Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.2

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

oh glad you like the house Getting, hope you come up with an acceptable offer; H and I used to argue massively about house buying as he would want to offer v low, and I would offer pretty much asking price if i really wanted the place. Over the years we bought four houses I think and it was the same every time.
Completely forgot about Hugh Grant and the bj, yes think I can do better ( I mean, look for better, of course ....)
Shall make you jealous and say it is a beautiful spring day down here in the west country: masses of snowdrops in my garden, green shoots of daffodils and hyacinths in the garden, even the first lambs (bit early poor things). Your noisy neighbours make me -lived in London for many years but have forgotten the racket at night. Here, no noises except owls.
ACtually went for a swim today, helpers with DD2 and DD1 revising. We are having friends round for supper, and I have made a cheesecake and will be doing a chicken and leek dish. Looking forward to it.

Yep, meeting CDman. I said it was my turn to pay for something and he said as I was paying petrol and babysitter (I'm not paying babysitter as boys at exh) he wouldn't hear of it. So eventually we agreed that I would pay for cinema and he would pay for meal. So nice to go out with a bloke who isn't completely skint and is a gentleman.
Off - I was thinking that Hugh Grant in his movie roles is good, in reality is bad :) We need to find proper blokes who treat us well in reality, and I've stopped chasing fairytales now. I'm looking for actions not fancy words :) Your food sounds great - wish I could come. Love chicken and leeks!
Getting - try not to stress. A cheeky offer rejected followed by an offer closer to asking price or asking price is fine. You are doing well. I offered just below asking price for mine :)

Evening all

Tea, hope you are feeling better now.

Kate, good to see you back, get a solicitor onto him

Goo, enjoy your time with CD man

Patience, a few words from you every night and I think your doorstep will soon be clear

Getting, great that you hve a seen a good house. I'd say start below what you think it's worth nd work up

OffSchool, dinner sounds good, we had toad in the hole which is DS's favourite.

Off to practice the piano, I am loving it . Very quiet this weekend, sport rained off (Getting I hate the gym, not a possibility for me as I am too competitive ) so made sporty friend come out with me for a coffee and breakfast. Also visited the vet (£110 in total!) I am also pleased to announce that I no longer have a moustache!

And waves to everyone else......

Ok barbie amp switched on mike and guitar plugged in and dd is organising us for her gig x

Goo have a lovely evening out with CD man sounds like a lovely man.

Offschool sounds like you have had a lovely day down there and your dinner sounds lovely, keep looking for a lovely man, but make sure he is better that Hugh!!!

My mouth is watering at the talk of food at yours offschool. Sounds lush round your way, maybe the dumpling camping trip should be down your way

Getting so glad you like the place It's a bit of a game on offering and not seeming too desperate to buy it but also offering the right price at the same time. I found it hard and liked to offer close to asking price too.

My previous flat often had people outside too at night on weekends. Now I live on the 3rd floor and it's not too near any pubs but a 10 min walk to the little village high street for milk it's much better. Do not miss the old place at all. So I also feel for you Patience.

Love the thought of your DD switching on Barbie amp for a gig. She's great.

Googoo have a great time. Nice to go dutch on cost. Reminded me I have a face pack in the cupboard, might do one later as I watch some tv to relax. We watched Curious George today, the kids loved it. With popcorn and mini eggs. Then we took a walk down an old gravel lane with huge puddles. So lots of jumping and running in puddles by the littlies. And there were horses at the end, they looked so wet and their coats were muddy, but their fields were also mega muddy too with all the rain. All was going great and then I decided we should walk down the bridal path at the end into the wood for an adventure and it was a bit of a squagmire (sp?) DS got his boot stuck in the deep mud and left it behind and placed his sock into the water and mud and fell over. So on the way back he cried as his feet were wet and cold, as were his hands. That'll teach me when the going was good for going the extra mile

Should have turned round after seeing the horses

Next time I shall know better and not let the kids go in deep muddy bits. Never ocurred to me that they'd get wellies stuck in it. Obviously do not take enough walks and enjoy nature Or I'd have known, kinda obvious thinking about it now...

