The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past the Valentine's Wining and Dining

[notevenamousie]

Following on from jesuswhatnext and her original very successful thread and all the many others here , this is the Brave Babes Battle Bus, sharing struggles, thoughts, experience, strength and hope concerning life but more specifically our relationship with, and our journey through, cutting down or cutting out alcohol.

There is no judging or nastiness, just support for whatever works, and if we fall out of the bus we are always welcomed back on when we are ready with open arms and listening ears.

I'm notevenamousie and I'm an alcoholic. I abused and was dependent on alcohol for months if not even a couple of years. I feel a hundred times better physically, emotionally, spiritually, since giving in the fight with alcohol, admitting I had lost, and walking away, but it's very much one day at a time.

If you are a long time lurker, why not make this thread the one you jump in and say hello!

I'm didn't do well over the weekend

Have clearly lost the ability to type aswell! I'm tired though, so I'll blame that.

Took me an age to find you guys again. The 'I'm on' link wasn't working for me.

Fedup do you feel you are geting hassle on here? I am sorry if you feel that, I really don't think you should walk away, you will get support and understanding, we have all felt the same at one time or another and try to support each other. stay a while and give it a try?
Daisy do you want to tell us about it? Have you had a drink today? If not it's day 1 nearly over and tomorrow is another day.

Daisy we're always here in Relationships and there will nearly always be someone here to chat to. I tend to lurk around and just step in if no-one wiser is about! I joined this thread nearly 5 months ago and have been sober since then and if I can do it you can too.

fedup, I am sorry that you feel hassled on here, that is no-ones intention. Please keep posting.

daisy I too slipped up in the early days. but I persevered, because I knew it's what I wanted and needed to do. It's a new day today, just stick with it, don't beat yourself up about the past, you cannot change it.

wanna is it really 5 months, I can't quite believe that I have been sober for over 3!! wow time flies.

I have managed to snap out of my bad mood/pity party.
DD said that she hadn't seen me in such a bad humour since my eDP and I split. And I think that she is right. exDP also drank far far too much, and it used to really bother me, and I could be in a foul mood about it for a long time, this time it was FIL drinking that had upset me. Ironic eh - that I have a drink problem, but other people's drinking upsets me so much. Need to think more on that, and work out why .

However, glad to feel normal again.
Hope everyone is having a good evening

Bafana other people drinking is upsetting because we are clinging by our fingertips to our own sobriety. It reminds us of our own bad times and makes us feel bad for them as well. Maybe it will get easier in time...

BBwannaB that is bloody insightful - and totally right!!!
Wow, thanks - it was really bothering me that I could not work out why I was so so drained and pissed off and stressed, but that is it.

Gosh - I hope it does get easier - how long will we only cling by our fingertips?? I also hope that FIL finds the inner strength and desire to stop, because he is putting himself through hell by doing this at the moment.

This is the reason that I do not frequent "wet" places at the moment.
mouse stop snurking .

fedup come back soon. I've done a bit of flouncing off when i've felt hassled but couldn't cope without this bus and its travellers

Hey ma how you doing tonight?

Hi Peeps - just a flying visit to check in. Apologies, I've not had time to read back the thread but will do when I get a minute. I've not been around cos I'm a freelancer and work has suddenly gone a bit hairy-mental.

Still on the wagon here though had a minor slip-offs last week. The first was when I heard I'd got aforementioned freelance job and decided to celebrate with a bottle of wine. Drank half of it, felt like crap and poured the rest down the sink. Had the hangover from HELL the next morning even though had drunk nothing like the amount I used to. Only other drink-related issue seems to be a mammoth outbreak of spots - anyone else had this after stopping/dramatically cutting down?

And apologies for not catching up on the thread - will do as soon as I get a minute. Hope everyone is doing well and looking forward to a mammoth session reading everything from where I left off. Will def be checking in daily as work-stress is a major wine trigger for me.

But today I didn't drink. :) :)

Arg - must re-read before posting. The other incident was being unable to resist a couple of glasses of wine on a rare night out with my oldest pal. Again it was all very moderate (for me anyway) - three medium glasses - but I still felt I let myself down the next morning.

hey bafana. not great, a bit down. But after all the recent "issues" with DH, tonight he gave me a hug when I came in and asked how my day had been.
It's amazing what refusing to have sex will do

But demented you are not drinking on it, which is a huge step forward!!

Hope you and DH manage to sort things out - glad that he is recognising that his behaviour is not acceptable!

Hi Ma I think sometimes the balance of a relationship needs to adjust, and sometimes it needs a nudge from one side or the other. I hope this is the beginning of a better balance for you.

How do you feel in yourself?

BB no I haven't had a drink today. Unless you count the glass of Pomegranate and Elderflower juice

Was very disappointed with myself this morning. I've been doing really well not drinking Sun to Wed and only having a couple on the other days. But I was on a slippery slope from last Thursday. Reigned myself in on Saturday night because I really didn't want a hangover on Sunday. I didn't and had the most fantastic day with the kids.

But when I got home around 4pm I just had one glass after another! By rights I should have felt worse this morning. I was close to falling asleep sitting at my desk at work.

So, today I am fine. I'm thinking that the folks here that say if you are a problem drinker, you cannot control it...are right!

i feel tired and a little unsure of what the future holds, but the realisation is very slowly dawning that i have the power to change things. it's very hard though, so much easier to stick with the status quo.
I had a friend once who was to all intents and purposes very happily married, wealthy husband, beautiful house...we all envied her. When she unexpectedly split from him, it turned out he had been violently abusive and used to beat her when drunk, which was often.
I was shocked, especially that it had gone on for so long and i asked her why she had put up with it (she was a real feisty, ballsy woman). I have never forgotten her reply - she said "It was easier to stay".
Now while I am not for one minute implying that DH is like that - he is at heart a decent man and good father - I understand now that it is easier to carry on, even unhappily, than it is to change.
here endeth the lesson.

Hey FedUp- don't run off . MiFlaw's a bully so do what I've been doing & ignore its posts. Not everyone reading or posting here is an alcoholic - plenty of other peeps whovwantvto cut down etc.RL support can be hard to come by sometimes...

Sorry but I can't let that post go unchallenged MIFLAW is not a bully. He expresses his opinion, which is just as valid as anyone else's in a forceful manner, and he won't hold our hands and say 'there,there' because he cares passionately about the damage that alcohol wreaks (sp?). Sometimes that force of opinion hits hard, but it is always well intentioned I believe.

Evening all

Sorry I have not posted. Have lurked regularly though, and am continuing to get valuable advice although not posting, so I really do thank you all for that x

I also felt compelled to post and say to refer to Miflaw a bully is so far off the mark it's out the park! Reading that upset me, no doubt because it's patently not true.

And a special cheer for determined ma and Wasindie in your second week, you two sound so great at the moment, I'm so pleased for you!!

Day one done and dusted. Bye bye Feb, bring on March.

Nice one TWDA, day 2 for me here.

I'm off to bed... sober
night night all x

Evening all,
MIFLAW has helped me to find the desire to stop drinking and when I have resented him it has been for him holding up the mirror and me seeing myself as I am.
I spent tonight with my sponsor and she's fab. I am having to work very hard at just keeping it in the day, there is still quite some guilt and remorse there, and I am learning so much about myself.
Thank you all for your lovely words today (venus :) especially), sleep well and sober one and all.

Sorry TWDA, Miflaw is NOT a bully.

He is a very plain spoken person, who will challenge you and your reasoning, but NOT a bully.