I found some porn in my bathroom

[Stupiditysquared]

.. and asked the DCs if they'd downloaded it.

This was a pretty stupid thing to do. Nuclear war has erupted. The trouble was that in 18 years of marriage, DH has never used porn (so far as I am aware). He never normally goes into that bathroom, whereas the DCs do. Also I did not know that he'd been at home. It never occurred to me that it was him.

Now DD is screaming at her father that he is a filthy pervert. He's screaming at me for being stupid, which in fairness it was. And I'm in shock really.

What next

I suppose there's no point offering you a borrow from my extensive collection of snuff movies then Dittany?

Not pressing refresh enough - agreed - thread should be removed. Sorry OP - I hope upthread that there were some good suggestions about how you start to deal with this. DH needs to be back home for a start and willing to talk about his relationship with DD.

at the tweeting. Very low. Let's hope Alouise sticks to her claim to not hang around in relationships in future. She seemed quite proud of her tweeting too. Nasty.

Dittany, I am not a defender of ALL pornography.

I am aware you are unable to differentiate between the various sectors of the porn industry, that which is legal, that which is illegal, and even the fact that there are so many subdivision of porn, and not everyone would find all porn erotic.

How do you view gay male porn? There are no women involved in that, so how does your stance lie on that one?

Sorry, can anyone explain why it is wrong to tweet about this? I don't understand.

"But linking a live feed on another social website to this sensitive thread, whereby the OP is disctressed and talks about the potential massive falloutwithin her family is FUCKING DESPICABLE." In case it has escaped your notice, this is a public website. It's not as if someone has taken a private conversation and publicised it on the internet - the thread was already public. In fact there is a link next to every post on every thread in order that those who wish to do so might tweet about them.

That's life. We live in an age now where people's private business can be made public by them if they so choose. If people don't wish for that to happen then don't post about the most sensitive parts of your life on public internet forums.

Worraliberty ... your sharp insight has really added a new dimension to the debate....

SqueakyToy what a sad sad state of affairs you must be in to keep telling yourself such crap.

To be honest this thread has been all about dittany from the get go. The poor OP is going to have to trawl through a lot of hot air to get to any constructive advice from calm, unbiased rational posters.

Thank goodness for Chipping, Squeaky and a few others. Hopefully the OP will at least have their well thought out non hysterical posts to read over.

caffelatte

The twitter / FB buttons have been removed from certain, more sensitive sections of MN, as they are areas where people are looking for advice on sensitive matters, rather than looking for as many and as diverse responses as possible.

When you post a sensitive subject, especially one going into family details, it can be very difficult to deal with the reactions of strangers. When those strangers tout the thread out to people who aren't usually involved on this forum particularly because they have strong views, it can make it very difficult for the OP to separate well-meaning advice from those with an axe to grind.

Publicising the issue to non MN members makes the whole thing very, well, public.

Often, this kind of action will result in the OP being either too scared or too ashamed to continue posting, therefore losing out on any helpful advice.

wannabe, the individual twitter and FB links were removed

for me, I acknowledge this is a public place

what I found distasteful was the way this thread was held up for derision by a porn apologist and her cronies

horrible

You dont suppose she was doing her expose to cash in do you Dittany?

She is still making a profit from porn, no?

If some other woman were to write a book about how enriched her life was by her freedom to be a porn star, would you read that and believe that too?

Or do you choose to believe what suits your beliefs, and refuse to open your mind to the possibility that you are being too judgemental and that just because you think one thing, others are allowed a different point of view.

You see, all through this thread, I have not said you are wrong. I have said you are biased, and I have said you are blinkered, but I have never said you were completely wrong.

I am always willing to look at someone elses point of view and even reconsider my own, because I dont believe I am always right no matter what.

But I do see between lines, and I do look at a wider picture, rather than black and white and no ground inbetween.

CL MNHQ specifically removed the FB and twitter icons due the fact that they recognised it was not appropriate in a section of MN which often has posters posting about Domestic Violence, being raped or sexually abused etc. I think the view was that those kind of topics, where a poster is baring their soul (and very scared of losing their anonymity and even at risk of suffering RL effects as a result e.g. abusive partners finding out they had posted on MN) were not up for becoming a form of forwarded entertainment, like you would forward a joke email for example. So quite a few posters on the thread feel that Alouise has gone out of her way to ignore this and tweet the thread, treating the OP's distress as something to laugh at/forward as a joke email and/or risk the OP's anonymity and possible consequent RL impact. Do you think Alouise was right to tweet the thread?

I am sorry to see what has happened to this thread.

OP, if you're still here,I just want to say that from your previous posts I think your instincts for dealing with a horrid situation are spot on - Trust your instincts.

WannaBE, no FB/Twitter button on relationships. Can you see one next to any posts?

squeakytoy Do you not realise that most of it is actually acting, you idiot?

I think you have got the wrong end of the stick. Acted rape is horrendous enough, imo, but there are women being filmed having sex that they really don't want but have been coerced into doing it. That is rape. Having sex because you will get a beating if you don't, or because your next fix is being kept from you until you do just one more scene. Or because you agreed to vaginal sex but he stuck his cock in your arse as well. How would you be able to tell those scenarios on film? Do you think that the ones where you could tell would be released on free sites? (You can bet that they are still available for pay customers on "niche" sites.)

That's one reason why people don't like porn. And don't understand why others are happy to ignore these realities and still enjoy getting their rocks off to those films. It is not the anti-porn people that are naive.

Caffelatte The OP was venting and asking for advice.

If the OP had wanted it tweeted she could have done so herself.

Opening this to a wider audience to get more people following you on twitter or to discuss with porn apologists is a cheap shot.

Somehow I think she could do without the advice on twitter, one response was saying that the OP's DH should have blamed the children for the porn.

Let's hope they bother to look up the Shelly Lubben site.

What is wrong with some of you? This is someones life, their children ffs.

If you want discussion about porn in general take it off the thread some of you have spent days posting off the topic of this womans family and what they are going through.

I hope mumsnet takes some action cause it needs to start protecting it's members.

Wannabe Have a look. Yes right there to the right of every post. No Facebook button and No Twitter button. That's because a band of us who detest those sites campaigned to have the buttons removed from sensitive threads and boards. Mumsnet agreed that it would be inappropriate to have non-mumsnet users gawping, "tweeting" and commenting about other people's relationship problems, bereavements and special needs issues.

This is why I have posted some personal stuff in chat so it doesn't hang around.

I think Alouise was well out of order for tweeting this thread and saying once you post something on here is it in the public demain doesn't make what Alouise did right.

^worraliberty Sun 20-Feb-11 22:34:23
To be honest this thread has been all about dittany from the get go. The poor OP is going to have to trawl through a lot of hot air to get to any constructive advice from calm, unbiased rational posters^

Yep - nothing new there though. Every thread is but a stage.

What I found distateful was the anti porn brigade making this all about them as usual.

Oh.

My.

God.

SS - if you are still even reading this, I'm hoping that you are okay. And DD.

Did DH come home, I'm kinda skim reading this now for fear of my head exploding.

So many of you have actually lost the fecking plot.

This is a real person, with a real family asking for help.

Stop with the Chelsea bun throwing, listen to her and try to help.

If you want to all bloody fight, then start a new thread.

Mind you, this will soon be full so why bother.