The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Into Spring - BOING!!

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So, this is The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

All are welcome, regardless of your background, stage of sobriety, or anything else.

I'm Mouse and have been here since June 2010, and in control of my drinking since August 2nd 2010.

You will find unconditional support here. Always.

Whatever you feel about drinking (or not), we've been in your shoes. Some more than once.

So, come say hi, come grab a seat. There is always an open door and a warm welcome on this Bus.

Evening All

Wow this bus is very quiet!! Hope you are all fine. Off to a AA meet tonight, should be good.

Stay safe everyone!

Bafana

Hi
it is quiet, but just catching up on the worry about whether one can enjoy a sober night out, in my experience it takes time to be able to enjoy it. The first few outings need a lot of planning. For an evening with friends I took my own supplies of non alcoholic drinks, for evenings in pubs or restaurants I had a LARGE glass of water just before I went out so I wasn't thirsty when I arrived and then took my time in choosing a soft drink (some pubs have a really woeful selection).

It is easier now and like Venus said, now I enjoy being able to remember the whole evening, love being in control, and laugh and dance without falling over + have the next day free to get on with things instead of suffering the hangover and guilt.
Might go to my first AA tonight, not because I am wobbling as such, but feel more confident to go after hearing good experiences fron Noteven, Isindie and others. (Actually just nosey really ) Will report back.

Have a good evening Babes x

Hi everyone. I am still managing to cut down a bit more each week. Feel soooo knackered though! Hopng to feel a bit more lively soon.

How is everyone else Mouse Noteven Ma Thurso Three

BB the few times that I haven't had much to drink at the weekends (instead of the ridiculas amount I used to have) I have been feeling really at waking up and not feeling guilt at letting myself down the night before. Lets hope it continues.

Hi Chic

Evening everyone

I'm failing miserably. Current self-delusion is that I have to get to the position of drinking far too much again before I actually have a problem

I am wasting everyone's time being here, but reading/posting on here is a kind of substitute conscience at the moment.

Out of interest, has anyone managed to stop with rock bottom in their sights but before actually hitting it?

PLease dont think you are wasting anyone's time by posting on here Trist. MAybe you not ready to stop/cut down yet, maybe you need more time or maybe you just need more support to stop/cut down.

What is your aim, is it to stop altogether?

What support do you have in RL?

I think my "aim" is to maintain the not-drinking I managed when pregnant, rather than sliding back into the excessive drinking I've increasingly struggled with in throughout my adult life. I don't understand how I've always managed to stop when pregnant, but am incapable of doing so afterwards.

RL - I have a fabulous DH, lovely family, good friends - I am so bloody lucky. In terms of support for giving up drinking though, I think in the nicest possible way that they don't want to know how much of a problem I feel it is. When I've skirted around it in conversation, the attitude has always been: "well, just cut down then".

Have to add my bit about sober nights out... I went out for dinner and drinks tonight with a colleague, and I had a low-alcohol lager (0.5) with my meal and mocktails in the bar after, while she had a wine or two. I felt like I was probably far more articulate and interesting than if I'd had a couple of big glasses of wine and a few cocktails. And I can remember everything that both she and I said. Most importantly we both had a great evening. I can't remember the last time I did this, and it's such a relief to know it's possible.

Day 13 here

Waves to indie (keep going, you're so so strong), ma, mouse, noteven, jwn and the rest of the bus!

Hi tristmum and chic. Tristmum, you're not wasting anybody's time. The fact that you're still here shows that you're on the way up

Tristmum you are not wasting anyone else's time on here, and if you feel that you are wasting your own time, then well there are worse ways of wasting it .

I don't suppose I had reached rock bottom in that I know that things could have got very much worse. My dh never knew how much I was actually drinking (I was a very accomplished liar). I think everyone's rock bottom is different - and so far none of us on here have been homeless and destitute. It's a slippery slope though, and it's difficult to remain stationary on a slope like that.

I think that people who don't have an alcohol problem do find it difficult to understand what it's like. They say 'just cut down' because that's what they would do - without any problem. They con't comprehend what you are struggling with.

