I am so afraid that my marriage is over, I don't know what is the best thing to do anymore

[Theantsgomarching]

I am so upset and confused so forgive me if this is all over the place..

Dh and I going to relate at the moment but I am not sure we can stay together long enough to give it a chance to work. Our house flooded over xmas so have all the stress of that too, and two dc under 3.

I feel like I am losing the will to live.

ok, that makes sense Ants, glad to hear it.

I think you could have reactive depression, not clinical depression. In that, you are reacting to a bad situation and becoming depressed by that. The GP may still prescrible anti depressants or he may be a good listener, also valuable. It's good to be heard, isn't it? Crucial at a time like this.

I wouldn't return to this particular counsellor op, she doesn't seem to 'get' you and you clearly are not comfortable being fully 'you' with her. The GP could recommend a good one i'm sure.

It is scary trying to visualise a whole other life, but very do-able. Even having the house without dh for a few days is scary, but you will never know until you try it. Many woman have been where you are, and been stunned by how quickly they loved living without their h, and the attendant atmosphere.

Can you get a gp appointment fairly quickly where you live?

The GP does sound a good place to go for support. Could you book an appointment and say you need 2 appointments together as it is one of those issues that you need 2 spaces for? In my GPs practice they do this if you ask and it has covered me when I needed to discuss an emotional thing and thought I might cry. Means to get the whole issue out in one go and don't come out the room wrecked, but have time to recover yourself. Maybe your GP would do that too? Might be worth trying when you phone?

Probably about a week or so to talk to the one I want..

Good point windows. Most GPs are pushed and even though they try to give you time, really can't always if they have a room full of patients.

And I agree with Perfumed. Counsellors are tricky beasts, and it's important you get one who you feel comfortable with, who listens and understands you. I think you've had enough of not being taken into account.

Tell them it's an emergency, because it is. Just because there is no visible blood, doesn't mean you're not in great distress.

They keep one or two spare appointments each day for such things. Please try.

Has your dh contacted you since he returned to the house?

I will try and see counsellor alone again..h is going again tomorrow evening cause I told him today that I didn't feel able to hang in there much longer. Will phone gp tomorrow too, but will he really want to hear all the issuesand stuff

I phoned him so I could say goodnight to dd.. He just asked when I would be back in the morning and other practical stuff

Emergency appointments at gp are always with whatever doctor is free and not with who you want

If you have a trusted GP, yes, he will be keen to hear the gist of it all, no need for intense detail though. They are very professional and good at getting to the 'root' of the matter.

A marriage breakdown is one of the most stressful life events, it's ludicous to imagine you can get through it without some help and understanding. It's up there with bereavement. You are not weak for looking for some help here. In fact, I'm surprised you have managed so long.

Thank you so much perfumed I honestly can't thank you enough. I felt so shouted at earlier, but you have made me feel more human

Ah, I'm just sorry that's how it comes across. It's easy for us to give advice when it's not our emotions or lives. I know how lonely you feel, I have been where you are.
I actually thought the pain would kill me, it was a real, physical pain.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, well, how true is that?

At least he didn't push you for more info, it would seem that he is taking this seriously. Perhaps his mother has had a word? Do you get on well with your mil?

Not historically, but better in recent times. Sometimes I think people forget that posters are real, and have real life to deal with, not what would be ideal scenarios

Well, yes, maybe that. It's a faceless screen, with real people behind it. The advice is always well meant though, but yes, can be brutal. Somethings can't be softly softly though.

For instance, the counsellor you have. Wrong advice can end up being dangerous, life threatening to some. I think if enough posters hadn't emphasised how wrong her advice was, it wouldn't occur to you she could be wrong. Why would it? She's a professional. Years ago I was prescribed tranquillisers for the short term to cope with a bereavement. The GP was the father of my bf's exwife. She was a very disturbed woman, mentally ill. I took the first pill and walked into a main road in rush hour Edinburgh and was hit by a truck. Instead of 5mg he had prescribed 50mg and it was enough to put me out for days.

No idea if it was deliberate, or negligent. He was struck off for alcoholism that year.

Point being, everyone can make wrong judgements. No one reading your post could fail to notice how much pain you are in, but could see that the counsellor was wrong. It needed to be stressed.

Do you think you might get a few days in Ireland next week if you feel calmer? Are the kids not off school in early February for a few days? Ours are in Scotland.

ps. I hope you are managing to eat something.

My god that is shocking.. Glad you are ok.

I still struggle with the fact that she is wrong...

Kids aren't in school yet, only 2.10 and 1. Just don't feel able for a trip alone with them

Had to take a phone call.

Well, if you are going with the counsellor being right, what are the issues she thinks your dh has from his childhood?

Hope your hotel room is warmer now btw

Hope you slept o.k., and hope you feel better today.

best of luck!

I am awake since one this morning, my mind was racing.thanks for thinking of me

I'm wrecked. Could have really done with a nights sleep. My head is still all over the place, but I think I have finally realised that I don't see my future with him. Think will hold off on any big statements for now, and see relate counsellor alone again and maybe gp too.

I'm leaving to pick up ds from dhs office in a few mins..dd at nursery this morning. I have ds booked in to creche at the gym from 10 - 12 so am going to skip workout, have a swim and then relax in spa area with a book. Not sleep, but a nice morning.

I missed my dcs last night. How would I cope with them staying at their dads overnight and weekends and stuff

Thanks swallowed. Thanks.

Okay a couple of things I wanted to add. First I come from a broken home, back when that had more stigma than nowadays. I don't know all the ins and outs (and as my Mum is dead I never will now). But my father was abusive, and I do fully understand why she left him. He actually also had another family, and the mother there took him back when my mother left him (despite him dumping her and them for my mother, and marrying my mother). Actually I feel a little guilty now that we got away and his other kids didn't; and I wonder if they resent me, as the one who got away. So your kids may not come to see your break up the same way you see your parents.

Second counselors can be wrong, it is dangerous, but they may have issues of their own that they should be working through. I know someone who has recently qualified, unfortunately she has a drink problem, I don't think this came out during her training. If you have doubts over whether it is abuse do try Womens aid, they are the professionals in this area.

Finally, you may be struggling to cope now, but it might actually get better when you don't have him around. You are obviously under a lot of stress, ad the weird thing about stress is you often on't realise ho bad it is until its gone.

Good luck!

I have read up to page three of this thread and my jaw literally just dropped when i read that your H sided with your estranged father against you
That is absolutely... just.. I'm speechless at that
I agree with the people who said that something like that has the potential to break a person's spirit, and that perhaps that was your H's intention
That's why knowledge is power. Don't tell him anything about your feelings from now on in case he uses it against you like he did when he spoke to your father
Stay strong