Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.2

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Just hope my dd is off round the world at 21yo brimming with fabulosity and shining like a star.my worst nightmare is she turns out like her dads gf.

no no patience she won't turn out like that. she has you as a mother so why should she. Goo you are far too clever to engage with those silly women behaving like kids in the playground. rise above it. Near us we have a very beautiful, very famous years ago, ex model, who used to be a playground mother with us, and who was totally oblivious of all the rubbish gossip in the playground, just used to swan in with a gorgeous smile and legs up to here. so a few of us decided to make her our mental icon, and whenever the playground crap gets to us we just make like xx xx and simply rise above it. It does work.
waves to all who have had difficult weekends, ours has been H free so actually very nice. H rang about 5 pm on Saturday and said he was standing by the side of a road with a puncture in his bike tyre. quick as a flash dd2 says to him, well why are you ringing us? YOu should be ringing the RAC. Which I thought was very funny from a 12 year old.
Half term upon us ... I agree, hope decent weather so all of you with little ones can get out and about.

She won't. She's got her mum as a shining example of fabulosity x

hello ladies, just a quickie as I'm off to bed. Told ex that OW his gf is not to speak to my girls on the phone when they are in my house. And now it seems that because I don't want Foghorn Leghorn's (yes, she really IS that loud) voice reverberating down the phoneline...he is now not ringing to speak to them.

What a complete and utter waste of space he is. Tossbag.

I can imagine the conversation he had with her "Right then, Foghorn my sweet. If you can't speak to my darling, adored children..then neither shall I and that will show their nasty bitter Mother won't it?"

What a pair of plums. And the saddest thing is - my girls haven't seen their dad since Thursday morning and won't till Wednesday night now....and they have not even noticed he hasn't rung.

Oh he really is a twunt Kate. I'm sorry for your girls. But as I always say, they have their lovely mum and that is the most important thing. Lol at Foghorn my sweet :) They are obviously well suited. I can't believe his behaviour. Stay strong love x

Ok this morning still can't believe it though.what a pair of dafties.seeing counsellor tonite anyway so hope that helps.
Waves to everyone cv hope u found some RL support and are feeling a bit better.

Counsellor sounds good Patience - I really want some of that but it's only available on Thursady mornings (?) so can't go. I'm going to go back to docs and see if there are any other options. Funnily enough, now that I am feeling much better I think counselling would help more. And they are dafties - too right!
Offschool - I like the mental icon. Good on her :)

Morning

Goo why would you care about the views of some revolting woman in the playground, dont avoid it just hold your head high and smile a lot - good that xh stuck up for you. I hope you have a nice half term off work lined up

Patience imo its time to cease all non dc related contact with either of them beacuse its just creating a new avenue into your brain about whats happened. What helped me with xh and ow (barmaid too - rolls eyes)is that I dont want to be with him so whatever his situation ie single, with an old/young ow what does it actually matter. I have worked hard on this issue because I dont want to waste any more time resenting or puzzling over how he can have moved on so fast with someone else. Also as Starting and others have said much as xh has raced off with his new gf the odds of it being the right thing in the long run are slim. Saying that if he and ow are together in 25 years time then good luck to them.

Sov have you tried talking to an actual person at Learndirect ? You should get full funding for a few courses as you are on CTC ? I would ring and dont hesitate to play all your cards ie single mum desperate to improve her job prospects for the future . Make sure you know all the different options and push a little. I was told my ECDL wouldnt be funded because I have a degree but I gently persisted and got it on the CTC angle. I hate doing it but sometimes if you dont ask you dont get !!

Romney so nice to see you on hear and quietly sounding sooo much better ?

Well Bluewater was a big success and Happy there is a desigual shop there - gorgeous stuff. I have been waiting for soemthing to motivate me to stop overeating and trying clothes on for the first time in around 8 months has been the trigger . Horrible shock although my bf and I were laughing as we are almost identically overweight and looked equally awful in these lovely clothes we squeezed tried on. DD had a great time and gave me a lovely thankyou

So I have made a good offer on the house please wish me luck ! I hope I wont be kept in suspense all day from the agent !!

DD off with her friends today and a sleepover elsewhere tonight. Collect DS from the airport at 6pm , looking forward to seeing him

A few quiet dumplings - Elsie,Starting,Pink - ok ?

Back later

Thanks getting.I agree just going to sit back now.I don't know why they both felt they had to keep it a secret.who knows but apparantley they haven't told her mother yet.she def thinks she has won a competition.so sad for my kids their dad couldn't sort himself out.he just cried on the barmaids shoulder and took her to bed.

Ditto Patience but its not our problem and we did everything we could to keep our marriages going through the storms because we loved them and for our dc. It wasnt enough though and our marriages are over. What happens in their lives , aside from what impacts on our dc, is of no interest to us is it ?

Hi Getting - good luck with house offer!
Oh God, feeling really vulnerable today. Exbf texted again asking for a chat. I lied and said I was out with boys. Now he's texted back saying he will phone this evening. I just can't cope with any more criticism, or for him to tell me off, or for him to make himself feel better by telling me that I've offended girls in the village by not being in touch. I just can't take anymore criticism. Life is hard enough and I do my best. What does he bloody want?! I could have been a bunny boiler, phoning him every day and crying but instead I just got on with it, hid myself away, cried my tears. If him and the people in his village can't understand that I'm at a loss. Is it me? Am I mad or is it really strange for them all to think that as soon as he dumps me I should reappear immediately as a "friend" and act as if nothing has happened?

Hey Goo Do what you need to protect yourself hun. Put yourself first - don't worry what anyone else expects of you.

I know what you mean about feeling vunerable. I know I'm going to have to speak to the vile ex about the house. And I am completly stressed out about it. I think that I had regained so much control and composure recently that when I feel it slipping away I think I'm going to go back to those darkest days again. I am having palpations just checking my email...in case there's one from him.

