Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.2

[Teaandcakeplease]

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

Ptience I loathe your ex too and will write him down in my little book next time I get it out. Ha that will serve him right. how old are your children?
Getting I am older than you and feel pretty much like you, how on earth will i ever meet anyone again - I can go out, so am not stuck at home, but it is always the same lovely people and impossible in a small social circle to ever meet anyone new.
Sat in the dentist's chair for an hour. DD1 did not even wish me luck this morning, just moaned about not being able to find her shoes, while DD2 was unimpressed at my inability to put her trousers on properly.
so today I am a hopeless mother, a bitter old hag, numb from the neck up, and 500 quid down to boot. Happy Monday!

Hi all

Patience, sorry to hear that you are feeling rubbish, can you try the steps and see if it helps a bit

Getting, looking at houses a good idea I think (feeling sick as I know I will have to do that too eventually and will have the same problem as you I think)

OffS, think it's gonna be a case of writing off Monday morning then - I hope this afternoon can be better somehow. Can you think of anyhting you can do at all to perk yourself up?

MumFun, well yes I do agree with you on Alpha and just interested to explore it really and see where it goes - more a question of adding it into the mix for me really as I am curious. It is something (believe me) I would NEVER have done going back more than a year ago and, in fact, I would have been afraid that I would be caught up in something strange if I did do it. But now, I am thinking it's something worth trying and if I don't like it I won't stay for the duration >

God it's sad that so many of us are really struggling atm . Lets try to regain our dumpling spirit & trust that there will be brighter days ahead.

Happy, I agree with you on the Alpha course. I understand what Mumfun is saying & I would be concerned with v vulnerable people getting caught up in staunch groups but I do think you're well balanced enough to explore this avenue & take what you need. This could be a step in helping you strengthen your spiritual side so as long as you don't become a bible bashing zealist I think no harm will come from it

Patience, sending you a virtual hug & hope you find a way out of this blackness soon ((hugs))

Getting, sorry you're also feeling down atm. You're right it does seem so unfair at times ((Hugs))

Off, likewise hope your day improves. Being a parent can be such a thankless role!

Mumfun, waves & good advice to Patience I think. It's such a hard lonely place but one step at a time we've got to do whatever we can to improve our lives.

Tea, hope your cold passes soon ((Hugs))

This isn't despair this is acceptance ,makes me laugh out loud if u think I havent asked family to help or asked to be included socially as a single ,X would NEVER pick kids up and drop off on an evening he needs to chill man ,pil don't do gc s ,this is it.would be great to open a bottle of wine and chat with friends about my shite life but I can't even do that.

Off school my kids are 4 and 5.
Ok where do I start .I have no social circle. They all dissapeared after split,no one has ever come to visit ,wrote to loads at Xmas ,2 phoned promising they would keep in touch,nothing after that except one bloke that wants to come round ,I asked him how his girlfriend was and he stopped texting.This is my life now it just took me 15mths to accept it.let's face it I married an abuse bastard and he was the one thing that made me happy.its not great eh ,now I'm on my own ,no career ,2 kids ,on benefits and no support .

Hi everyone. No better Monday here either. Boss wouldn't let me go to English liaison meeting this afternoon as cover hadn't been arranged because deputy is off. I said that wasn't my fault and cover was now arranged. She said she was instigating a disciplinary procedure against me for "being belligerant" and that my absences were way above national average and she was going to call in occupational health next time I was off.
If she had half a clue about what I do every day - all on my fucking own - just to get to bloody work, do a good job etc she wouldn't believe it. So she's going to have me disciplined for not liking and repsecting her, for not being scared of her. Thing is, in my world you earn respect. And the other thing I was in dispute with her about - when I wrote her the letter - I think that's why she's really horrible to me now because she knows that I'm right and she can't do a thing about it, so she's punishing me in another way. I'm at the point of giving up, just walking.

Can you get your union involved? She's got a serious chip on her shoulder and needs to be put in her place once and for all

Or I could just give her a good kicking

I'm just scared really. I'm very financially vulnerable - I would lose a lot if she disciplined me - it would be on my records and I really need this job. She knows that. But she has a huge file of my "misdemeanours" (as she does with everybody) which include "parking provocatively" and placing my coat on a desk in an "agressive manner". I've had the union in before. They said she was mad but that she didn't like me and she would try again and again to make my life difficult. She said she wanted to meet with me and my union but I said no. I don't want an official meeting that goes down on record. I'm just tired of it all. It's been 5 long years. She retires this summer and I'm sure she wants to damage me before then. Just have to ride out whatever storm is coming my way. On my own as usual. Oh man. Bring it on.

