discovered my dp's porn obession

[tahlulla1986]

Hi. Last week whilst on my dp's laptop I came across a lot of video files. Curious I looked at a few. They where all web cam images. Some were of women touching themselves, others where he was using online chat with the video telling these woman what to do. There was even one I found of him having 'cybersex'. Some dating back a few years but some very recent when we spent a few rare nights apart. Like 2 weekends ago when I went to buy my wedding dress. I knew he liked dirty chat rooms when we first got together but when we began to get serious I told him I didn't really like him doing it and so he said he'd stop.

When I confronted him he said he didn't know it would hurt me so much, if he had he wouldn't have done it. He's promised me that he won't ever do it. To save our relationship I have to believe that he's telling me the truth but I'm going to struggle to trust him. I'm working tonight and I'm scared of what he'll get up.

I really want to make our relationship work as does dp, he says he'll do anything to make it better. We due to get married in just under 5 months. I have 2 dsc with him and after theyre mother died look to me as their mum and feel that leaving isn't really an option.

Has anyone been through similar and come through it?

Sorry its so long!

WWIFN, the the reason that i don't mind porn is because it actually turns me on. If it didn't i wouldn't pretend it did to my DP just to please him.

I don't have any real political views on porn although I understand some people do.

I think you need to consider what will happen in the future after you're married as life may not have the choices then that it has now. You have the choice to get out now but as you get older and get more reponsiblities it becomes harder. Does he associate sex with the sort of images in porn of younger nubile women and if so what will happen will when you get older - will he find you desireable then, and if not, will you mind? Probably. A lot of older women find their husbands do not find them attractive because the sexual images (usually found in porn)that excited them when they were young do not involve older women. He finds interacting with other women exciting and if he does now he will later. It is simply that he finds that this satisfies his desires and it probably will in the future when your own love-life suffers because of children etc. I agree though that your partners action is more 'cheating' than just watching porn and you should think again.

If you have a sexual response to some anonymous person you have deliberately set out to find, then you have actively engaged with that person's body. The active part has nothing to do with knowing the person's name or whether you're ever likely to meet. The active part is the role of the user, the deliberate seeking out and the sexual experience that the user has. Just because there's a physical distance between the user and the person on the screen doesn't mean there isn't an active sexual experience going on with that anonymous other person.

Ok maybe mathan! But it isn't CHEATING.

Oh, no, it's turning into another pro/con porn thread.

Fwiw, I used to watch porn but went off it without thinking through my reasons. Leaving all other considerations aside (there are many), it was because porn use is a point on a continuum of cheating behaviour.

Wanking off in front of a woman with a webcam is another point, much further along. As others have suggested, Tallulah, try asking your partner how he'd feel if you stuck a webcam up your fanny and invited some geezer in Sunderland to jerk off in front of his cam - in private, in secret, without even telling him about it.

(Some couples do enjoy this, btw, but I'm assuming nobody would post a problem if it wasn't a problem.)

Yes it is cheating. He didn't tell her he was doing it because he knew she would'nt like it.
Misleading and cheating with the person on the other webcam when the OP didn't know about it.
Engaging in sexual activity with someone else without the OP's knowledge - this is surely cheating - not just looking at a film or photo.

LeroyJethroGibbs -- yes, the drip, drip effect leaves you feeling really numb and dumb and completely alienated from the person you loved, like nothing else does. It messes with your mind to be lied to and to find out, and it breaks your heart to find you're living with someone who is prepared to pull this kind of stunt. It hurts so much when you are committed and involved to find your partner has priorities other than you, and this is what this behaviour signals when it happens more than once.

If he is marrying you then he wants to spend his life with you.

Porn girls are usually rather attractive and are in a job that was made for mens entertainment.

you should maybe look at yourself as he is obviously more attracted to them than he is to you.

It doesnt mean he doesnt love you, just maybe you need to make a bit more of an effort.

x

just ignore shirley...very obviously a wind up

it's probably Lexie on another name, who has got posts deleted all over MN today (because hey were utter shit)

glad you didn't think it was me AF
I this lady knew what he liked from then off, and was fooling herself he would stop
its like crossdresser's etc

are you "Lexie" then, bm ?

btw, batman, be careful, your more normal side has been showing a bit, recently

you have a reputation to keep up, remember, don't start slacking now !

Blimey, batman, are you and AF still having an affair???

I don't think it's much like cross-dressing. Though I suppose you mean partners buying into the myth that "He just needs a good woman" to stop him?

nope only Lexy i know was in big house in scotland, but is now a vet in Africa
otherwise known as Dawn Steele

IGA she finds me irrestistable

IGA...didn't you know we came clean ?

we have the same ISP

he is shit at spelling, though

'You are always on guard' -- sums it up, and thanks Shirley for confirming the effect this has on a woman's self esteem and mojo, and possibly indicating the motives behind doing it too.

It's a form of emotional abuse when someone is made to feel that she is good enough for laundry and cooking and cleaning and taking care of his children but might need to pay attention to how she looks, etc., if she is really serious about getting her DP's attention when it comes to sex.

It means he doesn't love you (but he will put up with your cooking until someone 'better' comes along.)

my 2 fingers are too fast on the keyboard

SHIRLEYWORLEY,
Are you nuts?!!!!

Another spiteful poster

just ignore, carmen

They are crawling out of the woodwork it seems..