my partner thinks my ex should pick up my kids earlier,is he right?

[ellasmum1]

my ex dh is living with his parents at the moment.he picks our kids up at 12.30 every sunday and brings them back at 7pm.
I thought this was ok but my partner feels its very late and only really half a day,and that I could get more out of my sunday with him if we could go out earlier etc.
I feel it would be difficult for my ex to fill a whole day with them when he hasnt got a place of his own.He cant take them to his parents till late afternoon as his mum works nights and needs peace to sleep in the day.
I am torn on this one.
Opinions please....

maybe i want a man who will take charge sometimes.

Maybe i'm fed up with doing everything myself,fed up and tired of feeling that i'm controlling everything.
Its really nice to be with someone who will take the reigns and give me a bloody break.

I came back from work today to find my little boy grinning from ear to ear after having a lovely day with my dp.

Dp helped reorganize my messy chaotic kitchen cupboards.
He helped me in with my supermarket
shopping,without me having to ask.(which he will contribute towards).
He made me a cup of coffee when i got in and encouraged me to actually sit down and drink it.
Maybe he will become my "manny" with benefits.-More benefits to me than him imo-
He is unbelievably amazing in bed.UNBELIEVABLE.

And maybe that will make me happier than i've ever been.

It wouldn't matter if he was a male version of Mary Poppins and the best shag in the world. It's still not his place to have a say in access arrangements for your children.

It's also a little worrying that you think that tidying some cupboards, making coffee and carrying some bags are such a big deal. It's nice of course but I can't help thinking that you've got this man up on a pedestal for doing what most people would consider to be pretty standard stuff.

blimey - ellasmum you are getting a bloody hard deal on this thread! Now people are even managing to have a go at him - and you - because you mention he cleans the cupboards!

I think everyone on this thread is right - it's not up to him to dictate access arrangements - and you shouldn't be worrying about what he thinks on the matter so early on. Further down the line yes he may have involvement - but not now while you are in delicate early stages.

But I also think it sounds like you are really trying hard to do the best for your children. Good on you - and yes, keep an eye on the current partner and make sure he doesnt control things - but enjoy it as long as he is good to you - sounds like you deserve to be looked after

Show me where I've had a go at anyone. I said only that it's standard stuff. I certainly haven't insulted Ellasmum or her dp.

Hi. Not read all the posts but if i was your partner i too would see that more could be done on a sunday if you had the whole day together rather than waiting around until 12.30.

i can see the difficulties with your ex having them earlier but he could always pick them up earlier and take them to the park, or take them for breakfast somewhere on the way back to his mum's house so still getting there no earlier than 12.30.

maybe every fortnight he could pick them up earlier that way you get a longer sunday with dp and its not too much of a disruption for your ex and the kids. the kids might enjoy having a morning with their dad every now and then if they don't normally see him that early.

ok fair enough coppertop you are right, I realise you weren't having a go - but she is trying to respond to criticism of him with explanation of postives about their relationship - so it seems a bit unfair to then say 'oh but those are all normal things.' I dont think she is saying they are out of the ordinary - she is just trying to come back to some of the criticism by painting a picture of their life.

Fair enough, Waterrat. :)

Apologies Ellamum if it seemed as though I was trying to put your dp down.

Sometimes it's not what we say it's the way we say it that makes the difference. A lot of posters can come across as quite agressive which I don't think is necessary. A bit of empathy and suggesting things kindly goes a lot further in helping someone think about their situation

On the note of re-organising cupboards, helping with shopping and making cups of coffee - it's actually a big deal for someone who's not experienced this - the little gestures go a long way. How fantastic that some women including me have a husband that does things without asking but not everyone has this luxury and judging by a lot of posters here on MN it's not always the norm?

thanks again rainbow ,and thanks for some reasonable posts too- I don't mind people giving me their opinion I just don't want people making me completely paranoid that dp must be an evil control freak.
He is NOT perfect.I know that.He admits that.
Neither am I.
But so far his imperfections are definitely acceptable to me,and mine to him.

The original reason for this post has been sorted now.
Dp explained it was his opinion,but that he knows and accepts that its my decision ,not his,to make.
I often question my own opinion when I can see things from two sides.
I can see ex's and dp's points of view,they are both valid.

Ellasmum, glad you got it sorted out.