The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past the Valentine's Wining and Dining

[notevenamousie]

Following on from jesuswhatnext and her original very successful thread and all the many others here , this is the Brave Babes Battle Bus, sharing struggles, thoughts, experience, strength and hope concerning life but more specifically our relationship with, and our journey through, cutting down or cutting out alcohol.

There is no judging or nastiness, just support for whatever works, and if we fall out of the bus we are always welcomed back on when we are ready with open arms and listening ears.

I'm notevenamousie and I'm an alcoholic. I abused and was dependent on alcohol for months if not even a couple of years. I feel a hundred times better physically, emotionally, spiritually, since giving in the fight with alcohol, admitting I had lost, and walking away, but it's very much one day at a time.

If you are a long time lurker, why not make this thread the one you jump in and say hello!

hmmm thinking of making myself a big mug of cocoa laced with cream... anyone out there to encourage me?

Hi Cristi

I'm exhausted and off to bed. Sounds perfect - go for it - are you tired enough to sleep, or do you have a good book? Look after yourself, hope you sleep better than you expect. x

Sleep well

Have just finished 'the help' which was great. I hate being between books! So will have to order another one for my kindle i think. Love kindles

Was watching the new series of masterchef. Did you have your hot chocolate?

How are you doing Cristi

I have only had a non alcoholic beer tonight - had a bit of a wobble but am determined to have more drink free days. Been getting lovely texts from Smiley guy (date no3) today, he thinks I am cool, georgous and can't wait to see me again, said he has had a spring in his step thinking about me. Thought I would tell you seen as no one got my hints to be asked earlier

Ah zany I did see that. Did you have a good evening? Does he seems as nice without beer goggles? Spring in his step sounds wonderful - and what about you - are you springing a little?

Shit zany i was too self absorbed, sorry!

When are you seeing him? What's he like?

Venus, i mixed good cocoa, sugar and cream, topped up with hot milk. Been so long. Actually feels a bit too much! Needed some rum to thin it down. Only joking! Of course i didn't, but i am having a lovely digestif herbal tea now.

Hi everyone, cris did you get your call back and how did it go?

zany loving the sound of your new relationship, there's nothing quite like those first excited,butterflies in tummy moments, Enjoy!!

I've been up for the past 2 hours, anxiety levels quite high - I know it will pass but just wish I could fast forward to the time when it has passed.Some of the things I've been told that I did are just so shameful and keep playing on my mind.

I'm very sore too, I have a cut on my face, a sore hip, a bump on my head and very sore achey muscles. The cut on my face is the worst for me to deal with, a very visual reminder of the worst state I've ever been in.

Really scared & worried about AA as well, to the point where I think my fear might hold me back from going, I am going to ring the lady that bafana managed to get in contact with for me - but really not sure if I'm going to go to a meeting. It's quite hard to explain on here without outing myself.

I am going to ring a local drug & alcohol charity later today and speak with them too.

Anyway on the plus side, I am actually looking forward to having a dry weekend - I've been reading up lots online and taken A LOT from the support I've been shown on this thread. I am feeling quite determined!!

I better try and get some sleep now, will post again in the morning

Dog Days Are Over

Happiness hit her like a train on a track
Coming towards her stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with her drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your loving behind
You can't carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
'Cause here they come

And I never wanted anything from you

Except everything you had and what was left after that too,
Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back
Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
Because here they come

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your loving, your loving behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
Because here they come

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you'd better run

Maybe it's just personal to me ,and if so I apologise for barging into the thread (which I have read religiously for months).
But this song cuts deep.

Hi to you all. I'm NoDiving, 8 months sober with two lapses and unfortunately one was just tonight.

How needy we are , I only join when Im on the pitty pot...

Minor victory is I bought two bottles of wine, sank one, poured the other away.

Hi again,

NoDiving look on the bright side of this, you have been 8 months sober before a slip and you threw away a bottle of wine, very hard when you 1 bottle down! (was for me anyway) i am coming up to 8 weeks sober and i have had some really bad cravings, this weekend was the worst. Did you have these in the past 8 months? how did you combat them? i need help with that. I've been to AA meetings which helps me so much. and i have replaced drinking with chocolate and shopping, i nearly bought a caravan last week! don;t know what i was thinking!

Also, i know what you mean about songs getting under your skin and being painful to listen to, i can't listen to Foals 'spanish sahara' it reminds me of my worst drinking episode and when i knew that i had to stop.

qo hope you have managed to get some sleep, after my last episode i felt just like you are feeling. up at 3am, severe anxiety, i called the samaritans one night. it will pass though in a couple of days and you will start to feel good, there is the danger zone of drinking again. I didn;t go to and AA meeting when i was feeling like crap i went about a week after when i was better, so don;t put pressure on your self too much. Just speak to someone on the phone and go if when your ready. And trust me, you will be anonymous at the meeting, no one will discuss who was there outside of the meeting.

Good morning to all the babes and boys on here!

Melons

Morning everyone,

qo I can only apologise if I am repeating myself, but only you can know if you want this enough to go to your meeting today. You are worried about confidentiality - you are not the only one - I do quite a public and responsible job - which thanks to AA I still have to go back to on Monday. It's easy to feel we are unique - "you don't understand why I can't go" - I assure you I've been through that cycle but in the end I finally realised I wanted to live sober more than anything.
I've used the Samaritans to get through the anxiety - if it works, keep doing it, that's what they are there for.

