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Original poster

discovered my dp's porn obession

156 replies

tahlulla1986 · 08/02/2011 07:17

Hi. Last week whilst on my dp's laptop I came across a lot of video files. Curious I looked at a few. They where all web cam images. Some were of women touching themselves, others where he was using online chat with the video telling these woman what to do. There was even one I found of him having 'cybersex'. Some dating back a few years but some very recent when we spent a few rare nights apart. Like 2 weekends ago when I went to buy my wedding dress. I knew he liked dirty chat rooms when we first got together but when we began to get serious I told him I didn't really like him doing it and so he said he'd stop.

When I confronted him he said he didn't know it would hurt me so much, if he had he wouldn't have done it. He's promised me that he won't ever do it. To save our relationship I have to believe that he's telling me the truth but I'm going to struggle to trust him. I'm working tonight and I'm scared of what he'll get up.

I really want to make our relationship work as does dp, he says he'll do anything to make it better. We due to get married in just under 5 months. I have 2 dsc with him and after theyre mother died look to me as their mum and feel that leaving isn't really an option.

Has anyone been through similar and come through it?

Sorry its so long!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/02/2011 21:29

some people think men need "sexual relief" as well Hmm

MissyMolly · 08/02/2011 21:33

This isn't 'just' looking at porn- he was interacting with other women in a sexual way- which, in my opinion is cheating.

Personally I wouldn't be happy marrying someone with such blatant disrespect for me.

dittany · 08/02/2011 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissyMolly · 08/02/2011 21:35

Ah, but as you mentioned earlier AnyFucker, it's because their poor little balls will explode.

How ever do men cope?!

AnyFucker · 08/02/2011 21:37

fuck knows, MM

thankfully, though, most men don't walk the streets of our cities "relieving" themselves on women so their balls don't explode

susiedaisy · 08/02/2011 21:44

sorry to say but he wont stop, he is only sorry that you caught him, again, it is a form of addiction, IMO, and once he has found the thrill and excitement of it it will be very hard to break,but ultimately it is up to you, my ex had similar problem and it was brought into our family home and children exposed to it on one occasion ( found his hardcore porn hidden in their rooms) and for me it was a deal breaker!

Original poster
tahlulla1986 · 08/02/2011 21:56

Thank you for all your replies. I have spoken to my dp about the issue at great length. I feel he is genuinely upset about what he's done and that he's hurt. We have a great relationship and I know we have the strength to get through this. I believe him when says he won't do it any more. He's not a bad man, just one with a problem which he's now recognised and is dealing with.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/02/2011 21:58

Good luck x

happiestblonde · 08/02/2011 21:59

Don't throw away love for something as trivial as porn. You'll regret it. Good decision.

ThatllDoPig · 08/02/2011 22:01

Do listen to anyfucker

AnyFucker · 08/02/2011 22:02

hb...for some women porn is not "trivial"

for you maybe, and obviously for the OP who has now forgiven her partner twice for being an idiotic pornhound willing to put his relationship at great risk to find "relief"

but for most women, especially those with a good sense of what is a healthy relationship, and what isn't, compulsive porn use is definitely not "trivial"

AnyFucker · 08/02/2011 22:03

too late, TDP Sad

Original poster
tahlulla1986 · 08/02/2011 22:03

Thanks hb

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/02/2011 22:05

tahlulla, are you reserving your "thanks" for just the one poster who has encouraged you to overlook your future husband's compulsive porn obsession ?

Original poster
tahlulla1986 · 08/02/2011 22:06

What he's done isn't trivial and I'm not about to justify what he's done because I can't but we have too much just to give up on. I believe are relationship is worth fighting for.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/02/2011 22:07

that is your perogative, tahlulla

Original poster
tahlulla1986 · 08/02/2011 22:08

No anyfucker, I have already thanked everyone for there comments but its nice to have some support for my decision.

OP posts:
bubblewrapped · 08/02/2011 22:08

Tallulah, you have already forgiven him once and he has done it again :(

How many more times before you get pissed off with it?

Harder to walk out when you are married.

mathanxiety · 08/02/2011 22:09

You'll regret it next time. He won't.

StuffingGoldBrass · 08/02/2011 22:10

SIgh. It may not be an 'obsesssion'. The OP may have said, 'Well I don't like porn' to him the first time, without going into much detail, at which point he might have thought 'Well I will just keep it to myself for the moment, then and what she doesn;t know won't hurt her, but she's not my boss/owner so it's up to me what I watch' Maybe this time she has explained to him why she dislikes it in a way that's made him see her point.
And I do think it's unreasonable for any adult to demand the right of veto over any other adult's choice of entertainment media. And it's certainly unreasonable to expect someone to stop doing/viewing something on the grounds that you 'don't like it' unless you can provide a well-reasoned explanation as to why you don't like it. Partners do not have to obey each other without question.

AnyFucker · 08/02/2011 22:10

yes, talullah, you did thank everyone for all their replies (just scrolled back)

my apologies

bubblewrapped · 08/02/2011 22:11

Don't throw away love for something as trivial as porn. You'll regret it

He cant truly love her if he is cybershagging other women. It means he has no respect for her either.

What he has been doing is seedy, dirty and an insult to the woman he shares a bed with.

Original poster
tahlulla1986 · 08/02/2011 22:12

He's got 5 months to do it again as you all say he will so the wedding can be cancelled nearer the time if needed. I don't think there will be a need though.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/02/2011 22:13

too true, sgb

and Op is under no obligation to marry this person

she should walk away is what I am saying, not try to stop him

I wouldn't bother trying to stop him, if it were me...seems like a monumental waste of time, tbh

AnyFucker · 08/02/2011 22:15

tahlullah, when if he does it again, it won't be in the next 5 months < sigh >

it will be when you have your 1st baby, when you are exhausted and pg, or bf'ing and < surprise surprise > not giving him much attention or "relief"