So stupid of me, as I am detached - seeing new bloke who's lovely...but this whole house / her calling the girls jsut drags me back into the drama of it all. And it stinks.

Stay strong Goo and all you other Beautiful, Capable Goddess Women!

Goo you sound far far too nice for your own good. As I see it your exbf ended your relationship, you have no dc together and so no ties. There is no earthly reason why you have to speak to him ever again in your life if you dont want to. Whats to talk about ? Wrt friends from the village any woman worth knowing going into the future will understand completely that you have needed to lick your wounds away from him and his environment and are only now beginning to feel you can restablish contact. To me this is not rocket science and what has happened to make you think the women from the village even think badly of you ? Goo dont be over sensitive you have done nothing wrong and dont need an excuse to politely tell exbf you want a clean break.

Kate I understand completely about the house situation and dreading letters etc. Dont worry that its affecting your serenity over splitting up from him its not that but more real concern over how the house will be split because this is going to impact hugely on your financial future and it is scary. Have you had any legal advice yet ? I know its tempting to shy away from that and hope for the best but sadly I think you need to don your boxing gloves and take the fight to him . The sooner you can the sooner you can sort this out and know exactly where you stand. Sending you a big hug because I know how crap it is

My offer has been rejected they want the full asking price will have to go away and think . I hate all this

Oh Getting Im sorry. If you do offer the full asking price I would be saying in a gentle way somehow that any adverse survey would affect your offer.

I cant add anything to what you said about Kate and Goo. I would not be speaking to your ex BF again Goo -why would you?

Hi to everyone else.

Half term here so very occupied :)

Ggm don't text or call it only encouraging him.UR NOT BEING RUDE.
getting thanks. although this is the final final stage ie he has moved on,it is the first time I have ever had closure ever had any truth its sinking in now that he is never coming back.I just wanted her to know she was involved , that's it.now he can lie all he likes.
Kate sorry ur stressed this 2 shall pass.I'm like that today everytime I get a text.
getting hope house works out 4u x

Sorry I've been awol. Been busy busy busy and had major pmt which I only get every other month. This was the 'bad month'. My concentration goes for a burton but I'm trying to keep up with everyone's news.
I'm actually up in Manchester staying in a penthouse apartment in the city centre with ds and his gf which would be great except it's because it's the start of the court case tomorrow (ds was seriously assaulted a year ago and has to give evidence in crown court for 2 days).
Patience, Kate - thinking of you and GGM - hope you have a peaceful evening. You owe him nothing.
Getting - they want the asking price? Well, they would say that, wouldn't they!
Big wave to everyone else. Keep you fingers crossed that the accused changes his plea to guilty at the eleventh hour.

Fingers xrossed, Elsie, hope it all goes as well as it can.

Yes Elsie fingers crossed x

Big hugs Elsie,
Ok just back from counsellor,went really well had a good laugh actually.he said his life is a car crash and I said she is a sticking plaster on a haemorrage.he said Aye a Disney plaster.he said me and the kids will always be the winners cos we got out.he also agreed when I said no more texting.but interesting his pov is the first call she made or returned was the start of a relationship with him.I said that was my pov and only reason I texted her was to say he was still in my bed a fortnight b4 she called ,so she was involved in my break up and she would always have to live with that.also he was telling the whole pub through the summer all his woes and she was working behind the bar Ffs.so saying they have been together since November is shite.also interesting that I got more details from her regarding dates ,who started it etc than I ever would have got from Brian so result LOL.I have more than enough for closure now.i sit back quietly now with the knowledge that 9 out of 10 dads that seperate don't see their kids after 2 years cos its too much hassle.so I will now endeavour to take the higher ground be the most relaxed ex wife ever and encourage a healthy relationship between X and the kids.more money for them in the end.counsellor reckoned emotionally X is about 12 yo so that's a result for the kids ,8 hrs a week.

Lots of love Elsie - wishing you luck and courage x
Waiting on bloody phone call from exbf so that I can ignore it.
Just organised a trip to Cambridge in May to see very old friend I haven't seen for ages :)
Patience - will pm you soon about visit - and Maybee - hope you are lurking and can come!
Kate - hope you are ok. Yes, being dragged back into drama is so shit. Remember though that he doesn't have the final say on the house. You should speak to a lawyer asap. I still can't get over the fact that he won't talk to his kids because of OW. Do you htink (apart from being a selfish wanker) he is a bit bullied by her?
Thanks for advice re exbf. Think I've realised that I haven't done anything to offend anyone.

Oh he also said e harmony was a good place to look when I was ready to start dating

x posted Patience. So glad the counselling went well. Lots of things must fall into place. Love the disney plaster bit!
Ok, exbf has just called. Well, the phone has rung. I ignored it. Littlun still awake so now having conversation about why I didn't answer. Think this will be the final straw for him - he's going to make me out to be the bad guy. He's finally got his proof. I really hope he leaves it now. I still fell awful about ignoring phone. Why am I so fecking polite?!!!!

x posted again. Blimey - he offered you dating advice? I need this man's number!

He is mega googs.basically u have a conversation and when u start talking shite,he pulls u up for it.I think the most important bit is if I can't do reasonable ,my X s support will evaporate re childcare and financially.so I will remember that from now on.keep my side of the street clean.I keep saying X is not my husband he is " her name " bf.trying to make it real .everyday I'm moving forwards.he says my black days at new year were just mourning the loss of the hope of reconcilliation,just all normal grieving.

Good u didn't answer the phone.remember the only way to leave the drama triangle is by being the perpetrator.he is the victim,u were his rescuer,he only wants u in this role,he doesn't want sparky fiesty independent u.