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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I have just discovered that i am pregnant but, don't want to be with my partner no more!

303 replies

sweetchecks · 26/01/2011 18:15

Done a pregnancy test today ad it came back positive.

My boyfriend is wanker and i don't want to be with him no more :/

i don't know what to do shall i tell him am pregnant?

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/01/2011 21:25

i am not picking a fight, i am upset at you suggesting that a 20 year old with no partner and no college is not a suitable person to be a parent, to the end taht they should in your opinion kill their baby.

i had ds1 at 19 as a single parent with no college education. i still dont have a college education. the only difference between me and the OP is that i had a job. she is currently at college. can you see why i might find what you have said upsetting?

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/01/2011 21:26

i am a bloody good parent BTW.

Lulumaam · 26/01/2011 21:32

I have no doubt that you are and of course, I am sorry that what I said upset you.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/01/2011 21:34

can you explain why any of those things would be a reason to discontinue a pregnancy? why are they not condusive to being a good parent?

theresapotatoundermysink · 26/01/2011 21:43

It's not an ideal situation to be in when you bring a child into the world. It does not mean she wouldn't be a good parent though.

portaloo · 26/01/2011 21:51

sweetchecks I really hope you come back to this thread. I have read your other thread about your b/f hopping from his ex g/f to you and back again, and his ex g/f is now pg.

I don't know if you have other threads I have not read yet, but from what I have read on these 2 threads, your circumstances resonated with me so much.

5 years ago, I was with a man who left me for his ex g/f. Their relationship had lasted 3 years and had finished a few months before I met him.

It seemed to me that as soon as I was with him, she wanted him back. She was unable to have anymore DC, apart from the DC she had with her exDH not my XP.

In that way, we had different circs. I wanted him in my life, as I feel you want your b/f in your life. I felt there must be something wrong with me for him to keep returning to his ex g/f. I wondered what she had that I apparently didn't.

He upped and left with little or no warning 5 times for his ex g/f.

He eventually stayed with me.

It was a very hollow victory.

I wish I had kicked his sorry backside out of my life the first time he left. During the time he was with me, I would often think of his ex g/f and realise that she actually had the better life, without him in it. I wished I was in her position without XP more than I liked to admit.

I have never yet heard of or met a man, who repeatedly dumps his girlfriend for another woman, who was a good father. Sad
I may well be alone in my experience.

I truly understand that you want a happy family life, but if you stay with this man, you will look back one day and regret wasting any of your precious time with him.

If you think there's a possibility a baby might make him 'wake up' and be a good partner/father, please reconsider.

How do your parents feel about your pregnancy?
Have you told the father yet about the pregnancy?
What do you want to do?

scottishmummy · 26/01/2011 21:53

go see benefit adviser
brief gp and mw about situation
gather any reasonable pals/family you can- you will need them
begin to plan how you will support child long term - pt college, ou

Appletrees · 26/01/2011 21:54

Oh dear. Use a condom please next time. This is a person you are bringing into the world. Please take it more seriously next time.

poshsinglemum · 26/01/2011 22:01

I hate it when people come on threads like this all judgy and holier than thou wagging fingers and saying ''you should have used to contraception.'' No shit sherlock but accidents happen, she didn't and now she's pregnant.

OP; what about you? what do you want to do with this baby? Do you think you could be a single mum?

Appletrees · 26/01/2011 22:02

Well maybe it will make a difference, maybe she WILL use contraception next time.

Not really an accident.

poshsinglemum · 26/01/2011 22:04

O for fucks sake; stop banging on about how she should have used contraception. For a start ; it's too sodding late, it's sanctimonious, totally presumptuous and completely horrendous. Shock at all those strongly suggesting abortion as though it's that easy. Fucking horrified. I bet is she was a 30 year old middle class bird you'd all be telling her to keep the baby or offering love, support and urging councelling.

Appletrees · 26/01/2011 22:05

I haven't suggested abortion. I wouldn't do such a thing. You bet wrong.

It's not too late for next time.

poshsinglemum · 26/01/2011 22:06

My cousin got pregnant on the pill.

Appletrees · 26/01/2011 22:07

Ok, well... that proves an enormous amount. Or maybe not.

scottishmummy · 26/01/2011 22:07

this isnt ideal,chaotic ex-p.she needs to get a plan,consider financial social ramifications.doesnt mean she cant keep baby or be capable mum.but cant gloss over it.it will be bloody hard

poshsinglemum · 26/01/2011 22:07

Well I concieved dd because I didn't use coontraception. (Don't we all) So clearly I was too irresponsible to have kids. Hmm It's because of benefits isn't it?

Appletrees · 26/01/2011 22:08

I have no idea. Only you can answer that.

poshsinglemum · 26/01/2011 22:08

Basically everyone who hasn't got any money should have an abortion so that the tax payer dosn't have to fork out. Wonderful.

Appletrees · 26/01/2011 22:09

Is that what you think? Because I don't think anyone else here thinks that. I think you're the odd one out there.

scottishmummy · 26/01/2011 22:09

oh pipe down and stop being all got at.not everything is about you

poshsinglemum · 26/01/2011 22:12

So op; do you think you could be a single mum? I do think you need to consider your options VERY carefully? I'd phone up a Marie Stopes councellor. you must feel quite confused and it woulod help to get some professional help.

I really wouldn't come on Mumsnet to get support on this issue. Your not going to get it and I'm worried you'll actually listen to some of the ''advice'' on here. You can't really ask a bunch of strangers if you should keep your baby. you need to talk to some professionals asap. If you need help from those of us who ARE single mums join us on the lone parents board. I won't tell you off for not wearing a condom!

Jajas · 26/01/2011 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

poshsinglemum · 26/01/2011 22:13

Scottish mummy; stop stalking me. You love it don't you! Everything IS about me actually. If you don't like it don't read my posts.

poshsinglemum · 26/01/2011 22:13

Cow bags.

Appletrees · 26/01/2011 22:14
Hmm

It's really odd to encourage young single motherhood. It's not really about the mums ..it's about the babies.

Anyway, OP I hope things work out. As others say, it will be hard work. But one can't wish anything but the best out of the situation.

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