Ellie glad to hear about your night out - it's good to discover normal life again

Tristmum I echo Venus, I didn't reach a rock bottom point, was just sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and grasped at the lifeline this thread offered.
Maybe it is just not your time yet, but you won't really know unless you give it a go, but whatever happens keep on reading and posting anyway, we don't wear judgey pants here.
It is my 5 month anniversary today and I celebrated by going to my first AA meeting
Actually I don't think AA is for me - reminded me too much of evangelical bible studies I used to attend as a youngster, but good to know it is there if/when I need it.

Tristmum, I think even reading here can be a tremendous source of support while you get your head together. I'd been reading for weeks, while drinking and gradually the pieces came together and I joinned and then just posted the other day. Just keep reading. It's not as simple as cutting down, a friend suggested that to me today as she didn't think I had a problem. ( HA!)I now know, that's not possible for me. I'm also becoming aware that when we change our actions and behaviour, it makes other people question theirs and moves everyone outside their comfort zone. I may be waffling here!

Ellie, that's good advice about nights out. I have my first one on Saturday and I really want to go. It's a friends 50th and he's also getting engaged to a lovely lady. I finish work at 10 pm so will be joining the party later. Kids are invited too, so my son is going to come with me and I also have work early the next morning. Neither has ever stopped me drinking to excess before and I am nervous about going, but also trying not to overthink it or project forward.

This is my 5th evening sober. I had huge anxieties about 7 pm this evening as habitually, that would be my wine time. All the wee voices came out, all the self negotations and justifications. I decided to go to a Zumba class that I've been thinking about for over a year, but haven't, as it would have cut into my wine time. It was scary to get there and waiting for the class to start, I still had those wee voices. However after the first 5 mins of trying to breath, girate, wiggle and do all this in some semblence of time to the music, I soon discovered a whole new set of problems to deal with! I've made it crawled painfully home and am now just about to embark on the drill of bath ( if I can move that much now) teeth and bed.

I hope that everyone else is ok.

Good morning guys,

Well, I have had a bad week on many different levels, culminating in pulling out a drawer this morning, which nudged the china underneath, and all my big china dishes smashed onto the kitchen floor, all my dishes that I had collected over the years!

Oh well, no-one was hurt (well, small cut finger clearing it up), and for some reason, because I feel brighter this morning, it didn't make me cry.

Ma, Indie, Mouse I hope that you are all ok, I haven't felt able to post this week, and have been hoping that you are all just busy, and haven't been feeling the same as me.

Love you lots
XXX

Morning all

Wayhay it's Friday!!!!! Feeling great today and looking forward to the day ahead!
Spring had sprung yesterday, and yet today we have a light smattering of snow covering the first spring crocusses. Very pretty!

Just read something on another thread that has inspired me, so I thought I would share -You can be whoever you want to be - i.e. a good person (note, not whatever you want to be).
Resonated with me - my life is determined by my choices, and I have chosen a different path - the path that is not alcohol fuelled and despair filled. Regardless of what life throws at me, it is MY choice how I respond to it.

Have a fantastic day BB's
Mwah mwah
Bafana

morning!!!

chic - well done you!! - im interested in giving zumba a go, it sounds fun!

trist - you are NOT wasting my time for sure!, i really do understand where you are coming from - dont worry, just stay with us and maybe we can help!

thurso - what a bloody bugger!, i have a thing about antique dishes (i use them, not just display), it is a bugger when you lose some - you deserve a nice long candle-lit soak tonight, helps to ease the stress away!

got a another day ahead with not enough hours in - i think im trying to juggle too many balls right now - hey ho!, thank gawd im sober, is all i can say!

Morning Babes.

Crazy day again here. Just checking in to say hello and I hope you are all okay.

Will be back tomorrow for a rest

{{{hugs}}} to all who need it. xx

Thurso - sorry about the crockery (and your poorly finger)

Chic - well done on the Zumba!

