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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past the Valentine's Wining and Dining

1000 replies

notevenamousie · 12/02/2011 06:38

Following on from jesuswhatnext and her original very successful thread and all the many others here , this is the Brave Babes Battle Bus, sharing struggles, thoughts, experience, strength and hope concerning life but more specifically our relationship with, and our journey through, cutting down or cutting out alcohol.

There is no judging or nastiness, just support for whatever works, and if we fall out of the bus we are always welcomed back on when we are ready with open arms and listening ears.

I'm notevenamousie and I'm an alcoholic. I abused and was dependent on alcohol for months if not even a couple of years. I feel a hundred times better physically, emotionally, spiritually, since giving in the fight with alcohol, admitting I had lost, and walking away, but it's very much one day at a time.

If you are a long time lurker, why not make this thread the one you jump in and say hello!

OP posts:
bafanatheSober · 28/02/2011 10:47

demented you are sounding fab, the change comes across the screen at me, and makes me fill up or grin like a demented (haha - see still have a sense of humour) loon!!

Getting better myself is wonderful, but to see others around me get better is aweinspiring. You have managed to make me smile for the first time this morning. Thanks Smile.

Keep going Brave Babe

bafanatheSober · 28/02/2011 11:09

Oh, and there is every possibility that I am going to kill someone from Santander in the very near future.

I keep repeating my serenity prayer, but my patience is wearing very very thin with that bank.

Just thought I would share!!

horribletruth · 28/02/2011 11:26

Just wanted to say thankyou to those who held my hand last week. Especially mouseface rubyredlips bafanathesober and dementedma. Can't explain how much it helped.
Day 2 so far. Feeling ok.
Might not post much but will be lurking regularly.
Thankyou.

MIFLAW · 28/02/2011 12:00

When did I become the pantomime ogre? Perhaps I will change my name to MIFLAO.

Am really pleased to hear that no one who picked up a drink over the weekend has died or even been hospitalised or incarcerated (although I suppose if anyone had died they wouldn't be posting about it ...) My experience, like yours, is that, however long you go without a drink, it is never better when you finally have one (I say this as someone whos penultimate and last drinks were 6 months apart.)

If anyone wants my advice (and it is by no means certain that they do, of course) then it would be, PLEASE give up on the myth of self-control. I have been told off before on here for being, shall we say, a bit too blunt ... But surely we can agree that the very fact that someone has a drink problem means that, where drink is concerned, they are not seeing straight? Yet, like when we drive a car under the influence (if you haven't yet, don't worry, you probably will one day) we convince ourselves that, if we squint, we really ARE going in a straight line, so we kid ourselves that, just because our problem with drink LOOKS like our problem with eating too many Smarties, we can and should control it in the same way.

I'm afraid it doesn't work like that. If you have a drink problem, the same mental blank that keeps you making the same mistake is going to scupper most attempts at moderation. The same thing is going to keep happening and every time it is going to hurt - and yet that hurt is not, in itself, going to keep you from doing it again, any more than the pain of childbirth stops women form having a second or a third.

Who feels like joining me in a day of pleasurable, carefree abstinence? Just for today - if you prefer being miserable, you can choose again tomorrow.

Those of you who would rather stab me, please can you wait till I'm wearing a thicker coat?

Incidentally, there are now people who have met me in the flesh. I wonder if I am as scary in person as I am on here?

Hope everyone has a good day.

venusandmars · 28/02/2011 12:05

MIFLAW - whether I am feeling happy or feeling miserable, I WILL join you in pleasurable, carefree abstinence today.

bafanatheSober · 28/02/2011 12:10

Miflaw - I too will join you with the abstinence.

And just for the record, I don't think of you as a ogre at all. Just very very straight talking, which I really like.

I hope that you don't take it to heart? Your wise words have been more valuable to me than you will ever really know, and for that I thank you.

dementedma · 28/02/2011 12:12

another one here joining in the abstinence with the ogre-ish MIFLAW -

MIFLAW · 28/02/2011 12:16

"I hope that you don't take it to heart?"

I don't have a heart. Just a London Where To Find converted into a blood pump.

osella · 28/02/2011 12:32

I will join you all in a day of abstinence!

MIFLAW · 28/02/2011 14:36

Osella

Welcome! Is today your first day or are you already on a roll?

osella · 28/02/2011 14:59

Hi Miflaw today is Day 2 for me, going to take it day by day.

MIFLAW · 28/02/2011 15:01

Day to day is, in my opinion, by far the best way of doing it. It has certainly worked for me so far.

EllieorOllie · 28/02/2011 15:50

Aha, tis the legendary MIFLAW. I had no idea who or what anyone was referring to when you were mentioned in reply to my posts Grin!

Day 3 for me here, mumsnetting working from home this afternoon and getting stuck straight into a big mug of tea - lovely!

