Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.2

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Elsie I guess I would just have liked him to be more thoughtful regarding my situation.........yeah I thought that would give u a laugh.

Kids said this was their best night ever ,this involved going to bed in vests because they both had spiderman tattoos.

Ggm what gets me is folk like me eat up hundreds of pounds that should be spent on careworkers etc,I'm sorry but it shouldn't be so easy for blokes to just fuck off and not answer to anyone.I understand its for my kids but I honestly wouldn't have had kids if I had to bring them up without a dad and claim benefits,just feel niave and stupid.the welfare state wasn't put in place so guys like my X could just fuck off.

Patience - if the govt had more money they wouldn't spend it on care workers - they'd probably spend it on defense or fecking nuclear arms.
Your ex is horrible. You're not a childminer. You're a bloody good mum. I often feel naive and stupid too. All the men who've sucked me dry emotionally then spat me out. And I know exaclty how you feel re childcare. My exh hasn't got a clue. He does none of the normal things with em. Doesn't even help oldest with hmwk on his weekends - leaves it for me to do Sunday night with him, as they've been "having fun". Then goes off to pub as soon as he leaves, cos there's always a big match on. Makes me fill with rage sometimes. But even now it's getting a bit easier with 4 and 7 (although 4 yo screams a lot). You are at an exhausting stage. Let me know if you can get any sort of respite so I can come up x

Yeah c wot I can do ,glad ur feeling better.

Well, the tonsils have cleared up. So glad I went back to work (not).
Don't need a lot of notice to come up. Don't mind if you have the kids. We'll have a fun day and a bottle or two and a takeaway at night :)

Thing is the kids aren't a problem ,its my X he has fucked my head up good and proper .

I know love. Pity he only gets off his arse to do that eh? Lots of love. I think you're fab x

Thanks mate ,this morning was his worst yet I can't even type it.All about him remaining in denial and blaming everything on me .just tough to hear it out loud again.It's a horrible place 2b atm.I just don't see how it gets better ,its been 15mths its still v unstable.

Waves to all

Had college so only getting a chance to check in now. Patience, what you are going through is horrible. I remember having really black days when I was trying to deal with my xh's insanity & felt so alone. Sending you big virtual hugs & hope tomorrow things don't look so bleak for you.

Goo, hope your boss treats you a bit kinder tomorrow. Tbh it sounds like she has a personality disorder. I had a boss like that in the past & she made my working life a misery so I can empathise with you. Great news however that she's due to retire, light at the end of the tunnel!

ET, hope you don't find tomorrow too emotional. The first of everything is always the hardest ((Hugs))

Hope tomorrow is a brighter day for all us dumplings

Hugs for everyone

Patience i know exactly how you feel, i feel trapped most of the time, my DSF babysits the DC so i can have a night out occasionally on 2 conditions, 1, DC are asleep when i leave and 2, i'm going out with my mum, other than that nada, i can go weeks without seeing anyone and feel very alone and like it's never going to end, i WANT to have a relationship with someone new, but the reality of it is that i cant see how that would happen with 4 dc around constantly, X refuses to babysit the DC, " why should i sit here while your off galivanting getting up to who knows what?" he says, but it's ok for me to do it 24/7 why?
Have been in a weird mood all day that i cant seem to shake, X was telling me again last night how this is all my fault and i made his life hell, how it cost him his soul being with me, FFS it's all bullshit but i still cant get my head round the, if it was THAT bad then why not leave sooner? a question he refuses to answer
I know that everything he says is designed to hurt me, like "i should have listened to my friends when they told me to leave you, funny they are all talking to me now we've split"....honestly, couldnt give a f* about his 'friends' never have, never will, all he does now is piss me off and make me think, what this AGAIN!! get some new material or tell it to someone who cares
I just want him to be a father to his kids, if he came begging on his knees with the winning lottery ticket i wouldnt want him back
The thing is my expectaions are....pointless, he has never been a proper dad to them, what makes me think thats going to change now? i just sometimes feel that this isnt what i signed up for, why the hell have i been lumbered AAARRRGGGGHHH, i hate how this makes me feel, i love my DC but i would NEVER have had so many if i thought for 1 second i would be raising them alone, it's horrible to think and it hurts me to think of it but it's the truth, yesterday i seriously wanted to hit him, he squared up to me (from a distance, he's not that stupid lol) and was very surprised when i said come on then, lets go for it (DC where in the house we were outside)
He made to walk towards me and i walked towards him saying come on then, he turned tail and practically ran to his car, the thing is if he had been in swinging distance i probably would have done it and that makes me feel shit, i am at the end of my tether with him now and he frustrates me to the point where i physically want to hurt him (think i need to look for a kick boxing class lol)
He needs to step up to the plate or step away altogether
My mum tells me to stop him seeing them or use a contact centre and if i let him in the house again to see them then she's going to fall out with me and that they shouldnt be left alone with him, i tell her that he wouldnt hurt them and i dont mind him taking them out, in fact thats what i want and she just argues, when i point out that if he doesnt do that then i dont get a break she just goes quiet and says nothing

Sorry this turned into a very long rant, am feeling very nervous about the fraud investigation appointment which is in the morning, it's mad as i know i havent done anything wrong but i still feel nervous and worried, what if they interput my nervousness and worry as signs of guilt?
what if they send me to jail? what will happen to my DC as X has now said he wouldnt take custardy and my mum isnt able to look after them for an hour without calling me and complaining so what would happen if i do go to prison? they would be taken away and placed in care and i could lose them forever
it is worst case senario but i'm all they have and they are all i have (buggar am crying now) No one listens to my fears and worrys and i am both about the future

Sorry again, am going to toss and turn in bed now, hopefully i will be back with good news tomorrow, take care everyone

Thanks starting I think his denial is the hardest bit ,u think u can have a conversation and then it all goes tits up and its tough to deal with that .I need to find peace and I struggle with the trapped feeling when he is free as a bird.

