The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past the Valentine's Wining and Dining

[notevenamousie]

Following on from jesuswhatnext and her original very successful thread and all the many others here , this is the Brave Babes Battle Bus, sharing struggles, thoughts, experience, strength and hope concerning life but more specifically our relationship with, and our journey through, cutting down or cutting out alcohol.

There is no judging or nastiness, just support for whatever works, and if we fall out of the bus we are always welcomed back on when we are ready with open arms and listening ears.

I'm notevenamousie and I'm an alcoholic. I abused and was dependent on alcohol for months if not even a couple of years. I feel a hundred times better physically, emotionally, spiritually, since giving in the fight with alcohol, admitting I had lost, and walking away, but it's very much one day at a time.

If you are a long time lurker, why not make this thread the one you jump in and say hello!

qo - take this at your own pace.

MIFLAW has been in your shoes at one point or another and is only trying to help, I promise.

It's tough love rather than hugs from him.

When I first posted here, he scared me to death!

But now I know he's not as gobby as he thinks he is but instead, a very wise chap with a wealth of experience that he tries to share with all of us.

Don't feel like he's getting at you, he's not.

Just take your time to find out what is best for you. This is YOUR life, YOUR time to change.

You have to do that YOUR way.

Be Brave Babe x

It's because I want to succeed so badly that I'm worried sick about failing, and yes I did feel a bit like miflaw was giving me a hard time - but can also see that he's well respected on this thread and banafa has told me what a great guy he is,so I just put it down to myself being over-sensitive, which I am at the moment.

I am trying really hard not to worry about things, it just isn't coming easy and I hope that will improve for me.

Thanks though

Qo

Keep talking and posting - we have all been where you are. You can do this, you will do in the right way for you.

As Mouse said - be brave babe!!

qo - It WILL get better. This is a scary time for you, you're changing the one thing that you thought you could rely on to make everything better.

You're taking that away.

No-one expects you to suddenly be okay, cured, healed.

Be you and take your time.

One day, hour, minute at a time.

Plan that hour. Kepp busy, keep full, keep rested.

This sober 24/7 lark is hard work!

You CAN do it, if you let yourself.

You need time to get used to what you have decided, no magic wands, fairy dust or happy ever afters exist to help you fight this.

Just us. And you.

Keep going xx

I'm so glad I joined this thread

So are we. xx

yup - being on here helps me nearly every day

hello everyone
hope all well

I am fine this evening, about to have a bath then tackle my messy flat

Thanks all you lovely people, I am off to try and get an early night now.

I hope everyone has a good night xx

Night qo sleep well xx

qo you are not being oversensitive. MIFLAW has a wealth of experience and advice which helps many, but he can also be hurtful and offensive to others. Not intentionally, but it happens nonetheless and it doesn't help. Hang in there, there are many on here who are less abrasive.
Indie talk to me.Are you ok?
I am lurking. Father back in hospital, didn't get home until 11pm last night after several hours in casualty after a day at work.Keep having to pull over in laybys to cry. Been to doctor who prescribed anti-depressants. Told him how much I drink. He made a horrified face and said I had to stop,
Gee, d'you think?
mouse - hi. haven't forgotten. Will tally up next week.
Venus,Thurso, Bafana, Silver, Noteven and others....missing you all

ma Am sorry things still are so stressful.
My mum also is in hospital poorly and it's a huge stress. Try not to worry about the crying - it is better out than in.

I just wanted to share that I too am struggling with keeping it in the day but after the first thought - which I can't help - I can change my thinking, point out to myself my projecting. I need to really not let myself get away with any sort of lazy thinking. It's really hard though, and it helps me to be reminded that it is an acute threat to my sobriety (and I've bristled with resentment at MIFLAW in the past as many of you know). Sometimes words to one person help someone else I guess, and we can take what we can use and leave the rest. I am full of wondering how I am going to cope with my family relying on me through this next, and terminal, phase of my mum's illness. (I'm also terrified that I'll drink on it too). What I need to think about (someone correct me if I am still not thinking straight) is that I am grateful today because I was sober I was able to talk to my mum when she needed to talk, she felt better, and I could do a few things she needed me to do. And that's it, it stops there, tomorrow is not for worrying about just now.
Sorry for the ramble, I just needed to get that out.

Ma - I know sweets. Don't be daft, I hadn't given it a second thought.

