I found some porn in my bathroom

[Stupiditysquared]

.. and asked the DCs if they'd downloaded it.

This was a pretty stupid thing to do. Nuclear war has erupted. The trouble was that in 18 years of marriage, DH has never used porn (so far as I am aware). He never normally goes into that bathroom, whereas the DCs do. Also I did not know that he'd been at home. It never occurred to me that it was him.

Now DD is screaming at her father that he is a filthy pervert. He's screaming at me for being stupid, which in fairness it was. And I'm in shock really.

What next

It seems obvious that the porn apologists truly want this thread to be all about Dittany, how convenient.

OP contact MN if you are concerned about this thread. I hope your good friend is around for you, Take Care,

Where have I blamed the Op Dittany?

Please go back and find that post. I think you will find that I have supported the Op and offered constructive advice on how to repair the situation with her daughter.

I dont see you offering any advice, all I see is your using this thread as yet another to get your militant feminist views across... again.

Oh and don't forget the daughter was also blamed too.

Ok thanks for the explanations. I do kind of see the point but then again, this board is very public anyway isn't it? I'm always of the opinion that if you want stuff protected then a public board isn't the place to post it although I do understand that people come here looking for help. There is no privacy on the internet and surely everyone knows that deep down?

actually have just noticed that the twitter/fb links have been removed. but....

It's still a public forum.

You don't have to be logged into mn to view it.

Anyone from anywhere can read these threads, identify the posters,(if the info posted makes them identifyable), talk about them with their friends on twitter/facebook/anywhere else on the www.

The internet is not anonomous, despite what people think, and I stand by what I said just now - if you don't want people discussing your private business, then don't post about it on public websites.

Chipping I didn't see it that way at all - the "anti-porn" brigade were merely pointing out that the OP's DD had a very natural reaction to discovering her dad's porn interests when other posters were rolling their eyes and suggesting that 14 year old girls should just get over the fact that their dad likes to look at porn. The fact that it was spitroasting is hugely material here. It was not scantily clad ladies. At 14 I would have reacted the same way and I am surprised at the number of posters who genuinely think they wouldn't have been bothered at 14, let alone now! It would have made me question how my dad viewed women and more specifically me. The AP brigade were just pointing out that the DD's reaction should be acknowledged and that the OP herself did not have to pretend to her DD that she agreed with porn or her DH's use of it in order to "smooth things over" rather than acknowledge her DD's strength of emotion in response.

My point exactly wannaBe

Not directed at you BTW OP xx

I've already said the OP needs to get her husband to apologise unreservedly for doing this and then promise his whole family he won't bring porn into the house again. That should help both SS and her daughter and son

Why should he promise not to bring porn in again.Supposing the daughter wonders if he is lying or not, and takes it upon herself to go through his laptop again? then what?

The fact he looks at porn is not the issue. The fact he left porn lying around is the issue, because otherwise, none of this thread would have happened.

The main concern for the op, and quite rightly, is her daughters distress at the situation. That is the first thing that needs to be addressed by both the Op and her husband.

This thread is really shaming. It's probably the worst I've seen in the five years I've been here.

Awful.

Dittany. Do you have children?

DirtyM - agree

your point is, andwell ?

Squeaky, if his wife and daughter both strongly object to porn surely they have a right to the basic respect of their husband/ father not bringing it into their home - or does his right to wank over porn take priority over all that boring business of considering their feelings in their own home?

Unbelievable. God this is depressing.

dittany Sun 20-Feb-11 22:58:16
Indeed her distress is the main problem and the way to solve it is to promise that their father won't bring pornography into the family home in future.

I disagree. He is an adult, and if he wishes to view porn in the privacy of his own home, AWAY from the eyes of his children, then that is his right.

Should he lie? and say he isnt going to do it.

Or should he be honest and say, he is an adult, and some adults do look at porn, and that it doesnt mean he loves their mum any less. And that he IS very sorry that he fucked up and left stuff lying around that they could have found.

Dirty - his feelings count for nothing - why is that? Because he's a man and should just do as his wife & daughter tell him?

My point is someone who knows nothing about relationships should keep quiet.

I do need to thank all the posters for their perspectives and insights

And to all the posters and lurkers who have PMd me, you have made a huge difference, thank you.

It'd be great if we could let the thread lie now. It seems to be going in an uncomfortable direction for me, what with twitter feeds and stuff. I am on twitter myself, it would not be something I would have shared on there voluntarily. But as wannabe rightly says, posting this sort of stuff on the internet carries its own risks

Hey you lot. You helped me. Thank you

WB MN users are registered here. As has been shown in the past, trolls can be identified and banned, using whatever behind the scenes techy stuff they use (ISP addresses etc.) It is a community. No, it doesn't mean it's safe or private, and Poster Beware and all that but neither does it make it ok to use someone else's problems as a joke to forward to your friends who can all have a laugh at it. You might shrug your shoulders and say well don't expect privacy but then neither would I expect someone to tweet someone's problems as a joke - very strange thing to do, not only juvenile but also particularly spiteful. Presumably you'd feel the same about retweeting a Bereavement or SN thread to laugh at? Everyone/Everything is fair game? You and Caffelatte should get together and enjoy his/her snuff movies. Remember - No morals means no limits. You could even kill each other and film it. Such fun!

In that case Dittany, you would have to say no tv or computer in the family home.

My parents could have had pornography in their bedroom. I would not have known, because the bedroom was their private domain. I did not go in there, because I respected their privacy. I certainly would not have gone rooting around in there either.

The Ops husband should have kept his private viewing confined to his bedroom. That is what I agree he has done wrong. He shouldnt have left evidence behind, and the daughter is justifiably upset about it all.