The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Into Spring - BOING!!

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So, this is The Brave Babes Battle Bus.

All are welcome, regardless of your background, stage of sobriety, or anything else.

I'm Mouse and have been here since June 2010, and in control of my drinking since August 2nd 2010.

You will find unconditional support here. Always.

Whatever you feel about drinking (or not), we've been in your shoes. Some more than once.

So, come say hi, come grab a seat. There is always an open door and a warm welcome on this Bus.

Good to meet you all as well. I think you are right jesuswhatnext ''dont over think it, dont think about 'forever', just today!''

Think I'll adopt that! Off out into town now, so will catch up later.

AA is full of people who hate joining things. It's fun like that.

isindie hope you're not feeling too bad this morning, and that your dp is looking kindly at you again. isindie I've never met you, and don't know your dsis, but from our short time on here I know enough to anticipate that an evening with you and your sis is going to involve the temptation of drinking unless you have some really good tactics to avoid it (and some back up tactics too). I know the range of things I do in situations like that - but I can only do it because I really, really want to (almost as much as sometimes I really, really want to have a drink).

Anyway - for this morning I prescribe: a recognition of what you do once the bottle is open; an acceptance that an evening with your sis is going to need some different approaches; an absence of guilt - which is not going to help you; and of course a couple of paracetamol.

Hi chiclana, there's a phrase which says people stop drinking when they're sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Sounds like you've come to that point. Welcome.

It can be a tough process, I don't think in term of giving up drink for ever, I take it in really small steps. The longer you can avoid having that first drink, the better. Sometimes I find it relatively easy to take it a day at a time, sometimes I am taking it an hour at a time. Sometimes when it's really tough I'm putting off drinking for a minute at a time - that's when it feels really difficult. Then each of those minutes adds up, I've got through quarter of an hour, then another, then eventually the strength of the feeling diminishes and lo and behold I've got through another day and I'm going to bed sober again. I may be in a bad mood, or feel resentful about not drinking, but hey I could always choose to do that the next day if I wanted . Very often the next day feels completely different. So for today, I will not be drinking.

Morning everyone

Feeling pretty good today, I had a few drinks last night but not to any excess ad I actually found I didn't enjoy it that much. Although I wasn't going to drink in the week I feel I have let myself down a bit BUT I didn't have much. No excuses tonight - going to arm myself with non alcoholic beer as one of them takes the craving away. I see what you mean MIFLAW in avoiding meetings, think I told myself it was OK as I am trying (and succeeding a little) to cut down not stop altogether.

How are you today Isindie - hopefully seeing last night as just a blip and your back on the bus.

I do worry Noteven that your too busy with working so many hours, hope your managing to get some time to look after yourself

Hello Chic

Just to be clear, Zany - you only need to avoid meetings if you know you will struggle; and it gets easier.

At first I practically stayed indoors till 11pm in case the electromagnet in the pub was switched on. Now I will happily meet non-alcoholic friends in a pub if that's what they want.

But I wouldn't ever choose to go there; and, if ever I thought I would wobble, I would ask to meet in a cafe instead.

I put my sobriety first, basically.

Afternoon Brave Babes

IsinDe You know The Drill. xx

Chic - welcome to the bus.

Hello all, hope you are all okay today, busy busy trying to teach Nemo how to walk in shoes! First day at Playgroup tomorrow, bless him.

He's kinda given up sleeping again but the Community Pysch is coming on Friday, just before the In Laws arrive for Christmas Day two.

Oh and the hosue is being re-wired tomorrow so I might not be here, but that's the only reason, well that and physio/hydro.

thruso - how are you? And DH?

Ma - same question to you.......

Afternoon All

Just checking in, about to tackle mammoth paperwork pile that the solictor has asked me to look at .

Hope everyone is doing ok, will read back later!

Have a good one BB's.

Bafana

Well I have spent ANOTHER day avoiding clearing up the mess of paperwork that is my office. I've decamped with my laptop to the lounge on the pretext that it is warmer in there. I'm about to procrastinate further by going of to start cooking dinner. But tomorrow, tomorrow I promise I will sort out my office ....maybe?

Do it.

I can't clean (which kills me) until tomorrow night or Friday as upstairs gets re-wired in the morning.

Luckily, I'm out for most of it with Nemo but still...... too much to do, no time to do it.

Hello everyone,

Thought I'd check in. Been lurking but very little time to post. Been working all hours.

Welcome to all the newcomers. I have now been sober for 8 weeks and am loving it! Can't say it's easy but I am genuinely feeling more at peace with myself.

