I found some porn in my bathroom

[Stupiditysquared]

.. and asked the DCs if they'd downloaded it.

This was a pretty stupid thing to do. Nuclear war has erupted. The trouble was that in 18 years of marriage, DH has never used porn (so far as I am aware). He never normally goes into that bathroom, whereas the DCs do. Also I did not know that he'd been at home. It never occurred to me that it was him.

Now DD is screaming at her father that he is a filthy pervert. He's screaming at me for being stupid, which in fairness it was. And I'm in shock really.

What next

chip...would your view of this be the same if this was a new partner of the OP ?

Maybe because they have real life women to abuse with absolute impunity?
Actually, if you think there is no market for porn in places like Saudi and UAE, you are incredibly naive. Religious zealots are often the most sexually deviant (and hypocritical).

A few points to clarify

1. I did not shout at my children or accuse them in a hostile way. I went into the bathroom, found the pictures, walked out stunned, and said in a fairly neutral tone, "DD, I've found these pictures in the bathroom. Do you have a clue what they are doing in there?"

1. There are showers all over the house, frankly. Including in DH's ensuite. He absolutely did not need to go in there

1. Why do you think his porn usage is something to do with me? What an absolutely outrageous suggestion. What are you saying? That I encouraged him to do this? Or that I'm in some way frigid and have driven him to this? If this is the only contribution you can make to the debate, Onemorechap, you can fuck off the thread. Because I fucking well don't deserve this

Wanker

cantspell

SHE didn't do anything wrong.
She was shocked and reacted quickly, as I would have done.

SS, well said

ChippingInFanciesCheeseOnToast There you go, you are being a porn apologist. Keep blaming the OP with comments like:

When confronted by his wife, he reacts with anger and defensiveness instead of remorse Yes because she confronted her daughter over it and blew it up into A Big Issue - something which should have been handled between them (I understand why she did though, but even so). He apologised for leaving them there - that should hvae been enough.

Guess what, for many people, porn is a BIG ISSUE.

I could only see the porn apologists like that Squeaky being ok with a new partner having porn. No one else.

I completely rest my case.

Yes, I would be completely fine with a partner who occasionally looked at porn, providing it was legal, adult, and not child porn or bestiality.

I dont police the minds of others.

I would not be happy if he left it lying around in a public place in the house.

I'm honestly gobsmacked at how militant and bitter really some people are about porn models. In fact I really didn't know that there are people who feel this strongly about it?

I'm not talking about the OP and her DH now and the whole situation up there when I say this but OMG what happened to live and let live?

Porn can and does spice up sex lives when two consenting couples are happy to view it. It can be fun you know, light entertainment.

I'm not saying people have to like it, but I'm so shocked at just how against it some people are. Some of the more hysterical views on this thread have really opened my eyes to how upset it makes people to see some relitively good looking people having sex on camera.

The 'pro porn' posters on this thread seem a lot more chilled about the fact others choose not to watch it. Why are some of the 'anti porn' posters using words like 'pervert' and bringing up the fact the OPs DH was having a 'wank' like having a wank is unnatural or a bad thing?

And before anyone says it, yes it was bad he did it in the kids bathroom and left the pic there so that's not what I'm getting at.

Goodness it's taken me a while to catch up here and I'm not even sure it was worth it. Seems to me there are very few posters here talking calm common sense (and then being roundly jumped on for their trouble) so thumbs up to Aloiseg and squeaky (who I thought had left the thread, glad they didn't) and Chipping and maybe a few others. The usual naysayers all sound so utterly miserable in their obviously rather tight fitting skins - do you think it may benefit you all to loosen up a bit?

squeakytoy Turns out MW might have had a point after all. Leaving behind my view of pornography between freely and validly consenting adults, this thread is really about

(1) OP's DD's reaction and emotional wellbeing and relationship with her father; and
(2) the OP's realisation that her DH has been lying to her and instead of being embarrassed and feeling shit about it and wanting to work it out, getting angry and defensive and blaming the OP

It is only that there seems to be a view on the thread that a 14 year old girl needs to just get over the fact that she now knows her dad enjoys this kind of stuff - and that view is held by people who argue "well it's all over the internet now so what can you do about it" or "look everyone's into spitroasting now." You can only honestly argue that viewpoint on this thread if you would be perfectly happy for your DC, aged 14, to know exactly what porn you enjoy, because regardless of whether spitroasting is now viewed as mainstream or can ever be argued to be non-derogatory or dehumanising, OP's DD now knows that's what her dad gets off on. I can't see why it is so conflicting for the pro-porn contingent to say well yes it's okay for me to enjoy but I would HATE my 14 yr old DC to be exposed to this by a parent.

