The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past the Valentine's Wining and Dining

[notevenamousie]

Following on from jesuswhatnext and her original very successful thread and all the many others here , this is the Brave Babes Battle Bus, sharing struggles, thoughts, experience, strength and hope concerning life but more specifically our relationship with, and our journey through, cutting down or cutting out alcohol.

There is no judging or nastiness, just support for whatever works, and if we fall out of the bus we are always welcomed back on when we are ready with open arms and listening ears.

I'm notevenamousie and I'm an alcoholic. I abused and was dependent on alcohol for months if not even a couple of years. I feel a hundred times better physically, emotionally, spiritually, since giving in the fight with alcohol, admitting I had lost, and walking away, but it's very much one day at a time.

If you are a long time lurker, why not make this thread the one you jump in and say hello!

Hi everyone! I have been lurking but not posting for a while. Anyone who doesn't know me, I'm an alcoholic and have been sober for just over three years. Did four months on my own, then went to AA.

I've been reading what some of you have been saying about feeling nervous about going to meetings, and I'd like to share something if you don't mind.

I was terrified when I went to my first meeting - and I went with a very good friend who had been sober for ten years, so I had a strong hand to hold.

It felt like such a huge thing. No matter how often people said 'just come and listen, you don't have to commit to anything', it still felt like a massive, frightening life-change. Stepping over the border between drinking and sober, 'normal' and 'alcoholic'. It felt like a commitment, even though I knew I could leave at any time.

The thing that got me there was something my friend said. I'd spent a long time thinking I didn't drink 'enough' to qualify as an alcoholic, that there were people there with much more damaging experiences than mine. My friend said 'I think you feel that you don't deserve any help'.

Alcoholics often have such low self-esteem. I thought I wasn't 'good enough' to be an alcoholic and get the help on offer!

I sat and listened to everyone talking and identified with enough to go back again. What really sealed it was the Just for Today card. I won't quote it all here but the last paragraph begins 'Just for today I will be unafraid' and it hit me right between the eyes and made me burst into tears. The thought that people there could understand and share that overwhelming fear of life made me feel supported and open to whatever help I could get.

This has become a long one ... hope it helps. I should also add, as others have said, that AA is not the only way and everyone has to find what works for them. It has worked for me, and - most of the time - I am no longer afraid .

off not of. These days, anyway!

CJ can you please post the Just for Today poem?

" I am managing to stick to half a bottle or (like tonight) a full bottle each night."

That's an IMMENSE amount of drink and you know it is.

Stop kidding yourself.

Of course . I find it really helpful and inspiring - especially because it understands that we can't be perfect, and reminds us not to beat ourselves up about it ...

Just for Today

Just for today, I will try to live through this day only,
and not tackle my whole life problem
at once. I can do something for twelve hours
that would appal me if I felt that I had to
keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today, I will be happy. Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is,
and not try to adjust everything to my own
desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes,
and fit myself to it.

Just for today, I will try to strengthen my mind.
I will study. I will learn something useful.
I will not be a mental loafer. I will read
something that requires effort, thought and
concentration.

Just for today, I will exercise my soul in three
ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and
not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two
things I don't want to - just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are
hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not
show it.

Just for today, I will be agreeable. I will look
as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low,
act courteously, criticize not one bit, not
find fault with anything and not try to improve
or regulate anybody except myself.

Just for today, I will have a programme. I may not
follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will
save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

Just for today, I will have a quiet half hour all
by myself, and relax. During this half hour,
sometime, I will try to get a better perspective
of my life.

Just for today, I will be unafraid. Especially I
will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful,
and to believe that as I give to the world, so
the world will give to me.

Morning MIFLAW. Just read this: people can be analysed, counselled, reasoned with, prayed over, threatened, beaten, or locked up, but they will not stop until they want to stop.

isindie c'mon girl, just tell us when you really want to stop.

"Really scared & worried about AA as well, to the point where I think my fear might hold me back from going, I am going to ring the lady that bafana managed to get in contact with for me - but really not sure if I'm going to go to a meeting. It's quite hard to explain on here without outing myself.

"I am going to ring a local drug & alcohol charity later today and speak with them too."

Qo

I just wanted to warn you that, when I did the latter, they listened politely for 2 minutes thwen told me to ring AA!

I wouldn't say that AA is the only way. But it's the only way that worked FOR ME. I would have chosen to be anywhere rather than in AA, yet I've been attending for nine years (8 continuously sober.) Why? Because it works for me, and even after all this time I don't have a better idea.

If you are worried about confidentiality I sympathise but I cqan promise you that no one in the room will give a flying fuck about who you are or what you do outside the rooms. If they know you, then they are there for the same reason as you.

I have met two famous actors in AA. I talked to one about pissing in phone boxes; I talked to the other about shoes. And I have never told my partner who they were, even though she would be green with envy that I have met the second one (Mr Shoes, not Mr Phonebnox.)And I am confident that you will find I am the rule rather than the exception.

Anonymous means anonymous.

Venus

Don't I know it. A guy I met eight years ago is STILL drinking. I don't think he's enjoying it as he still goes to AA. But, until it hurts enough or until he dies (whichever comes first), he's going to keep bouncing back and forth. Very sad.