I have found a home AA group and now just need to settle on a sponsor so I can properly start working on things.

My flatmate said to me on the weekend that she was giving up chocolate for lent, and since all i've done is eat sweet stuff since laying off the booze, thought it might be a good idea for me too, to try and shift some weight. So, I have just proceded to eat a packet of mini eggs that were in my cupboard (she is in Paris on business - she'll never know!) So lent is going really well so far

3for - where I am there is a Young Persons AA group. I have met a couple of girls from there and they are in their early 20s and lovely. They also socialise together outside of meetings. Might be worth seeing if there's something similar in London.

MIFLAW - I was interested to read that you thought meetings where they go around the room were really rare, as I've been to quite a few like that here in the Wild West -I hate it! Luckily, one of the meetings was so big that they only managed to get around a few people and I escaped. Saying that, I am feeling less relunctant to speak up now.

On day whatever , 7, 8 or something and now it's Lent hurrah . which makes it easier socially cos if someone wants to know why am not drinking I can just say Lent & that's usually the end of it.

1stday of Lent. Tick!

Well done TWDA - yes there are a lot of people who give up alcohol for lent, and quite a few who try and then give in after a few days - but then mostly they haven't got the support of a thread like this .

Goodness quiet on the bus tonight. Hi to anyone still up. I had a bit of a wobble earlier but had a non alcoholic drink and it soon went

Well done Next

Hi all
Have read 80% of this thread.

Can I ask a question? (I would really, really like MIFLAW to give some input here) and would also be pleased to hear if anyone else has the same feelings.

Who am I?

I don't know.

I am me when- I am sober - lazy, can't be bothered, try hard to do the best for my family, love learning new things, good at my job, like to plan etc.

I am me when - I've been drinking - lazy, can't be bothered, worry about my kids, (obsessively), want to learn lots of new things (but will do it in morning), open, talkative, happy, can put the world to rights etc

I am me when - hungover - guilt, self hate, wish I take back what I had said the night before - look at those empty bottles...did I really drink ALL that on my own??

I am me when - Tonight I won't drink. Half a bottle of wine in the fridge...well I might as well drink it. No WAIT! There is ONLY half a bottle here...might as well make today the day I stop drinking because half a bottle is not enough (with me so far- or not?)

I am me when - I go 2 3 4 5 days without a drink and then think...I deserve this drink! why? no idea!! ( my 'head' voice will make a good enough excuse for me to justify it )

Who do I want to be? none of the above!

Sober? No...boring, tired, no fun on nights out, family functions etc.

Drunk? No...making a fool of myself, slurring words, not remembering etc

hungover? No...feeling sick, shame, trying to recall what I said, done??

So who am I. I know who I'd like to be.

I'd like to be the person that goes out, has fun without wine, (I've stopped going out now) the person who can laugh, dance, talk, and remember what I had said!!! (I black out ALOT!)

To the lady that started this thread...JesusWhatNext...WOW!!! Well done you!

I can only pop in and out of here as and when...but, please, respond
x

Rushing in and out as usual, thank goodness for family as I need to leave at 7 today. Thank God I am doing this sober, how I ever managed to drink I don't know. I guess I felt ill, all the time. At least now I just feel tired! DD hasn't slept well the last 2 nights which certainly adds to the pressure of it all. Will fly in and out again tonight to a meeting but will be thinking of you all today, and welcome to anyone who is new.

NNN I can identify with a lot of what you write. I don't know how to feel, how to think, how to live. I've tried to cover for it - responsible job and all that, but underneath, I just don't know. At least without the drink, one day at a time, I can learn. Someone else will put it into better words.

morning all!

had a really bloody start to the day, some fucker has tried to break into the shed - tbh, im not worried about the contents, its so full of rubbish anything taken would be bought back for a refund - its the fact that dh has been away all week, dd has been away and ive been here all on my lonesome!, im not a scardy cat but it has rattled me a bit!

NNN - you sound JUST like me!, i could have posted the exact same things only 9 short months ago - i dont think you will ever meet the real you until you are actually sober for a while - i was worried that people would find me boring sober, appearantly, they actually prefer me sober, i stay funner longer!

i used to OBSESS over my dd dieing , i am absolutly over that now, of course, we will always worry about our dcs, that natuaral, wahts not not natuaral is to have visions of their funerals , that one fact alone has made sobriety something im willing to fight to hang on to - its part of the 'peace in my head', which i have said before, is priceless!

sorry, i could go on for hours but i must get ready for work!

catch up later babes

L XXXXXXXXXX

btw, i have said it before - one thing sobriety has not helped is my spelling!

