If you hit your OH then YES you are as much an abuser as he would be if he hit you.

[QueenGigantaurofMnet]

I have just seen someone on another forum discussing how she couldn't possibly have been an abuser. she has only hit her husband twice (although the second time she hit him twice as she enjoyed the fear and shock in his face) in the 15 years of their marriage.

the rest of the forumn are telling her that it was ok. they are both "headstrong"

other are saying things like "i wish i could hit my oh"

It makes me feel sick.

Violance on a relationship is wrong. It is called Domestic violance, not man hitting wife violance.

if you have hit your partner then you ARE an abuser and you SHOULD be looking at ways to deal with your anger.

Im sorry but i am actually quite angry about this

oops bold did not work, here is the sentence I wanted to highlight
i guess that's what the pp was seeing when she said the word 'bullies'

TheShriekingHarpy >> Isolated and sustained violence are both indefensible....

TheShriekingHarpy may I ask you a personal question?
Have you been on the receiving end of either of them or have you raised you arm or snapped at s/o?

"Isolated and sustained violence are both indefensible."

This is far too simplistic. For example self defence.

"The exact definition of abuse is neither here nor there"

I disagree. Defining domestic abuse in a precise a way as possible helps us to identify it, educate people about it and understand it as a phenomenon.

also diminished responsibility is used as a mitigatory defence in law, so... violence not indefensible at all.