Ps ggm ur boss is jealous .ur young and bright and she is soon to be over and can't let go .just like my ex mil .let that give u strength when she is doing ur tits in

Fuck that was uncanny sov we both wrote the same post.
Don't worry about interview sov u have 4 kids ur not conning anyone ,ur in this situation like me because the man in our lives let his familly down.

Thankyou for everyones support just need to dig deep for some fabulosity this week and not let this one bastard grind me down x

Morning all, lets hope today is a better day for all.

Patience and Sov especially, you are really going through it. Wishing you both a much better day and Sov, good luck with your appointment, I'm sure it will be ok but awful that you have to go through that at all. Its really hard to think of what more you can both do to get support and some time away from the kids, there must be a way I know, its just a question of finding it somehow.

Waves and hugs to all.

Good luck Sov, show them your bank statements mate, they'll soon go quiet lovely

ET hope ds has a lovely birthday today like someone said the firsts are hard

Sov I am so sorry you are feeling this way but I think you will fight your way through it . Good luck today I am sure it will be ok you just dont need it do you

Just a quickie as I am off to view a house see you later

Sov, wishing you the best of luck this morn & agree it's terrible you've this to cope with on top of everything else. It is really sad to read your post & how tied down you are with dc. Really hope moving forward that both you & Patience find some way to get a break every now & then. ((Hugs to you both))

Patience, hope today is a brighter day for you.

Getting, good luck with the house.

Sov dont engage with ex at all - he is such an a* Hes just blaming you. Dont let him put any negativity on you. When has he earned to support the kids? When has he made effort to look after them/support you?Just get him in and go out. Or use a contact centre. Dont let him drag you down. WOuld your mum sit if you went to a night class? That would get you out and get some more skills etc.

Patience -when are the 2 weans at school. I get a lot done -see people during the day, go to a few classes when the kids are at school - and then work at night often.

Getting -good luck with houses. If there are any houses/streets of houses you like the look of you round you why dont you put a note through saying if they are thinking of selling to contact you -Ive known others do that in the past and get a decent response

Goo there is something seriously wrong with your boss. Do a calendar of the days till she retires and strike off every day till then! Im seriously shocked about cutting CDman and other carers hours -thats unbelievable! Love provocative parking -has really got my imagination going.

Tea - glad you dumped him sharpish! Coercion is a horrible thing.

ET - hope DS has a good day and glad things bit more stable atm

Its a fab sunny day here but have horrible head cold. But positive it will be a good day. Mine are now 7 and 5. Their dad left when they were 5 and 3 and things are so much easier now.

Waves to everyone else - Happy, Old, WQ, City, Chairmum and anyone Ive forgotten

These jumped out at me today:

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."
? Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Ooo I like that mumfun

Mf only time I can work is when kids are at school nursery ,dd tags along to work ,nursery is 12 hrs in the week.please ,I am trying to make an effort.how can I justify sitting around drinking coffee with strangers instead of trying to earn a living.Im glad it works for u I'm glad uve got support ,but u make it sound like I'm not making any effort and I've brought it on myself.X says the same.

Patience, when my eldest 2 were little that year when one was at school and the other was at nursery was a pain in the arse. Back and forth, back and forth all day long, it seemed. It was much easier when they both went to school so hopefully it will be for you too.

DS not impressed with me this morning as I couldn't configure his new ipod touch. Bad mummy that I am. Made me mad that I've been left on my own to sort everything out and then get the blame when I don't get it 100% right. He phoned xp to tell him that Mom did it all wrong. Grrr. However, since he's been at school I think I've managed to sort it. Pressed save instead of run when I downloaded itunes. If I've done it properly I'll be back here looking very smug later .

Hope Ds has a great day Elsie.thing is its not the kids that are the problem its just I hate my new life now ,get on with it eh no point moaning about it x

Patience, kids mean your choices in life are limited, no two ways about it. I've been a mother for more than half my life and I've still got another 8 years to go before ds is officially an adult. That's more than 30 years with a child under 18 in the house that I am responsible for. I'm frightening myself here! But my life would have been very different without kids, no doubt about it. I could have travelled the world, been a beach bum, gone hell for leather into a fab career and had a flat tummy. Women sacrifice so much for their children.

I have an ipod touch Elsie pm me if I can help at all x

No wise words for you Patience but I'm thinking of you x

Thank you Tea but amazingly, I think I've done it myself . So now I am Ms Smugitty Smug from Smugsville. Yah boo sucks to xp .