The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past the Valentine's Wining and Dining

[notevenamousie]

Following on from jesuswhatnext and her original very successful thread and all the many others here , this is the Brave Babes Battle Bus, sharing struggles, thoughts, experience, strength and hope concerning life but more specifically our relationship with, and our journey through, cutting down or cutting out alcohol.

There is no judging or nastiness, just support for whatever works, and if we fall out of the bus we are always welcomed back on when we are ready with open arms and listening ears.

I'm notevenamousie and I'm an alcoholic. I abused and was dependent on alcohol for months if not even a couple of years. I feel a hundred times better physically, emotionally, spiritually, since giving in the fight with alcohol, admitting I had lost, and walking away, but it's very much one day at a time.

If you are a long time lurker, why not make this thread the one you jump in and say hello!

thurso - are you in my head and my heart? You've got me so sussed. What a wonderful post to wake up to. Thank you so so much xxx

Well done qo

Hello to you moment, welcome to the mad house Bus

Hey IsinDe - it's lovely to see you on the Bus so much! xx

IsInde (and everyone else, actually)

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, when talking about your sobriety, don't say "only".

You may not realise, but there will be people lurking on this thread, or sharing AA rooms with you, who will hear you have been sober six days and look at you as if you are a Martian. I know that I could barely imagine one day dry, let alone six, when I started.

But, at the same time, six days will sound achievable to them in a way that six years might not. You have something very real to offer them right now, more, in some ways, than people a long time sober.

Also, how would it make you all feel if I came on here and said, "oh, I'm only eight years sober" because I know people who have been sober over 20 years!

Underneath all this nagging, of course, deeply hidden, is the real message I am trying to carry here which is, if you are a problem drinker, even a couple of days of deliberate sobriety is immense - be proud of yourself and give yourself a pat on the back once in a while!

Hi isindie yup, all feels very fab and groovy here. I am really feeling the benefit of not drinking in terms of my own self-worth (it has taken a while, but it's been really worth waiting for). For example, I had an area of work that I really enjoy, but while I was drinking I felt hypocritcal about promoting that part of my business, so I had let it slide. Now I have picked it up with a renewed vigour and determination, and since the weekend I have 2 firm contracts and several very strong possibilities. (it is NOT related to drinking, in case anyone was worried, I'm not that hypocritical ). All feels very good.

I had a bit of a scamble this morning - I am going to a party on Saturday dressed as 'my hidden inner self' - so there I was at 9.30am trying on my outfit, wearing a red silk dress, high heeled black boots (lace up fronts), scarlet lipstick, huge sunglasses, hair up ala Audrey Hepburn (but much older) when the postman came - bit of a rush to look 'normal' to open the door . I can tell you that the vampy Audrey Hepburn look is very, very far from my normal look. Now all I have to do if find long black gloves and a cigarette holder. Perhaps i should surprise dp when he gets home tonight

A big for mouseface - you sweetie x

Thank you venus

MIFLAW - I totally agree with the 'only' word. In fact, we should ban in from the Bus in that context.

I'd much rather see 'I've been sober for 5 whole days! Yippee!'

Than 'I've only managed 5 days so far' type posts.

Come on Brave Babes!! Get your proud on!

I'm not saying you are comparing yourself to anyone else - I am saying others may well be comparing themselves to you. And, if they are, it's not because you're "only" six days, it's because, as Mouse says, you're six whole days yippee! Give yourself some credit.

Okay, so you've drunk at this point in the past. I bet you've also drunk before this point in the past, maybe even after it - so when are you finally going to let yourself off the hook and live without the fear?

I'll tell you what I think about the man who was five weeks but seemed longer. I bet he's been around years and he recently had a slip. In one sense there will never be a "safe" time - you can be 20 years sober and fuck it up for the price of a pint.

But, equally, you are sober NOW and only you can fuck it up. The only difference between you and the wonman with 19 years is that, what you have done 6 times, she has done nearly 7,000 times. There is no magic spell - every day, you wake up, you decide, "sober or pissed?" and you live accordingly - with the important proviso that you can choose "sober" every day whereas, if you choose "pissed" just once, there is no guarantee as to when you will next have a say in the matter.

six days is fantastic, it is wonderful, it is literally unimaginable for some people, probably including some people you personally know.

