Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.2

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Hi Starting. I felt just like that with exbf (although he is now proving to be a control freak and a bully) but I really felt this week that I'm over him. It's been 3 months since I saw him. So give yourself time x
Patience - yes, losing the ex's gold is destiny love. Especially in a room full of solid kcik boxing men

Thanks Goo, I have been thinking of you & what you went through & comparing a bit. I now realise that it will take a bit of time to bounce back. Xh put me through hell & I think I stupidly though that I'd never get hurt in a relationship again after all that . I now realise that it's prob the opposite in that you're prob even more vulnerable after being badly hurt in one relationship . Glad to hear you're finally feeling like you're getting over exbf though

Thing is the less I retaliate then it will go away .all I want is peace.if I react it will continue but ur right starting this is the closest I have got to closure .thing that hurts the most is its been two against one since August if not b4.everytime. he has been a bastard he has ran back to her and had a bitch about me.they both think they are fucking invicible ,meanwhile everytime I asked if he was seeing her he said No and my addiction keeps me hooked in.aaargh.all I know is this is his car crash. He might be happy now but ultimately I will find my own happiness all I need to do is lose his presence in my head.

You will find happiness Patience & one day you'll actually thank your lucky stars that OW helped keep him away from you. I would never have thought I'd reach that place as I spent years trying to make it work with xh & loved him so much. Now I'm just so grateful & glad he's gone & couldn't care less who he's with (once it doesn't impact negatively on dc's). Tbh men like your xh or mine wouldn't have had the balls to just be able to walk out unless they had ow in background massaging their egos!! My opinion anyway

Yep took him 5 mths to line her up but the summer reconcilliation she was already on the scene.thing that gets me is the whole abuser mentality,he could have told me in November,but tormented me keeping me hooked in and l had outbursts I can't even remember and all the time he is going back and shagging his new gf saying no wonder I left her.he fucking teased me to react to justify his new life.HE IS A BASTARD.A weak bastard .aaargh.ok away for a fag .need to detatch and read my new Susan jeffers.all about me concentrating on my higher self x

Lol that's a good idea think I will pull back out my Susan Jeffers too . Sadly you are right though, these men are incapable of doing the right thing or being honest. It would have been so much easier for me if xh had told the truth (or even some watered down element of it) but no, I got lie upon lie to the extent I questioned my own judgement & sanity. Even when I came up with evidence xh still came up with plausible lies & offered to take a lie detector test to prove his innocence . No wonder my head ended up f**d, for a long time I didn't know what was truth & what was reality. Eventually though happily I got to a place where I couldn't care less. I was too caught up emotionally at the time but now I can see that anyone that makes you feel all those things needs to be gone from your life regardless of ow's or not.

I've found out that exes doing that (ie making you think you are mad rather than admitting to wrong doing) is called gaslighting.
You are getting there now Patience. And you know that they're not invincible. He is an addict and she is an abused woman waiting to happen. You on the other hand have found immense inner strength, new intellectual avenues ad are striving for inner harmony and serenity. I know who I would rather be :)
My exh also had someone in mind and got together with 19 year old 4 months after he left me. They are still together. She is extremely welcome to him. And despite the heartbreak I have had since then, I am so much happier forging into the future and learning to break old habits.

That's what I keep telling myself I would not be happy being with him.I know I wasn't happy starting its just a fucking addiction FUCK FUCK FUCK .
Get out of my head u wanker.he has brought me down so low ,but I will get free of him.if its the only thing I ever fucking do I will get free .if this was heroin I swear it would be easier.

It's him twisting the knife again and again that I can never compete with.I could never destroy him the way he trys to hurt me.all to make me unstable and then say to gf .told u she was mad.all I can do is have the strength to opt out now from his cruelty .that is the power I have.I must use it.thankyou for ur kind words x

It's him twisting the knife again and again that I can never compete with.I could never destroy him the way he trys to hurt me.all to make me unstable and then say to gf .told u she was mad.all I can do is have the strength to opt out now from his cruelty .that is the power I have.I must use it.thankyou for ur kind words x

Just dumping it all out here tonite I need to get rid .END OF !
Don't want to take this with me to my next life .
I NEED TO MOVE ON !!!!!

