The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past the Valentine's Wining and Dining

[notevenamousie]

Following on from jesuswhatnext and her original very successful thread and all the many others here , this is the Brave Babes Battle Bus, sharing struggles, thoughts, experience, strength and hope concerning life but more specifically our relationship with, and our journey through, cutting down or cutting out alcohol.

There is no judging or nastiness, just support for whatever works, and if we fall out of the bus we are always welcomed back on when we are ready with open arms and listening ears.

I'm notevenamousie and I'm an alcoholic. I abused and was dependent on alcohol for months if not even a couple of years. I feel a hundred times better physically, emotionally, spiritually, since giving in the fight with alcohol, admitting I had lost, and walking away, but it's very much one day at a time.

If you are a long time lurker, why not make this thread the one you jump in and say hello!

Are you on the sleeper again bafana?

I am spending all my drinking money on babysitters to go to AA - God I used to spend a lot drinking - my babysitter is a happy lady, as is my DD as she gets unlimited stories, whereas she only gets 2 from me. Which, sadly, is 2 more than she sometimes got when I was drinking. So no exciting shopping here - but serenity and sobriety, that'll have to do me for now! :)

Hey indie so glad that you went, and that is has given you something. I always feel so peaceful when I leave, like JWN, I like a Friday meeting, it kinda sets me up in the right frame of mind for the weekend.

The people I have met have all been really really friendly. In fact I was out for coffee with one yesterday, and am out for another coffee tomorrow.
I like the honesty of it, it makes me more honest with myself.
Lots of people will give you their telephone numbers, it felt weird to me, but I am using them, even if it is just to keep in touch by text.

I hope that you have a peaceful evening.

noteven yup - on the sleeper again! And am back down here again in 2 weeks. My life is not glamorous at all .

Once again in the first class lounge surrounded by people drinking . I don't think that I would have managed this challenge a few weeks ago, but I am doing fine. Just for today.

JWN

Everything in your post makes sense; I have done the whole going-sober journey in my head, even making peace with the fact that my behaviour is that of an alcoholic, I just haven't managed to actually translate that into stopping drinking. I wake up remorseful, and by mid-afternoon have rationalised that evening's drink. Hate it. Was with some friends the other day who'd been out the night before and were hungover after half a bottle each, "because we just can't drink any more" and was genuinely taken aback at the whole idea.

Thing is, at the minute, I am generally (comparatively) quite clear-headed and I KNOW how much better life is sober, and yet am still walking eyes-wide-open back into drinking.

Gah, don't think I'm quite ready for this, so thank you for listening (and sorry for ignoring everyone else's posts, it feels very rude, but replying feels artificial, if that makes sense).

tristmum that makes perfect sense to me, it took me a very very long time to come to terms with the fact that I drink alcoholically, and even longer to then stop.

I am an intelligent, well educated person, I could see what my behaviour was, I was just unable to stop myself.

Stay, read, post - you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do, but if/when you are ready to tackle your drinking lots of people here will help you.

bafana, im quite , i have always wanted to sleep on a proper sleeper train and i never have - dh thinks im most odd i like boats, caravans, tents, (v posh hotels! ) because i really enjoy sleeping in different places one day i will try and persuade him onto the orient express!

isindi - so glad you got something out of it! - i feel very safe in meetings, its a kind of peacefulness envelopes me as i walk in, i think its because whatever i say, someone will understand exactly where im coming from, i find myself nodding at peoples shares, then i watch as they nod at mine, its a huge weight being lifted!

trist - i understand what a huge thing it is to decide to become sober, its very frightening and life-changing and lonely - we will be here if or when you want to step aboard the bus!

Night Night all. Sweet Dreams

JWN I too had romantic ideals about the sleeper train. I imagined being gently rocked to sleep chuggety-chug chuggety-chug chuggety chug. I imagined leaving Edinburgh on a dark windy night and waking refreshed in London on a crisp sunny morning. All bollocks! It was awful. The train shreeks and shudders and hoots and toots and wails and squeals. I woke up every half hour. The coffee was terrible and on arrival I had to have a shower in a public lavatory.

Even on the Orient Express to Venice you're sleeping in bunk-beds. Only a public school boy would find that romantic. I'd want a huge comfy double bed, egyptian cotton sheets, wonderful breakfast - and adjacent cabin occupants who didn't snore loudly enough to shake the whole train!

isindie just take it as it comes, lovely lady. Well done for getting in there, and having a go. pm me if you feel the need.

Lol Venus, you are ruining the illusion!!
Will wave as I pass by Edinburgh at ungodly o'clock!!

Sleep tIght bb's

Going to bed sober on a Friday since I can't remember when!

