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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice please - confrontation looming with my parents

487 replies

imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 07/02/2011 20:20

In summary. They favour my brother's elder daughter have done for years.

But it was her birthday recently. My kids get £10 in an envelope, DD2 got a home made dolls house.

Neice got an Ipod Touch from them.

I am going to have to speak to them - my two are gutted. (DN has been crowing by email to DD1)

Help me frame the conversation so it doesn't descend into a shouting match?

OP posts:
Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 13/02/2011 16:00

To clarify, DB2 can't contact me independent of them at the minute - where mum and dad live is near the border with Southern Ireland and mobile phones swap to the Southern network and for him to phone me would cost a bomb.

Getting nervous now.

OP posts:
FoiledAgain · 13/02/2011 16:07

Yes just be mentally prepared for further crap from your mother, but continue to Not React if you possibly can.
You have made a good start.

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 13/02/2011 16:09

You know what made me realise it was all a put on?

She was crying giving it "i just want you at my birthday party tea" etc etc

i said no

she said "if you feel like that" really angry

and slammed the phone down.

She wasn't in the least bit annoyed - well she was angry she wasn't getting her own way, but not upset I wasn't going to be there iyswim?

OP posts:
FoiledAgain · 13/02/2011 16:16

The thing you have to realise, ultimately, is that her version of reality will never tally with yours. People like her (narcissists etc) live in a universe of their own, of which they are the centre, and they are poor, poor victims of everyone else's unreasonable bahaviour.

I doubt that it would ever be possible to have a sensible conversation about any of this with her. Just not possible given her view of reality.

Your father has probably just gone along with it over the years to keep the peace, and has (mostly) convinced himself all is OK. Your brother sounds like a chip off the maternal block though, and probably also inhabits the weird and wonderful universe that she is in.

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 13/02/2011 16:17

Oh foiled - my Aunt (her sister) well calls her Martyr

OP posts:
Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 13/02/2011 16:18

that should be well, she...

My head is officially up my arse.

Grin
OP posts:
kuckingfunt · 13/02/2011 16:35

course it was put on Frogs - she is trying to control you and will do anything to make herself look like the victim = you have handled it right and she doesnt like you taking control now.

But....I am still confused.

So is this the DP that took you to the states? Is it the aston martin man or is that a different one? Does he have a different job or was that made up?

I don't get it - you told me you had namechanged on here because you were being stalked on MN by some mad man, sent me the link of the house DP is supposedly buying, told me you split at Xmas and his way to make it up was to move near you, you told me about a trip away he took you on....you told me the other man had a private jet but this one doesn't, told me you were nervous because you hadn't been together very long, but couldn't tell me that it was the same man and actually all the chat about jobs, where you met etc were made up?

Am I missing something here? Maybe I am and its me having Sunday afternoon brainfog, but why would you link me his house and all those details only a week ago but then say you wanted it all kept secret? You also told me not to mention it on MN (which I never would have done) so although I can understand you not outing yourself on here, I dont understand why there were so many strange things on FB? It's not that you kept it quiet, you actually made things up that you didn't need to - surely it would've been easier to say nothing than to make up things about it?

Grin
Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 13/02/2011 16:44

it's just i told you on fb because i wanted to tell someone - he's the same guy, has been all along but i was being stalked by a supposed "friend" on here- not a bloke.

I nearly split with him at christmas coz it was so hard to see him, then he pulled the house out of the hat - he's semi-retiring so he'll be based here most of the time.

I just don't care anymore - it's not a secret anymore, I just don't give a shit - I have nothing to hide so why bother?

Grin
OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 13/02/2011 16:49

Madas, are you on twitter? did you get whisked off to NYC for your birthday?

If so, we've missed you on there, I know you and I used to chat... Come back and don't be a stranger eh?

FoiledAgain · 13/02/2011 16:49

OK have followed link.

Hmm. You'll be needing someone to play that grand piano in the drawing room...

roses42 · 13/02/2011 17:01

Tbh I'm confused as wondering if you are ever truthfull about what you say on here,

In dec you said that you lived in Scotland.

In Jan you said "My name is very rare in the part of the UK I live in"

Now you live in Ireland,

Either you move around alot or you are good at tellin lies.

