HUSBAND LEFT AFTER AN AFFAIR III - AM MOVING ON WITHOUT HIM

[solost]

My husband left me in mid-August when I found out he was having an affair. My original thread (husband had an affair and I want him back) detailed the fact that I felt he had made a mistake and asked for advice on how to get him to see sense and come back to me and our 3 DCs. Four months on, he still hasn't returned and I am re-buildling my life without him. That thread is now full. This is the continuation. Thanks to all of you for your support.

Hi Dontdiss, bright n breezy here too!

H has taken DS to football - the DD's have just messed up my (just!) tidied/cleaned house with their friends! Tommorrow got MIL's in the morning and a swimming party in the afternoon - bloody hate swimming! and as DD2 is too little to go in alone (even though she can swim) I am having to join them!

H is behaving at the moment, being the perfect 'absent father' in fact - trying to distance so nothing much to report - sure that will change though!

How about your weekend?

Hiss. Spit. I WANT BRIGHT AND BREEZY. Reckon you are ganging up on me, one of those quiches wot bully people by referring to things the victim does not 'ave.

My weekend - well actually am child free tonight (very rare occurrence) so am off out for some pasta. Thought about something posher but am recovering from root canal work and think pasta is still the way to go!

As long as wine is flowing will be fine!!!!!

have a good evening, dontdiss x

Yeah, dontdiss have a great evening (am jealous)!having a quite one with mumsnet myself, building up energy for the swimming party tommorrow - did I mention I hate swimming - rather, hate getting my hair wet !

Enjoy the pasta (and the wine!) x

Good evening. Lots of texts from my missing boys!

Bet you look gorgeous with wet hair!

X

Solost I'm with you. Dreading swimming parties in the future!

my swimming parties are behind me, I am very pleased to say

that will certainly not be a grandmotherly duty I will be volunteering for

just the "best" bits for me in future

I'm going to make sure dh does swimming parties.

How was it, solost?

Hi all, FIL kindly stepped in and did the 'swimming' part of the party !. He loves swimming, has no problem with getting his hair wet and spending time with the DC's - perfect solution! Am sure my delegation talents could be used for financial gain somehow!!

All quietish on the H front. Spoke to him last night re arrangements for next week (as he is away on hols with BB for a few days) and could hear here screeching in the background, words to the effect 'hurry up, put that phone down'?? wtf. H ended the call abruptly then texted an apology later.

Not sure what that was about, didn't ask. Am detaching beautifully. You would be proud!

ignore the apology

DONTDISS: Hope you have not missed your boys too much! I look like a drowned rat with wet hair btw ! And my swimming costume is about 10 years old (and out of date!!).

PETE: Can't wait for them to be behind me too!!. Although the older two can swim well and don't need supervision the little one (although she can swim) has to be accompanied by an adult until she is 8. So 2 more years for me! Serves me right as I started the trend with DD2's party last year - although I had a get out pass (was doing the food) and H always did the swimming bit then. Was good for some things!

ha, swimming parties. I have those to come

Glad you're soundsing upbeat here solost - how are you finding solo parenting now? easier? (apart from the swimming thing of course)

Well done solost. I agree, ignore the "apology".

Hi Thumb, glad to know its not only me who hates them - saying that with three DC's we average a party every week almost (sometimes 2), next week 3!!!! The novelty of ANY kind of party kind of wears off!! Although there are some which are a laugh - we were talking about one we went to last year with a male 'party entertainer' who was more like a sargeant major - wish I'd had a video camera, would have made a fortune! He had the kids lining up and barked orders at them, even made them put up their hands and ask to go to the toilet!

Solo parenting is fine, a bit tiring at times but as H worked away a lot when he was here, we are all used to being without him even before he left. The main difficulties are when one of the DC's has dancing, football etc. and the others get dragged along or farmed out to someone else, kind of not fair really but its the only way it works.

