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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dumpling no more - only the strong survive and we did No.2

1001 replies

Teaandcakeplease · 29/01/2011 07:48

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinkin' I could never live without him by my side;
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you did me wrong
And I grew strong Smile

This thread is for ex dumplings Any dumpling that feels like she has "mostly" moved past crisis into an "almost" sorted state can post and chat here as we continue our quest for serenity with a lot of laughs along the way and support.

OP posts:
gettingeasier · 04/02/2011 15:58

Tea know what you mean but I think its also this endless grey cold horridness

Love the new emoticon although I am a white wine girl myself Smile

Patienceobtainsallthings · 04/02/2011 16:01

I know starting that's the gamble isn't it.I just think my high self esteem will now render me celibate for the rest of my life .anyway got a haircut today and away to football soon x

Patienceobtainsallthings · 04/02/2011 16:03

I know starting that's the gamble isn't it.I just think my high self esteem will now render me celibate for the rest of my life .anyway got a haircut today and away to football soon x

startingovernow · 04/02/2011 21:46

Wow v quite here tonight........

Original poster
Teaandcakeplease · 04/02/2011 22:04

The ditched thread is busy. Come and say hi Smile

OP posts:
Patienceobtainsallthings · 04/02/2011 22:09

I think everyone is out having a laugh. I thought I'd just go for a quiet nite in x

Patienceobtainsallthings · 04/02/2011 23:12

Ok just had this thought ,next year ,God willing,i will look after the kids 365 days of the year,X will do it approx 8 hrs, 52 days a year.so in the next 10 yrs its 520 days .wow ......I see wot u mean about obsolete Elsie,I mean he ain't goin to see them every week is he .so maybe 400 days so really about 1 yr out the next 10 .that makes a mum think x

startingovernow · 04/02/2011 23:44

Back again. Tea haven't been on the other thread at all as I don't have time to keep up with them both so don't think I'd be able to pick up on it at this stage.

Patience, that's a sobering thought! Unfortunately most of the men that we talk about on this thread i.e. the twats, are never really going to be winning any parenting awards. Sad reality is that if they had anything to give they wouldn't have left!

Anyway, update is no response from Norm! Am glad I sent emails as it will force him to confront the truth & at least if he want's to make contact again he'll now have to get honest.

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 05/02/2011 00:14

Waves to all

I went out for Wine

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/02/2011 09:06

If they had anything to give they wouldn't have left .
Wow !
Ain't that the truth and when u start to accept that u realise that ,this is the new life and u better just get on with it.
I still want to see good in my X but bloody hell he makes it tough.another year on and I wonder if he will still be in denial about his behaviour.
But I will be off and away by then .

offschoolagain · 05/02/2011 12:04

Hello to all.
Patience I am impressed, Latin endings! Go to the top of the class immediately. bloody trampoline, bin the damn thing and make the kids go for runs instead.
Elsie, I laughed when I read your post - an affair with the niece! that really beats all.
Starting you sound very brave.
It has not been a brilliant week here in dumpling town, really.
Massive row with DD1 because she left all the hall and landing lights on all night one night and just shrugged when I pointed it out; she then burnt her toast and offered it to me so I chucked it in the recycle caddy. blasted child(Ok teenager).
Also day off school with DD2 but fortunately only one.
Then one of those classic conversations on the phone with H. He is not meant to take cash out of joint ac and took £200 so I asked him what it was for - said he had mislaid his own card over christmas but still, £200! a lot. then said he wanted to "talk about money" with me. Bearing in mind he threw in his job when he left me to go to (rich)OW, saying the immortal line, he only needed pocket money for "beer and baked beans", I really do not feel very sympathetic. I said, sure, we can talk about it, but maybe it is time to consider Option B, ie a job? So that will be an interesting discussion. Am blowed if he is goin gto reduce our standard of living whilst he lives with, sorry, off rich OW. wondering if her ex has withdrawn some funds now he knows the new man has moved in.
Feel ready to square up for a fight on this one. H is writing a book, apparently, so perhaps he will be the new JK ROwling. Or perhaps he just needs a proper job like the rest of us.
Meanwhile here I am on Saturday doing my normal morning's catch up on work (usually about 4 hours) then will walk a friend's dog and quiet night in with DD1 as DD2s carers are taking her to the cinema. Will come back later to see who is here.

