Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.2

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Well done, here's a glass of for later x

Ok think I'm going to leave this for a while,its not having kids that's the problem,its lack of support and hence my new life that I hate,but know use moaning about it eh.like my X says im just a fucking babysitter.I was just in denial about how bad things actually are.I guess that's how u survive the first year.

Afternoon Ladies

Thank you for all the support, appointment was suspended so they can investigate further grrr, they were suspicious because i "didn't seem surprised by their letter and accusations" so i told them about XSIL and what had been going on and they said they will interview my neighbours, so still have it hanging over me, just hope the neighbours have been paying attention because i dont talk to them.

ET, Happy Birthday to your DS, hope he has a wonderful day and i'm sure you will sort ipod out for him :)

Mumfun, i agree re X, i think a lot of it was my rage about today too and i was brewing for an argument and when he started pushing my buttons i responded, i need to find a outlet for my anger, i also think what wound him up is i was dancing around the kitchen with the music blasting and taking absolutely no notice of him at all, i dont think he likes to see that i'm not pining for him anymore, in one text he actually said why dont you just leave me alone and go cry? my response was why the hell would i be crying?
Re night classes, my mum complained about looking after DC for an hour the other week while i had hospital appointment re sterilisation, she is a very selfish woman, unless it benefits her she wont help at all, infact she makes my SF look after them if i desperately need a babysitter and he works full time too which makes me feel guilty so dont like asking, there is a zumba class 2 minutes from my house and i would LOVE to do it but can't so i am stuck in this situation unless X starts taking them, as of september i will get 2 1/2 hours on a morning with just DD as DS3 will start nursery so that will make things a tiny bit easier but still wont get any time alone during day till 2013 when DD starts nursery lol, i gotta laugh otherwise i would just cry, so many people said they would help and support me when i had DS3 and DD and again when X left and no one has done anything to help, sometimes i cant even get anyone on the phone for more than 2 minutes if they answer at all and they all say they'll visit but never do and are always too busy if i ask about visiting them

Goo, i know what provocative parking is, the arse was sticking out!!! lol :o

Starting, how you doing? i made a trifle on sunday and it made me think of you :o

Happy, hows DS? and MM? have you been back in contact with him?

Getting, how was the house you looked at today?

Tea, did you get my pm?

Patience, i read your posts and i can really relate, i sometimes wish i was nearer to you as i would babysit your DC for you so that you can go out or to dinner or ANYTHING! your X is beyond words, you are NOT "just a babysitter" you are sooo much more than that and your DC know it too, you are a magnificent mother and woman and it will be you they are thanking when they pick up their oscars or nobel peace prize or even when they become prime minister not him, he will just be someone they seen every now and again
I know how hard things are atm but things WILL change because you want them to, you are not accepting your lot, you are looking for a way to take control back and because of that it will happen, things may come to those who wait but they come a lot faster if your willing to go out and grab them by the balls and thats exactly what you are doing, your life now will not be your life forever you have too much fight in you for that, dont let him get to you, putting you down is the ONLY thing he has left, he has nothing else over you and he knows it, he is beneath you and not worthy of your head space hun.
Whens your next kickboxing class? can you pretend your kicking f* out of him? it may be theraputic :o

Oh the babysitting remark would get me sending him a bill for £10 per hour x 24 hours per day x 7 days a week x 52 weeks per year.

Thanks to everyone for sending birthday wishes to ds. Taking him out for a meal with xp tonight. He sent me a very cryptic text at the weekend along the lines of: so much I want to tell you but frightened you'll tell other people and Mumsnet. Yes, xp, be afraid of Mumsnetters, be very afraid...

Sov, sorry you've still got the investigation hanging over you. Fancy saying that you weren't surprised enough . Did you tell them what you've been through?! After the year I've had I wouldn't be surprised if an alien spaceship landed in my back garden. Nothing will shock me now.

Getting, what was the house like? I like looking at houses on Rightmove but don't like it in RL.

GGM, glad you're feeling better but sorry it means you have to go back to work with the Harpy.

Starting, sorry you've got the lurgy now.