Now make it seven.

Hi all
mouse be gentle with yourself. you can only give so much to everyone else before you run out of steam. You are a tower of strength to us all and to Nemo. Unless you want a busload of Nemo's aunties round to give you a smack, cut it out!!
moments a very warm welcome. This is a good place
indie Day 6 here too. A big proud belly busting Day 6. "anything you can do I can do better"
You're on for the limerick competition as soon as I can summon the energy. had a major wobble in a big networking event this morning and had to leave - like a panic attack. I don't DO panic attacks. i am a person who copes! Is it always going to be like this without my crutch? people were talking to me and although i could see them talking and hear them, i couldn't register it, or respond sensibly. I just walked out into the rain.................I'm home now.

Afternoon all babes including Milflaw

Just caught up with the threads.

Isindie I can undrstand where you are coming from but you have done 6 days yippee. You can now say I will do today too yippee! Made me laugh about the scouse sharer

Ma Well done to you too.

Noteven get the water and cereal bars it will make you feel so much better. You are doing so well, I know it's tough but you can do it. ODAAT.

Zany your man sounds lovely. Butterflies too - hurrah! Have you phoned up about the mortgage yet? Don't want to nag but.....

Mouse poor love, you are doing so much for Nemo. He is such a special little boy and is loved and cared for so deeply. Don't ever think you are letting him down. Poor DH too, sounds like he's got the world on his shoulders.

Thurso hope you have a lovely day. Bath is beautiful. You sound so much more positive.

Venus loving the sound of the outfit. So is your inner self Audrey Hepburn. Wish mine was! How do you know what your inner self is or am I thinking deeply

Qo 7 days for you yippee

Moments come and share if you feel ready. You will get lots of help and support and a listening ear. Noone will judge you.

I'm feeling much better and nearly ready to do some jobs, but not quite . I'm really enjoying having some peace at home it's bliss.

IsinDe - Thank you, honestly, thank you for such kind words.

For me, it was easier because we rarely go out. I'm not great going out and not getting hammered.

Well, I wasn't great. I am now. I can have my usualy two glasses of wine or even just one to go with a meal - nice Malbec with steak, LUSH! - but now I can stop there. I want to stop there.

I would always binge at home too, one more before bed.....

I guess you have to get your self worth and confidence back before you can take on the world!

You have to WANT not to drink when you go out. You have to WANT all the hard work to remain intack.

You have to value your achievements ENOUHGH to NOT drink and go back to the begining, or worse.....

Vale yourself and those around you to make this work. You have all of the tools, right at your fingertips. And you have US.

Always x

Ma - I am on Citalopram (max dose) for anxiety. I'm not anxious, never, nor do I 'do' panic attacks, well until now.

It's not a huge surprise given what you are going through. Do you think talking to your GP would help at all? Maybe have something short term?

I'm not good with counselling, at all, but the Citalopram seem to work for me. Maybe you can look into other coping startergies?

Ruby - thank you, I just get a bit deflated with it all some days, like I'm not doing my mest. Silly I know.

Re avoiding "wet" places.

I would say, err on the side of caution here and also (just my opinion) it is safest to avoid "alcohol-free"/"low alcohol"/"lite" beers and wines. Drink other stuff so you don't start pining for "the real thing".

BUT you obviously can't put your life on hold forever and it may well be that you actually need to go into or near "wet" places and situations.

If so, try to have a bit of quiet time before you do, Remember WHY you are not drinking, what it was like, ands how much you risk fucking up the simplest of things if you succumb.

If you are in AA, find out, before you leave home, where the nearest meeting is to where you are going. Even if you don't attend, knowing it is there will help you; and if you want to, you can always excuse yourself and nip to the meeting.

If you're not in AA, or if no meeting is suitable, make sure you have numbers in your phone of people you can talk to. Maybe call them before you leave home, so that they know you might call later, and also so their number is stored in "recent calls" and you can find it quickly. Ditto this website or something similar.

And when you've done what you came to do, LEAVE. You are not obliged to go to the bar with everyone from the office - you're paid to go to the office, not the bar afterwards. Just say goodbye and go home (or to a meeting or whatever.)