I've also realised how much I rely on my ExH today, we talk lots on the phone about how the kids are doing, what they got up to and the kids also speak to him lots on the phone. He comes round lots to see the kids and play with them at mine and we all generally have a nice time. He's even coming by tomorrow with some cash for me from his shifts this weekend and picking me up some medicine on his way as I'm skint. It's like we're good friends. I defo rely on him too much. The trouble is he's so easy to talk to and we never ever fight now a days at all. So confusing and when OW moves in with him it will all change. I hardly remember what it was like to have a relationship with him now. Never occurs to me to want to kiss him at all. I just feel like we're old friends. Sometimes I wish we'd never got married and just remained pals. The pain from everything he did has faded a lot in the last year. I know I've come a long way. I've definitely forgiven him pretty much. However I still have a strong dislike for the OW and can't stand the thought of her having anything to do with my gorgeous kids.

My dinner is ready so I'm going to dash off. Hopefully there aren't too many typos, as I've typed this fast.

Glad you had a nice time with the dc Tea

Goo how was the date ? What film did you go for ?

Offschool hope your supper with friends was nice

Happy what did you get up to ?

Well been awake since the early hours dwelling on house situation and have made a plan.

Was a bit morose last night falling into the tired old questions - why didnt he make an effort in our marriage , how could he leave his dc , why did I love him in the last couple of years when he was so unlovable blah blah blah. It was strange having him in the house on friday after such a long time albeit for no more than 10 minutes. DS let him in and he literally flew up the stairs without saying a proper hello , dismantled the bed and was up and down taking it out at top speed. When he finished we exchanged a brief word about the half term arrangements on the doorstep and at no point did he even look at me. I found it odd I have to say but there we are.

As you said a while ago Happy I wouldnt want to be in a relationship with him now and that is what to keep in the forefront of my mind.

We are off to Bluewater today with my best friend and her dd on a girls shopping trip. She had all her MS tests this week so I am not sure how she will be. The dds will go off shopping while we go from coffee shop to coffee shop as she cant walk far which suits me as I hate shopping !

I ought to go for a run but dont feel inspired looking out of the window [lazy emoticon]

Have a nice sunday especially Starting and Patience with your free afternoon

Morning Getting et al.

Quiet night last night. Piano practice, chats on phone with fellow dumpling and mman, who seems to have made a reappearance.

Getting, it is weird when you see them face to face. The lack of eye contact is probably because he has lots of the same weird feelings that you have. I have the same thing with The Saint. Neither of us want each other but I do think that the Saint is often surprised by the new me and struggles to cope with it. I think that he labeled me as a particular kind of person and cant quite work out how I've survived.

Tea, hope you had a bit of a pamper last night, you deserve it. And your XH sounds to me like he is vying for The Saint award atm.

Waves to everyone, hoping all access goes well, off to look for friend for walk.

Ok feeling better after a wobble and another text from her today.turns out she was a barmaid at his boozer how predictable eh.anyway she said I was a poor wife that couldn't keep her man and that's why she's got him now.I replied an alcoholic was not my choice for me and my kids,and goodluck with my X .
X said some predictable hurtful things to me last night but phoned later to apologise so kids away today.I think he is lonely to be honest but not my problem now.still glad he admitted it ,told her whatever happens I will always be Mrs . and always be in X s life .

