Advice please - confrontation looming with my parents

[imustbemadasaboxoffrogs]

In summary. They favour my brother's elder daughter have done for years.

But it was her birthday recently. My kids get £10 in an envelope, DD2 got a home made dolls house.

Neice got an Ipod Touch from them.

I am going to have to speak to them - my two are gutted. (DN has been crowing by email to DD1)

Help me frame the conversation so it doesn't descend into a shouting match?

I'm interested to know whether your Dad has flipped out like this before, maybe it has shocked her a bit. Not enough to make her see real reason but enough to make her act.
Well done for saying what you did.

Being strong and changing what you have done for years is difficult and a challenge that I think you can do.
Persevere and think about the long term pay off you will get.

sirius - I don't ever remember him flipping like this before.

I wondered if he'd put pressure on her to phone me but when it came to the bit she just couldn't let it not be my fault?

does that sound weird?

another lurker here - well done
I remember you posting under your last name but not the rich BF

No, not weird. She has decided that it must be your fault, because that is what she has always done.

It isn't.

My mother decided that I was being a bitch because my marriage was failing. I wasn't and it isn't.

Madas

I doubt very much that your Dad made her phone you; this was all her idea and used him to make you feel worse.

Install caller ID on your phone asap and you may want to install an answering machine as well.

Shouting and swearing is all par for the course re such toxic people; the best form of attack for them is attack and then attack some more!.

Do not forget that its not you at fault here, its them.

I would actually read the website entitled Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.

If your Dad has any part in this (and all people from dysfunctional families end up playing roles) his role is likely that of bystander. He failed to protect you all from the worst excesses of her behaviour. He has likely also acted out of self preservation and want of a quiet life so I would not let him off the hook either.

madas

Another thing as well to note is that your mother in the near future may come up with some previously unknown health scare on her part.

Have just read the whole thread poor you Madas. You're better of out of there.

I don't understand why DB2 hasn't attempted to call you and even if he has no transport hasn't tried getting a taxi over to yours to see if you are ok?

frogs....did you see my post? I saw your post earlier about 'fessing up abut DP but I am still confused after our FB chats...what's going on?

It doesn't sound weird about your mum trying to make you take the blame - typical behaviour from somebody with her traits.

Sorry kucking wasn't ignoring you missed - it's all a bit but i wasn't tellin anyone

OK - so your Dad has told your brother and mother the way you've been treated is unacceptable - good for him.

What your mother would now like is for you to go round there so she can make you apologise. Once you've done that she can convince herself that her precious son and she are blameless, and that it is in fact, all your fault.

Bugger that.

Stay away. Hang out with your prince charming.

Yeah Longtall - that's it. I was told I had to take "my share of the blame"

Which would, within minutes, become 100%...

Longtalljosie - spot on.

I guarantee it.

madas, I am so happy for you, you seem to have really come to a tough and right decision. You need to vote with your feet.

Your DB2 will not leave you, ifyou have a good relationship with him he will find a way to stay in touch, you know that.

Seems like some kind of family bomb might have gone off with your parents this weekend, and about bloody time. Your dad seems to have allowed this situation to take place until now and maybe now he's seeing the wood for the trees.

Don't worry about your DP and your family, IF they make any cap in hand moves towards him, he'll be big enough and experienced enough to refuse, and you will have more reason to keep them at arms length.

I do think a clean break with your parents and DB is the best for you, even if only for a while for you to regain some composure and strength. Get used to being happy and loved and uncritisized. Once you have a break from the abuse you have suffered, you will have the strength to fight off all attempts to abuse you in future.

I also think that you are going to have to realise that some of the questions you have about her and things that have happened to you at her hands will never be answered satisfactorily. It doesn't matter why she was cruel and abusive toward you, she was, and that is all that you need to know, it's her failing, not yours.

Your DB saying about seniority, what a spiteful, misogynistic poisonous toad he really is! Stay the hell away from him, he sounds positively vile.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what your family think of your decisions, they never cared about your welfare until now, why start at this late stage. Too little, too late. Also, your XH opinion is invalid too. What you do with your life, to the betterment of yours and the DC life is your business. Take charge of your life, your happiness and your family unit and stuff the rest.

They are either on Team Botty or not, if NOT, then turn your back on them and don't look back!

Stay strong madas, we are all cheering you on from the sidelines here, and can't wait to see the wedding pics in Hello!

Don't laugh you lot but I keep looking at the house and struggle to think that it could be my home.

Pinching myself doesn't come close

looks like you would need a map to find your way round it!

Sounds like you could do with some good luck for once though...you must not be used to being treated well!

Migrating - one of my RL friends said that, that I was struggling as I so wasn't used to being treated properly which is nothing to do with the money iyswim.

I really really must go do my legs

Don't worry, you could have an MN wing, and we could use it as a drop-in centre for the beleaguered, men-weary and downright fucked off.. We'll keep you company!!

your RL friend has a good point. Your bedrock is made up of a vipers nest of poison. that has to impact on your everyday life and how you view yourself...
...now go, shave!

There is a wine cellar

I'll have a MN annexe, howzabout that?

Going going going.....

I would still want to know why DB2 hasn't been in touch tbh.

Glad to read that you stood up to your Mum on the phone.

Just think your poor Dad is stuck with the woman unless he gets the back bone to up and leave

Stay strong and have the life you deserve - one without toxicity and with a bloke that loves you for who you are!

Attila is right - she'll be having "health scares" pretty soon I bet.

I'm guessing Grabba, that this family has survived on non confrontation for a really very long time. I bet he contacts at the first opportunity away from the others.

Its his GF who must not be used to this kind of behaviour