I found some porn in my bathroom

[Stupiditysquared]

.. and asked the DCs if they'd downloaded it.

This was a pretty stupid thing to do. Nuclear war has erupted. The trouble was that in 18 years of marriage, DH has never used porn (so far as I am aware). He never normally goes into that bathroom, whereas the DCs do. Also I did not know that he'd been at home. It never occurred to me that it was him.

Now DD is screaming at her father that he is a filthy pervert. He's screaming at me for being stupid, which in fairness it was. And I'm in shock really.

What next

Far less offensive than your ott smuggery Mal, so you can fuck off and don't forget your lube

Did I say he shouldn't talk to his daughter?

i suggested he might be pissed of because the OP has steamed in and outed him for wanking.

DD had no clue before OP steamed in.

And why is he suing porn? OP might well ask him.

nurseblade I am sure EVERY sexual practice/deviancy/position has been tried out/captured at least once throughout history (remember the Kama Sutra? Was a while ago now...) bar any new nuances of innovation afforded by technology (sex with robots/machines/cybersex etc).

I don't think anyone has argued porn is some new abhorrence that only begun terrorising society in the 21st century. It is the pervasiveness and omnipresent level of porn that means it is becoming increasingly difficult to allow children to view sex in the context of relationships UNTIL they are emotionally mature enough to understand why some people might choose (or not as mostly the case) to be paid for sex or carry out certain sexual practices.

It is now a far cry from those halcyon days (as my DH would view it) of perusing the Littlewoods lingerie section for a hint of nipple. Why bother trying to get excited over a bit of flesh in a catalogue as a 12 year old boy when you can now be watching some woman being spitroasted before you have even lost your virginity. Even better, why not try and get your first girlfriend to give it a go? It is that kind of escalation of sexual pressure that pornificiation contributes to and it is that kind of pressure that the OP's DD will already face at school. To find out your dad, who you trust to protect you, subscribes to this PoV too will be an awful shock.

Alouiseg you are spectacularly obsessed with making porn normal. Insisting my partner uses it. Insisting it's comonplace.

Why?

Why do you have such an issue insisting people are using it when they say they don't need to?

I don't have an issue with you using it? So why can't you accept we don't?

Can I just ask if people would comment on their reaction if I posted the original OP but the man involved was my new partner rather than the DC's father? Would they take the same view that the DC should grow up and smile about Mummie's new boyfriends wank fodder?

Aloiuseg, why do you hang about the relationship topic then ?

and feel the need to "put everyone right" ?

just look out for your own porn-friendly relationships...you are on some sort of crusade to deconstruct every one else's "denial" and that makes me question your safety and security

somebody who protests too much that porn is ok, and "common" and not harmful and all our husbands are doing it behind our back and we are thick not to realise it, has an issue of their own, IMO

and yep I think Nurseblade is desensitised to porn.

Aloiseg and you are another with your snide comment to Railway about her partner. Shock, horror there are men out there that don't look at porn. Men who actually don't get turned on by the degradation of women. Quite a healthy attitude that is too.

Eurostar makes a valid point, the father should be protecting his daughter from the pornography.

OneMoreChap Am hoping you're not implying that OP's DH's reasons for using porn are anything to do with the OP?

"spitroasting has been photographed ever since cameras were invented"

What like a pig? or some other sort of animal, goes v v nicely with dog, bird, cow,

Main steam pornography is geared to set-up women as the sex-class and to keep us in place. Cultural, masculine, hegemony at it's finest - whereby we are lured into accepting and believing in the propaganda of the "political, economic, ideological or cultural power exerted by a dominant group over other groups".

How the hell folks can't see modern day porn as pure woman hate / general hate speech is beyond me.

Really good point from the poster who asked would everyone be ok by a new partner leaving his porno wank fodder in the children's bathroom

would we ?

I don't think so

LiR - I'm kind of hoping OneMoreChap was not implying that - yet to see...