Had good date with CDMan just not sure if I fancy him but going to give him a chance because he's lovely. Been very upset tonight - this very aggressive playground mum whose kids go to my childminder's and who give my boys a lift to school sometimes has completely taken offence at me being offhand with her the one time this year that I've been in the playground (if you remember it was the morning I was ill, my youngest was refusing to go to school, had to drag him in screaming and teacher made a "joke" about me being a bad mummy). She said "Sorry I didn't take W to school this morning" as I was dragging him in, listening to the teacher and I just said "That's ok". So she's had a go at my exh in the playground and said that I was really rude and that my kids are off school too much and then another mum got involved and said "Yeah, she was really offhand". To his credit, exh stood up for me, his gf was there too and sdaid to tell me that this mum was really aggressive. My exh said that I shoudl keep away from this woman and that he didn't think it was a good idea that she took our boys to school and that he would always stick up for me cos I'm the mother of his kids. I was really upset. I'm never going into the playground again. It's like Let's bait the single mum who works. I find it really really hard to have people being offended with me and these women had no idea what was going on that morning or what I'd had to do to get little one to school. I don't know why I bother trying to be good and friendly. Feel like I've been attacked for no reason

That's crap Googoo Massive ((hugs)) and sympathy from me x

Try not to take it to heart, you know who you are and your DCs do. Great that ExH stuck up for you. This women isn't very nice if she over reacts like that to something so minor, where she didn't even know what was going on. Speaks volumes to me to be honest about her, as if she was a nice person she'd have asked you if you were ok. She's insecure and a nasty piece of work imo. I'd try to have as little to do with her as you can, keep your distance but smile politely where needed.

Thanks Tea that means a lot. Exh says not to engage with her as she is very aggressive and not nice. He said he told her that I was not a rude person at all. I sometimes feel that I always try to be a good person but my life is filled with people who abuse that or are overly aggressive like my exh at times, my exbf and my awful boss, who gives me so much stress. Sometimes I really just want to run away and I think that perhaps I should be a nastier person and stick up for myself more but it isn't me and I can't. One of the reasons I like CDMan is because he seems to be kind and gentle and I can totally be myself with him - he has no pretentions and just likes me for me.

Ok googs just think marleys ghost here ur not going to make a link of chain for urself over this.sit somewhere quiet eg toilet and have a cry or just contemplate or have a dance or punch the couch.then walk away from it.repeat if u need to but try and let it go x

Good point Patience. I've calmed down and going to take exh's advice (whatever next eh?!) and not engage with this woman at all. I don't need aggressive people in my life and I don't need to be aggressive back. She has her own issues - I'm not going to get into them. I think it just hit a nerve with me because I feel like a fish out of water in that playground - lots of mums fighting in it tbh. The time before when I was in the playground, 2 mums were swearing at each other and the head had to come out and stop it. I hate that my boys see that on a regular basis.

Goo - you know you are not a rude person so ignore it, dont let it get to you. I was nice that ex stood up for you. Please all is going well with CDman.

Patience - dont get involved with your X's car crash life!! he is not worth your thoughts. If she texts again dont respond, that will annoy her more than a reply.

Hi Tea, happy and getting.

You girls always make things seem better you know. Thank you. It's very easy to have no perspective when you've got noone to talk to at home. Hope you are ok Romney. Still hoping to come and visit for a walk in the summer. Would that be ok? x

Yes Rom I agree its all about to kick off now.I have said my piece ,I just wanted her to know that she had played the final part of breaking up my family.she served him drink in the pub all summer texting and calling him ,silly wee girl.he is already lying to her.

Remember detachment Patience so dont get embroiled in their dramas, which I am sure there are plenty. She obviously knows he has a drink problem and is helping him on his way, she probably doesnt see that its a problem if she has grown up in a dysfunctional family.

Goo would be a pleasure, but Im sure Northumberland is much more beautiful and coastal than Bucks, so I still want to visit you and walk on some of your glorious beaches.

Did I know you were in Bucks Romney? That can't be too far from me.

Yep the 21 yr old girl that texted and called my ExH for years and ultimately began an affair with him makes me very cross, she had her fair part to play in it all. And thinks ridiculous notions just like the OW in your situation Patience. I can't believe I thought I was grown up at 21 looking back now. OW makes me so cross.

