Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.2

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Sov this is exactly the same as mine.I can't trust him AT ALL so I would nt have him in my house.have u read co dependence no more.just do what u like ,like what u do.u don't have to rescue him anymore ,this is his own life ,he has choices.why can't he take them to his sisters.

He could be getting off his lazy arse instead he is blaming u and upsetting u.NONE of this is ur fault.his problem ur asking a few hours a week childcare from their father.

Hope ur ok this morning sov.
Feeling better myself.
Losing the need to tell anyone my business anymore in RL .
Seriously skint so needing to earn some money.
Big hugs to everyone x

Morning all
Thanks for your comments last night, i havent read co dependence no more patience, think i may have to give that a go
X wont ask his sisters if he can take them there, he says it's not fair to his sisters as the DC would be touching everything and trashing the place, both sisters have told him in the past that they are happy for him to take them there but he just wont and even when he was living here, him looking after the DC for me while i did things was not something he did willingly, even if i popped to the shop across the road i would have to take the youngest with me or he would argue with me till i gave in and let him go instead

I know that what he is trying to do is emotionally blackmail me and i am determined that i wont give in, it is his responsibility to sort out seeing the DC, he could borrow money off his mum, she would gladly give it to him, she has offered to pay the deposit on his own place once he sorts it out but he just wont ask, my last text to him last night after he said that i win was that this isnt a game or contest and if he thinks i'm happy about this all then he is sadly mistaken and that if he really wanted to see them he would move hell and high water to make that happen, i know i would if the situation was reversed
I have told him not to contact me unless it's to see how the DC are or to make arrangents to take them out
He sent me 6 messages last night and not once did he ask how the dc were, in my last message i did say DC are fine btw thanks for asking

Well done Sov - I think you've handled that one really well. I'm angry for you - he's an arse. You are doing the right thing. Lots of love - so sorry you're going through a bad time x

Patience - me too on the RL front. Suddenly realised that for the first time in two years I really have no desire to be in a relationship. None at all. I'm happy with my own little world at the moment, however small that is. Just have to tell CDMan now. I think he's guessed and it's a shame cos he's lovely but there's just no physical spark there really and it takes a lot of effort to be in a relationship when you are a single mum ad I've reaslised that I don't want to make the effort - so I mustn't like him enough

I agree ggm.will have to be someone special that enhances my life to make me give up what I have now.will never be running home to make some man's tea.
Sov my heart goes out to u cos like me ur wanting the dcs to maintain contact with their dad but ur seperated so he needs his own accomodation keep the faith x

Evening all! :)

X phoned kids,still a bit of adrenaline but not much .saw slow burner man today first time in along time.we chat loads and I just thought its only my ego wanting him to chat me up .will need to find out if he is single .just chilling.then one of the dads was talking to me at kick boxing.I'm dead funny I think if someone is talking to me he is chatting me up so I didn't talk much thinking red light red light I don't want to sleep with u.anyway he was saying his wife blah blah and I thought cool ,panic over I can just talk kick boxing LOL.I wonder if the wives will see me as a man stealer singleton.not my problem I'm not never will be and not interested.how does everyone else work out who is single who is not.now X has slept with someone else I feel a lot more relaxed.spoke to one of the blokes tonite about my chain,I said only bit of gold xh bought me ,he said fresh start then.I kept a rugby shirt don't know why just lying in my drawer might burn it as a sort of end an era symbolic fire ritual

Evening all

Getting, forgot to say yesterday congratulations on the house, i hope it will bring you every happiness that you so truly deserve

Patience, you will know when the time has come to burn the shirt

Had a few hours to myself sort of today, had a pre op assessment (being streilised next week) so couldnt take DC's with me so was totally alone for 4 hours, it was rather nice, it also gave me some space to think and the conclusion i came to re X was that i shouldnt be feeling guilty about not letting him see DC in my home, he does nothing at all for me so why should i do him any favours as essentially that is what i would be doing, him a favour, he has everyone doing everything for him to make his life easier, well thats not down to me anymore and if he doesnt like it well then thats just tuff shit isnt it! He's a big boy now let him work it all out for himself!

X's nan used to tell me constantly (when she was alive)that he wasnt good enough for me and that he would never grow up and be responsible with a job ect...in hindsight i wished i'd listened, she was a wonderful woman god rest her soul

Hope everyone's doing ok, has anyone heard from maybee?

Have a look at thread. Was very tempted to comment but not courageous enough.

Ok don't know whether that worked. this thread is what I meant

Post away googs I think the phrase is u reap what u sow.whatever u put out u get back in heaps.