Cristi how did you sleep? How are you feeling this morning? Thinking of you, an really hoping this is the start of better things for you.

Isindie will PM you then stop hassling you! Why can't you tell DP (there's loads of possibilities I know, just wondered what the specifics are).

I am feeling ok this morning, lots of painful honesty with my sponsor last night then a brilliant night's sleep. Cause and effect? I think so. Starting step 4 tomorrow, for those in the know what that means, emotional ouch. DD is hilarious this morning, I am so lucky and grateful and amazed I didn't drink yesterday (big wobble emotionally) and today is day 20! I do not want to start at the beginning again - today I will not be drinking!!

Welcome nodiving I love that song, I have been to see her in concert too!! How are you feeling today?

Thanks mousie I'm definitely hearing you, but you are making it sound a little like AA is the only way.

I am going to speak to the lady today (couldn't yesterday as I didn't get her number until dd was already home from school) and that's as much as I can promise just now.

I'm sure that if anyone could help allay my fears a wee bit it will be the local lady.

I am going to ring the local chairty as well, they offer lots of support too - I just need some support it doesn't have to be specifically AA.

Cris hope you're feeling better today, don't forget I'm here too chat if you want to

Noteven - Slept like an angel. Eight hours solid. Feel MUCH better.

Qo - I didn't get a call back. Might have to try them again all day but out all day so will have to see later

Hope everyone has a lovely day sending strength and brightness.

Morning all
Just quickly checking in.

qo hope you managed to get some more sleep. Don't worry totally normal for your sleep to be all over the place.

chris hope you are feeling better today.

Just to reiterate, there are many many ways to stop drinking. I have found my way, it doesn't mean that it is right for everyone, it is right for me, and that is the most important thing to *me.
I think also that when we finally find a solution to a problem to something, I/we can become overzealous in telling everyone that it is the answer to everything. That is not the case (in my experience).

Remember peeps, I (and others) am telling you what has worked/is working for me. I only have my own experience to go on. You too will hopefully find your own paths.

Take care, stay safe, and I will not be drinking today!!

isindie, no need to feel - we've all been there so understand exactly. Just thinking of you, you know.

Hi again, just wanted to say sorry to mousie if I sounded abrupt, I really didn't mean to.

I'm finding some things so enormously difficult and if I had to face those things right now, I think it might send me running for the hills away from the help - sorry for being vague.I need to try and access some help where I feel safe.

I feel terrified this morning, so terrified that I'm even doubting that I have a problem - I know it's avoidance, and I'm so desperate to try and overcome it.

I feel dirty today, I feel like alcoholic is a dirty word and I'm dirty for being one.

Christi have a fabulous day - glad you had a good sleep, it helps such a lot with everything doesn't it.

Nodiving hello. I had been sober for ages, then over Christmas - whoops - so easy to get staright back into it. But an enormous well done for chucking the second bottle, it is surprising how affirming something like that feels. Hope you're doing OK this morning.

qo good for you on getting in touch with whoever you think will give you support (including this thread). I do some voluntary work for a homelessness charity and I know that a few of the guys I see there are in AA - I do avoid the meetings in the area that they are likely to go to.

bafana and noteven good to hear you both sounding so chipper

melons - laughing at your idea of a caravan - dp and I were drooling over a campervan the other day . When I experience strong cravings, first thing I do is remind myself that they WILL go away (in the early days I imagined that a craving would remain until I satisfied it, but I have learnt that that is not true). So I attack my cravings on 2 fronts - one way is to distract myself until the craving has gone, get busy and absorbed in something else, or get out of the house and go for a walk, try to keep my hands busy so i can't pick up a glass, keep my mouth busy so I can't slurp and keep my brain busy so i can't dwell. The other thing is to try and work out what it is that would better satisfy that craving feeling - a cold fizzy drink? something warm to eat? a bowl of soup? The HALT thing is great here - am I hungry, angry, lonely, tired. By the time I've really tried to meet all of those possible needs I usually find the craving has gone.

Oh qo, it's tough isn't it. But think about this rationally. How do you think of alcoholism - as a mental ilness? Well then being an alcoholic is no more dirty than having pnd. Or do you think it's self inflicted? Well being an alcoholic is no more dirty that having type 2 diabetes brought on by poor lifestyle choices.

Of course, some of the consequences can make you feel pretty rubbish, either emotionaly because of how you behaved, or physically because you pissed yourself, or puked in your bed. But that does not make you a bad person. It makes you someone who has a good reason to change how you've been acting.

qo just to clarify - my post about the homeless guys x-posted with your post. I don't avoid going to the meetings in their area because I think they are dirty, or bad, I avoid it because I don't want to confuse the roles I have in life.

Apologies if I made it seem like my way is the only way - it's not at all, if there is another way to stop and to enjoy being stopped, to arrest what is a progressive situation - then go for it. I haven't seen, found or read about one (and the scientist in me had to find the evidence before I walked through the door the first time!!)... but if there is then please, do go for whatever works - which is what this thread is about.

Have splitting headache this morning, since when was that part of the deal weeks of a drink?!

noteven unfortunately, sometimes having a headache is part of the deal of being alive . So you have every right to have sympathy for your headache, and to be kind to yourself and to take care of your head.