If you hit your OH then YES you are as much an abuser as he would be if he hit you.

[QueenGigantaurofMnet]

I have just seen someone on another forum discussing how she couldn't possibly have been an abuser. she has only hit her husband twice (although the second time she hit him twice as she enjoyed the fear and shock in his face) in the 15 years of their marriage.

the rest of the forumn are telling her that it was ok. they are both "headstrong"

other are saying things like "i wish i could hit my oh"

It makes me feel sick.

Violance on a relationship is wrong. It is called Domestic violance, not man hitting wife violance.

if you have hit your partner then you ARE an abuser and you SHOULD be looking at ways to deal with your anger.

Im sorry but i am actually quite angry about this

as i said topknob. i didn't physically lash out. i told him to leave. he did in august. i never had to hit him for that to happen.

I love it. No, it's just too long for me to be able to read it and remember it without scrolling up.

And this is the first time we have "met" on MN.

And I am annoyed, so apologies for the rudeness.

I'm not arguing Topknot's case. I have (perhaps mistakenly) seen this thread as a thinly veiled attempt to do yet another thread about the I Hit My DH thread.

you thought JustFor was deluded in thinking that her partner had respect for her

yday comments on the candlestick woman

I am the the poster the OP refers to.
I am the ogre, the abuser, the hellwench.

QueenGigantabum....BMC is a cosy, intimate little site, and the reason the posters on there are so flippant is because they have been posting alongside me for YEARS and they know me well.BMC isn't like Mumsnet which is huge and fast and anonymous. I have met many posters from BMC in rl and forged a handful of real friendships through it too.They are reacting that way because they know ME.

Say what you like about me you silly arse, but leave the tone of the site out of it. You don't know what you are talking about whatsoever.

My husbnand has had a look at your thread here, that is frankly insulting to those who DO suffer from domestic violence and ARE abused, and he thinks you must be very bored and desperate to be noticed. And so do I.

I have nothing more to add.

So being told how crap you are, how unattractive you are, how much a shit mum you are, how you are lazy, how you are shit shit shit, day in and day out...with much more - you wouldn't upon being followed around the house, being unable to be left to go to sleep without him coming in and waking you up to carry on the insult, you wouldn't at some stage snap????

No.
What you have described is also abuse and i would advise that you leave.

topknob, queen may not be dyslexic but how do you know that? and how do you know the next poster you pick on for their spelling isn't?

OMG he left...you were lucky then !

And you wouldn't leave if you had NO MONEY, No access to money, unable to leave the house without he knowing every fucking detail. If you were late back from the shop wanting a full indepth detailed fucking report about why you were late and who you spoke to.

No so black and white now is it?

but, while dh and I can get pretty nasty verbally, if things ever turned physical we would need to re-evaluate the relationship. no naval-gazing here, just respect for each other.
I cant believe this argument is even happening tbh! Ive never agreed with the "he just called me a lazy cow" "you must leave him now" brigade, but Im shocked that this double standard exists and is being defended!

happy i am not sure of the connection between justfor and the candlestick thread. is she the same poster as the OP in candles stick. can you copy and paste my quote or soemthing because i still have no clue what i am supposed to be wrong about so i cant answer it til you show me.

"And you wouldn't leave if you had NO MONEY, No access to money, unable to leave the house without he knowing every fucking detail. If you were late back from the shop wanting a full indepth detailed fucking report about why you were late and who you spoke to"

yes i would. and even if i didn't i still wouldn't hit him. it wouldn't stop teh EA.

we have indeed been swamped recently.

qgmn vile, no just truthfull ;)

no really, vile.

No one is talking bollocks, not anyone I know of anyhow.....you been backed into a corner and no way out !

OK what is sooooooooooooo vile about me?

not backed into a corner, perhaps just bored?

How on earth would you know that, ILove? People namechange here all the time. Who's to say who you're talking to from one day to the next?

And I notice, QGOM - the person that your OP was about has arrived. And still you can't confront it, you would rather flounce. Righty-ho then.

and Id love to enlighten you, but I have to go to bed. check back tomorrow, I'll have a list waiting.

one 'l' in truthful topknob

Oh I do have one thing to add.

If you're going to quote me from another site on something as precarious as this particular subject, do you think you could do me the courtesy of quoting the entire story, and not just the sensationist snippets that make me look like a lunatic when taken out of context?

Here....allow me:

"It was ridiculous. We were in the throws of a full on hurling insults and swearing row. I could see it was becoming farcical, so tried to remove myself from the situation to let it calm down. He followed me. I walked away again and went into another room. He followed, still bawling his head off.
Lastly I went into the sitting room and stood with my weight against the door to stop him coming in after me. There ensued a ludicrous struggle with me trying to hold the door shut, and him trying to open it.
Eventually he won over and the door burst open, catching my bare (cold) foot at the bottom and scraping the skin off my four toes.....he hadn't done it deliberately but it hurt like fuck....so when his face appeared round the door, I saw red and punched it. Twice.

So there you go."

I know boo... 8)

Lissie, also you have NO argument or debate...

bully for you, lissie, i know you are a gentle soul. but some people repress stuff/don't argue back etc, others don't. some find that attractive, others don't. presumably you and dh WOULD be in trouble if one of you hit the other, but really, plenty of others wouldn't.

thing is, i come from a big, rumbustious, debatey at the kitchen tabley family, my ability to express myself is what my more buttoned-up dh finds attractive. one of the things, at least. he is calm, i am not, he is brave, i am not, etc etc etc. if we have a rare argument and i pushed him verbally to the point where he pushed me back physically, that would be my tough tits.

but like i say, normally one of us becomes so pompous that the other laughs anyway.

GQOM

You have been busted by the person who made you so angry. Come on then, do the bollocking