Mumfun, according to EKR we dumplings will all be exquisitively beautiful after all the shit we've been through and we WILL come through it one way or another.

Tea, thanks for the Ribena .

Helloooo to Happy and everyone else. Back later.

Hi everyone

Mumfun love those quotes earlier really uplifting

Patience why do you quote what he says ? Re babysitter ? Dont take this the wrong way and I know you shouldnt have to listen to it in the first place but why does it matter what he says about you ? The words of a guilty,drug and alcohol addled mind.

Sov thats annoying it couldnt get resolved today but you mustnt worry. Thats pretty charmless of your Mum , I bet shes the first one to brag to everyone about her brood of lovely grandchildren.

Goo you must elaborate on the parking .I agree dont bother engaging with her just take it on the chin and count the days , maybe just let your colleagues know you wont be chipping in for the carriage clock !!

Elsie high 5 on sorting the ipod praise be to allah ds can do his own stuff like that , its just PC issues I have to ask friends husbands to help with. Enjoy your meal tonight

Tea are you really not going to send a valentines to that guy ? Time is running out to get his address

Wheres Kate gone ? Too busy shagging working maybe ?

Also AWOL Citydoll, Cloudedview, WQ, Maybees, DCS... hope you are all ok ..

Well back to fully fledged fabulousity today , the sun has been shining all day

House is nice had my offer rejected to need to have a long think

Been on a wonderful country walk with a friend and her dog today , we both have seriously ill friends and were just feeling glad to be alive and well. Whenever I hit the countryside I just feel my spirits soaring

Then off to see my friend with the twin sister who is leaving her vile EA dp and guess what hes asked her to marry him . Thats his answer to years of mistreatment , hes desperate because he has worked out his control over her has gone at last. These shit men.

Anyway doing a cheats roast dinner and eyes watering a bit where my oven hasnt been cleaned for months weeks and is chugging out fumes

See you later and chin up everyone

Hello all and happy birthday to Elsie's boy.
have read all the above for the last couple of pages. Feel humble at what some of us are going through, with so little in the way of real life support. Just don't know how i would manage without my wonderful, wonderful friends, and my dear sister (although she is four hours away from me): my life without H is still bearable and do-able provided I do not think about the long term future. And let's face it, the future is so unpredictable for any of us that there really is little point in worrying about that, when day to day living has enough hassles and worries.
I see H often but simply do not engage with him any more. I just treat him as a co carer. I think I read somewhere about a person who acts like he did, like many of our ex ps did, simply not having it in them to care one jot about what we feel. Therefore engaging, and telling them how we feel, is utterly, painfully pointless. It is, to them, like watching a stranger rant or cry.
so I had my say back last July, and since then have not said any more of how i feel. I wrote masses in my little book, and had a bit of counselling, and have spoken about some issues to some friends, but to re-view it with H would be useless. Knowing that does help as I think it would just hurt me more to try and say it again, knowing he could not give a toss.
Patience, we are all glorified baby sitters, really. the xs have just buggered off, knowing the kids would be looked after. so either we look after them, or choose to escape ourselves. Some women do choose that, we so far have not. But , we could: and somehow, knowing that, does give me strength to carry on. You do hold some cards.
Ok my ramblings are over.
I survived the dentist and DD1 (the teenager) is being nice. Hurrah!

LOL - I'm not too busy 'making sweet love" - me and the girls have all been full of this bloody cold everyone seems to have! Sore throat, headaches just to add to the horribleness of runny noses.

Low point was 9 yr old DD crying because she felt so dire and vile and 6 yr old dd crying at the same time because I was giving the other one too much attention!!! While I was feeling rough and snotty myself. Oh the joys!