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 13/02/2011 17:01

yes I did littlemiss

isn't it just beautiful?

he's 10 mins away I'm so ridiculously excited

OP posts:
Grabaspoon · 13/02/2011 17:05

I think she lives in N.Ireland as she said they are so south that the mobile signal thinks it's in Eire.

kuckingfunt · 13/02/2011 17:05

You told me on fb because you wanted to tell someone but you didn't really tell me as it wasn't all true?! See why I am confused!

And you said earlier on this thread you left MN because people were having a go at you about this man, not because you were being stalked (which would be enough to make me leave too btw Grin

Ok, makes a bit more sense now. Just a bit strange that we have been chatting and I only found out via this thread that half of what you told me wasn't true.

You didn't have anything to hide last week when you were talking to me about it either - just seems a lot of effort to go into things that weren't true when you didn't need to.

I do understand why you didn't want to talk about it though, just don't understand why you wanted to say half of it and make up the other half.

Anyway, good luck with the family issues you have now, I really hope you stick to it and keep them out of your life - you don't need crap like that.

BrianAndHisBalls · 13/02/2011 17:07

How bizarre

roses42 · 13/02/2011 17:09

Ok, I was skimming through past threads as followed this from the start and really feel for the lady and her dc's.

Just many things don't quite add up but maybe that's just me, lol sorry if i'm wrong

kuckingfunt · 13/02/2011 17:11

me too rose, its all a bit bizzare.

Tee2072 · 13/02/2011 17:12

She lives in Northern Ireland.

Her parents live close enough to the border that mobiles pick up Ireland roaming towers, so DB2 would pay a lot to ring her. If he could pick up a NI tower he would pay UK rates.

I don't recall her ever saying she lives in Scotland, but perhaps it was a blind to confuse her stalker?

People bend the truth on the internet all the time to protect their identities, so why are people picking on frogs for doing it?

Tee2072 · 13/02/2011 17:14

Oh and I know frog in real life, have met her. She is not a troll.

roses42 · 13/02/2011 17:18

I am not saying that she is a troll,

I only skimmed previous threads to get more understanding on her situation now,

What I said in my previous thread is what she has said on different threads,

Again I apologise if I got it wrong but it does seem a little odd.

Original poster
imustbemadasaboxoffrogs · 13/02/2011 17:21

Damn how many times do i have to admit I lied because it was doing my head in??

Anyway was just coming on to say he's due any minute so i'll not be on here for a while I'll be doing "other things" (like dinner with the kids before you all get ideas)

OP posts:
kuckingfunt · 13/02/2011 17:21

I don't think she is a troll Tee, I know she has been on MN for some time with different names, so not disputing that at all.

I also understand people's need to protect their id on the internet, but this wasn't the case with me - she wasn't trying to do that. And she was hardly protecting her id by posting me a link of the house her DP is meant to be buying.

It's just other things that felt odd to me and did genuinely confuse me. Why make up stories? Why make up different jobs her DP has? Why make up men? Why make up places he is meant to be taking her? Why tell me that her ex was a knob and she had finished with him and was now with another man who is meant to be stinking rich, when infact the man she was talking about is the man she says is her DP here?

That is why I am confused - if you dont want people to know things you say nothing, you dont make up stories that are completely untrue? You also dont speak to people on fb on the pretence that they are friends and you want to tell them as you can't tell anyone on MN but then tell them a load of things that are not true? What is the point in that?

Moosemummy · 13/02/2011 18:16

hello Frogs, I have been out all day but just wanted to let you know how proud I am that you stood up to your mommy dearest. Keep it up the next time and the next and the next. Have a smooochtastic day tomorrow.

swallowedAfly · 13/02/2011 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NettleTea · 13/02/2011 18:55

Why tell me that her ex was a knob and she had finished with him and was now with another man who is meant to be stinking rich, when infact the man she was talking about is the man she says is her DP here?

I think the MN consensus decided for her to refer to her BF as her DP on this thread.

havent seen any previous threads so cant comment on those, but admire how she is standing up to the mother, and wondering what the old trout will pull out of the hat next.

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