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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have just discovered that i am pregnant but, don't want to be with my partner no more!

303 replies

sweetchecks · 26/01/2011 18:15

Done a pregnancy test today ad it came back positive.

My boyfriend is wanker and i don't want to be with him no more :/

i don't know what to do shall i tell him am pregnant?

OP posts:
aurynne · 26/01/2011 20:04

Mobly, YOURS is obviously not a priority either :P

Sweetchecks, I second the advice of having a termination. After the threads you've started, it is more than clear that you are not responsible, mature or even capable of taking the decision of having a child. Please stop burdening your parents with more unwanted children and get some education. You have brought all your miseries to yourself. Have some respect for your family, and for yourself, and grow up.

Rhinestone · 26/01/2011 20:10

Grin at you're / your!

Mobly - not suggesting grammar and spelling is OP's most pressing problem but if she got a job she might get a bit more self-respect and learn some useful life skills which she is blatantly lacking.

OP obviously hasn't had the best education (which is not her fault) so was just offering a quick fix to help her out if, for example, she attempts to write a CV or fill in an application form.

Only advice I feel able to give as I don't want to tell her to have a termination.

Original poster
sweetchecks · 26/01/2011 20:12

mobly thank you,

i think it is better if i dont tell him to be honest. Yer i understand that i shouldnt of had unprotected sex with him.

Tbh i wasnt thinking straight, had other problems aswell as this man the last few weeks aswell.

my grammer/spelling is bad because dyslexic, so yer i am pretty thick when it come to that, am not ashamed to admitt it tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
sweetchecks · 26/01/2011 20:17

aurynne the child i have now i wanted i will have you no love!

i dont know if i want this one because i dont know if babys dad will stick around if i finish it.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 26/01/2011 20:17

So who are you expecting to cough up financially for the effects of your joint irresponsibility if you aren't going to tell him?

Original poster
sweetchecks · 26/01/2011 20:24

I will manage by my self. I am not the only person in the world with kids, with no fathers. My babys dad still see's her and dont pay for her and i do that by myself i can do the same with this one aswell.

I dont depend on my parents to do anything for me.

oh and by the way i am in college, so when i finish my course i will be able to get a good job to support me and my child/ren.

OP posts:
aurynne · 26/01/2011 20:25

Sweetchecks: I am sorry, I was unnecessarily harsh and judgmental with you, and my advice had a nasty tone that made it utterly unhelpful. Please forgive me.

The baby's dad will not stick up, I believe you know that yourself. In fact, it would be much better if he disappeared from your life altogether. You are better than this. You don't need that loser of a partner. You can break this cycle and show everyone you can build a life for you and your children. But to achieve this, you have to become a responsible person first.

Whatever you do regarding your pregnancy, please make sure to sort your life first. At the moment you are completely dependent on the government and your parents. It does not have to be like this! You can show your children what a hard-working, independent, loving mum is. You don't need any man... if you ever choose to have a man by your side, it will be because you love him, not because you need him.

Best wishes!

ilovesooty · 26/01/2011 20:27

"I will manage by my self. I am not the only person in the world with kids, with no fathers."

Yes, most of them, if they aren't working, expect the taxpayer to pick up the bill.

NonnoMum · 26/01/2011 20:29

Little bit of advice - don't sleep with anyone who is a wanker.

Original poster
sweetchecks · 26/01/2011 20:32

aurynne its okay dont worry about it.

i am not relying on my parents though, yer i may live with them but i am looking for my own place like i said on previous posts.

i am trying to get a good job as i am in college doing my course, so thats not depending on the goverment.

I wish i never posted this thread now as i feel even worst than i did before i started it.

So can people stop commenting on this one now, i will be able to figure it out from there.

Thank you for the ones who gave me advice much appreciated.