Joking x

Not long til summer,ggm,just keep ur head down as best u can.if it was permanent I would say get a transfer not worth this ,ruins ur life.

Googoo I shouldn't laugh but i do like the idea of parking provocatively, tempted to try it myself sometime ...but as patience says, not long till summer. stick it out. what if occupational health were called in anyway? bet they'd be impressed how you manage what you do and perhaps even would be on your side? who are occupational health for what it's worth? employed by the LA?

Patience I guess there is nothing I can say that would not sound worthy and meaningless. just hope saying keep spitting it all out here, demonstrates people are listening,and tho none of us are in your shoes, we are there with a(virtual) helping hand. just as a really feeble idea you have probably thought of, is there anyone you are friendly with anywhere, who you could have skype conversations with, as if they were sitting with you? One of my best friends has moved away but we keep in touch like this and it is almost as good as her being here. 4 and 5 is a bugger of an age to have them on your own, I remember feeling so fed up and bored at times, but without play groups etc etc god knows how I would have managed. do you have that at all? Is the 5 at school?
Tell me to shut up if I sound like your granny.

Thanks off school its just I want to go out and socialise tbh and the thought of NEVER going out is getting me down .it just reminds me I have no friends and the ones I thought I had aren't friends at all.flat too small to have people over with kids here.and X sayin ur just a fucking babysitter now ha ha ha .just showed me this is my RL now ,I know I need to get over myself but its more accepting this is my life now.my X drinks in the pub everynight,I would love to go out for a drink,just to have fun and mix with adults,

God, sorry so many of us are down atm. My mind boggles at GGM parking provocatively, too. What the devil is that about, Goo?

Patience, things WILL change eventually. Life with young dc is bloody hard but it does get easier as they get older. And then it gets completely impossible again when they are teenagers . Don't underestimate how emotionally draining under 10s can be, especially when you are doing 99.9% of the parenting and have 100% responsibility. As your dc become more independent then so will you. There will be more opportunities in the future. Cut yourself some slack. And if you worked and paid taxes for 20 years then you contributed to any benefits you now receive.

I'm a bit of a lurker atm but I'm trying to keep up. DS is 10 tomorrow and it will be the first birthday his dad hasn't been here in the morning for him. We've bought a joint present but he won't see him open it. It makes me sad for DS. Generally, I'm bucking the trend here though and feeling more detached and positive.

lol at Patience! Thing is, I alwaya try to keep my head down but everything I do she takes it as a sign of rebelliousness when it isn't! At the same time, she feels threatened by me because I stand up to her...so I can't win really. I just go in every morning, go to my classroom and teach but apparently that isn't enough. Let's just hope she decides not to have a big go.
As for Occupational Health - I'm not bothered at all. I'm not a skiver, got nothing to hide, just been ill at times!
Parking provocatively - all I was doing was straddling the Focus in a bikini...surely everyone does that at 8am of a Friday?

Funny that you should say that GooGoo, did you read the thread last week about the mum who agreed to have coffee with one of the school dads at 9am last Thursday and, well, the rest is history.

I did actually. Made me feel slightly sick!

Ooo can I have a link to that thread, pleeassseee?

Googoo she's sounds a nightmare.

here it is!

Quite a sad thread tea,
Thanks Elsie,its just that I know that when kids are older I will have more of a social life,but I want it now,so I just have to accept it aint happening,it is for my X but not for me .I don't struggle doing kids its just it would be great to go out but face facts if I can't pay my own rent I cant afford to go out anyway.just funny how things end up.

That's why I wouldn't have that bloke in my house that was texting me ,I don't trust anyone these days .

Oh it is sad, eek I thought it might be funny with Googoo's joke about parking provocatively

Also reminds of the time I was coerced into sex by a new boyfriend before being married and it was awful, my skins crawling remembering back. I dumped him pretty sharpish after

Patience, your ex may have a social life. But do you envy him? Would you swap places?

Don't answer that.

Yes. it's sad. And icky. Poor woman. Tea - that sounds awful too. I got upset at weekend cos I felt I rushed into things too soon with exbf too. Looking back he really wanted sex before getting to know me. CDman is making me realise that all men aren't like that and that some blokes are real gentlemen. Good to know eh?
CDman emailed me last night. The council has cut the money for carers, so his hours are going down to 21 instead of 40 per week and his salary is halving. And they aren't putting anyone's hours onto half time - they still have to go in every day and work in dribs and drabs, which meaans that none of them can get another job to supplement their incomes. Some people were crying apparently. So he has opted for redundancy which won't amount to much but he's going to do something else - possibly social working as he has a degree in it. How can you cut carers? I don't get it. Now lots of families will have no access to respite care - reminds me of the Riven case. These poor families - they are under enough stress as it is, without losing respite.