Original poster
Teaandcakeplease · 05/02/2011 12:21

Oh the cheeky blighter. I had HSBC freeze the joint account so no money could be withdrawn as my exH was awful with money. Then I opened my own account and transferred all direct debits relevant to me only and they cancelled all of his Grin Also redirected all incoming funds into my account too that were mine. Mwaaa ha ha ha.

OP posts:
googoomama · 05/02/2011 12:48

Hi everyone. Missed loads cos I've been sleeping off this illness. I'm starting to feel in the land of the living now. Boys at their dad's so just going to cocoon myself today. Waves to everyone.
Have a good cinema trip Patience.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/02/2011 14:11

Glad ur feeling a bit better goog x

googoomama · 05/02/2011 20:51

Hi anyone who is there. Might be the illness or perhaps the meds but been very weepy today. Crying about my life in general, which I haven't done for ages. I'm exhausted too, which is a bit worrying because I've done so much sleeping. Cried buckets about exbf today and his village and all the friends there that I will never see again. So sad about it today. Don't know why this has hit me now. I know he is playing a gig in the village tonight and will be singing the songs he wrote about me, so everyone can hear how he's not in love with me and how I'm not good enough for him. I know this doesn't matter but it hurts and I sort of realised today how abused I've been over the years by men, how betrayed as well and how I really don't deserve it cos I'm not a bad person. And life is exhausting, just neverending.
Sorry, best to get it out though eh? x

startingovernow · 05/02/2011 21:20

Hi Goo, ((Hugs)) I'm actually feeling exactly as you've wrote, think I may have slumped into depression. Feel my whole life has been crap, feel really sad about what happened with Norm, sick of the struggle, feel I've lost my inner peace, joy & happiness. Feeling exhausted too, mentally & physically. I also feel as if I'm a nice person but that since I met xh it all went terribly wrong. Right now I just desperately feel like I would love to have someone in my life that loves me Sad

googoomama · 05/02/2011 21:26

Oh Starting, I'm so sorry. I know exactly what it's like to meet someone after exh and then be let down again. It's so shit. I wish I could make it instantly better for you or at least come round and have a cuppa with you. I'm hugging you in spirit lovely lass. you're not alone in feeling a bit blue x

startingovernow · 05/02/2011 21:37

Thanks Goo & at least it's nice to know we're not alone ifkwim. I think second blow is a lot harder & had never anticipated this. Hopefully this will pass for both of us soon ((Hugs)). Am just finishing hoovering & will have a virtual cuppa with you then lol.

googoomama · 05/02/2011 21:44

I think that the split with my exh was much more gradual, it happened over years and in a way it was a relief when it was over. Also, my exh wasn't a liar. I know he loved me. Exbf said that he loved me. He was lying. I am still finding that very difficult to process 3 months on. And the fact that I loved him so much when he wasn't a nice person. I don't understand why I still miss him when he made me feel bad about myself. I realise now that I was constantly trying to please him but that I never felt pretty enough, slim enough, hippy enough. a good enough mother. And I know that I'm so better off without him. And I know that CDman is a very good man with no ego and a very open heart and I really want to give him a chance. But exbf wins every tme at the moment. And that makes me so sad...

googoomama · 05/02/2011 21:44

I'm off to put the kettle on! lol

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/02/2011 21:51

Ah goog sorry ur feeling like this,just look after urself ,no wonder ur a bit gloomy we should be raving it up in Glasgow right now ,that in itself must be a huge crashing blow,lol no wonder ur feeling a bit bluesy,but we will live to fight another day ,we will make new memories and have a right laugh so chin up mate ,have a good sleep ,watching toy story 2 atm ,doin lego and eating ice lollies x

googoomama · 05/02/2011 21:54

Hi lovely lass - thanks. Part of it IS that I should have been in Glasgow not sitting here feeling shite. Never mind, as you say we will do it soon - hopefully two weeks time. And I miss my kids bless em. They're fine. They've been on train into Newcastle with their dad today, so they'll have had a lovely time. Just at a bit of a loss without them really, even tho they've driven me bloody mad this week. Find it hard to sleep without little one cuddling into me lol

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/02/2011 21:59

Ah Ffs toy story 2 is sticking,that stinky Pete is a bad bastard.

You got a friend in me ,you got a friend in me

googoomama · 05/02/2011 22:02

You're ace P.
All my fecking DVDs either stick or don't work on my crap really old telly. And it's always at the best bit just when kids are enjoying it lol

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/02/2011 22:06

Calm down with the hoovering starting,u are both fab ladies ,just keep fighting it ,I look about 6 mths pregnant tonight ,no idea why ,only rr been near me Confused

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