Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.2

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

I often open the car door a little and peep down the side of the car (if safe to do). I drive a Mondeo and I find judging the distance out the rear view mirror hard. I used to drive a smaller car for many years and never had a problem. I inherited the Mondeo on divorce from H. It can be temperamental to start sometimes when the tank is nearly empty too. But it is fairly reliable.

Lovely day here H had the kids and mostly managed without me, although I did have to come home a little sooner than I'd have liked. But I'm glad he could and did help out.

Kids already in bed as they're so tired. I now need to clean up the carnage exh left behind from today

Love it off school,
Thanks for that tea glad u had a good day x

DS has a tummy bug and has woken 3 times so far miserable. So I think I'm in for the long haul tonight Poor thing.

Hi Ladies. It's DCSsunhill here, in disguise. Just wanted to let you know that I have just caught up on the thread...I love reading your experiences and recognising that I'm not on my own with all of the XH Fuckwittage.

I'm a tad low as new bloke dumped me BY TEXT this morning, after I bleddy well had rumpy with him yesterday. I feel foolish and an utter twat. We'd only dated a few weeks but hey, didn't see this coming. My self-esteem has certainly had a wobble today.I wanted to be a strong, independent "I can do and shag as I please" woman. But I can't and I'm not. And I feel a little bit crap about it.

Ah well. Nowt can be done.

Ds got bad cold ,its rubbish when they're not well.X causing trouble on phone 2nite sent a text saying I don't want any trouble 2morrow ,he sent a text telling me to F off.Door went today and I didnt answer it incase it was him,first time I've done that since I was in my flat.

Sunhill I'm sorry to hear that, that is rubbish, he's the twat love, not you though! Feel free to rant away on here x

Patience your ExH is a seriously unpleasant, nasty, vile, contemptible snake. Not surprised you didn't answer the door. Why was he texting you such things anyway?

Said the other nite about this quote I read about there are no mistakes in life just lessons to learn ,every days a school day,especially on our journey,short version of the serenity prayer I think dcs "fuck em "

I think he thinks I am telling Ds not to speak or something.its all since the babysitter comment.I didn't answer the phone again til Wednesday.I wasn't in a good place.anyway I have since recovered and X is just pissed off Ds isn't having a more in depth conversation with him.

I just think u reap what u sow.
Ps it wasn't him at the door ,but all the old feelings came back,he says things to Ds now like ,dont listen to ur mother,its all so nasty but Ds is a good lad ,he knows right from wrong,just v sad .

So he's trying to put you down to your son as well? He's a very paranoid individual if he thinks you're talking to your son and asking him to talk less to his dad. He shouldn't be dragging the little lad into it anyway. What is it with these men?

I admire your strength Patience, as the crap you're having to deal with, is far far harder than my ExH's shenanigans in the past or now and I think I would struggle a lot more with it all in your shoes and the lack of help and support from anyone nearby. The injustice of it all, it's so wrong and unfair. I know that sounds almost adolescent, but it's just so despicable how he can be like this. So unnecessary and creates so much more stress and tension. You have amazing dignity and strength Patience.

U know what tea 15 mths on I believe I do have those qualities,and it really pisses him off.he wants to unhinged bitch,but last nite ,everyone heard him shouting at his son ,I didn't talk at all last night ,just left a message afterwards saying that was unacceptable.I think I am nearing the end of my journey with X ,it just sort of unravels itself and X getting impatient with Ds isn't nice to watch.I think he will go for the indoctrination visit 2morrow mummy is a bitch ,but I trust my kids to see thru him.
Ps I am working on the support thing contacted 4 people last week and organising back up for Tuesday nite babysitter so I can do kick boxing,thanks.again for everyone's support ,I don't know what id do without ya x

Patience, you really do have the patience of a saint. My coping threshold would have crumbled a long time ago, but all it's doing is making you stronger.

Right, the verdict of mumsnet is that Bloke is the twat and not me...so I'm nipping off to name-change back and not spare him another moment of my thought.

Thank you for letting me pop on and whinge.

Hi Ladies, had a busy week with college & was there again all day today so only getting a chance to post now. Glad everyone seems to be doing ok atm.

DCS I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you ((Hugs)). It's so hard to open yourself up again to someone else & then to get burnt is so cruel . I'm still recovering from what happened with my NM that I christened Norm so I empathise fully. This too shall pass. I think Pink said something about having to kiss a few frogs before finding a prince so I guess we'll have to hold on to that!

Off, what a twat your xh is to have passed that comment about perfectionist

Sov, I've had a similiar experience with dc's & twas not fun!