OP posts:
NonnoMum · 26/01/2011 20:36

sweetchecks - I am sure you are doing your best.
But please let your best be the best for everyone: you, the children, your parents.
Good luck.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/01/2011 20:38

what a horrible thread.

have none of you ever made stupid mistakes?

i agree with mobly. OP doesn't need to be lectured on the contraception that she didn't use.

i am imagining responses would be totally different if it was the same story from a familiar poster.

Lulumaam · 26/01/2011 20:45

i would post the same to a regular known poster, as I don't think soft soaping is a good thing.

i truly think that at aged 20, with no partner, no job, home of her own and being unable to finish college is the best time to have a second child.

as I posted earlier, the OP has to decide what is best for her and the child she has, and not count on her deceitful ex to man up

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/01/2011 20:48

"i truly think that at aged 20, with no partner, no job, home of her own and being unable to finish college is the best time to have a second child."

problem with being a mum aged 20?

problem with being a mum without a partner?

OP is not incapable of trying to get a job just because she is pregnant.

college isn't necessary to be a parent?

anything else?

Ohforfoxsake · 26/01/2011 20:49

You need to decide what YOU want to do. Do you want this pregnancy to continue?

If so, he can be a father without being your partner. He will be in your life forever, and you have to manage that carefully.

Yes it will be hard, and there are tough times ahead. You make the decision that you can live with and take it from there.

I don't think anyone has the right, either on here or in RL, to tell you to terminate the PG. You will be the one who thinks 'what if' every day/week/year until it fades, but doesn't go away completely. Saying that, I don't think the right thing to do is getting together with him as you'll have no chance of him making you happy.

Good luck, it's a terrible situation. Who have you told?

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/01/2011 20:51

" the OP has to decide what is best for her and the child she has"

yes the OP should decide, not some people taht have no clue about her life tellingher she should have a termination.

Lulumaam · 26/01/2011 21:00

no of course a termination should never be brought up in such situations Hmm

let's just pretend everything will be fine

termination is a valid option to raise here IMO and it is something i have offered as an opinion on here from time to time and in RL

I only know what the OP has posted here and the other thread linked to about her cheating ex, and on that info, my opinion is to consider a termination

i would not expect for one minute the OP to do it, just because i said so, but it is as valid an opinion to offer as any other

Lulumaam · 26/01/2011 21:01

iloveit.. all of MN revolves around people telling other people their opinions based on small pieces of info, not knowing their entire life history

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/01/2011 21:05

a termination is one option amonst other available to OP. it is not the obvious option as quite a few of you have implied.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/01/2011 21:06

amongst

Mobly · 26/01/2011 21:06

Ilovesooty, your posts on this thread are offensive and prejudiced- not sure why you're posting at all really? I thought we posted to help each other.

We all make mistakes, the op needs advice and support, and honest advice can be given kindly, you don't need to be harsh.

Some of you really need to get your butts over to Pedants' Corner [grins]. Whoever said that grammar aint my priority well you're right- this is a mumsnet post not a friggin' academic essay.

Lulumaam · 26/01/2011 21:07

to me it is. and that is why i posted it, just as others have had other opinions.

i don't partiucarly thikn it was a left field opinion under the circs

anyway, I hope that the OP comes to a decision that is right for her and her child and comes through this

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 26/01/2011 21:07

"problem with being a mum aged 20?

problem with being a mum without a partner?

OP is not incapable of trying to get a job just because she is pregnant.

college isn't necessary to be a parent?

anything else?"

posting again incase you missed it.

Mobly · 26/01/2011 21:10

Grin bugger it!

Lulumaam · 26/01/2011 21:21

I am not in the mood for a big ruck , you and I disagree, I could lay down my reasons for what I said in very rational terms and I am sure that you would pick them all apart.

So I am going to leave this thread and leave you to it, as you are picking a fight with me that I do not wish to have. as I have neither the time nor the inclination right now to have this argument.

I stand by what I said as you do, and I am not going to demand you explain yourself to me

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