Hi NNN when I read the start of your post I wondered why on earth you would want to change from the person you are now - someone who tries to do her best for the family, who loves learning new things, is good at her job, and likes to plan - hell that sounds just like me .

Reading your full post though it sounds as though you have been using alochol as a way of making yourself 'less boring', more fun on a night out? I guess a lot of us who are a bit shy have done that - the 'dutch courage' to overcome our inhibitions. But I bet that being a bit quiet (or 'boring' as you described it) means that you are a great listener, a watcher of people, someone who really notices what is going on, anticipates problems and sorts them out. Often people who are perceived are real extroverts can be self-centred, unaware of the consequences of their own actions on other people. I have a friend who is like that - she is great for getting social things organised has a fantastic network of people that she bullies into taking part, but tbh when I need someone to listen to me it's not her that I turn to.

I think you've already found that the answer to being more 'fun' DOESN'T lie in alcohol, so what else (if that is really how you want to behave)? Are there other situations when you are acting in a way that you would not describe as the 'real' you - for example at work, do you ever take responsibility, make decisions, speak out in meetings? Can you try a similar kind of role-playing on nights out? Is it about confidence? could you do something about that?

It is rather easy for us all to label ourselves using words like 'boring' or 'lazy', but I imagine that your friends would find many alternative words that are much more positive. And ALL of them are better than 'embarassing drunk', 'pisshead', 'lush', 'drunk driver' - all of which I have been in the past

TNC - I did wonder if in Bristle and its environs they did something similar - it might also have happened in Dorset, I can't remember. But, as you say, annoying though it is, you can always get out of speaking one way or another if you're reluctant (unlike me - I've not shut up since the day I joined!)

I went to a young people's meeting once in London. It was terrifying - it was full of all the people i'd had to drink to interact with for years! I am much happier being "just one of the gang" in ordinary meetings. Still, each to their own - certainly the regulars at that meeting seemed happy to be there.

Of course, there are also meetings which, while being mixed, attract a lot of young people because of where they are. The gay meetings in Soho, I imagine, are like this; and Shoreditch on Thursdays used to have quite a young set, as did Toynbee Hall in Whitechapel, and as do the meetings in Eaton Square near Victoria. The City meetings also have quite a young average age.

"Sober? No...boring, tired, no fun on nights out, family functions etc." Absolutely, 100%, unequivocally, not true. Do you think that every practising Moslem in the world is called the Arabic equivalent of Brian and just likes talking about golf and wearing chinos? Here is a whole culture where sobriety is the norm - do you honestly believe they never have a party?

"I'd like to be the person that goes out, has fun without wine, (I've stopped going out now) the person who can laugh, dance, talk, and remember what I had said!!! (I black out ALOT!)" This is me now. And it is achievable and sustainable for anyone.

Thinking back, I can remember all of those states, and the feeling that I needed to move from one to the other because none of them was ever good enough. It was like I was permanently travelling and, as soon as I arrived somewhere, I realised it was shit and needed to move somewhere else.

In my case, I believe that's because I was a practising alcoholic. How does that definition sit with you?

Also, without for one minute telling you or anyone else that you need AA, can I share something I heard in an AA meeting?

The first of the 12 steps is, "we admitted that we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."

A man said (I am paraphrasing, but the gist is there), "if you're powerless over alcohol, you've got a drinking problem. All you need to do is stop drinking and you'll be fine.

"If your life has become unmanageable, then you've got a living problem. All you need to do is move into the pub and drink non-stop, throw away all your hopes, dreams and responsibilities, and you'll be fine.

"But if you can't settle for one or the other; if, whatever you do, you can't be at peace, and when you're drinking you wish you weren't and when you're not drinking you wish you were; then you have alcoholism and you need to change or it will kill you."

As ever, this is only my opinion; but, if it helps anyone, I am glad, and I am happy to discuss further.

NNN- I can also identify with what you have written, I?ve certainly used alcohol as a ?tool? to mask emotions, boost my confidence, make me funnier, better company and so on. Last evening was my fourth evening/night sober and I did spend most of it wondering who I really was, where I lost sense of myself, rationalising and arguing with myself. It was exhausting! I like MIFLAW?s analysis of it and the description of always feeling restless/travelling. I felt like that a lot too.

I hope that you are ok.

Very quiet couple of days on here. Is everyone OK? Just busy?

hi venus!, im popping in and out - soo busy its becoming stupid, but hey!, im sober! love to you!