Had a few minor minor wobbles, freaking out about NEVER BEING ABLE TO DRINK AGAIN, then realised what I was doing and stopped it.

Got a good film to watch and am in bed early just about to watch it!!

No shame, guilt or regret to wake up to tomorrow, ahhhhhh how lovely!!

tristmum hello and welcome. Don't worry about reading every post and replying to them, just know that we're looking out for you. We're all very different on here - some with little tiny babies, some with no babies, some with babies who've grown up and flown the nest. We're male, female, single, married, undecided and everything inbetween. I guess we're well off and struggling, we're airy-fairy dreamers or desperately down-to-earth. But we all have one thing in common. Which means that when you post about necking wine in secret, we understand, we truly do.

Stick with us if it helps.

qo well done on getting back in control of your thoughts tonight. Today you are sober, and that is all that matters today. Tomorrow, when you wake up sober, you may decide to be sober all over again for another day - just becuase you can.

Enjoy your film, and sleep well.

Night all. The news is not good for my mum, but I think I am worn out enough to get a bit of sleep now. x

I feel like the black sheep. Am I still welcome here?

Hello stranger. Lovely to see you. Always welcome.

sorry to hear that noteven :( are you ok?

Despite not drinking last night, I'm up at daft o'clock again and can't get back to sleep.

I'm wondering how long will it be before drinking/not drinking isn't the first thing on my mind when I wake(at whatever time)

In other words, will being sober ever become normality for me?

I feel quite obssessive at the moment, and don't really like it. Or do I have to be obssessive for this to work?

Hi qo I hope you maged to get back to sleep. Don't worry about feeling 'obsessive'. I suspect it is a drinker's character trait anyway - it takes a lot of planning to drink in the quantities we are all used to - making sure that we have enough supplies in, organising events to get plenty of drinking time in, avoiding having to drive anywhere, hiding the evidence etc etc. Put some of that obsessiveness into planning your non drinking day. You are doing really well.
Trist Welcome aboard, I hope you will stay with us.I used to do the wine box thing - so handy for hiding/forgetting how many glasses I got through each day + so much easier than schlepping to the bottle bank. I hate to break this to you, but they are really meant for parties, not for one person consumption!
Morning to all the other BBs as well Indie you are awesome, love to Venus, JWN, Mouseface, DTC, today I will not be drinking!

Mouseface just saw your photos to see your wolf. You are gorgeous!

[can I stop lurking and sneak onto the bus?]

Morning everyone, hope all well, pouring with rain here x

ETT welcome back and BF welcome to the bus!

I've made it past 3 weeks since my last drink. Mum sounds brighter today. I have a busy and enjoyable day, far too busy to spoil it with a drink!! Love to all x

Thanks. I am going to namechange actually- dislike my current name.

Back in a mo.

Back again- but lost inspiration :)

Have been lurking on quite a few of these threads, so feel like you are already friends.

Just struggling with my drinking a bit lately- marriage is in difficulties, problems with work- and 'coping' by drinking too much which as we all know does not help.

Just wanting a break from it all really. And so admiring of those who have stopped. I want to stop. :)

Have a challenge though today-friends coming over later to celebrate their engagement, and they said they are bringing a bottle of fizz. Already scared of how I will handle it.

Hope you all have a good day!

Morning All

Glad to be home, glad to be sober.

Actually slept on the train, which proves that I can, and always could - without the drink.

mushroom I quite like that name, - it's a bit like the way I used to look at my own drinking, keeping myself and everyone else in the dark about it and feeding it lots of shit .

qo the sleeping will come, remember you are getting your head around something fairly monumental. Your brain is probably in overdrive with the conversations you are having with yourself. Which if you are anything like me are - "Shit, I have a problem". "nah, you are overreacting", 'yes, I am overreacting" quick look at the probable unexplained bruising that covered my body when I was drinking - "shit I have a problem".

It's very very tiring,

Alcohol, cunning, baffling and powerful.
Plan - do not project. JUST FOR TODAY, make a decision about your drinking, decide not to drink JUST FOR TODAY.

Alcohol was the first thing that I thought of every morning for years, what had i done the night before, was i going to drink that day.

I dont think about it every hour of every day at the moment, and I don't know when that stopped, but I can't tell you if that will happen for you, this is your journey.
What I do think of everyday is how lucky I am that I have managed to stop.

Mushroom plan now what you will say, tummy upset, antibiotics, or potentially - you just dont fancy any today . The important thing is to have a plan about it, and then stick to it. Don;t just wait for them to arrive with it, coz then the probability is you will fail, and start the cycle again.

HAve a good day everyone, off for a shower!