The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Into Spring - BOING!!

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So, this is The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

All are welcome, regardless of your background, stage of sobriety, or anything else.

I'm Mouse and have been here since June 2010, and in control of my drinking since August 2nd 2010.

You will find unconditional support here. Always.

Whatever you feel about drinking (or not), we've been in your shoes. Some more than once.

So, come say hi, come grab a seat. There is always an open door and a warm welcome on this Bus.

opps - didn't get the quote feature right!

sorry guys the last part of my post is a bit misleading. I didn't intend it to read like that. It sounds like I don't drink during the week at all, when of course I do. I just don't AS much during my working week. Maybe that's why I struggle so much, as in it's such a hard fight to control it during the week? Sorry if I'm not making myself very clear here.

name that was a great post. I don't have the answers but I can sure as hell relate to a lot of it!
Last night went to a party and I was the driver so had a couple of soft drinks, absolutely no problem. Drinking heavily socially has never been my problem - I genuinely didn't feel I was left out or missing something at all. So i can do it when I'm out.
My problem is drinking at home, habitually. If I could go out everynight I would probably be permantly sober
I struggle to control it during the week, during the evening, during the maintain boring day to day crap.
None of that helps you, I know, but you are not alone.
Thurso how are you? A dread weekend upon you?
Mouse Venus Ruby Bafana - you guys ok?
Indie Where the F**K are you girl?

hi!, having a good day here!, bit of spring cleaning going on, all the windows open and the washing blowing on the line - alls well with my world!

NNN - being sober has not dampend my party spirit all!, im still the last to leave the dance floor, i still go home with achy ribs from laughing and i still enjoy dressing up, going out dinner, meeting friends etc - i do everything i used to do, i just do it sober!

off to wash some windows (oh the glamour!! )

see you later babes!

Just a quick hello. Been out to watch my DS play in the semi finals this morning, unfortunately they lost but played really well. Just off to take the hound a long walk. Hope everyone is OK. Hi NNN

bloody snowing fit to bust here is this damn winter ever going to end?
Contemplating putting DD1s name down on the council housing list as am sick of her uncommunicative rudeness in response to polite enquiries about her plans for the evening, which, apparently require me to taxi her to the sation, although I've yet to be asked politely. The only thing stopping me from refusing point blank is that she bought tickets for the ballet as a surprise for her grandma and is taking her out for the night - her treat. Right now I couldn't give a flying fuck about DD but don't want my mother shlepping about in the snow and dark waiting for a (real) taxi or bus. grrrrrr

Afternoon.

Hope you are all okay, Sorry to those who have got poorly children.

Had the in-laws here all day yesterday, my parents are arriving shortly.....

DD is going back with them to go to X Factor tomorrow so I'm looking forward to a quieter houe.

I did drink yesterday but paced myself over the day, with plenty of water in between so avoided a) getting pissed and b) a hangover.

Stay strong Brave Babes. Back later xxxx

Hi all. I've been lurking but I have a problem atm and would really appreciate some quick advice.

Basically, I thought I'd been sober for just over a month, and was quite excited as this is the longest I've managed. I was buying de-alcoholized wine, which is 0.5%. I'm aware I was using it as a crutch but thought it was quite sensible.

My problem is with my DH. He can be lovely, but he has a big problem with the way I want to stop drinking. In the past when I've tried to stop, he's been very sure that what I should do is to cut down, stop for a few days and then reward myself with a glass or two - drinking moderately, basically. This does not work for me at all. I know it's my job and nothing to do with him, but we've had words over it.

The problem now is I was feeling really happy and we'd gone to do the weekly shop. There's only one place that does decent quality de-alcoholized wine, so I started stocking up, putting 8 or so bottles in my trolley. DH then said this was bad and I shouldn't start drinking a bottle or two of this a day. I am aware that two bottles (or even one, which is what I'm tending to get through) adds up to an appreciable amount of alcohol. But I don't think it is remotely likely to get me drunk, and that seemed the important thing to me.

I'm really upset - I was quite literally shaking on the way home. I just feel as if no matter what I do, it's the wrong thing. I did say quietly to DH that I'd just managed a month and was proud of that, and he just said it was 'not good' to be using this as a substitute. I just feel rotten - I guess technically he is right that it's not a month with absolutely no alcohol, but it seems so contradictory of his previous view that I should drink moderately.

I don't know what to do, or if I should be upset? Please advise me, I don't know what to say to DH and he can see I'm upset.

I think DH should acknowledge the big efforts you are making and the obvious concerns you have about your drinking. I have a similar thing with DH, who also drinks quite a lot, and doesn't seem to understand the scale of my problem, or admit to his.
Can you talk more with him about you his lack of consistent suppor tis undermining your efforts?
Sorry you're upset about this - don't give up you are doing really well

Thanks dee. I put this on AIBU because I wanted a quick reply and was upset - possibly a mistake, I'm confused by the replies there.

LRD does your dh drink much? why do you think he is so threatened by you NOT drinking - is he worried what it will draw attention to his own drinking? is he worried that if you're not having a couple of glasses of wine then you won't have sex with him? is he scared of having a wife who is an alcohlic?

You don't have to answer any of these questions, I'm just suggesting that there might be a myriad of reasons why your dh is not responding well to your magnificent efforts (well done you! btw).

If his direct approach is not working i.e. trying to persuade you that having a glass is OK, then is your dh criticising your drinking of de-alcoholised wine as another way to undermine your determination?

In any case, 2 bottles of wine at 0.5% is less than ONE unit of alcohol per day, and 8 bottles per weeks is 3 units per week. If you are managing well with that then please take pride in what you have achieved. Once that has all stabalised, if you want you could alternate the dealcoholised wine with something else like lime and soda and reduce you units even further.

