I found some porn in my bathroom

[Stupiditysquared]

.. and asked the DCs if they'd downloaded it.

This was a pretty stupid thing to do. Nuclear war has erupted. The trouble was that in 18 years of marriage, DH has never used porn (so far as I am aware). He never normally goes into that bathroom, whereas the DCs do. Also I did not know that he'd been at home. It never occurred to me that it was him.

Now DD is screaming at her father that he is a filthy pervert. He's screaming at me for being stupid, which in fairness it was. And I'm in shock really.

What next

squeaky honestly

do you think you are helping the OP

this isn't a pro/against porn thread

how hurtful to the OP

I am against children being exposed to porn

that is what this thread is about...why can't you see that ?

or do you disagree with that stance ?

Too many 'totals' in my lastpost. Sorry 'bout that.

But that's exactly my point Loopy!! It hasn't been explored by the OP. Surely she will be best placed to know whether there is something sinister going on here?

Again, I stress my point concerns the shrieks of abuse, rather than his use of porn/ use of the family bathroom.

We may never know why he used that bathroom - my point is that not knowing, and even so making some of the allegations I've seen on this thread, is horribly dangerous.

I said you were a porn apologist about 2 hours ago squeaky

you are proving me right

this thread isn't the place for a porn apologist

we are talking about porn exposure for children on this thread

did you lose sight of that ?

Peter. You can't decide who posts on threads. If they have a different opinion to you just accept it.

Madonna, if I had been the OP, I would have acted differently, as I would have gone to my husband and said "look what I found in the bathroom"... if he had said it was his, I would have bollocked him for being so bloody clumsy in leaving it there, and nothing would have been said to the kids. That is where I feel the Op mis-managed the situation. The husband got angry because she had asked the kids first. He reacted badly at being caught in an embarassing situation. He mis-managed it too.

I would not want my daughter to grow up now thinking her dad is a pervert, and in the circumstances that happened in the Op, I would have explained to my daughter that her dad was a bit of a muppet, but he wasnt a pervert and he was very embarassed about what he had done.

I wouldnt have been over the moon with any of it, but I wouldnt have suspected my husband of anything more than bad judgement in where he had a wank, and poor effort in hiding his tracks...

Dittany, if I have a problem with what you post, this is a public forum and I am entitled to object to what you say. So that makes us both equal wouldnt you say. :)

The point is wig, we have all seen how people change facts and feelings in order to fit in with their partner. You see it on the boards all the time, I've done it myself. You post, being pissed off with your OH, then after lots of people tell you how unreasonable he is being, you back him up and change your views.

OP hasn't explored his reasons for using the kids bathroom, but needs to. She has noted it is odd behaviour. She agrees there may be something 'territorial' about it. It will take a lot of going against her instinctive protective feelings towards her DH to examine any potential ulterior motives.

I don't think that any of use can say one way or another what his motives were, but it has to be said that they are questionable, and must be questioned, as it is the only way to ensure the safety and happiness of this family.

I don't decide

But I don't have to accept their opinion, like I don't expect everyone to accept mine

however, sometimes there is the question of manners and respect

berating another poster about their views on sex and relationships, and dragging stuff from other threads, on such a sensitive thread is out of order and I don't make any apologies for pointing it out

the OP is worried about her teeange children and some posters seem to use it as a platform to denigrate other posters

it stinks, tbh

Peter, no children were actually exposed to any porn on this thread. They could have been, yes. But they werent.

I would like to know what your definition of a "porn apologist" is.

you don't think a potential scenario is any scenario at all then, squeaky ?

the fact it is sheer luck that the teenage dd didn't find her father's pictures of spit-roasting and "worse" (OP's words) and realised he had been on her territory to wank over them

you think that is ok, because OP averted it (this time) ?

squeaky...don't just take my word for it here

Fair play Loopy, I do agree this should be explored. I just worry sometimes how quickly we seem to jump to the worst case scenario, with no apparent knowledge of how this can be true.

Please don't get me wrong, this is a horrible situation for OP, but in no way should we jump to the conclusions some have been jumping to. It's just so potentially damaging. Please let the OP gather together the facts she needs first.

From what I've gleaned they do talk, so it may be that this can be sorted out.

You two are the ones making it personal with Squeaky.

Has he admitted to masturbating in there?
I don't think he has, just that the porn was his.

Whos has jumped to conclusions, not anyone I can see. I see people thinking it's a bit fucked up a Dad chooses to wank in the bathroom specifically for his kids and leave his hardcore images behind. What sane person wouldn't?

I said the word abuse if people read my posts which everyone bar the porn apologists did they you'd see I never said it was abuse.

It would have been under the denfinition of SA abuse though if the DD had found them in her bathroom, these hardcore images, as it was this time she didn't.

A man who goes into the bathroom his kids use and leaves behing hardcore images after his wank is beyond creepy. The people who can't see why the DD is so upset and why she'd be so angry and see it all as an innocent mistake with no harm done, are the ones with beyond fucked up views, really.

What is bizarre..

He printed off some porn

He had a wank

so what...

He made a mistake by leaving the porn behind..

Perhaps there is a lock on that door and not on the other bathroom doors..

Perhaps in that bathroom he could have heard anyone coming home and got out of there quickly (with his porn)..

wig, the converse of what you are saying is that this all gets swept under the carpet as a "misunderstanding"

nobody on this thread expects the OP to call the police on her husband on the basis of a few posters on the internet

many questionable family situations are swept under the carpet, for years, damaging many lives

I dunno if that is the situation here

none of us do

but I would rather raise the possibility than dismiss it all as "nothing" and the OP should "get over it" and tell her teenage daughter off for being upset about her father's porn use on her own territory

ffs, what message does that give a teenage girl about respecting her own boundaries ?

I'm not sure conclusions are being jumped to wig, on either side of the debate, but that all options are being explored, and in OP's absence, can't be verified either way.

Even given the best-case scenario (DH used kid's bathroom as his has no bath, genuinely forgot the material (a lot has to be said for the whole situation.

Namely:

OP's feelings on porn
DH's lack of respect towards OP's feelings
DH's lack of care regarding safeguarding his children
DH's reaction to the discussion
DC's feelings towards DH
OP's change of stance on porn to protect DH
DS and DD's normalisation of porn

and more. This is not simply a silly error that can be quickly forgotten. It needs to be dealt with sensitively.

Exactly Dittany.. the kids dont need to know what the picture was of.. all they need to know is Dad left his porn stash in the bathroom and Mum found it... it does not have to escalate into a big family feud with undertones of sexual abuse and dad being a pervert if the situation is handled without hysteria.