Thanks CJ:)

Thanks CJ - just got mine out, will put it in my work bag for next week. Projecting? Me? Most definitely I am!! And the 15 Points.. I will read that on the way home I think. Just trying to keep it in the day today. My mum is very poorly - but because I am sober, I am here for her. I am grateful for that.

Morning Babes.

thurso - I would talk to him. Don't mention the e-mail to start with, not unless you feel you have to, to let out how you are feeling.

Maybe get him to open up about it, don't use the words in the email, I assume he won't know you've read it?

Was it in your Hotmail account? If so then you would read it anyway?

Just talk to him, see how he reacts. Don't push him, I'm sure he's scared of what lies ahead, I'm sure you both are. xx

Hey CJ - nice to see you back again

Morning everyone

Just for Today is brilliant, especially the bit about doing a good deed but not letting anyone know about it.

Mr smiley guy seems to be a genuinly lovely guy. He makes me laugh loads as we have a very quirky simular sense of humour. He has 2 DC's just a couple of years older than mine, good job, lives near and is offially a good listener as he volunteers for the Samaritons. I wasn't too sure at first if there wasa spark but it is definately getting growing

How is everyone else today, Noteven Cristi Wasindie Desire and Qp

It is definitely very thought provoking! Good to hear things seem to be working for you with new guy Zany:)

Twistedmelons, my GP put me on Camrpanol, it really helps....

Hi all just thought I'd update.

I haven't rang anybody as of yet, I started to get really nervous and panicky which wasn't helping my mood.

Then, I ended up fretting that if I didn't ring I would be letting people down/opening myself up to critisism/making a mockery of the time bafana took out to get me the contact.

I'm really sorry but I felt pressurised, and that has nothing to do with anybody here, and everything to do with myself and my state of mind at the moment.

So I decided to take the pressure off myself for Today. I'm not ringing anybody Today and since making that decision I've felt calmer and less panicky. It feels right for me, for Today.

I'm hoping that my mood will lift the longer I stay off the drink and that I will feel a bit stronger and a bit more able to face things then.

I have, though, booked myself an hours online counselling for next Thursday.

I hope everybody is safe and happy, and I'll be around later x

qo good for you. All any of us here can do is ramble about our own experience and thoughts (at least that's what I do), you have to make your own decision about what you feel the best thing for you to do.

Hi all

It's been very busy on here and I've just caught up.

I've had a tough few days and was tempted to have a drink last night but didn't - .

Hello to all I've not met Qo nice to meet you.

Zany how lovely meeting a nice man - enjoy it.

Thurso what is your concern with the email? Is it because he seems to be planning something without talking to you?

Hi Venus how are you?

Thank you venus and hi ruby waves nice to meet you too.
I hope to become a regular fixture on the thread, it's a fantastic place and I'm so happy to be here among all the friendship and support.
I also hope to be able to give back to it as well as take, when I'm feeling a bit better

Evening all
Good day, went to see my Gran as it's her birthday (84 wow!).
Then went for lunch with my mum, and picked up some bits and pieces in the town.

Need to start getting ready for going away tonight. Sleeper down to London again! So need to organise what I am going to read and how I will keep myself occupied.

qo sweetie, you are not letting me down at all, please do not feel like that. As long as you are safe, I am happy.

So off to think about what to feed the kids, and generally potter about the house.

B
XXX

Evening all,
Have been headachy and sickly all day. Not fun.
Given that I have babysitter booked am going to my meeting tonight. Not drinking and not going to be, but not quite as boingy as usual, hopefully normal service will be resumed tomorrow!
Love to all x

Thank you bafana, you really are a star! Happy birthday to your Gran and have a safe journey to London.

Sorry you're not feeling great mousie what do you think it is, an off day or something more?

I'm really really tired myself, going to have a nice early night - I hope anyway, bedtime seems to be really hard anxiety wise, as does first thing in the morning. Can't wait for this to pass.

Hope everyone is having a peaceful evening

evening all!

really quick drop in tonight - dd is a bit poorly and needs her mum!

have a good trip bafana!

qo, get a nice bath and have an early night, have you got a easy-read book or magazine?, nothing too deep, just something to think about without overloading the poor old brain!

i found it took me some weeks before i was able to concentrate on anything properly - the decision to become sober is huge, it takes it out of you phyisically and emtionally - i was exhausted for weeks - i promise it does get better though!

Thanks JWN hope dd is feeling better soon.

Have had my bath already, and might watch a bit of tosh TV with dd - if that doesn't send me to sleep nothing will

Weekend is looming and I'm so worried that I might stumble too, thinking of various scenarios that might present and wondering how to get out of them!

I know I should be trying to live in the day, but it isn't coming easily. It will be a big hurdle and I can't help worrying about it, I so want to succeed this time.

"Weekend is looming and I'm so worried that I might stumble too, thinking of various scenarios that might present and wondering how to get out of them!"

Don't project - one day at a time.

Seriously - this sort of projection is itself a threat to your sobriety.

Focus on NOW.

I know this miflaw and I am really trying but it's very hard for me right now, please try and understand that.