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Original poster

my partner thinks my ex should pick up my kids earlier,is he right?

160 replies

ellasmum1 · 05/02/2011 21:01

my ex dh is living with his parents at the moment.he picks our kids up at 12.30 every sunday and brings them back at 7pm.
I thought this was ok but my partner feels its very late and only really half a day,and that I could get more out of my sunday with him if we could go out earlier etc.
I feel it would be difficult for my ex to fill a whole day with them when he hasnt got a place of his own.He cant take them to his parents till late afternoon as his mum works nights and needs peace to sleep in the day.
I am torn on this one.
Opinions please....

OP posts:
pleasechange · 06/02/2011 20:31

Does your ex want to see the children more? Do they want to see him more? What ages are they?

pleasechange · 06/02/2011 20:33

"However the relationship ended, the OP's ex can choose where he lives or where he takes the dcs" - that's a bit judgemental. It is very often the case that an NRP gets left with nothing at all, absolutely nothing, home nor nothing, plus debts to boot. So it's a bit blase to say that he can lives where he wants, without knowing all the facts

shabby7 · 06/02/2011 20:39

Exactly what GloriaSmut said

Original poster
ellasmum1 · 06/02/2011 20:41

i am well aware of the opinion that partner has moved in too quickly,but it was right for us.My kids are v happy thankyou,i think i know them well enough.(age 2 and 7)
New partner is a lot better at spending time and making effort with the kids than ex ever was sadly.
Dont get me wrong ,ex loves the kids but isnt very good at handling them.thats all.

OP posts:
pleasechange · 06/02/2011 20:43

So do they want to see their dad more?

MrsAlanKey · 06/02/2011 20:44

I think if you date a woman with dcs then you should consider yourself lucky that you get 6.5 hours a week of child free time. Its loads. He sounds a bit like my friend who asks me and DH to "just go skiing for the weekend", or "go to London and see a show" with him and his gf because his ex wife has his dcs 80% of the time and he hasn't got a clue what its like not to be able to swan off whenever you like.

I think its hard on both the dad and the dcs if they are practically wondering the streets because the dad is homeless. If none of them want to change the arrangement then I don't think you should.

Original poster
ellasmum1 · 06/02/2011 20:46

yes they would love to see their dad more

OP posts:
pleasechange · 06/02/2011 20:49

Then I really do feel sorry for the DCs and their dad Sad. And it sounds like your current partner is 'on a pig's back', so to speak. He gets to move in very soon after your ex has left, while your ex still can't afford his own place, or to spend quality time with his children, and your current partner is now starting to dictate. Very easy for him to appear as the one who's making all the effort Hmm

Original poster
ellasmum1 · 06/02/2011 20:52

but i would be happy for kids to see more of their dad. he is the one who has picked these times! partner wants ex to have them more for their benefit too..

OP posts:
pleasechange · 06/02/2011 20:56

But he doesn't exactly get a choice as he lives 72 miles away and you got to keep the house.

And as for "partner wants ex to have them more for their benefit too.." - sorry to appear cynical but Hmm really. You haven't known him that long? I'd say him wanting time alone with you is a lot higher on his list than what the children want, sorry

bubblewrapped · 06/02/2011 20:56

New partner is a lot better at spending time and making effort with the kids than ex ever was sadly

Well he would be, he is still trying to impress you... hasnt stopped him trying to get them out of the way to be with you though has it?

What about his own daughter? When does he see them?

BrianAndHisBalls · 06/02/2011 20:56

you've been with new boyfriend less than 6 months (if you split up with exh 6 months ago) and you've moved him in with your children? Shock

And he's already moaning that you two can't do things together on a Sunday when they only leave at 12.30? Nice Hmm

bubblewrapped · 06/02/2011 20:57

Do your children ever get to spend any time alone with just you????

BrianAndHisBalls · 06/02/2011 20:58

Sorry, I'm totally flabberghasted at this. How do you know this relationship will work if you've been together less than 6 months? Or are you ok with your dc having a never ending supply of new 'uncles'?

pleasechange · 06/02/2011 20:58

OP you did want opinions on this and it seems that people in general are a bit cynical of your current partner's motives. If you're crystal clear that his intentions are 100% honourable then why did you want opinions?

Takeresponsibility · 06/02/2011 20:59

Little one is two and you expect her to be dragged around some park or play centre for more that 6 hours because her own Father can't spend time with her in his own house because some new bloke has got his boots under the table.

Then new bloke thinks he has the right to express an opinion on the Father's parenting so he can have more time with his new squeeze?

You are a self centred and selfish little madam and you need to concentrate on your children's needs before your own whilst they are so young and this soon after a break-up.

Don't go getting all defensive you and your ex have to sort out your situation and that includes contact etc yourselves.

It seems NP is living in the former marital home but maintaining a flat elsewhere - who is paying the mortgage and bills to keep a roof over NP head and make sure there is hot water to wash the sheets he sleeps in? Your ex?

Original poster
ellasmum1 · 06/02/2011 21:02

they dont get much time just with me but i dont see why thats so important.i am very serious about my partner and want and expect it to last.
he sees his dds for tea once a week and from fri to sun alternate weekends.We all spend these alternate weekends together and its lovely.
its partner who lives 72 miles away,ex only lives 9 miles away allnew!
that is why he stays at mine alot because he cant just pop round for the evening!

OP posts:
Original poster
ellasmum1 · 06/02/2011 21:05

my ex only pays basic maintenance thankyou.I pay all the bills including mortgage.

OP posts:
Mutt · 06/02/2011 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ellasmum1 · 06/02/2011 21:07

oh fgs you'll want our knicker sizes next.what the hell has my dp 's financial position got to do with my initial post???!!!

OP posts:
pleasechange · 06/02/2011 21:08

ok but if he's financially limited to staying in his parents' house at weekends because of financial connections to your house which you and current partner are now living in, then in reality it's unrealistic for him to have a free rein on how long he keeps the children for. It's his parents' house after all, not his.

And presumably you also expected your relationship with your ex to last, when you'd been with him for 6 months. Didn't we all....

BrianAndHisBalls · 06/02/2011 21:08

i can't be bothered, feel sorry for your dc Sad

Hatesponge · 06/02/2011 21:09

I have to agree with much of the above - it's easy for your current partner to appear to be the bigger man than your Ex because he's holding all the cards.

It's horses for courses but my Ex is currently back living with his parents several miles away (was renting a flat but lost job before Xmas so had to give it up) and I accept fully that whilst he's there it's not practically possible for him to see the DCs as much as he did when he was living in his own place. I'm well aware it's only temporary, and for now we just put up with it.

I also think given that my Ex still has a financial interest in the house, it would be totally hypocritical of me to have a go at him for not having a place of his own, when in fact he is still entitled to money from this house. I certainly wouldn't dream of having another man living there until the house was in my sole name. I know my Ex would feel very uncomfortable with that, as would I.

Mutt · 06/02/2011 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pleasechange · 06/02/2011 21:11

"what the hell has my dp 's financial position got to do with my initial post???!!!" - because it gives a strong indication about his attitude. So you and your ex are maintaining he house in which your current partner now resides (basic maintenance covers a portion of the child's housing costs). Hence my earlier "on a pig's back but calling the shots" comment

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