The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past the Valentine's Wining and Dining

[notevenamousie]

Following on from jesuswhatnext and her original very successful thread and all the many others here , this is the Brave Babes Battle Bus, sharing struggles, thoughts, experience, strength and hope concerning life but more specifically our relationship with, and our journey through, cutting down or cutting out alcohol.

There is no judging or nastiness, just support for whatever works, and if we fall out of the bus we are always welcomed back on when we are ready with open arms and listening ears.

I'm notevenamousie and I'm an alcoholic. I abused and was dependent on alcohol for months if not even a couple of years. I feel a hundred times better physically, emotionally, spiritually, since giving in the fight with alcohol, admitting I had lost, and walking away, but it's very much one day at a time.

If you are a long time lurker, why not make this thread the one you jump in and say hello!

What went wrong/not according to plan with callback?

I am feeling rubbish. Emotionally and physically! It's my first time alone in weeks and i feel like I'm going to be sick and i have a headache. I don't know why I feel quite this awful as I didn't drink any more than i usually do last night, i hope that i am not coming down with something. I am super tired.

Will pm you qo, and bafana thanks for your help you really are a star

Maybe its a bit of both Cristine. You might be coming down with something on top of the effects of drinking. With yuo saying say its the first time you have been alone for weeks I would imagine you have been busy then and so will be tired. Looking back on your post earlier today you said that your tolerance levels have gone up and you need to acknowledge this and that is it a biggie for you! This could be why you feel emotionally raw/low at the moment because you are admitting to yourself that you are drinking more and more. Sorry if I have got this completely wrong. I just know how scary I find it to admit that I am possibly a alcoholic heavy drinker. But you are taking steps to get better/feel more positive about things

Zany i think you've got it completely right.

It's been such an emotional morning really and of course I've been awaake since 3.45am so i am probablyj just super tired as well.

Maybe it's that thing too when you finally get a break you start realising how run down you are.

I wish i could sleep i am trying to but i can't nod off
I feel like I might make myself throw up it might make me feel better. I have also got A really horrid period at the mo - they seem to be getting worse month by month since they came back after dd2 was born.

How are you today?

Cristiane

Expect your sleep patterns to be fucked for about a week and accept it.

Lack of sleep won't kill you - drinking might.

look on the bright side - think of all the reading you'll get done!

Cristi and Qo,

I made my first phone call exactly this time last week, it seems like a lifetime ago now! The first time I went, a lady met me outside, after I rang the local helpline. It was such a relief not to have to 'approach' the doors on my own. At the meeting they were so lovely and supportive, made sure i had a seat at the back so I wasn't too exposed etc. I was actually really shocked by my first meeting. I expected some freezing cold church hall, everyone sat in a semi circle sobbing! In fact, it was quite a small room with a few comfy chairs strewn about (although I've heard it's one of the more'upmarket' meetings!). It was warm, there was lots of steaming hot tea, biscuits and more importanly absolutely no judging whatsoever. Then everyone took me for coffee.

There was such a mix of people (I kind of thought there might be but not to this extent). I think the people that surprised me most were the two little old grannies, terribly well spoken with twinsets and pearls.

anyway, can't say I took an awful lot in, but just sat and thought about things/daydreamed.

The next meeting I wasn't so keen on, and the third one I absolutely loved. I think it's a case of finding ones you like. It also depends a lot on who's sharing at the meetings. You're not going to relate to absolutely everyone.

FWIW - I'm an atheist and think spiritual stuff is a load of old bollocks, but don't think it matters in the slightest, you can adapt what is said so it works for you.

Thank you chapter nice of you to share your experience.

I am getting nervy now, it's time for dd to come home from school

Qo how old is dd?

What did the person from AA say? I still haven't been called

He wasn't helpful at all cristiane, didn't chat just told me when & where the meetings are.

They had no female contacts at all for the meeting I want to attend, but the lovely bafana is trying to sort that for me also.

This really is a long time you've been kept waiting, do any of you AA folks know if that's the norm? I was called back within half an hour.

Cristiane

They took quite a while to get back to me, although I cant remember how long, it will be an AA member from your area, they will try and get someone female to call someone female, and many people will be at work.

Don't (at least try not to ) worry, someone will call you back.

Was lovely to speak to you qo. Am on the case, I spoke to the same guy you did , doesn't really give the best impression really!! He is calling me back/ getting someone else to call me back.

We have a plan, and you are not going to project (adopts stern voice). Take care of yourself this afternoon.

I have just dragged DS out for a walk in the rain to clear my head. And am looking forward to cooking the tea, and meeting a some friends this evening.

Look after yourselves everyone. Wow the bus is very full right now!!

It isn't normal and it isn't ideal.

But don't forget that these people are just ordinary alcoholics. It might even have been the guy's first time, or he might just be having a bad day himself. So some of them will inevitably be more helpful than others.