Abstinence is definitely the only way for me right me, who knows what the future holds, but I have seen my FIL go teetotal, and it has been the most amazing, positive transformation. However, he's actually slightly more irritating than before, but hey ho Wink

Have always set myself 'targets' before, like not drinking for a month, and have always failed. One day at a time is a completely new mindset, but I've a strange feeling it might be more successful.

Now all I need to do is learn to sleep without being sedated by alchohol. Hmm...

Hope Monday is treating you all well, and you are all treating yourselves well

xx

EllieorOllie · 28/02/2011 15:51

right NOW

apparently this no alcohol thing is not helping my brain Grin

MIFLAW · 28/02/2011 16:10

People who go "teetotal" often ARE irritating, because they've sworn off and so need to convince themselves (and others) that they are happier than they are.

I personally have not gone teetotal. After all, when I started drinking at 16, I didn't swear ONTO the drink and pledge to do it every day - that just happened. So why would I swear OFF it? I just don't drink. I haven't drunk today, I didn't drink yesterday (or for quite a few days before yesterday) and I have no plans to drink tomorrow.

But I'll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.

As a result, my life is beyond recognition better than it was when I was drinking.

qo · 28/02/2011 16:31

Afternoon all!! Sorry I haven't been on much, I've been busy tarting up the house!! I'm on to day 13 and doing really well, came up against a few obstacles but managed to overcome them without a drink.

bafana sorry you've had such a shit time, I'd be seriously raging if that had been my personal stuff bandied about, hope you are ok? You've given me so much support on and offsite, just letting you know that it's a two-way street Smile

noteven how are you today? hope you are feeling a bit better.

Welcome to all new passengers(I'm still new myself) you couldn't have boarded a nicer bus!!

wheresmumgone · 28/02/2011 16:46

I'm a lurker, and nervous about posting here, so please be kind.

Obviously, I've found my way here because of my misuse of alcohol. Am off work today because I drank too much last night - no reason - just couldn't stop, as usual. Feeling remorseful, guilty and pathetic. Hate having to haul myself back to work tomorrow and am feeling panicky and anxious about it. I have a high-pressure job although I wasn't dreading today actually, so why did I drink too much last night?

Not quite sure why I am posting, want to be on the other side of this struggle, I suppose.

Thanks for reading.

Mouseface · 28/02/2011 16:52

Afternoon Babes.

MIFLAW - 'don't go changing, to try to please me, you've never let me down before' Smile

venus - fab to see you back, did you have a good time?

truth - you are more than welcome. Keep going, keep trying and you will feel so much better about life, I promise.

Eliie - you sound lovely and bright today.

Ma - you do too! Very chipper.

All of you that are entering your second week of sobriety - WELL DONE!!!!!!!

How do you all feel? Better, worse, not sure yet?

qo · 28/02/2011 17:13

100% better!! I have more energy, better sleep, a cleaner house, a heavier purse, no hangovers, no guilt, no regret, no booze injuries, and most important of all - I'm not letting my daughter down.

jesuswhatnext · 28/02/2011 17:19

HI!, just a quick look in!, am so busy, im disappearing up me own you know what!, im stressed, pissed off, dh is getting right on my bloody nerves! (god, he can be so fucking irratating, i could scream) BUT

IM SOBER! Grin, just goes to show you dont 'need' to drink when the shit hits the fan!, you just need to get on with it - tbh, drinking would just get in my way right now, i need to keep clear-headed!

nice to see the new girls!! Grin

see you later babes - i now have to dash home and get ready for the ladies meeting this evening!

L XXXXXXXXXXXX

Mouseface · 28/02/2011 17:20

Good for you qo

You sound so much better. You are a real example of how you can actually start enjoying your life again without the aid of alcohol.

KEEP GOING BRAVE BABE! x

MIFLAW · 28/02/2011 17:25

"I have a high-pressure job although I wasn't dreading today actually, so why did I drink too much last night?"

Probably because you have a problem with alcohol. And, if you let it, it will destroy you.

That's the bad news. The good news is that, if I got over mine, then you can get over yours.

Welcome aboard.

BBwannaB · 28/02/2011 18:13

Hey WheresMum
you know what, I have a high pressure job too, but it's a hell of a lot easier without a hangover each morning Grin
Hop on board and join us, you will SO feel the benefit in just a few days time.
Congratulations all the week 2 babes!

MIFLAW · 28/02/2011 18:29

Should add that my job, and indeed the rest of my life, has become much more high-pressure in sobriety than when I was drinking, partly because I can now be trusted not to fuck it up.

Nonetheless, I am far happier sober than I was when I drank over 100 units a week, every week (fair enough, I'm a man, but even for a man that can't be called dabbling ...)

FedUpOfFB · 28/02/2011 18:47

Oh dear, I honestly was having a joke when I said I scared of you MIFLAW! I'm sorry. And tbh if I was in any way, it's only because you're right!

Feeling crap but not drinking today, don't really want any hassle on here so won't be back.

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