Missed you, off to bed here.

Night all xxxx

hey noteven
I understand.
The problem with dad is that the relationship is difficlut and negative. he was an abusive parent who has scarred all of us for life.
I feel no affection, or love for him just pity and regret for what might have been. So when he is ill and confused and lost like that, i can go to hospital and talk to nurses and make sure he is ok but I can't talk to him, or hold his hand, or hug him. I cannot grieve for the gradual losing of him, because I lost him as a father a long time ago. he exists, he is old, he needs help. that's about it. I don't really know why I bother. I asked a friend of mine that recently and he said "You bother because you have compassion and you are a better person than you think you are". I wish I could believe him

Morning all, and hi to ma, thinking of you.

I know this won't help you particularly, but the anti-depressants will work better if you're not drinking. Sorry for being so obvious, but just keep coming back and letting us know how you're doing.

Tough one with your father - but as your friend said it takes a special person to show compassion in the circumstances you describe. You don't have to love him, but you do have to love and accept yourself - and by not showing kindness or not doing what is in your nature to do, you would be hurting yourself too ultimately.

But hey, if you can show compassion to him, what about showing some to yourself also? You surely deserve your own kindness and love more than he does. Take care lovely.

ma - it's a bit complicated with my mum but different, I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. I read a thing recently about "love your neighbour as yourself" and how we are taught, in school or church or wherever, it's about being nice to others, but actually, do we love ourselves and treat ourselves with the compassion that we already show to others? It certainly made me think.

I spoke to a friend last night who lost her dad a year ago and she said by the time he died, she had no regrets. I am not sure if I can achieve that in the time we have left but I guess being aware of it is the first step.

I hope everyone has a good and safe day. x

morning all

ma and mousie I'm sorry you're both having such a difficult time,and I wish I had some wise words. I haven't been in the same situation and can't imagine what it must be like for you. Hope you are both ok today.

I managed a full nights sleep from 11pm - 7am!! I woke up once through the night but got right back to sleep. Still feeling slightly anxious though, but still better than I have been feeling.

Hope everybody has a good day

Hi all !

I went out last night and I had wine for the first time in almost 4 weeks. I have a nasty hangover so it just confirms that I'm way better without it !

Today I wont drink !

Morning all,

Thurso. Wish I had the answer, you are in my thoughts.
Everyone is facing tough challenges at the moment and I wish I had the answers or a magic wand. The one thing I do know is that they will not be made better by drinking!
Keep well and safe everyone.

This travelling through London thing is really no fun, I am definitely in no rush to move to the capital any time soon!

Are you there for business or pleasure banafa? I went once and the tube at rush hour is not a nice place to be - it scared me!!

Today I wont be drinking....

because I love my daughter so much,

because I want to have her respect and my self respect,

because I want to set her the RIGHT example for once and hopefully show her that being drunk & hangovers are not "normal" behaviour,

because I don't want to lose my job,

because I never EVER want to wake up again feeling how I felt on wednesday.

because I don't want to injure myself or endanger my life by being so pissed that I can't take basic care of myself

because I don't want to be an embarrassment to my family anymore

because I'm proud of being on day 3 and don't want to ruin that by slipping up - I want to succeed this time.

Business qo, on the sleeper last night and tOnight for a meeting.
Is a little dangerous for me, as I use to drink on the train, and before I got on the train. TO help me sleep of course . So I alway worry that I will slip up!
So I plan and prepare - good book, treat myself to a good movie on the laptop.

Last week I was in the first class lounge and had to go and lock myself in the loo to wait for the desire to drink tO go. I am a bloody nutter - or an alcoholic!!!

maybe both?

Definitely

Morning. Had another wonderful nights's sleep! This is great

MOrning everyone

So sorry to hear about your parents Ma and Noteven. Ma as a friend once said to me 'Sometimes it's hard being the better person' and you are showing alot of compassion because you are a good person.

Qo as others have said don't pressure yourself too much. I know I personally set myself massive goals about alot of things in life which are pretty much impossible to achieve and so I always feel I am letting myself down which is silly. One step at a time.

I drank again last night. I think that once I have gone one night without drinking I 'treat' myself to a drink the next night. I am going to plan ahead and instead find other things to 'treat' myself with like a new top, massage etc so that I stop seeing alcohol as a treat.

Had a long phone conversation with new guy last night - looking promising