I think OMC was implying that

gah

gowd i cant believe this is still going on.

In situations like this i think a case of the least said the soonest mended should be adopted. They were both in the wrong. he was careless to leave his wank material hanging around and she didn't think before rushing in to acuse the kids before speaking to her husband.

Porn might not be everyones cup of tea but it is not the big deal some of you are making it into.

Have you ever wondered why some of the most oppressive societies/cultures against women are also ones where porn is not so main stream and assessable as the western world?

Wow - we've reached that level already have we? I mean, it's only been 15 pages, but on top of the OP being blamed for everything else she is now the root cause of the problem. But for her, her DH would never have looked at porn and none of this would have happened. Well let's not stop there, as it's clearly not DH's fault let's blame Tim Berners Lee. It would be only fair.

As this goes on it is veering futher and further from the truth. Clearly people starting to post now are only reading the last little bit - just to clarify a few points:

OP's DD is 14

The pictures were in the family bathroom
OP found the pictures, they were behind the candles next to the bath - clearly he forgot them when leaving the bathroom - to say he left them there on purpose is presumptious and nasty

They were in the family bathroom

She did not show the teenagers the pictures

This morning SS & her DH thought things were 'settled' enough for him to attend his squash tournament - he did not just 'fuck off there'.

PeterAndre - people have a different opinion to you, it does not make you right and them wrong. The fact he view porn does not make him addicted to it.

He is so taken by his printed off pictures, he uses his children's bathroom to wank off to them, and leaves them behind to be found by teenagers He left them there by mistake is what the OP believes and I have no reason to doubt her - on what basis do you?

When confronted by his wife, he reacts with anger and defensiveness instead of remorse Yes because she confronted her daughter over it and blew it up into ABigIssue - something which should have been handled between them (I understand why she did though, but even so). He apologised for leaving them there - that should hvae been enough.

he fucks off for most of the weekend, playing squash, rather than stay home and try and fix the family that has been blown out of the water by his own acions No, he has been out today at a squash tournament as both the OP & him said it seemed 'settled' (as far as the teenagers were concerned).

does that seem like the behaviour of a man who could "take it or leave it"

There is nothing here to base that decision on.

Dittany - where is there any indication that the DH is disconnected from his children?

chip, thanks for clarifying my position there

I was getting a bit tired of typing the same thing over and over

cantspel For the OP to do as you suggest she has to minimise her DD's feelings - she has to tell her DD she is making a fuss about nothing and that no matter what her dad's internet history has revealed, she is overreacting. That's a shitty thing to do to a 14 year old girl who's view of her father has been shattered. How does she rebuild/forget/unremember? It is the OP's DD who is more outraged/angry/repulsed by her dad than the OP. It is the OP's DD who is angry and shouting (with her dad shouting back).

Tigerchilli great posts.

We will have the porn apologists coming on here, saying some women love to choose porn, love to be in the industry, have friends in the industry who love, keeping the lies alive.

As others have said, modern day pornography is so derogatory, abusive, dehumanising and pervasive that these porn apologists must be completely desensitised or have some other profit motive, so they will blame the DD for looking, the OP for being at home and so on and so on.

PeterAndre I could only see the porn apologists like that Squeaky being ok with a new partner having porn. No one else.

I find it quite fascinating that those people who are the most vocal about how degrading pornography is, seem to think they know an awful lot about the content of it.

Mary Whitehouse Syndrome perhaps?

Not one single poster on this thread has said that the daughter should have been subjected to viewing the porn, not a single one.

Not one poster on here who has openly said they have no objections to legal adult porn being viewed by adults, have called the ones who are strongly opposed to porn "perverts" or suggested that they should start using porn.

The insults are coming from those who think they have the moral high ground because they are so vocal in their opinions of the workings of the porn industry. Yet when someone who has worked in the industry, or is able to offer a balanced opinion, not a biased one, makes any comment, they are shouted down and told they are perverted, ignorant, stupid etc etc.