SS you go for it!

Did he come back? for long?

I hope you and your children are ok.

These comments blaming you are so out of order. A total utter disgrace.

... And the stupidity of Squeaky commenting about the so-called objectiveness of people who operate within the exploitation of the porn industry. FGS. Unbiased. Well that is something to really roll your eyes about.

Sorry to hear what has happened, SS, and hope you work through it all with as little pain as possible.

All the people who are cool with on-line porn - how do you check if the participants are doing it freely and with no coercion?

SS...you ok ?

The Obscene Publications Acts 1857 would have covered bestiality/necrophilia/rape porn under the classic definition of criminal obscenity is if it "tends to deprave and corrupt,"

Popcrackle porn may be a Big Issue - but from her DH's POV, not one she needed to involve their teenagers in. It is not a A Big Family Issue. I am not saying she was wrong I am saying that when he found that out it's not suprising he was angry. Not really justified considering he left it there - but not suprising.

LITR - I was trying to keep the thread on track as it was veering so far from the truth is was ridiculous - excuse me for not wanting this to be any worse for the OP than it is Everthing I said, was what the OP has said.

I said it was a family bathroom, which it is. It is not his daughters bathroom as was mentioned up above.

I mentioned where they were left because it was getting out of hand with people saying he'd left them out for the children to see. They were in a place that was not obvious and one which it would be quite easy to forget this - which is what the OP accepts happened - so to suggest he left the thre on purpose for his teenagers to find them is vile.

You might think they made the wrong decision to carry on with their day as they had planned but this morning, neither the Op nor he DH did. This does not mean he 'fucked off without giving his family a thought'.

I am absolutely appalled that you have "tweeted" a sensitive thread and invited comment from other idiots who use that site, Alouiseg. This was precisely why the facebook and twitter buttons were removed from the Relationships (and other sensitive) threads.

One of the biggest myths of all is that porn enhances a sex life. It doesn't. And secret porn use sure as hell, doesn't. Perhaps those of you who have never been with partners who eschew porn haven't had that richer experience. Well more fool you. You're missing out.

OP I hope you get some answers tonight and some peace in your family again. I am so sorry you've had to read some of this nonsense and had your thread exposed to a wider audience.

"It's the makers and the consumers who are the problem, because they create this market for the graphic sexual degradation of women."

so what about male/homo porn?Is that ok as no women involved as in 30 pages you dont show any concern for male porn actors.

dittany Sun 20-Feb-11 21:40:43
Aw gee, looking at bestiality/necrophilia/rape porn wasn't illegal until three years ago Squeaky. You could have been happy with your partner watching those things too at that time given that it was legal or did you have a line drawn even then

As I said Dittany, you seem to have a very unhealthy assumed indepth knowledge of it all, and your comments as always, are completely insane, and you cherry pick selective snips out of posts, to distort them to suit your agenda.

Just because something is legal doesnt mean that everyone who views porn views the same thing. Surely you would know that, wouldnt you?

Popcrackle: I do enjoy porn. I'm not sure what you mean by being desensitised to it. There must be a demand for porn aimed at women or else forhertube wouldn't exist.

"I'm not saying people have to like it, but I'm so shocked at just how against it some people are. Some of the more hysterical views on this thread have really opened my eyes to how upset it makes people to see some relitively good looking people having sex on camera"

I'm so shocked at just how ignorant and ill educated some people can be!

Bitter and militant yep, that's me, that's why I'm forever banging on about a woman's right to have enjoyable sex and always challenge the myth that sex is something done to women by men.

I love sex, that's why I'm so against porn - porn sex is not mutually enjoyable, loving, relationship enhancing sex.