Tea - I did mention it a longtime ago when you said you had been to Bekonscot, are you in Herts?

21 is so young they have no idea what they want from life, my daughter is 23 and I would be horrified if she was involved with an older man with so much baggage.

Thanks Rom I know exactly what ur saying she told me today he isn't an alcoholic.I just thought she has found a bf a bit old a bit broken a bit drunk a bit in debt a bit shabby with an X wife and 2 kids but he's lovely and he's her bf.

Yes I agree with Rom - 21 yeas old we knew nothing about life and we were ripe to be manipulated and believe lots of lies. She is to be pitied really. She's feeding his addiction and building a little picture of happiness for herself when the reality is that he is never going to be happy with her, or anyone else. And abusers don't change. So she will eventually se that side of him too. Except it will be even angrier, as he has lost everything he has ever cared about and even if he doesn't admit this to himself, he subconsciously know it.
Romney - you are welcome up here whenever you like. And I mean that x
Same to Patience and Tea - I love having visitors - I never do.

Evening all

Patience, when i had confirmation about OW i texted her and confronted her and made sure she knew what part she had played in the end of our relationship and the effect her actions had on my DC and in my last message i told her i had said my piece and wanted nothing more to do with them, X tried to drag me into it all again when he had his episode but i detatched from it all and know that it will all end badly and in tears but i wont even listen to his whining about it, not my problem anymore and your X isnt yours, rom's right not repling will have more of an effect on them both than if you did, sending you strength

Rom, nice to see you on here hope your doing ok

Goo, glad date with cdman went well, as for that woman she is not worthy of your head space, her life must be so boring she just wants to add some drama by slagging someone else off, especially when your not there to defend yourself too

Happy, hope you and DS's are ok, ebarresing question but how do you get rid of a mustache? i have noticed one recently and dont know how to deal with it am crap at stuff like that as i was never shown/taught

Getting, glad you have a plan re house and hope you had a good day at bluewater
I went on the learn direct website and did the english assessment as i thought a english and/or maths qualifaction would be a good place to start, spent 6 hours doing the online assessment to be told i couldn't be funded to do it as i was already a high level 2
have to give them a ring and see if i can get any help with any other courses, i feel the online courses would be better for me as then i dont have the worry of childcare as their nearest facility with childcare is woolwich
Thanks so much for the tip, very much appreciated, if all else fails a ECDL course is £30 per segment so might just be able to afford that if it's broken down that way

Still no word from X about DC, not even a text to see how they are
Went out last night for a 40th bday party and seen a bloke i havent seen in 11yrs and OMG he's gained about 15 stone, was really shocked as 12yr ago i fancied the pants off him, now i wont touch him with someone elses lol had a very embarresing conversation where i had to tell him i wasnt interested as well meaning friend kindly pointed out were both currently single, also had a friend of mums warning a bloke off, i told him politely i am more than capable of telling any bloke where to go (which in all fairness i would have done with the bloke he warned off(not my new type ie he was on coke and i dont want anyone who does drugs ever again!))
Well the DC are now on half term and i'm praying the weather going to be ok so we can go out to the park or something, will drive me nuts sitting in with them all week otherwise

Waves to everyone else and hopes everyone doing ok x

Hi Sov - lol at bloke you used to fancy. You've still got it girl - good on ya!
Your ex as usual is a complete twunt.
I teach English and think that you really don't need to do the NVQ stuff at your standard. Why not go stright to doing English GCSE? I think you'll find that you are more than capable of doing it and if you needed any help you could use me - either by post or by email. Let me know what you think :)

Thanks sov,yep I was just marking her card.u know when u hate someone and u feel the rage .coursing thru u veins as u text ,well the thing is I don't feel any of that.how could I be jealous of her.she is just his narc supply.he looks rough no money shady accomodation and smells of booze
its over but this time my heart is agreeing.he isn't my H anymore he is the barmaids bf.but he will always be my kids daddy.