Hi all. Sov - how horrible - glad ds os ok x
Tea - tummy bugs are the worst, followed by heavy colds Patience - giving both of you strength.
Starting - hi :) Sorry you are still recovering from what happened with Norm. Thinking of you because I know how that feels x
Sunhill - glad you;re changing your name back and so sorry about this twat. What a bloody coward and how crap to have rumpy then dump you. Sounds like narc behaviour - my exbf did much the same. Feeling for you here.
Well, had lovely day at my mum's - watched 7 year old play football whilst standing between my dad and my exh. My dad hates him, so it was a bit weird but we managed.
CDMan has been emailing me all this time. We're going to cinema next Saturday and I'm really looking forward to it but just can't get twat of an exbf out of my head. It's so frustrating cos I know he's a twat. A twat who I think is seeing someone else. A beautiful hippy someone else. Ah well...

this is a reason for Tea NOT to send a valentine card lol :)

What Ru going to see at the cinema ,I want to see brighton rock and gnomeo and Juliet.
Waves to starting hope college is cool,can u let me know the name of the Susan jeffers book u were reading.saw there is a diary of her divorce ,thought it would be a good read x

I want to see brighton rock too. Think we're going to see true grit if it's on. I lurve jeff bridges. Oh God I really do. Havin a rr moment! (Well, I don't actually have an rr but if I did I'd be having a moment lol)

Ps dealing with my X is trying to co parent with an addict in denial,riddled with self loathing and guilt.he still needs the adrenaline of fighting with me and I am trying not to supply it anymore.his life is all secrecy and lies.I will never know the half of it.as long as my kids are happy and stable I will continue contact but who knows what's ahead of us x

Sorry about the boyfriend Sunhill in disguise, what a total prick ! He gets his leg over and then dumps you by text FFS !!
Not happy at all about your new name cos the shortened version is 'twat' and we can't have that . Please reinstate your propper name pronto.

DCS sorry about your man I guess you just have to put it down to experience

Sov what a nightmare but well done for not caving in about the dc today. I really hope he does come up trumps and uses the car money to take the dc out and you have a break. Are you feeling a bit calmer about the fraud business, you musnt worry.

Starting good girl studying hard and I hope you have some sort of treat lined up for while your dc are with xh today

Offschool its hard to break out of talking to your xh about dc stuff because its such a habit and natural reaction, also in your situation I imagine more things arise/more support for you is needed. I hope you had a nice time at your friends.

goo why do you think exbf is becoming appealing again, is it just because hes been in touch ? Dont forget its not so long since you began on here feeling heartbroken you have raced through recovery so dont worry about this little setback its natural. Hopefully CD man will distract you and get you back on track

Patience hope you are ok and tbh I think the end of the road with your x would be a good thing however hard it would be for a while.

Apart from going on a walk this morning with a friend I have a leisurely day planned and despite yet another grey nasty day outside I am feeling great.

I am going to set up the footspa etc and usher dd to it as soon as she gets back from xh tonight and make a big fuss of her. Also ds has teenage blackheads and has agreed to a facial provided its kept secret

See you later everyone

Ah love the pampering getting .
Ok X is over an hour late car wouldn't start.
Don't know what's happening now .I picture various middle aged alcoholics stood around vehicle drinking coffee looking rough.anyway at least he didn't shout at me .didn't sleep at all last night ,but read about agnus castus supplement ,good for pmt and menopause.
X will always be in our life getting ,but hopefully indifference will kick in shortly.really enjoyed women that love too much,espec the last 2 chapters but lots of the adrenaline/indifference dance that I have danced for many years.if u had adrenaline rush for ex bf googs then that's what ur missing ,its a huge vaccuum to fill .I have been dancing this dance for 25 yrs at least.huge pattern to break but I'm getting there.2011 will be the year of the self help book for me.all about positivity and independent thinking ,waves to everyone.

X not taking kids,I offered to drop them off for 2 hrs but he is too busy with car, going out for lunch with friend ,just fancied some quiet grown up time ,and breathe and relax .............

Oh Patience I'm pissed off for you. What is it with these fellas? If it was him who had the kids full time (God forbid) and his car had broken, he would have to deal with the kids and the car at the same time. That's called real bloody life! But as it is, just like all the other exes on here, when something happens that's mildly untoward he just can't see the kids. Sorry you're not getting any time (again). Hopefully in a couple of weeks' time you can have a night out :)
Go and have a for now. In a couple of weeks we can get stuck into some

Thanks ggm.that's exactly what i thought anyway nice thing is I'm calm ,no stress just wanted a few hours to myself x

It's my birthday! Big 40.

Spent the last 2 nights with date man and had a lovely time going to cinema and to eat (although I think there are a few issues there...not sure I'm trusting my instincts with this bloke or if I'm doubting my instincts ifswim. Ex has mucked with my head so much I doubt myself all the time!)

But it's been very nice, back home this afternoon for meal with parents and my girls. That was lovely and relaxed !!

After being a great dumpling for weeks - I have been thinking about my bloody ex today...thought he would drop the girls off and was wondering if he would actually wish me happy birthday...but in typical shithead style on his weekend with them...he left them with his parents, and they dropped them off.

Annoyed at myself for thinking about him for even a minute!!! ARRGGGHH but keep thinking... 'has he thought about me today?' 'is he thinking what I'm doing or what pressies I've had?' 'is he wondering if I'm being taken out tonight?'

and I know the answer don't I? NO HE'S NOT KATE YOU FOOL!!!! He dropped the girls off with his mum because he's doing what he never did with me...and has planned something special for Valentines with the OW girlfriend.

Oh well - done first Xmas, first New Year and now first birthday without him..and I'm surviving.

Can't decide whether to go to the pub quiz on my own tonight and join a team with people I know...or if that is too sad a way to spend my 40th!!! Not sure I am brave enough to go to the pub on my own yet...may be a night in front of the telly.