Little by little, it gets easier.

Hi everyone

Mouse you are doing an amazing job so I command you to stop fretting that you have let him down because there is no truth in that at all. (Feel like I am in a Super hero film now as I don't know where the 'I command you' statement came from.

You will be pleased to know Ruby that I rang the morgage people last night and have an appointment tomorrow to see someone else - thank you for asking. They are charging a fee to stop the old morgage and then another fee to start a new one - ridiculas. They are already charging an extra £220 a month as I have to release some equity.

Got a lovely text from my date guy last night wondering where the catch is as he thinks I am a georgous sexy person who is funny, easy to talk to and understands kids. Only fair to warn him I have a tendency to snore and burn pizzas (not at the same time)

How are you today Noteven take your computer with you so you can get sopport from the BB's if you need us

For dementedma

There was a Brave Babe called demented
Her body was almost fermented,
She gave up the wine
One day at a time
And now she is much less tormented

--------
For isindie

There once was a Babe in disgrace
Who felt like she should hide her face
She called is a day
And went to AA
And is now in a much better place

zany - good news! my dh says my snoring is much better when I don't drink.

ma I really hope that you're doing OK. I have found that making any big change in life can leave me a bit 'phased-out'. It feels scary at the time, but as long as you can get out of that feeling, it's OK (as MIF says, it won't kill you). If you feel in that place again is there anything you can do to interrupt the pattern? Something to bring you acutely back into the here and now - like nipping the bit of skin between your thumb and your fingers. If you do it hard it hurts like buggery but it does take you out of that disassociated state, that panic can induce. If you can, follow that with something deliberate like stamping your foot or getting out your phone and tending a text (it can be to yourself). Nipping yourself and stamping your foot may make you feel like a loon, but so does running out of a room in a panic.

Alternatively if you're hyperventilating when you panic try feeling the pulse in your wrist and matching your breathing to your pulse - ONE in-breath for 5 pulse beats, then ONE out-breath for 5 pulse beats.

Main thing to focus on RIGHT NOW is making sure that you do not try and resolve a panic attack with a glass or two of wine. If you feel tempted to do that, get on here and post, or pm and I'll call you.

I'm so sorry but at 'wet' places.

I am such a child

Isinde - actually when you posted about turning down a couple of contracts - I think that tells you a lot more about your current resolve than anything else you've posted. Of course maintaining your income is really, really important, but from what I've read of your posts I doubt that your whole world will crash if you turn down a few bits of work, whereas as we all know, at some point our functional alcoholic state would start to slip into dysfunctional - and that is the stuff of crashing lives.

And isn't it empowering to say 'no', to have the courage to feel that (just for today) your personal aims are more important than anything else. Proud of you again isindie

In practical terms when I am facing a situation where I would previously have a had a drink then I try to have an alte4rnative plan, and a backup and a backup to the backup. The full belt & braces & a wee bit of string!

So walk in knowing that I WILL order a sparkling elderflower as my first drink. Have a toothbrush and strong toothpaste with me, so I can clean my teeth if I feel tempted (personally, I have not yet got over the disgusting taste of red wine after Euthymol toothpaste). Have a reheased 'get-out' clause (my dp is sick and might call me at any moment). Have easy access to material that reinforces my intention e.g. a print out of my worst times drunk, my best times sober, access to this site, an AA phone number...

So I think that is belt, braces, a wee bit of string, my hands in my pockets, AND a friend to hold my trousers up for me. All better than having a bare arse

mouse!

venus brilliant limericks, not even going to attempt to better that one.
mouse will pm you
ruby thanks!

Afternoon Campers

Mouse will you EVER grow up

Been swimming for the first time in 5 weeks after fractured rib (in case anyone had forgotten/didn't know) - was fab.

Bought new lap top on Sunday and DFB got old one working again yesterday - grrr - so he contaminates my old lap top- I buy a new one and he gets my old one for free

Still love him though!!

Isindie and Ma you are doing so bloody well - be proud.

Hey to everyone eleo - Venus love your poems - they made me smile.

right off to do something - not sure what !!!!

xxxx