BBwannaB for your 5 month anniversary

Thanks for your replies last night and this morning. Today is another day and all that. Sun is shining and I am going to leave my purse at home whenever I leave the house so that wine doesn't magically appear in my bag

BB

sorry your experience of AA was negative in that respect. Whenever I hear too much "God" sharing (God in the sense of a sentient Christian, Jewish or (theoretically) Muslim God) I make a point of sharing the fact that I am an agnostic atheist, in case anyone in the room thinks that religion is an essential part of AA. It really, really isn't.

Tristmum

In some ways the word "rock bottom" is misleading, because the only genuine rock bottom is death. You may not believe this yet, but any "rock bottom" prior to death actually only conceals another, still deeper rock bottom. Even a tramp in the park can, as a direct result of her drinking, become a tramp in the park without a blanket.

So the word "rock bottom" really means "when it's bad enough for you." We all reach that one; and, for some of us, that one is different to the death one. The only thing you need to remember is that there is another, and another, and another lying in wait for those of us who get complacent.

My own rock bottom was extremely high compared to many people and, in some ways, that kept me drinking; I sort of bounced along said rock bottom for a while.

But eventually I realised that a high rock bottom is still a rock bottom, and still therefore horrific; and I stopped drinking and got off the bottom.

I would not exchange the worst of my sober days for the best of my drinking days.

Hi everyone,
DD woke up vomiting at 4, and hasn't stopped, and my house smells terrible, I am washing and cleaning and my poor girl is still suffering with both diarrhoea and vomiting.
So I am not at work - obviously - which is a usual drinking trigger. Have spoken to my sponsor, and keeping close to friends and family. Just for today, I don't need a drink. Sobriety is so much better than a drink would be - it's come into my head today, but I don't have to act on those thoughts or feelings. It's not easy though.

BB I think you are amazing for doing 5 months on your own. I've been to very few meetings like that - maybe I live in a very atheistic area or something!! But, you are experiencing joyful sobriety, AA is just one way of doing that, if you can do without it then I guess you just keep doing what you are doing, don't you?

Will read back all the things I've missed because like jwn I think I might be trying to do a bit too much lately...

HI everyone

Sorry to hear about your DD Noteven and yep you are definately trying to do too much . If you feel like your going to wobble then make sure you tell either your sponsor, friends or come on here, make sure you get support.

How are you JWN - still madly busy

Thurso good to see you sounding brighter

I am doing OK. I worked out last night that a few months ago I would have drunk 90 units a week. I am now on approx 45 units a week. Still too much for me to be comfortable with but I feel better knowing I am managing to cut down so far. Things still going really well with new guy

just checking in - been MIA for a while..sorry.
Going to a party tonight and I have volunteered to drive so will not be drinking.

Dropping in to say hello too

Another busy day here.

Tristmum I also think I'm of little use to the thread a lot of the time, particuarly when I'm drinking. But I always follow it, although have had trouble making time this week! Don't beat yourself up about the slip-ups. The very fact you're on the thread means you're facing up to a problem at the very least, which is positive

Zany bloody well done you for cutting back! That's almost half your normal amount. Keep going! And great news that things going well with new man too.

Hello to all the other BBs and MIFLAW - Wasndie hope you're okay x

Another busy couple of days coming up but I shall hopefully still have a chance to read and catch up at some point.

Threesteps xx

noteven- I hope that your wee one has picked up as the day has gone on and that you are also ok. I know it's incredibly difficult when you are on your own and they are so ill. All you want is a hug too and someone to share with ( in my experience)

BB- 5 months is fantastic. It must feel very empowering?

Thurso- Hope that your finger is better.

Day 6 for me now and I was suprised that I could actually walk after zumba last night. I'm feeling 'twitchy' this evening as I know what my usual Fridays off work entail. However, this is a new Friday and new habits to establish, better, sober and healthier choices for me and my son. Still hard though and I am armed with fresh juice and soda water. I'll be able to go on shift tomorrow, for the first time ever on a Saturday, with a clear head, not sucking mints and kidding on that my sinuses are hurting me.