Yeah, I agree. No sympathy at all there. Lots of other people put exactly that.
My married male friends might as well be gay as far as I'm concerned. I don't think it's taking the moral high ground to keep away from other people's men but judging by some of the behaviour I've seen recently at work, other people obviously think I'm a bit of a prude. Makes me angry.

Ur a prude for not wanting to sleep with a man that's married ?ha ha ha .
Having said that last weeks shaggers probably thought I was a prude.telling them to get themselves to fuck.
Keep hearing Cassius on the radio,its good eh ? Need my broadband 4mths without sounds

I'm getting a bit behind on here as DS is sleeping badly still. Begun a thread in sleep topic for some more ideas.

Hope everyone is cool, slept thru til my alarm this morning.just think when the lying stops the healing can start and this time I can move on.I waited long enough to get everything put in the open .he said he's not seen her since the weekend ,but it doesn't matter anymore ,he slept with her ,had a 7 mth relationship with her .my heart accepts that its over now.

Tea all I know is if Ds is settled ie no worries about big bed then just keep putting him back to bed ,no talking ,no eye contact ,keep repeating and u should be sorted in 2 or 3 days.
My Ds could always sleep with door shut in his room b4 a bed.cottage was draughty so room warmer with door shut.then all of a sudden he needed a light on and door open and we had to tell the monsters to leave the room everynight.his nursery manager told me just to hold the door shut to keep him in his room.lot of rubbish,I thought yeah if I want him freaked out about sleeping for the rest of his life.I have always used the no talk no eye contact thing myself .always worked for me ,odd time I wake up with an extra one in bed but not regular.

Going out to an engagement party 2nite avec le kids .but got my dancing shoes on.
Waves to everyone.
Getting my legs waxed at half 8 2 morrow morn LOL,that's hardcore for the cause innit.smooth legs b4 ballet lessons x

Dd got her party dress on already .party doesnt start til half 7

Lol Patience - my kind a girl your little one. Really glad you're off out - have a fab time. Yes, legs at half eight hardcore but as wor Cheryl says "You're worth it pet!" x

Don't know Cassius btw - will have a look later!

Aye legs like a plucked chicken by 9 am LOL

Hold the door shut? When he's scared? Eek! What a horrible suggestion.

DS is only just 2 and starting to talk. I'm so tired. I kept him awake all day today in the hope that he'd sleep better tonight but he was exhausted by 3pm and miserable. So I feel suitably guilty now. Really hope tonight is better though I agree that rapid return with no talking and eye contact is the way to go. I often do that too. Just wish I knew why this has all flared up and could fix it - just like that.

Have a great time Patience, your DD is brilliant. Mine would have the dress on too from first thing

Ok, taken me a while to build up to this but the verdist was Not Guilty and I can't deny it was a blow (understatement). The look on ds face was more painful to look at than if I'd had my face smashed in. But it's ok now, we're ok with it. Please don't be too outraged on my behalf, I can't afford to feel angry right now. Thanks to everyone for thinking of us.

XP has been an absolute fucking arsehole. He stayed at the house to look after little ds and dog while I went to court for 2 days with big ds 100 miles away and I was getting texts like: why is there blood on the sheets on the wrong side of the bed??? WTF, I'm having a period and I can sprawl across my kingsize bed now that I don't share it with you, XP! Obviously, he was thinking I was having wild sex with someone. Someone, so irrestible that being on my period didn't matter . I can't even have a fucking period in peace. I'm 46, I won't have that many more. Just leave me alone to menstruate with dignity, Sherlock. Grrr. We were in court at that point and I was tempted to reply that I'd had my hymen surgically repaired before shagging my imaginary lover which gave me a huge fit of uncontrollable giggles .

Since then, things have gone from bad to worse and XP has text me a very abusive message tonight. Not helped by the fact that I had another bout of uncontrollable giggles when he refused to drop ds off at my dd's flat. He got his knickers in such a big twist that I couldn't take him seriously. Why do I keep laughing when I shouldn't? Does anybody else do it? It's a first for me, but it's great !

Sov, if you have to go to a pre-op appointment to get some sanctuary then I have no right to moan about anything. You are amazing.

Elsie I'm so sorry. Thinking of you x

Your Ex is a git. Hope you've put him straight about the bed sheets. For goodness sake, what was he doing looking at them so hard anyway. Fine one to speak anyway after everything he's done to you. Laugh if it helps you feel good I say. If I don't laugh I'll cry, is something I say a lot.