Patience You are so strong - you'll get there.

After a crap day yesterday (slave to my hormones!) I feel OK today. Slightly angry when tossbag finally rang to speak to his girls and I told him they were at my mums (half term treat..to save her coming for them really early..and so they can have sweets on tap all day!)

He put on a 'feel sorry for me' voice (for her benefit not mine) and said "Well, am I going to be able to speak to them tomorrow?" Yeah.. as if I am the one stopping him talking to them!!!

I felt quite smug as I reminded him sweetly that Wednesdays are his mid week night and he would be actually seeing them. He'd clearly forgotton, the moron.

Oh Kate I hate those conversations just so childish.all the months I had to cope with his immature point scoring abuse and bring up the kids.I AM FUCKING AMAZING ,I AM WORTH SO MUCH MORE AND I'M GOING TO BLOODY WELL HEAL FROM THIS AND MOVE ON !!!

Do you know what I'm finding really positive Dumplings?

I share an office with a girl just slightly older than my eldest...and we get on and chat about stuff. She knows my situation and has met my ex as he used to come into my work ( he used to take photos of events)

She is the child of a feckless father - and when she hears my horror stories about tossbag...she just says to me "you know what Kate? My dad was just like that...did a lot of the same things, but all I ever needed was my mum and a strong mum means everything"

She's right.

Thankyou Kate x

Thank you all for your hugs and thoughts. Took my laptop to bed at 9pm last night but I couldn't keep my eyes open. I slept really badly Monday night and had a night terror at some point (had them since childhood). Woke up to find the pillows strewn across the room and text from xp saying wtf are you on about, think you text me accidentally and I don't want to know who you meant to text. Discovered I sent a random, bizarre text at 1am to xp of which I have no recollection .
Anyway, we spent yesterday in the witness suite of Manchester Crown Court and were very well looked after. My XH (not xp) came too so we had a good catch up on old friends and tried to keep DS entertained with anecdotes from his childhood. DS was finally called to give evidence at 3pm (we'd been there since 9.30am) and was out by 4pm. His dad watched from the public gallery but I stayed in the witness suite as I didn't want to see the defendant. They let us use a side entrance to the court so we didn't have to bump into him. DS made the jury laugh when the defence barrister asked him why he didn't walk home if he didn't have money for a taxi. DS replied, would you walk through Salford on your own at 4am in the morning? There were sniggers and snorts from the jury (parts of Salford are rough, think of Shameless) but DS has semantic pragmatic disorder (takes everything literally) and wasn't being cocky so I hope it doesn't backfire. Made us all laugh though .
The case should end today but we don't have to attend so I'm lying here in luxury, 100 miles away from any day to day responsibilities and I can spend the morning drinking coffee, eating waffles and catching up on all the dumpling news.

Hi everyone

thanks for all your congrats messages , its lovely having our little community here to share news with especially when its good news

Last night I was sooo drained I didnt even ring anyone with the news apart from my bf , the dc had a minor skirmish and I just had a complete sob out !!! I think its all the tension and worry are you making the right decision , will it come off etc. The house is just so perfect for us and having looked at so many for this to pop up at the final hour is wonderful. Xh rang last week and dropped a very subtle hint that I may need consider moving into rented for us to keep our buyer and I didnt want 2 moves either. I know all this may require me to buy one of Patiences (?) luxury problem T Shirts but then I am the princess of the thread

Anyway I have had a good nights sleep and even though its pouring with rain I have a big smile this morning. Oh and I thought last night I ought to text xh to tell him (he is buying house of people buying our house)but then just didnt get round to it - hows that for detachment

Starting sorry you are still heart sore but you are young and gorgeous and will meet someone else in time. It sounds like Norm has given you back an appetite for love but actually he wasnt the one iyswim ?