Hope that everyone else is ok.

Thanks for your messages, but Noteven you are wrong, I haven't done it on my own, I have done it with the support of all the brave babes. This thread has been my lifeline, I don't post that much, but I use it as my mentor and coach throughout the process and am always lurking here. I think that is a habit that will very hard to break

ohh! really quiet here!, hope everyone is ok and having nice evenings - dh is home, dinner eaten and tidyed up, i feel warm and full and cosy and tired

see you all tomorrow!

L XXXXXXXXX

Hi all
Sorry I?ve taken so long to come back - thank you for taking time out to answer my post.

I?m going to attempt to reply (original was my first post on MN)

Quote: Jesus (I can?t say that name without adding an Irish accent hehe) i don?t think you will ever meet the real you until you are actually sober for a while?I agree

.i used to OBSESS over my dd dieing , i am absolutly over that now, of course, we will always worry about our dcs, that natuaral, wahts not not natuaral is to have visions of their funerals
Again, I agree. I worry (obsess) about my kids when I have been drinking. When I am clear headed I know that it is irrational.

Venus: Are there other situations when you are acting in a way that you would not describe as the 'real' you - for example at work, do you ever take responsibility, make decisions, speak out in meetings? Can you try a similar kind of role-playing on nights out? Is it about confidence? could you do something about that?
Hi Venus, yes I do ?role play? at work and yes you are right it is a confidence thing. I have to find out who I REALLY am before I can gain confidence in myself. Thank you. x

It is rather easy for us all to label ourselves using words like 'boring' or 'lazy', but I imagine that your friends would find many alternative words
I have mentioned to some of my friends that I have a drink problem?they LOL all over the place, I supped up and forgot it!

MIFLAW: Thinking back, I can remember all of those states, and the feeling that I needed to move from one to the other because none of them was ever good enough. It was like I was permanently travelling and, as soon as I arrived somewhere, I realised it was shit and needed to move somewhere else.
In my case, I believe that's because I was a practising alcoholic. How does that definition sit with you?
That definition describes me. I AM a practising alcoholic. I make no bones about that statement.

A man said (I am paraphrasing, but the gist is there), "if you're powerless over alcohol, you've got a drinking problem. All you need to do is stop drinking and you'll be fine.
"If your life has become unmanageable, then you've got a living problem. All you need to do is move into the pub and drink non-stop, throw away all your hopes, dreams and responsibilities, and you'll be fine.
"But if you can't settle for one or the other; if, whatever you do, you can't be at peace, and when you're drinking you wish you weren't and when you're not drinking you wish you were; then you have alcoholism and you need to change or it will kill you."
I am not happy in either place. The option of moving into a pub is not an option for me, I am a mother, a wife and I work?people rely on me.

As I said I have read most of this thread (the title took my eye?wonder why??) and I have thought to myself - oh wow I have never done XYZ. But?I know that drinking has cost me more than money. Maybe I don?t drink as much as some alcoholics, but, I drink enough to harm me.

I have also been out with friends who have got shit-faced. However, they will not drink the next day?I will. = they listen to their body - I listen to my will power or my addictive voice. I?m an alcoholic, they are not!
Last year I rang AA. I chatted to a guy who cut me short on every sentence I started. When I expressed my concern about going to weddings etc and not having a glass of champagne etc he said - along the lines of ? oh don?t worry, at one time we would be the last people to leave, these days we leave early to go to bed? Sorry, but Fuck that!!! That is what I don?t want to do!
I have no choice but to not drink during the week. If I lived alone, trust me I would drink all week, but I can?t. So, I save it up - and I drink on weekends - which in turn makes me feel like I never have a day off. I work all week so I?m tired, and I drink on my time off so I?m tired!!!
I Would like to end this by saying?tonight I will not drink. However, I know me and stupid as it sounds, I will be getting ready for bed at 11pm and reason with my self that?it?s Fri, or Sat and I have got this far so I can have one glass of wine?sometimes it is only one?sometimes I am still up at 2am. That?s my truth?that?s WHO I AM!