The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past the Valentine's Wining and Dining

[notevenamousie]

Following on from jesuswhatnext and her original very successful thread and all the many others here , this is the Brave Babes Battle Bus, sharing struggles, thoughts, experience, strength and hope concerning life but more specifically our relationship with, and our journey through, cutting down or cutting out alcohol.

There is no judging or nastiness, just support for whatever works, and if we fall out of the bus we are always welcomed back on when we are ready with open arms and listening ears.

I'm notevenamousie and I'm an alcoholic. I abused and was dependent on alcohol for months if not even a couple of years. I feel a hundred times better physically, emotionally, spiritually, since giving in the fight with alcohol, admitting I had lost, and walking away, but it's very much one day at a time.

If you are a long time lurker, why not make this thread the one you jump in and say hello!

I agree with Ruby Ma, if he has always turned to you to sort things out then he may not know what to do to help you. I have been on AD's before and they can take a couple of weeks to 'kick in'.

I am seeing new guy later, just popping round for a brief coffee as the DC's are with their Dad for tea. Mind out of the gutters ladies as I do only mean coffee . Feeling a bit about how quick things are moving, his DC's want to meet me and he is hinting at going to a festival with him in July

Ma - take your time. You've hit a low spot, 5 days sober? Well Done, that's no easy achievement given how much is going on in your life.

Be kind, be gentle.

DH would have to stand on his own two feet if you weren't there.

Maybe just value each other as people rather than just someone to put the bins out, wash up, sort the kids etc....

Sometimes, real life gets in the way of being YOU.

Slow down xx

thanks all. this is a danger point becuase when i start doing well re drinking i argue that I should "allow" myself a reward for doing well. I know, stupid isn't it.
I'm fed up making excuses for DH and his inability to cope with anything.One of these days, when DCs are older, he will have to stand on his own two feet because I won't be around, that's a definite.
this poem by Mary Oliver is what keeps me going:

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Indie
I love all poetry, but mary Oliver is one of my favs

Ma

This is going to sound really wanky, no doubt - but 5 days' sobriety IS your "reward for doing so well".

A drink now would be horrific. Quite apart from the shame and self-loathing, it would probably hit you very hard phyiscally and you might well find that you really can't stop once you start.
I expect most of us have had that feeling. And it's because, on occasion, I did not fight it, that I can promise you that you will regret not fighting it ...

Stay strong, watch the film through to the end, and remember why you started this process.

You are doing really well and you have five hard-won days under your belt. Don't throw them away for a "treat" that will turn out to be no treat at all.

Cakes make an excellent reward.

I hear you - cake it is!

Afternoon all. Busy getting my work done - I've got a friend arriving soon to stay for the night. Fortunately he's not a drinker, so later dp will be off to the pub while my friend and I have a good chin-wag over a mug of tea.

isindie and ma lovely to see you matching each other day by day.

I read some of the posts about asking for help, and I can instantly feel myself raising an eyebrow and going what, ME? ask for help from someone else (god forbid it would be from dp), err, I'm a rock and an island, I feel no pain, I never cry, and I don't ask for help. Do you think that is maybe where I've been going wrong?

Ma you are an absolute inspiration to me, thank you for your posts,from my heart.

I have let myself down in such a bad way the last couple of evenings, I have been so unhappy about my marriage, I have stayed up late and drowned my sorrow in a bottle and a half of wine on Sunday, and a bottle last night..and of course, the drowning became my sorrow.

I am not at work this week, and instead of good and productive days, I have had two wasted days. I threw the second bottle away last night, and when I woke this morning, I thought "thank the Lord, I don't have to do it again tonight". What fucking madness is that?

I am starting again, but this time if I can't do it by myself I'm going to AA, shame and embarassment is as nothing compared to killing myself with the stuff.

I also feel so much worse after drinking than I used to, when I did it all the time, and it reminds me how great I feel when I don't.

I will get over this troubled time with DH, I hope, we've been together too long....and I love him. And I will get over it more quickly if I'm not looking at him through the bottom of a wine glass.
Don't know where this is going, but it feels better to write it down. Thanks for listening. xxxx

omg thurso you have just made me burst into tears!!
I am so so so pleased to hear you say that!!!!

Wow, the posts this morning have been just awesome!! ma indie well done both of you, and yes please, I would love a massive slice of cake .

Today is a big day for me! I have hit the magic 90 days sober. I reread some old threads again last night, they are such a good remonder of how far I have come.

thurso I just want to give you the biggest hug! You can do this my friend, if I can, anybody can.

Bafana KISS, KISS, KISS
and Congratulations on 90 days, and thank you.

kisskiss right back at you.

The bank has just called, I was right - they had not carried out the instructions I had asked them!! All money back in the bank. Apology and result, so why did my stomach go into knots just thinking about calling them!?!

JWN I hope your calls are going well. I do not envy you.

Right off to supervise homework - my least favourite parenting task

bafana bloody well done! 90 days!!
Thurso I am very touched and amazed that i could be an inspiration to anyone. I truly understand the husband/marriage thing and how drinking temporarily seems to make it better. I could murder a drink today, after last night's shit, so will have to plug my ears to the wine o clock bell.
Hang in there wonderful babes and blokes.

Well done Bafana for the 90 days and for ringing the bank. i can totally relate to you on that - I didn't realise others felt the same as me. I am forever putting things off. Although, of course noone would know

Thurso good for you. We are all here to support you.

Isinde I'd love a carrot cake please. It looks bloody amazing. Not sure throat would cope with it though - maybe tomorrow.

Venus yes I seem to be in control and don't often ask for help. When my DD had to go to hospital recently in an ambulance from the GPs. I rang DH and told him everything was fine and nothing to worry about. When he said ok I'll stay at work then, I was shocked but as he explained afterwards he believed all was fine and I (or DD) didn't need any support .

Lovely poem Ma

Hi Milflaw enjoy the cake

Good luck with the calls JWN

Hi to everyone else

im really busy!, just quick look in!

YOU LOT ARE FUCKING AMAZING AND FANTASTIC AND I LOVE THE BLOODY BONES OF YOU!

TODAY WE WILL NOT BE DRINKING!

I concur JWN

Hey, is there a mouse in the house?

Did you shout me?

Dear me Babes - you are all making me teary. How honoured do I feel that you are sharing your lives with me and others.

The difference in posters over the last few days in truly inspiring.

I hope, with all my heart, that you all save this thread and read it back in your darkest hours and you highest highs.

You are safe here to pour out your hearts, to open up and to be yourselves, no judging, no spiteful posts, no bitching.

Just support and respect.

I love this Bus. And I hold a very special place in my heart for it. xx

Hello Mouse, I've been missing you.

How are you and all your family. Is Wolfie sleeping through the night?

Hey thurso

Been keeping an eye on you.

Wolfie and DD are the only ones sleeping through!

Nemo - well, he's been referred back to his Community Psych due to his traumatic start in life and lack of sleep/settling.

I do feel as though I've let him down a wee bit

DH - well, he's getting tangled up with himself trying to juggle too much at once, idiot clients, halfwit candidates and the issues with the house (we've been told it's a death trap and needs re-wiring) plus he's not sleeping.

Me - well, I'm dandy actually

And DD is rarely around. She's out playing with the wolf or socialising.....

You? How are you, just this minute... how are you?