I am so afraid that my marriage is over, I don't know what is the best thing to do anymore

[Theantsgomarching]

I am so upset and confused so forgive me if this is all over the place..

Dh and I going to relate at the moment but I am not sure we can stay together long enough to give it a chance to work. Our house flooded over xmas so have all the stress of that too, and two dc under 3.

I feel like I am losing the will to live.

Absolutely Sakura - I don't have words for that either. He can't bear her to show any strength or independence.

The worst part of it all is that he doesn't get it. He thinks that because he had good intentions, and 'knows' I would be happier with my father in my life. He says he agreed with him to try and be seen as a mediator. Goal fucking bollocks. I am incandescent with pure rage about it. It is like a burning pain in my stomach I get so angry when I think of it. The absolute most awful betrayal.

Thinking of you this morning Theantsgomarching.

Total not goal...don't know how that happened

It is the worst betrayal. I would expect this to be the final straw for you op. Of course infidelity, lies and drugs are more than sufficent to break up most marriages, something like this goes to the heart of the marriage. It should be you and him against the world, and your relationship(or not) with your father is your concern and for him to overstep you was devious and uncalled for.

My sister and mother did something similar to me and dh seven years ago. The hurt, when I discovered, came in waves of pure, boiling rage. I couldn't make sense of it. Weeks of not sleeping, jaw clenched, trying and failing to work out why they hurt me so. All I could conclude was they didn't love me enough, and certainly didn't respect me.
I told them I couldn't have them in my life, and didn't for three years, until my brother suddenly died three years later. We now get on on a certain level, but it's not a true relationship, damage is done.

Sorry, gone off tangent, but want to tell you that I do think this type of betrayal by the one who should respect you is hideous.

Thanks for being so open perfumed

I feel like the two men who are supposed to love me, my dad and my husband, don't love me enough. How sad is that?

It is sad. But you don't pick your Dad. You get to pick your husband (or leave him).

I really think some counselling will help you Ants, there is a lot of stuff going on here, and I think it's important that you not only get out of this situation, but also make sure you don't end up in it again.

Ants New to this thread - but have read both threads:

Yeugh, house flood. I had one a few years ago and my DS and I had to move out for 3 months. It was a totally stressful nightmare. This won't be helping you.

Many moons ago I was married to a very selfish man - not worth going into the details here, but suffice it to say that by the time my marriage ended, I was on ADs as I was really, really down. Not so long after I left him, my depression miraculously disappeared. Unfortunately, I got into another relationship with a man just as selfish and had my DS. I had to bail out of this relationship as well. I did wonder what it would be like bringing up my DS alone and whether my DS would hate me - but bringing up DS alone was hard, but OK and my DS is now nearly 14 and still wants a hug when I get home from work. So maybe if you can, look at the positives that it can bring.

Just to comment on this - "I feel like the two men who are supposed to love me, my dad and my husband, don't love me enough. How sad is that?"

It is sad. Very sad. But now it's time to love yourself and your DCs enough for all of you. The Stately Home thread is useful for people with dysfunctional parents such as your Dad.

Good luck and strength to you....

lemony lemon they think we'll be out 6 months or so. Very upsetting for everyone.

I will check out stately homes thread. Dh is going to relate again this evening. I'm just so tired. Meant to get sheets etc for spare bed but never did so going to have to share room.

He said this morning that he knew this was an awful time but that we would get though it once we both wanted to. I told him I was pretty sure I didn't want to get through it and
He left for work. He then rang and asked if I really felt I mightn't want it to work, and I said more than that I was almost certain that I didn't. I told him that there was so much water under the bridge I felt it was sullied beyond repair now