It helps that DS is 11 now so is almost of an age where he can take himself to football practice, or stay at home alone for 5 mins whilst I drop DD off at dancing. But for example the party today, the girls were invited but DS wasn't, so I just asked the parents if he could go into the pool - bit cheeky, but what the hell!!! Have done my bit helping out other parents in the past with the same things so figure no harm in calling in favours now . Am quite upbeat it all to be honest and the DC's do so much more round the house now, setting the table, washing up etc. In fact tonight whilst I was putting away the ironing upstairs, DS organised the girls to tidy up all their stuff which was scattered all over the lounge and when I came back down, it was spotless !

keep calling in the favours, I bet you are owed plenty ! (I just know that is the case)

it does get easier as they get older

my youngest is 10, senior school in September, I can see freedom beckoning

there was a time though when I thought it was a long time coming...but it comes all of a sudden !

You've trained them well, Solo - you should be very proud of your children, they are a credit not only to you, but to themselves.

Glad to see you're detaching still, it's hard, but so much better - and worthwhile.

How nice - they're going on a little holiday, bet she doesn't relax the whole time they're away :) Hahahahaha.

Have a good evening, I'm afraid I've ignored my ironing pile in favour of Top Gear, a nice glass of Sauvignon Blanc and now CSI:Miami. Bliss

ah your children sound wonderful, Solost - all credit to you, no doubt!

Yes, keep calling in the favours - as Pete says, I am sure you are owed many!

Can I ask you - apart from when you Absolutely Need to, do you contact your H at all now? I'm pretty sure the answer would be no, just asking. And how is your DD1 now? talking more about things? Ok with your H?

Pete, I am owed quite a few am certainly calling them all in now!

My eldest starts senior school in September [shocked] seems like only 2 minutes ago I took him to nursery for the first time - time passes so quickly when you have children

Just getting to grips with the admission thing - got one excellent school (on the borderline of catchment) and one terrible school. Find out on 1st March which one he's got into!! Friends planning to go on-line at 1min past midnight to find out!!! Can't ever remember it being like this when I was his age.

LIFEMOVESON: I am sooooo proud of them all, they are a credit to me (if I say so myself).

H a bit ambivalent about the holiday, he was going then he wasnt going. Apparently BB has the week off so wants to take advantage, nothing actually booked though. I know all this btw as I have been sorting out H's time with the DC's. In the end I just said 'lets just assume you ARE going then and work around that, yeah'. Seemed a bit taken aback but agreed - seems to be letting me call the shots completely with the DC's at the moment, is like putty in my hands . Much easier than when he always had an excuse why he couldnt come/stay/do his bit!

well done! :)

THUMB: Don't contact H at all unless I need to re: DC's. You keeping a close eye on me

DD1 seems OK, better really but still hasn't really talked about H. I don't want to push her so am just keeping an eye on her. H took them out the other day and she chose a (Rhianna) CD for me, apparently she played it when they got back (I was at work) and a particular song came on and she said to H, 'you know this track don't you?' H replied he didnt and she said 'yeah you do, its INFIDELITY!!!'. Kind of unnerved H enough for him to mention it to me. Coincidence?

I think I like your dd

whoo! She's sharp, your DD1! Well, I guess she'll talk whenever she really needs to, she's working things out on her own.

Yeah, keeping an eye - have his calls/texts subsided now as well?

Bloody hell Solo, she is her mother's daughter isn't she?

Think you would Pete, she's ALMOST as feisty as you

THUMB: Yes I think she is. I am sure she will draw her own conclusions. The only thing I worry about is that she will think that I am somehow to blame?

Re: the calls/texts. No, they havent subsided, but are still unanswered. He calls the DC's religiously at particular times of the day (before breakfast/bed) and to his credit, he is NEVER late or misses those calls. I did suggest to him that as he is away next week on his little holiday he may like to break from these calls but he has insisted that he still speaks to them.

LMHF: She is her mothers daughter!! And do you know what, she is so like me (apparently ). Wherever we go (together) strangers will stop us and comment how like me she is - strange as she is soooo beautiful! - I don't consider she looks like me at all, but people always say 'she's your double'. Littlest DD looks nothing like me btw, blonde haired, blue eyed girl like a gorgeous doll!