Also, an area where AA is not so strong, in the middle of the day, may be, shall we say, closer to the bottom of the barrel than London, Edinburgh or Bristol, where there is a big group of people to draw on.

Qo
Cristiane

You both in Scotland?

I am, qo isn't!

Thanks bafana for your info and support

no problem cristiane am glad to help.
Have sorted qo out too, so all good!!

Am going to try out sort out the kids tea now. although I am tempted to feed my eldest poison for her continuing cheek!

Ha! I'm finding it very odd being home in my own it's so quiet

Am trying to be pleased that i called AA but i still haven't heard back firm anyone. Hd a bath though and feel better, headache gone. Wondering what t have for dinner

Chris
Call them back, it will make u feel like you are doing something proactive about the situation.
I will get my jammies on, so that I am not tempted to jump into the car to go and get supplies. But I am a saddo.

I already have mine on! Am trying to work out when it's ok to go to sleep as i have insomnia and often wake at 3am... Will stay up as late as I can and take a sleeping pill

Christi, when I have gone to AA meetings I have just walked in - on my own. There is always someone on the door to greet people - I just said I'd not been before (well actually I stammered, blushed and squeaked out something like that). Everyone was really nice, people came over and spoke to me (not that I wanted to speak to anyone really, I just wanted to hide).

There's a woman's group tomorrow in Victoria Terrace at 6pm, I've never been to it and have no idea what it's like, but if you want to go I'll come along with you. If it would help.

In the meantime, enjoy your little time of peace and quiet - indulge in a long phone call with a friend, sort your wardrobe for next week , day dream, read - all the things you wish you had time for when your little ones are around.

Take care x

Evening babes,

I haven't posted this afternoon, as I have had to try and get my "out of work" work done.

Also, don't feel as if I can be very helpful, not like the rest of you, who have been so great in so many ways, including practical help (bafana!) which I'm sure is what really counts sometimes. I wish I could be.

I'm on my own tonight, until later, DH and DC on thier way back from an open day.

.........can I talk.....
I finished my reports this afternoon, and logged on to "Hotmail", where there was a message from DH's brother to say "Oh, and another thing I forgot to say...", I couldn't see anything in the inbox, so I went to sent..nothing... and then went on deleted , I never do this, just had a feeling.
There was a message sent last night from DH's brother to say that he is very worried about DH's impending work/career crisis, and had he thought of changing direction, and doing something less financially lucrative!!

I haven't got words...... do I ask him about it tonight, when he will be tired after such a long drive, or tomorrow, when he has taken the day off to be with me and DC in half term??

So sorry it's me, me, me, and so sorry to those who don't know the story. Don't know what to do really.
xxx

I had a big reminder of my alcoholic brain today - MIFLAW posted that he used to live in the same town as I do - and my first thought was "oh that would have been fun to be drinking buddies", whereas MIF's point was that he was so close to AA meetings and people who could have helped him. I felt and that this was my first thought. And from what MIF has written previously I am under no illusion that drinking with him does not sound like it was a fun occasion, and I know that going out and getting pissed is not what I intend to do. Damn brain.

thurso - is dh's brother making that suggestion off his own back, or did it sound like something that your dh had discussed with him, and his brother was responding to?

It may be that his brother is (like you) worried about your dh's work situation and was trying to offer a helpful solution. If dh deleted it, he maybe saw it as unwanted interference.

Cristi GO WITH VENUS tomorrow! Where are your DC? I scrolled back but didn't pick up why they aren't at home. You will feel rough for a few days, but you may well start to feel physically better and sleep better inside a week - I did. Sober sleep, and wakenings, are such an amazing blessing.

Bafana you have been amazing today. Would you ever have imagined it? - what a blessing you have been to both these ladies, and to me.

desire I agree with MIFLAW, there is something that came with the initial acceptance and then subsequently it's growing, mostly quite slowly, and amazingly people tell me it keeps getting better.

Have had a rollercoaster of a day, but I haven't had a drink, so everything else can be worked on.

x post thurso reducing my career aspirations has actually been the most liberating thing I've ever done. I think in some ways it's good that your DH has more than just you to talk to - maybe it'll take the pressure off. As for when to bring it up - if you get an opening tonight, do it, otherwise I guess it's not meant to be and leave it til tomorrow.

venus my old thinking takes my breath away very frequently - you are months further on than me, so I guess at least it's not too often... if that's any help, I don't know. You can take the alcohol out, but the ism remains, I guess.

Venus that's so kind of you but I have a booking for 6pm to go for a massage etc that dh bout me

Not even - kids have gone to stay with friends for a few days so i can atch uo with everything before i start work. Missing them a lot!

Goodness it's quiet on here... I am drinking tea, sorting through my office clothes and watching Dirty Dancing on DVD!!!!!!!!! Very random but had to have something light and fluffy to counter my dark and sombre mood.