Personaly I choose not to drink alternative wines or beers because (for me) I worry it would be too easy to revert to the full-fat variety! I am trying to change my drinking habits completely. But that is my choice - and there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, if it working for you. And it ceratinly sounds like your dh's approach (a few days off rewarded by a couple of glasses) is NOT something that works for you.

Oh, and I haven't read the AIBU thread, but I don't think that people who have no problem with drinking really understand at all - so you will have got some very wierd answers.

venus, I've talked to him more and he says he just saw the bottles and reacted as if they'd been full-strength alcohol. I guess he's always worried one day it will be, which I understand.

He didn't expect to upset me so much, I think. He says he did realize a bit ago that it wasn't helping to expect me to drink a bit and then stop.

It's really good to hear what you're saying about the 0.5% thing (if maybe good to hear because I want to hear it!). On AIBU the general response was that drinking low alcohol wine (which 0.5 isn't, technically) was just as bad as anything else and I was kidding myself. I'm not sure what to make of that. I think it was helpful though, as they did give me some perspective into how non-alcoholics might see it all.

LRD I see on the AIBU thread that you are getting some very strong responses about not drinking AT ALL. Yes, that is what I am doing - because for me de-alcoholised wine holds no appeal, and moderating my drinking is spectacularly unsuccessful

Things sound a little better for you and dh now, and it seems that you have lots to think about in terms of psychological addiction....

I'd suggest that the most important thing here is not to go back to something that you KNOW does not work for you. So if moderating your drinking and having the ocassional glass of 'proper' wine does not work for you, then please, please do not try that (or revert to your previous drinking habits). If de-alcohlised wine is stopping you from opening a bottle of normal wine now, then that is great. Take the next step when the next step needs to be taken.

All of us who are alcoholic and struggling with this know that it is a long term thing and that there are a mixture of emotions from ourselves and our loved ones along the way - sounds like you are doing the right thing in talking to your dh about how you both feel. Well done you.

Thanks venus. I'm not going to try 'moderating' again - I know for me it doesn't work. Apparently, for DH's dad, it sort-of does. Maybe. We're neither of us sure how well.

The AIBU thread was great for reminding me to get some perspective quickly - just what I needed. But I'll continue to hang out here, maybe posting and maybe lurking.

I think it's too early yet to see if the de-alc works, but I have got further with it than I have before, so I think - and I have now talked properly to DH, I'm not just responding to the AIBU thread - I will carry on with it for a bit and see.

Whew! Thanks for the replies and support.

Hi LittleRed just wanted to say well done on a month. It doesn't matter to anyone else how you have stopped drinking or cut down as it has worked for you. I am trying to cut doen and often have a non alcoholic beer to take the craving away, its definately not as bad as the real thing. Hopefully after reading your last post your DH sounds like he understands you a bit better now and that 8 bottles of 0.5% wine isn't a problem.

Thanks for replying zany. I think DH and I both understand each other better now.

I've not got into non-alcoholic beer ... lots of non-alcoholic stuff is quite foul, isn't it?! Ah well!

It's good to be back on the bus.

This has nothing to do with drinking so probably wrong place just wanted to ask you all to hold my very brave sister in law in your thoughts. Tomorrow she flies to Japan with a team from the International Rescue Corps to crawl through rubble looking for survivors.
They are a charity, get no govt finance (which I think is shocking) and will be paying their own way out there. She is AWESOME!!!

Hey all

Well we have snow again!!

At a conference this weekend, but feel strong about not drinking, Odaat As I keep telling myself.

Hope you are all well

Dee, will be thinking of your SIL. What an amazing person she must be. I hope she has a safe time.

Thinking of your sis-in-law Dementedma...She's very brave

Disaster, again.
Picked up a drink, Social Services involved, can't see DD for a whole week. To be honest I am struggling with suicidal thoughts and thinking what's the point if they are going to take her away anyway. Nothing seems worth anything without my girl. I can't believe that as a bright hard-working professional the reality is I will take any excuse to drink, pathologically, and I would, as Miflaw related in the past, step over my daughter's body to get to a drink.
I want to stop and I also want to drink so much I have permanent oblivion. I am wondering about going to A+E as I am also vomiting blood and I don't want to live any more. I'm sorry to dump this on you all. Please, please let this be my rock bottom. I can't live like this, I don't know what to do.

noteven - go to a&e - vomiting blood is not good, i think you need professional intervention now, possibly rehab - dont panic!, i know several women who have done this, they live very happily with thier children - just go now!, no more buggering about!

LRD - i think you have done amazingly well - tbh, i think you are drinking the low alcohol wine simply for the taste!, certainly, the alcohol content is almost negligable (in my book, anyway!), you sound like you need to move forward with it - i have read that it takes five days to break a habit, why not try, over the next few days to 're-tune' your taste buds? - red wine was always my drink of choice - I SWEAR TO GOD!, if i smell it in a glass now, it turns my stomach, i know it didnt happen over night, but the smell to me now is cloying and dirty and really offends my nostrils, oth, the look and taste of an N&T kind feels clean and refreashing!

noteven I am so sad for you. I don't really know what to say but I didn't want to let your tremendously brave post go unanswered. Hopefully someone with a better understanding of what you're going through will be along soon.

I think you would be right to go to A+E from what you are saying about your physical symptoms. Also could you call you bring yourself to call AA or the Samaritans if you are feeling suicidal? That feeing I DO know about, and you need to do something before you try to turn fantasy into reality.

Please please try to cling onto the fact that this is not the end, but it could be the end of your drinking, and that however shit you are feeling right now, there is always tomorrow and life doesn't have to feel this horrible forever.

Stay with us noteven

Hugs, Ellie

xx

oh and btw ma!, your sister is a star! God Speed! X

x-post

what JWN said

xx