made any easier by him still being around). But over time you will find yourself feeling stronger and more certain, you really will.

When my exh and I split up life felt like a complete rollercoaster. One moment I'd feel on top of the world because I was free and making my own way and doing OK, the next I'd feel completely useless, a failure, someone who couldn't even make thier marriage work, a crap mother, a piss poor judge of character (mine and his). I was terrified that it would all go wrong that I'd not be able to care for my dds, that he'd take them away from me, that I'd not hold down a job, that 'someone would find me out' (whatever that meant ).

I took about 2 years for me to get my finances disentangled and I can remember feeling so strong and wonderful. I was in a house that I planned to live in for ever and life was great. I'd had a pretty serious relationship with a guy who was young and beautiful and very, very sexy but who I knew would cause long term problems (partly with money, and partly becuase one of my dds didn't like him). And I felt really good about being able to see that relationship for what it was and to end it with my heart intact (albeit a little sad).

When I met my current dp (15 years ago) I was simultaneously happy and a bit unhappy - the thought of giving up my perfect independent life was a big challenge. I never planned on integrating my life with his, I was scared of making myself vulnerable to him and of getting hurt. But here I am, happy, and definitely with a good one

im in zanywany- i am going to try and have nothing in the week!
it does help doing it with someone else!Especially when it hits wine 0 clock!!
Lets do it though!

Ill be back on the bus later- bye lovely bus peeps!

welcome WWW, glad you good join us.
I have spent the day with DH, springcleaning this midden of a flat. Well, the plan was to do it all but after taking THREE hours to gut the kitchen alone, there is still tons to do. I am mortified at how I have let things slide and let this place get so filthy. I am officially the bus slattern! DH pulled the fridgefreezer out......
However it is now spacious and shiny and light (clean windows make such a difference ) and I bought daffodils (59p at Aldi) to cheer the place up. took 4 bags of shite to the dump, a bag of magazines to the hospital, and a bag of stuff to charity shop where i scored a pair of Laura Ashley trousers, a Ralph Lauren shirt and a cheerful green raincoat,all for under a tenner along with a copy of "the Help" which I have been meaning to read for ages! RESULT!
Don't know if I'll get into the shirt - DD2 is eyeing it covetously and said "mother, you'll never get your chebs into that!". The lack of respect is shocking
Well, here's hoping. DH is making dinner now - all great except there will be a payback required I'm sure sigh Never mind, the rest is getting better.

Thank you Venus. Glad to hear things have worked out for you. I have just explained to him how I feel and he understands and said he will be patient and we can take it at whatever pace I need to. We have only been out a few times where we were drinking, the rest is a mixture of coffee, dog walks etc. I have also tried to make sure I don't see him lots as I need time with just me and the DC's, he is quite busy anyway playing sports etc and he does samaritans volunteering.

Just had a bit of a nap (just being plain lazy) and so feeling a bit better.

zany, that sounds good!, who knows, he may be 'the one', just take it slowly!

ma!, that sounds like you have made a bloody good start!, i feel sooooo much better after a spring clean and a clear out - your charity shop finds sound good too, how come i never find things like that? , as to having 'chebs', according to dd i have gazongas! , your are dead right, no respect these kids!!!

im about to start getting ready to go out, cant think what to wear, its been cold and wet and grey here again today and i feel a need to be cosy - do you think i could pass off my jammies as designer wear?

You could always say that jammies are the new 'in' thing JWN. They might feel too 'unfashionable' to question it.

Only in my and Indies part of the world jwn! Hope you have fun!

qo - For my part, before, and when I drank, I wasn't a social butterfly - I have fairly strong social anxiety which most find odd given that I can be professionally confident in small or big groups of people, and none of that has changed. I hope the social anxiety will continue to improve, as now I get to learn who I actually am, and lift my self esteem hopefully a bit. But, I still may not be a party person, I probably won't enjoy wearing tights or makeup, but I'll be able to do sociable in my own way I hope and be able to remember it.

Zany - you've had good advice here - but when you are in love, you can't hear it. I hope things work out. Have you told him about your alcohol issues? I'd be careful about swearing off for the week - why not just try today? If it's good, then do it again tomorrow. A week's a long time.

ma - when I was drinking I was THE most terrible housekeeper - now I will never be the best but I am amazed what I can achieve if I am not drinking. Since early January, despite the two times I've picked a drink up again, my house has been clean - I never knew that would happen. So I will compete with you for your title!

I have been burning the candle at both ends a bit - up usually 1-4 times a night with DD, a 40+ hour working week, family and SS and all, and studying and doing step 4 in the evenings, so I am going to bed really really early tonight. I think it's the only way to get myself capable of functioning more comfortably. I have had a lovely day, housework and shops and a trip out and coffee with my lovely sponsor and our respective DC - so contented tonight, and - this too is amazing - I am looking forward to tomorrow!! Just for today I haven't had a drink and I have received so much. Love to all, hope you have happy sober and safe evenings x