The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past the Valentine's Wining and Dining

[notevenamousie]

Following on from jesuswhatnext and her original very successful thread and all the many others here , this is the Brave Babes Battle Bus, sharing struggles, thoughts, experience, strength and hope concerning life but more specifically our relationship with, and our journey through, cutting down or cutting out alcohol.

There is no judging or nastiness, just support for whatever works, and if we fall out of the bus we are always welcomed back on when we are ready with open arms and listening ears.

I'm notevenamousie and I'm an alcoholic. I abused and was dependent on alcohol for months if not even a couple of years. I feel a hundred times better physically, emotionally, spiritually, since giving in the fight with alcohol, admitting I had lost, and walking away, but it's very much one day at a time.

If you are a long time lurker, why not make this thread the one you jump in and say hello!

Morning Babes

Great post there qo nice and positive.

Qo

It's because I've been there and I know how hard it is that I said what I said.

When I was in your position - and believe me, I was - I made several wrong choices. One of them was to project. As a result, I drank again.

It was atrocious and, though I never thought it possible, things were actually even worse than before I had stopped.

Anything I can do to save you from that trap is worth it, believe me.

A lot of people talk about "hitting rock bottom."

Imagine that, just for a moment, not as a metaphor but as a real and painful floor made of rock.

Which would you prefer - to hit it, or to get dragged bouncing along it at speed?

Not projecting is VERY hard - I bet you have spent your whole drinking career worrying about tomorrow and the day after and then trying to change it, not least with your drinking itself. "I won't drink today. If I drink, I'll get drunk. Then XYZ will be angry with me. But, my God, if I don't drink i KNOW it'll be terrible. I'm going to suffer immensely. I'll probably have a fit like on the telly. But I don't want to get drunk. I'll drink lager. That way I won't get drunk. But now I want another drink. If I drink vodka no one will smell it. Oh, God, I can't go into work now because they'll smell it and I'll lose my job. I'll stay home. But then they'll ring me. I'd better be out. I know - I'll go to ([insert the name of your favourite drinking venue here.]"

If that doesn't ring true, I bet you've done something similar. That's projection. It tortures you and it changes nothing.

I'm really sorry if I've upset you but, believe it or not, the easiest way to tackle this is to stop drinking and to worry about now. I promise you.

Happy to help if I can.

Qo

Just to add to that, I see you are on day 3.

That's brilliant and an enormous achievement in itself. It proves that you are stronger than me - I couldn't manage ONE day without help, let alone three.

If I can do this, you certainly can.

You're doing great - stick at it!

Cristi - I am so glad you feel well and boingy, as jwn would say.

Zany did you have a drink so you could be disinhibited to talk to your new guy? (I know I've done that one before). Don't project about what you will do, just keep it in the day, don't have alcohol in the house, so today you won't be drinking.

My mum's gone downhill, this is really scary stuff, but going to a meeting, going to buy DD a box for her creations, and seeing my sponsor, just one day at a time, if I start projecting please pull me up on it.

Have been lurking and reading for a while, and so much of what you say resonates. Not sure if I'm quite ready to "declare" myself yet, but felt the need to show my head a little.

Has anyone heard the story on Five Live yesterday/this morning about a lady who was going into rehab? Very difficult listening.

Sorry for butting in.

Noteven

When I first attempted to get sober I was training (not very well) as a teacher (luckily for everyone, I subsequently failed.)

People advised me not to project. It was not what I wanted to hear. "And anyway," I sadi, "how can I NOT plan? Planning's my JOB!"

To which they replied, "there's nothing wrong with planning. But don't plan the OUTCOMES."

In other words, it was fine for me to plan that we would do page 15 in our next lesson; but I shouldn't then try to guess how well it would go, or which pupil would fcuk it up, or whether my mentor would like it. I just had to prepare everything that I DID have control over; nad then leave the rest to unroll as it would.

The same with not drinking; I plan not to drink today. I have some control over that. What I DON'T try to plan is how that will make me feel, or what XYZ will have to say about it, or what I will do if I'm in a six-car pile-up and someone offers me a swig of brandyfrom a hipflask ...

I hope this is useful to someone.

S

Tristmum

You're not butting in.

Welcome.

Miflaw thanks for the post on planning, have been pondering living in the day and not projecting and wondered how you can do that and not plan for the days/weeks ahead, but you have cleared that up for me:)

Hello tristmum!

How are you today?