So I'm here, Just got to do my photo of the day and I am going to sit down and catch up

Hi all. Such a lot to catch up on tonight. Had to rush back after work, get tea done for oldest, then take him to footie practise, then pick up youngest (my lovely childminder offered to give him his tea so he wouldn't have to stand on a footie pitch from 6 to 7), then get em ready for bed, complete with huge stories. Same old same old eh? Then do banking nd online shopping. Lovely thing about being on here is that everyone is in the same boat and you all do it and more too. I swear to God if this particular woman at work mentions her bloody DH again and how he "drove me to work / wakes me up with a cup of tea/ took me to the bookies for a laugh - IT WAS SO SWEET! etc etc" I will put red pen on her forehead. Or if the one who's gettting married in April says "R is just my whole life now. Him and the dogs" AGAIN, I'll be forced to defecate on her bloody weeding mag. Either that or just draw moustaches on all the brides. And if the newly married one says "My very articulate husband helped me with a letter of complaint to the head" AGAIN, I'll...I'll...
Anyway.
Patience - so sorry your ex is yet again giving you a hard time, fucking with your head, making things seem even worse than they are. I can completely see how you feel trapped. I don't know how to make you feel better. Just to say that I also feel trapped a lot of the time (and I'm very well aware that I am lucky enough to have some time off). I also feel like every day is groundhog day. I also feel like I've got the raw end of the deal. My exh just wanted his own life to carry on as normal before we split. Now he has the best of both worlds. He sees his kds every other weekend, rest of time is spent at work/shagging 21 year old / in pub / watching football. His favourite things to do. Lucky old him. Actually, over the past year I have felt less trapped as kids have started to grow up a bit. But I never feel like I work to the best of my ability, or that I'm a mum to the best of my ability. Just sending you love at this time. And let me come up and see you when you feel a bit better. I would love to spend an evening at yours having a laugh :)
ET - hope you have a good DS birthday meal.
Sov - those fraud people are twats. So if you'd had some sort of nervous breakdown in front of them or fainted, you would be innocent? And as for your ex...he is the same as the fraud people. But worse. Lots of love x
Kate - sorry about cold and all being ill. Had that myself last ccouple of weeks. It's shit. How is your new fella anyway? We all need to have some good news on someone's love life!
Offschool - you're lush, as we say in these parts.
Parking provocatively...well, about two years ago, I was in a mad panic because kids wouldn't get out of house on time and I arrived at work 5 minutes after 8.30 when I should have been there. There were no spaces in car park and I was shitting myself that I was going to get an official letter about being late. So I parked in front of other cars - which included boss's - as I didn't think she was going out that day. So then of course she was going out and had to come to the classroom and ask me to move car. I was mortified and duly got a letter saying that my parking was provocative and an act of aggression towards her. Sigh. It was actually because I'm so scared of her that I parked there! She obviously didn't believe this and thought I was deliberately winding her up etc. Why I would do that when she keeps threatening to discipline me I have no idea.

Ooo yeah red pen on forehead LOL Googoo. Know exactly what you mean though.

Yes saw your message Sov but DD has been fine since Sunday so as I said further down thread I'll swat up on my books here for now rather than try and arrange babysitter etc for the course, just yet.

Oh Getting tell me more about this house? How far can you increase your offer do you reckon?

No chickened out on the card for reasons explained downthread.

Kate get better soon lovey, miss you on here.

Right off to bed ladies x

Hey, guess what? My 4 year old slept in his own bed last night. AND he came home from school with a sticker for "good manners"! There is light at the end of a screaming tunnel...just haven't given in to him for about a week :)

Good Evening, Patience wish I could give you a huge hug, you are right - support means such a lot. I don't know what I would do without my parents and in laws.

The girls and me being poorly (and only colds - not even anything bad!) has brought it home to me - parenting is really hard on your own - I needed to divide myself in two to keep them both happy.

Ex simply does not give a toss. Compounded by the fact that his absence makes any tiny little crappy gesture he makes towards the girls be greeted with their love and gratitude!

Hence he now says that he has not seen any reaction from the girls to his behaviour...because he only sees them for a few hours and then it's fun fun fun!

Remember the bloody cat he was so obsessed with? Well he's given it away! Yep...given the girls pet away. He stays at OW his gf's too much to bother with it now. Not much of a surprise...he emailed me just to 'let me know' I didn't react...he did it to the girls and me...not much of a shock that he did it to the bloody cat.

These men just don't have feelings like the rest of us.

