HUSBAND LEFT AFTER AN AFFAIR III - AM MOVING ON WITHOUT HIM

[solost]

My husband left me in mid-August when I found out he was having an affair. My original thread (husband had an affair and I want him back) detailed the fact that I felt he had made a mistake and asked for advice on how to get him to see sense and come back to me and our 3 DCs. Four months on, he still hasn't returned and I am re-buildling my life without him. That thread is now full. This is the continuation. Thanks to all of you for your support.

Solo - at the moment it certainly doesn't look like she think you are to blame in any way; she wouldn't be making snidey remarks to her father if she thought you were the problem, she would be playing up for you instead. Might be worth asking her if she has any questions about the situation still, maybe on a monthly basis, just to keep the door open?

You sound too self-deprecating re. the similarities between you and your DD - if enough people say it, you have to believe it!!

LOL! Can always count on the kids to call a spade, a spade.

He mentioned it to you as he probably wants to know if you have said anything.......

He is about to learn that girls especially of that age are not stupid, they know the score. She called it for what it was, I doubt he ever thought he'd have anyone let alone his own DD referring to what he did in that terms. Probably did make him feel a bit on an arse, funny though. She's sharp that one :)

Thumb: She always plays me up - no change there however . As I mentioned before she is so feisty - her personality I do see is exactly like mine and also coincidently her taste in food too, the fact she hates cheese and banana's and loves chocolate and chicken and mushroom pies!

I will keep asking if she has any questions though, just don't want to appear to be nagging (do far too much of that atm!).

EMMYLOUPSLOU: She is sharp - I was surprised she knew what 'infidelity' meant tbh, its not a word I use around the DC's - she does read a lot though.

The other day H told me he and DS were listening to Tiny Tempah?? [spelling??] in the car and DS turned to him and said 'you have a 'tiny tempah' Dad but Mum has a massive one , they can be so ungrateful cant they?!!

she hates cheese??? And so do you???

joking of course, cheese is one of my staple foods!

Hey, if your household was anything like mine is, then you woul dalways be the "bad cop" parent anyway. DH actually told me he didn't want to be the "bad cop" ever, that really annoyed me! I told him he's going to need to grow a pair of balls when it comes to dealing with DS before he gets much older or there'll be trouble. THing is though - while I don't think the children actually like the strictness and temper, they do prefer it to laxity and no boundaries. Gives them more of a structure to work with (and a touch of reality!)

I have always been the bad cop (aww come on, tell me you are surprised...)

I had a break through with dd (15) recently though, when she confessed to me that she preferred that to the "non-parenting" that some of her friends get

and that her friends think that I am "well safe" < ahem >

well safe, hey - that is definitely beyond my range of teen sayings - does that mean you're pretty cool (in ancient parlance)?

maybe...I think so

THUMB: Just like yours - always 'bad cop'!! I quite enjoy it though Seriously, I do agree that kids do prefer the strictness and knowing boundaries and tbh as a 'single parent' the house has to run like a military operation (especially schoolday mornings). However, we do have fun as well, and things are a lot more relaxed now H is no longer residing here, for example we used to tidy up and calm down before he got home from work, these days...... we don't .

TOTALLY SURPRISED Pete, (not!).

"Well safe??" well hate to p* on ya bonfire but my kids came home yesterday with the news that their friend's mum (our next door neighbour) is 42 on Friday. 'She's younger than you!!!!' (only by a few months btw!) exclaimed DD1 (waited with baited breath for next remark), 'well does she look younger than me....? (couldnt resist!). 'Nooooo' was the emphatic response . 'How old do I look then?'. DD1: '30'!, DD2: '18'!!! - I wish - did make my night though!

THUMB: Not sure whether 'well safe' is good or bad either! In fact not sure whether 'good' is good either doesnt 'bad' mean good in teenspeak????

[Note to self - must look up teenspeak on internet - need to be prepared!]

start here for teenspeak translation - warning, don't start looking up dubious things like, e.g., dragonbutter or spacedocking. Seriously - don't do it - you will regret it for ever a long time!!

well there's one word I won't ever be using to "get down wiv da kidz" - and that's misusing "sick" to mean cool, good, awesome or whatever - and apparently even to get it on with someone!! I mean, FGS!! Soon English will be unintelligible if they keep reversing the meanings of words!

I dont get the word sick. I always automatically think of illness. It drives me nuts, more when it's a twenty something trying to be a teenager.

That's a very sharp comment of hers, about "infidelity", and could be the sign that she is gaining confidence. It takes a lot of guts tosay something like that, let alone to a parent who's been unpredictable/unreliable. Either she doesn't care any more, or she is sensing a soft/weak spot in him (and she is not afraid of alienating him from you; she thinks you can handle it).

And, no don't start using teenspeak; that's just excruciating! It undermines any "bad cop" act, too! WRT the bad cop position itself, I am stricter than DH, and my mother is stricter than MIL, but I haven't seen DS (nearly 3) withholding love because of strictness/laxness.

PeterAndre, you have become positively prim, as befits a Bad Cop.

prim, yep that's me < adjusts pince-nez >

I am interested to know how you keep your pince-nez in place while gyrating and - er - humping.

Solost, pay attention to the answer, as you will be out anon, getting down!

the pince-nez tend to stick

I am very sticky

Is it the Cuprinol?

it's a mix of substances

I'll bet your ideal is A Woman of Substances.

for you, plu

Thank you, dear! I do like these flowers!

- cool! does that mean we'll be getting a dragon for St. George? Tech'll need to start on that one asap!

oh a dragon would be great

that would suit me better than a fecking flower !