Come back and let us know how you got on Wasindie

Isindie you brave babe. Love you for it all (including the nerves) x

Wasindie echo Venus you are a brave babe!

Well done wasindie I hope it went well for you, let us know!

Hi tristmum, I was a butter-inner two days ago, and I am so happy that I did, and happy that you have to. Welcome

I STILL don't feel ready to declare myself,there's STILL a little part of me that thinks I don't have a problem - though I really do. All I know is I want to stop, I can't cut down it doesn't work for me - I want to stop, and I have a strength and a determination that I've never had before.

Plus this time I have hope - I can actual visualise the better future me and my little girl can have, and I want it so badly.

MIFLAW thanks for coming back to explain, though you really didn't have to, and I know above evrything that you were trying to help me. Believe me I hit rock bottom on Tuesday, and that's what has strengthened my resolve.

I've actually managed to have a really good day so far, panicky terrified feelings from this morning have gone, put in place a strategy for tonight (not that I actually want to drink at all but I'm just covering myself - just in case)

Feeling pretty good at the moment for a change

Hey wasindie. Well done you! Come back and tell us how it went.

My meeting is over. A whole lot of travelling for a 4 hour meeting . However I have arranged to meet my sil for a coffee before I go back - so a positive!! Trying to avoid he London shops, after last week, where I spent a small fortune on new jeans!

The planning not projecting was really helpful, I have struggled with how to rationalise what I was doing in my head, and Miflaw explained it so well.

qo. Doing well sweetie,

Welcome to the newbies. Today I won't be drinking.

Thanks for the welcomes.

I feel a fraud because the actual amount I'm drinking at the moment is quite small but then my youngest is still very little and the old thoughts and - worst of all - behaviour patterns are creeping back. I know exactly where I'm headed but it's very easy to kid myself at the moment that there's no problem, and hard to find the resolve to do something about it while I'm not actually in that bad a place.

Thanks MIFLAW.

My mum doesn't sound good, this is hard. Lots of fear and feelings, those things as an alcoholic I don't know and never have, how to deal with. I'm not drinking. I'm trying to get stuff out. I'm praying. Just hanging on really.
IsIndie - round of applause!! Hope you ok lovely.

Hang in there Noteven, thinking of you!

Trist

Define "small amount."

MIFLAW

A couple of children's cups of wine (so that there's no wine glass in the dishwasher/draining board) from the wine box, necked behind the utility room door while DH is upstairs putting the children to bed.

boing!

evening everyone!, had a good day here, been to a meeting, i like to go on a friday if i can, it sort of grounds me for the weekend - dd has felt well enough to have the day with her bf, so i know she is ok and having a nice time, i have the makings of a nice dinner for when dh gets in and alls well with my world!

trist - its nice to meet you - dont worry about feeling a fraud, even if you are only drinking a glass of a wine a week, if its worrying you then its a problem!

indi - good on you!, let us know how you got on?

bafana - TRYING TO AVOID THE SHOPS IN LONDON!!!! you really do have a problem!! i recommend threapy!!

wanders off muttering to herself!

trist - its not much of a secret you know!, your dh can smell it!

Ah, but it's when I'm cooking and I will have a legitimate teeny-tiny glass on the go to cover the smell.

Sorry, I'm being flippant, but I hate the whole thing. I don't have any even vague "excuse" for drinking at the minute, but I still do - that's not normal, is it?

thing is trist, 'normal' drinkers dont need an excuse to drink, they just have a drink if they fancy one, or two, and then they dont have anymore and it dosent bother them - they dont agonise over how much they drink, when they drink, what they drink, they dont wake up every morning resloving not to drink that day and then beating themselves up because they did! if 'normal' drinkers have a bit of a night out and wake up with a hangover, they just have a headache and gippy tummy, they dont feel terrible remorse and shame, they dont have huge areas of memory loss (and if they do, often they just dont have another 'big night' ever!) us alkies just keep doing the same old same old, for months, which turn into years, then all of a sudden, BAM! you realise it cant go on, life is passing you by, hopefully you find a way to stay sober and then another BAM!, you realise how very wonderful life can be, you find a peace, a serenity that had always alluded you (is that the right word? ) anyway, thats how i see it, others will have a totally different take on it - whatever!, if you find something that works, just keep doing it!

let's not talk about your shopping Jwn . Have been good, met sil for coffee instead.

Off to treat myself to nandos for tea