In date news - he's lovely, spent the weekend together. Completly different from ex, after the last 6 months it is so nice to have someone put me first. It's long distance so that suits me and means that I can take it as slowly as I want. Not looking for someone to share my girls with, but as sov said I think...I have also been a mum for half my life (big 40 on Sunday!) and always been a 'mum' with my 2 ex's. Not now...I'm me, first

Kate :) re cat
:) re man!

Oh sorry! I meant :( re cat!

Sorry Kate hope you feel better soon and loving the idea of long distance relationship. Any further on finance practicalities ?

Hey getting no, he is paying for the girls now but he doesn't seem to be moving on selling the house.

I have given it a bit of space - and I won't email him this week (it's my birthday and Valentines) and I don't want to engage with him at the moment..but get those milestones over with and I'm going to push him to get the house up for sale.

My new job starts on March 1st - so I'm hoping it will be a little bit more money for me...not much, but every bit helps...I'm counting the pennies this week and had to copper up. I have asked my parents for birthday money...so hoping that I may be able to treat myself! pay the council tax!

Dumplings I think we should have a vote..............right all those in favour of Tea sending card shout Aye & those against shout Nay! I'm in the Aye camp, first vote cast . P.S. understand difficulty in obtaining the address but I think this should be well within the capabilities of a veteran Dumpling like yourself

Kate, really glad to hear relationship is going well . I am actually dumbfounded about the cat .

Goo, that is fantastic news about ds . I have a 4 & 5 yr old here too so I know the battles well

Getting, I laughed reading about your oven. I studiously ignore mine & it's likely to combust one of these days . Glad you enjoyed walk & hopefully you'll have better luck soon with the house hunting.

Off, I think you're right about it being a complete waste of time looking to the x's for anything.

Mumfun, really loved your quotes . I too fit in loads of coffee morns etc when dc's are at nursery & school to save my sanity.

ET, hope your b'day dinner for ds went well.

Sov, glad you got through this morning ok but that you've this to deal with on top of everything else. So sad to hear that you've no support from your mum. I hope you manage to find some way to get a break for yourself soon ((Hugs))

Patience, hope you're feisty spirit is returning & that you're feeling a bit better.

Pink, if your lurking a big Hi

Happy, hope life is good with you atm

Getting, glad you enjoy exh!
Last February one Sunday the boys and I went for a bracing morning walk on the beach. It was blowing a gale, sea raging, we were obviously wearing coats, hats, gloves. It was just too cold, so we made our way back to the carpark. As we reached it, boys got very excited because there was dad. He was standing outside his gf's car (she was inside, wearing a trakkie and having a fag). He was braced against the wind, hands on hips, wearing a full England strip, T shirt, shortd, Rooney on his back, trainers. As we approached he shouted over the gale "Alright lads! Nice day for it eh?" Had a short conversation. I said "You doing much today?" he said "Nah, not really pet"
So we got into the car. I said to boys "Why do you think dad is wearing a full England strip boys?" They replied "Oh, daddy and J (gf) play ping pong every Sunday morning" Oh, I said, where do they do that then? "On the dining table of course mum!"
Eh?!!!!

Aye, like I said Tea excuses

Oh and once he turned up to pick up the boys wearing full hunting/shooting gear - flat cap, checked shirt, full length sowester thing, hunter wellies. I was slightly stunned. I said "Nice outfit. Going anywhere special?" He said "No, why would I be? But I'll tell you what, this clobber costs a FUCKING fortune ye na!!!!!!"
Right.

Oh aye. But I think Tea is going on a counselling session where he'll be, so I completely understand her reluctance. I have a romantic notion she can show her fabulosity on said day and then go for a gentle coffee with said bloke and ah...all will be well :)

Love gf in trackkie having fag ..so goo is ping pong a metaphor then ? Personally fully grown men in replica kits are not my thing

Ok ok so he likes dressing up ! Please goo you know you can trust us ....

Hahaha! NO. That never came to light during our relationship. He's a big butch Geordie ye na!
Now he's like Mr Ben with an anger management problem :)
Oh and exbf (keep up now girls, exBF this time) has new fb status update. He is appreciating his friends, his life and ...wait for it...nuances. He's glad to be breathing.
Give me strength.
Poles apart. Both twats. :)