Patience how many counselling sessions do you have ? I swear all the therapy I had in the early months is what allowed a quicker exit of xh from my head.

Hope you are ok Elsie

Goo are you enjoying half term , are you planning a meet up with the village girls yet ? When is your next cd man date ?

Kate your ex is priceless , they sound like one of the sketchs on the new David Walliams Come Fly With Me. Any news on your house ?

Hi Pink busy doing what ?

Off to Rachels later and I cant wait , we toasted each other on New Years Eve and going again six weeks later everything feels so moved on. Also I went down the end of January 2010 when we were both new dumplings and now a year later , well what can I say I wouldnt have believed it possible .

All invisible lurkers take note !

Waves to Happy Mumfun Tea Offschool Sov and all dumplings x

Thanks getting ,on my way to see a friend,I agree if this is still in my head next week I will keep makin appointments til it passes.this is my private bloke so pricey but good.just have to put my hands up to addiction though ,only reason left for these feelings.meant to be going out Saturday x

Ah Getting, I'm so please for you & you really deserve this. Not for one second does this come under a luxury problem!! A luxury problem would be stressing out cause the supermarket doesn't have what you wanted to cook for dinner or your wonderful xh forgot one time to put the bins out or squeezed the toothpaste too much . Hope you have a lovely break away

ET, best of luck to you today & hope the results will be what your hoping for

X post Patience. That will be great if you manage to get out Sat, it's been a long time coming

Is that with me Patience? Woo hoo!!!!!

Getting, hooray about the house. Fingers crossed that it moves quickly for you now.
Starting, sorry you're feeling blue about Norm. At least you know you're capable of putting your faith in a man again. I wonder if I'll ever get to that point again. Or if I want to, even.
Patience, hope the counselling helps. I found the lies harder to deal with than the thought of xp being with someone else. Why bother lying? They think they'll get less grief but tell you it's because they didn't want to hurt you. Yeah, right .
Kate, your ex is a piece of work. I hope you've got lots of support because he's just not capable of putting your lovely girls before himself at the moment. I hope he sees the light but ultimately it's his loss. Your dd's will be fine with you.

Starting, I'm not putting too much importance on the verdict. I feel indifference to the defendant which is why I didn't want to see him. We know the truth and all that matters is that DS is ok, which he is now. If the lad is found guilty and gets a custodial sentence then I might feel quite sorry for him. He's young, he's a graduate and to have an ABH conviction could wreck his life. He could get 5 years in prison for what he did to ds. I suppose a suspended sentence would be the best outcome but then he'll still have a conviction. His mum brought him up as a single parent and I just think there but for the grace of God... I'm being very soft, I know. Just my way of coping with it all.

Big wave to all dumplings . Hope the rain stops soon.

GGM, meant to say don't you ever worry about offending your ex. His manners are absolutely apalling. If you judged him by the same measure that you expect from yourself you wouldn't be allowing to lodge rent free in your brain for even 5 minutes.

Thankyou to everyone feel I am still moving forwards and thats the main thing.spoke to sol this morning to start divorce proceedings.think its important now gf on the scene to get things in writing for the kids sake and also so I still don't have this to deal with in 6 mths time etc.realistically I may end up with nothing from him so any money is a bonus.had a long chat with trusted friend this morning in an attempt to make everything real and I think it has helped me .ggm I thought u were coming a week on sat.hope so cause I'm out this sat.big hugs to everyone THIS TOO SHALL PASS .

X coming round to pick up something now.will see if I feel different.Had quick chat on phone about divorce proceedings,I apologised for texting ,he didn't explode which is good,and said I was backing right off completely let's just make a big effort for the kids ,do birthdays Xmas properly from now on organise well in advance etc said I want to encourage plenty of visits ,all great for the kids.he said " I appreciate that " I said it was the lies that made me nuts nothing else but now I know the facts I can move on and just be the kids mum.
And breathe and relax x