The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The New Year Wine Offers!

[Mouseface]

Hello all.

We are the Brave Babes. We're on the Battle Bus, travelling around sobriety and going day by day, hour by hour, through the detox hell of not drinking, cutting down or sometimes even not.

Come say hi. We won't bite.

No doubt one of us has been where you are now......

It's fine. No judging, no nasty jibes, just us, the BBs.

Come meet the others..................

LADY

Today will be over at midnight tonight or when you go to bed.

Unless you go to bed now then that is just a fact that you are going to have to accept.

Sometimes when I was drinking, I would think, "today I will not drink." I would then get to 10pm and think, "wow, I've done really well today, I think I'll have a pint to celebrate."

It is my experience that waiting for the end of the day leads one to "change" the end of the day and drink.

Forget about today being over, focus on not bending your elbow NOW.

lady you posted that yesterday you did not have a drink, is that right? Nothing all day from when you went to bed on Monday night all through Tuesday? In which case, you've done one day and you're now on day 2

I went to my first AA meeting when I was 2 days sober and I felt so proud of myself.

I am not a counter of days - I don't find that it helps me 9feels like I've got a longer way to fall and that makes me scared). I just focus on today and how that's going. Then I got to a place where I could relax a bit, look behind me and see that I'd gone weeks without a drink.

Mouse the SW involved told me if I had taught her about boundaries, and to say no (she was 3 FFS) it wouldn't have happened. That guilt goes around in my head. The me not being responsible - I really really want you to be right - but then SS said I am? It was her father's new GF that he lives with.

Also, I meant that I don't have single parent role models except my sponsor, not that I don't know anyone else, as I am making and rekindling friendships. Gingerbread is not all that active here. Still, I have joined a local church, doing pre-school Saturday swin sessions - doing the right stuff, not drinking, maybe it will start feeling a bit better soon, right??

And apologies for typos!! swim etc...

That SW should have been sacked on the spot saying something like that to you Noteven

noteven what an awful thing to say. I am and on your behalf. Whatevere she said, it was NOT your fault, not your dd's fault, ONLY the responsibility of the person who did it.

Of course as mothers we all wonder if we could have done more, that's part of the overwhelming love and responsibility we feel for our dc, but please, please, believe that it was not your fault. I cannot imagine that any other professional would suggest that to you.

noteven it sounds like you are doing all the right things (except maybe getting lost on your bike ) and it will get better, it will. Not drinking will not make any of your probems go away, it won't make you feel less lonely and it won't take away past hurts, but you will be in a much better place to deal with it all, and the take the opportunities.

In the midst of it all, don't forget to take care of yourself sweetheart.

noteven THAT'S UTTER BOLLOCKS! 3? How ridiculous. How on earth would DD know that anything like 'that' was wrong?

Her father's GF? So your DD felt 'okay' around her to start with? Why would she say no?

SS said it was your fault? What, for letting your DD see her father who I should imagine is as morified as you about what hapeened.

Some people really are in the wrong job.

TRUST ME WHEN I TELL YOU, HAND ON HEART, THAT THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. NOT AT ALL. PLEASE, PLEASE* BELIEVE THAT!

Thank you Mouse, venus, zany, etc
My ex actually thinks I forced DD to say it (including in medical and police interviews when I wasn't even there???) to damage his relationship with his GF, and he says that's why he won't see DD, because he can't trust me.
It's really crap but I have dealt with it totally wrongly - my poor DD, going through this? - the last thing she needs is an alcoholic mother. So, I hope, she can have an alcoholic-mother-in-recovery because I can't undo either of our pasts.
My mum was possibly toxic and I don't want to pass that on.

Jesus Noteven I can't get over what your SW said to you. There is absolutly no way that it was your fault. Even if you had taught rammed down her throat the boundaries she was 3 and this sort of thing happens to much older children whether they know boundaries or not. She was very young and with her father's GF who she would have trusted not only because of who she was but because she was an adult and children tend to trust adults. I really hope you believe us and not your stupid SW and your DD's father. He is now missing out big time. Sounds to me like your DD has an amazing-doing the best-whilst also recovery herself worth-mother. [bhugs]

Noteven - your ex and his GF deserve nothing less than capital punishment - and if he is believing his GF over his dd it is a damn good thing that they do not have any contact. Jesus - it leaves me speechless.

