Awful sex mistake - the shame :-(

[h20]

Sorry about this, but I have just had the most bizarre experience and I don't know what to make of it. I drop my sons off at School in the mornings and have noticed one of the dads of a kid in my eldest's class looking at me a lot since last summer. I often see him staring over, and have noticed him watching my arse as I walk away because I can see him reflected in a glass door etc.

He finally came up to speak to me last week and we made awkward small talk. I am thinking he is cute - not my usual type, but cute. He is a coach at a local sports club. I ask someone that knows him at work what he is like and the report back is positive. I am half thinking he might ask me out.

Anyway, this morning I have the day off and as I leave the school grounds he is there. We have a quick chat and I tell him I am off work today and tomorow. He asks me about my husband, I tell him I am divorced. I say why doesn't he bring his son to play one day. He say's 'I don't think my partner would like it much', but maybe have coffee some time? We go our separate ways.

A few minutes later he drives past, and then again and pulls over in front of me. "Want a coffee?" he says. I stupidly invite him to my house which is just round the corner.

Anyway, cut a long story short he says he is mad about my body etc etc and I tell him I'm not interested - he is in a relationship etc. I'm not sure what to do now, feeling awkward - he starts kissing me and touching my bum, and, why why why??? I did't feel able to say no and we have sex in my kitchen. It was crap. I now feel like crap.
He leaves saying see you tomorrow, like he wants to do it again, how about wearing hold-ups etc (YUK). I say I'm busy tomorrow.

How on earth do I make myself feel OK, what a total idiot I am. I am so embarrassed.

"this is someone who was up for it otherwise she would never even have kissed him."

Really? So kissing means you want sex too does it?

I have had my share of one night stands in the past and I know that inviting a man back to your house after an evening flirting and drinking with him in a club is going to be seen as an invitation for sex. Thats not to say that he has a right to it or it would not be rape if you then didn't consent, but the majority of people in that situation are going to be expecting sex.

But it would never have occured to me that to invite someone back for coffee ater the school run at 9am would be an invitation for sex. It might be an invitation for flirting and getting to know someone and maybe laying the groundwork for a shag in the future but I honestly would never have thought he would be expecting it right then and there and am utterly gobsmacke at the suggestion that the OP should have known that.

I also think actually that a lot of the comments fromn the OP do make it sound like rape. Its quite possible that the man was completely oblivious to this and thought that she was consenting which I think is where the confusion comes in. But the fact that she felt unable to say no, didn't know how to get out of it, felt on a rollercoaster ride that she couldn't get off, all those things are not someone who is happily consenting to sex.

I was raped whan I was younger but it took me a long time to accept thats what it was. I had voluntarily got in his van and let him drive me to the middle of nowhere. I let him kiss me and I physically responded, a bit. When he refused to take me home I went into his home. I laughed and chatted with him. I even sat on his bed. But I didn't know what else to do, I didn't know how to get out of it. I could see no way out of it so ended up letting him. Admittedly I was very young and inexperienced but even now I could see me feeling that to go through with it in certain situations would be easier than trying to fight. And I'm a right tough bitch now!!

Apologies if thread has all moved on now, I wrote most of this ages ago but then had to leave and actually go and do some work of all things!!

Dittany All this could have been avoided if the OP hadn't invited him into her house for a coffee.

You read h20 posts fully without picking out the bits you deem to shout out rape.

H20 has said she wasn't raped.

Are you calling her a liar dittany ?

Is that the best you can do, Dittany??!! Come on, you can do better than that if you really try.

BTW, I'm referring to your post, Dittany where you tell me to fuck off.

OneMoreChap, you have interpreted my remarks quite correctly.

QuickLookBusy - all this could have been avoided if he had respectd her telling him she wasn't interested.

were not saying this is normal male behaviour he is obviiusly a complete lech

**obviously

But, that's how you come across in every thread I've read that you've been on. You pick out the bits you want to see, put them together and decide that the woman in question has been raped. In this case she is quite clearly saying she wasn't. That's her opinion of what happened to her. Once again, the OP hasn't come on here asking for the MN opinion on whether she was raped or not. Anyway, it is, as ever, pointless trying to get you to see another PoV.

Good luck to the OP, don't feel too bad, and just hold your head up high and remain aloof.

yawn

Try not to freel so bad. You probably needed a bit of excitement and unfortunately he didn't do it for you. Be careful though. The rape/consent lines are easily blurred. Do you feel like you were raped?

Do you really think all men behave like this Avon. Ignore a woman when she says she isn't interested and go ahead and have sex with her anyway?

Yes, obviously. That's quite clearly what I think.

(bangs head on keyboard while sobbing quietly)

Saying not interested but then accepting kissing and kissing back, touching the others body and pulling your own clothes down is not rape

Everyone agrees this man is prize prick but he's not guilty of anything else other than being a sleaze and cheater

Not participating would have rape

Saying no to kissing/touching and him continuing would have been rape

I wonder that if the sex had been good, would she have had regrets? Or is it now a regret as not only was he a prize sleaze and a prick, he was also a crap shag too?

No it's not normal behaviour I have not seen anyone saying his behaviour was good or normal. But I don't feel this was not rape more importantly the op has said she wasn't raped and is more upset about going through with it only for bad sex.

No point projecting or adding scenarios when the op refutes them.

OP don't worry just make it clear when next you see him that this won't go further and ignore him from then on.

OMG!! dittany you are unfuckingbelievable!! can't get the OP to admit to being "raped" and now you are trying to scare the shit out of her. Jeezus

''So insulting to women who have actually been raped or sexually assaulted.''

Really Avon? Pesha and Ingrid have both been raped and they are both in agreement that the OPs account does sound like rape. They don't seem insulted at all.