But what you are doing is all the right things - getting sober for you and for DD. Try and stay strong. She needs you and you deserve happiness and contentment in your life.

xxx

zany what a lovely post. I loved your description of noteven as "an amazing-doing the best-whilst also recovery herself worth-mother"

Spot on Zany - lovely too

So sorry noteven but the guy is a total prick and if he would choose his GF over his own daughter, than that's his loss.

And do you know what? When she asks you about him, you should just say he's busy/can't see you this week. Simple as that. It's not lying, he is busy, with his new life. Selfish twat.

It's what I told DD in the early days until she was old enough to work things out for herself and handle more of the truth IYSWIM.

She's three. You are her constent and you are doing a bloody fantastic job!

Don't let him, or anyone else, take that away from you.

You are amazing and you will survive this and whatever else life throws your way.

You are far stronger than you give yourself credit for lady
xxx

No one I know has said the things you have. I feel guilty and a burden.
Lots to talk and think about. Thank you. DD is snuggling watching Ben and Holly and I am pretending to be not very interested!!

Hi,

haven't posted much because feel pretty awful, not drinking though, although I would really really like to . I'm not ill, [just what the heck is the world icon]

All of your posts in the last few days have been awe-inspiring, and I don't feel there is anything I can add.

Much love
xx
Noteven is your x still with gf?

time to look forward noteven!, its a waste of your time and energy to feel guilty, you need that energy to help yourself get a positive attitude! - whats done is done, nothing can change the past but you CAN influence your future and make a better life for you and dd!, take it a day at a time, concentrate on getting well, keep doing what you know is right (you arent daft or stupid) on an everyday basis and the rest will follow! just take it slow and sure, you dont have to conquer the world by friday!

aw thurso!! have a little [hug]!

JWN thanks, just what I need, actually.

oh well!, have another one then! [hug], not on rations you know!

why do my hugs seem to keep making strange linking things? , buggered if i can do real one!

noteven

NOT a burden, and NEVER feel guilty for wanting to change your life.

You have been through the bloody ringer! More than once. Not a huge surprise that your self confidence has been knocked about a bit.

We are all here for you. I know that you don't know us, and I have to say that whenever a new person boards the bus, I kinda hold them at arms length for a while.

(Sorry, it those damn Trolls )

But with you, now that I know you better, I don't know, I can almost feel your pain if that makes sense?

I'm not a stalker or a weirdo, I promise. I 'get you' now, I can hear where you are coming from.

I'm pleased that you can open up to us all. You are safe here you know?

Everyone is safe here. That's why we stay.

thurso - what has you in the place you are right now? How are things with DH? Work etc?

You okay lovely?

JWN - it's because you are using [link/smiley brackets]

I use these {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} which is the same but with the shift key.

I didnt have a drink today and not planning on having any but I had a very stressful day and I'm tearful. I'm shattered.

LADY

Do something. Go get in the bath, stick your PJs on, grab a movie, book, do the ironing if you can be bothered (I hate ironing), have something to eat and make a big mug of tea/hot chocolate.

You are doing really really well.

The early days the the worst, I promise you. Anyone on here will tell you that day 1 and 2 is hell on earth physically and emotionally because you have decided to take control.

That's massive! Huge step in the right direction.

But it's going to take all of your being to do it.

An hour or half hour at a time. Eat, hot drink and bed.

As soon as you can. And FWIW, you may need a sleep aid for the first few days.

Nytol herbal or the like.

Just breath, deep breathes. Calmly in and out.

Just settle yourself and slow down.

YOU CAN DO THIS!

Hello Ladies,

Finding hard to keep up with everyone's posts but am sending good vibes.

Off to Zumba (Mouseface, it's not that hard hence why I do it, more a bit of a laugh!)

Then going to come back, have nice shower and get into bed. Early starts at the moment. The desire to drink has gone for the day so i'm safe now I think.

xx

Well done Next

Sleep well when you get in x