Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 12

[KateonMN]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Stay a while and tell your story and when you are ready we are sure you will make the move to being a Dumpling no more!

Its not so much him leaving,well it is ,its the way he has let us all down and does not seem bothered,the worse bit i think is the way he made me think i was paranoid about OW and telling people i kicked him out,i just cant get my head round how you can treat anyone you care about like that but then there is the answer he obviously never cared about me.
You would think i would be an expert at this as my eldest 2 dc dad left me 10 years ago but things are very different this time.My friend always reminds me that i said the 2 years of my life i spent as a single parent were actually quite fun but as i remind her i was 10 years younger,only had 2 kids,no mortgage,was not married and was able to move away for a fresh start but the most important factor being i was not in love with him like i am in love with my H.I am trying so hard to hate him.
I have something to look forward to this weekend the elder 2 dc are off to their grandparents and MIL has offered to have the younger dc for the day,she said she would have them overnight too but i said no,she has actually been very supportive with texts etc but this will be the 1st time i will have seen her since he left.

Fairy, it's the script they all follow. Rewriting history. My xp also said I kicked him out and that I must stop saying that he left his family as it was my choice .

Have you got anything nice planned for the weekend? If you were anywhere near me we could get together as I have my first child free weekend too. But I think you are a long way from me.

unfortunatly Elsie i am way down the other end of the country to you but enjoy your child free weekend,make sure you spoil yourself.I had thought of going shopping but then i thought town would just be full of loved up couples,i may just sleep or have a good tidy up,i know very boring but its something i never have time for and the great thing about the AD is i am actually able to sleep now.I may still take her up on the offer of having them overnight,i am not up for going out but maybe a friend round and wine,i am just a bit worried that being on my own for the 1st time,where i dont have to be strong and look after the kids i may just crack and get very down.

Great mil is helping out fairy, and yes the lies my X told were totally amazing,would never have believed it.I texted him recently why didnt he just ask me for a divorce 18mths ago ,why put me through all of this ? Of course he didnt reply.
I agree re company they keep affecting their behaviour my X is completely different.
Thing that gets me is he had done the last 12 mths,drunk or stoned and I have been sober doin 2 kids,I felt every bit of pain,he has been numb.

Patience, you sober, him stoned = you are moving on and he isn't. It will catch up with him one day. I know it sounds morbid but when I'm on my deathbed I will look back at my 3 lovely kids and think - ah, I never let them down, I did my best. Unfortunately, in my line of work I deal a lot with families watching their relatives die and the family dynamics are so complex. But I know I will die in peace with my kids around me in body or spirit. But not for another 40 years or so, I hope .

Fairy, go for it. Have a night on your own. My dd had ds for a night for me and I thought I would fall to pieces rattling around the house. But I had wine, pizza, lavendar bath, Neals Yard face mask and after all that fell asleep before I could get to the dvd. All on my own. It was bloody wonderful and I slept like a log .

Enjoy your little break Fairy from the DCs, you deserve it.

Elsie where are you based again? I'm in Herts.

Tea, I'm in Brum. Although I'm from Yorkshire originally and would love to go back there.

Hi, I hope you don't mind me butting in. I've been following the thread and don't want to intrude eventhough I know it is for everyone.

Fairy and Devestated, I SO identify with you because I'm going through something similar and have been comforted and scared in equal measures by other ladies who have been through similar sh*t. I'm scared because it seems it is going to take such a long time to come to terms with it all. I too thought I had a happy marriage with a man who loved me

These STUPID men! What sort of women [girls] want a man who has dumped his wife and children for them? Don't they realise he could do the same to them? They may be enjoying themselves now but soon these people will realise the grass isn't always greener...

Hmmm that's a 2 hr drive from me or is it 2 and a half?

WherecanIhide - you should post whenever you want to. No one would EVER think you were intruding here. It's a safe place x

Thanks Tea.x

I do feel bad that I have taken so much support but not offered much in return - so just lurked

hello wherecanihide-you are right but i think H GIRL is probably just feeling like the cat who got the cream,look i have got what you couldnt keep etc but the cream will sour i tell myself.

Yes fairy, it must be so difficult for you. Give it time...be prepared to feel smug when it ends in tears.

I suspect far more people dip in and out on this thread than ever admit and just lurk away

However there is never a need to feel guilty. Post when you want to and lurk any other times. No one would think less of you at all x

WherecanIhide, this is a little sanctuary for anyone who has been royally shit on by their OH. No invitation necessary. And anyway, you've been here before so you have been one of us for a long time.

Tea, yes a fair drive. I don't know your neck of the woods at all.

I'm getting a severe case of collywobbles. DS has a physio appointment tomorrow and xp has said he wants to meet us there. I do not want to see him. Is it unreasonable for me to say to xp that he should take ds on his own? I'm doing the bedtimes every night, the packed lunches every morning, the school run, the shopping, the washing etc etc. So am I a bad mummy for saving my sanity and letting ds go to this appointment just with his dad?

My dear friend need to go to the burns unit to get her hands redressed after she was in a house fire at the weekend and has asked me to go with her so I won't be sitting in the pub or anything. I need to stay detached.

Well in my humble opinion if your DS is happy to go with just his dad, then go with your friend instead.

Thank you Tea. Text to xp duly sent. Hard helmet on as I wait for the fallout.

Why shouldn't he go with his dad? Your son is still having his appointment so don't feel guilty.

Sounds a good idea elsie ,just keep it light like its no big deal.
Away to do my toe nails,need to have nice feet for my kick boxing
Someone said to me early on think of this journey as a gift.it might not seem like it but plenty of women out there living shocking lives and can't escape an abusive H whether he is adulterous ,violent or just a bastard.they endure years of lies and mental cruelty.we all got a chance to break free and flourish.18 or 21yo these men are to be pitied.their self esteem is so low they scrape the bottom of the barrel.they are trying to recapture their youth.well guess what UR all sad middle aged LOSERS that have lost their self respect ,the respect of their friends,the respect of their families and the respect of their wives .
They might not see it yet cos they are still on a one way ticket to BONKERSLAND but on ur journey to regain UR fabulosity u will become empowered ,zero tolerant to all unacceptable behaviour and emancipated from all male head fuckery ,UR skin will glow and UR nails will be fab.fairy have a pamper day ,not sure UR budget but lots of great bargains for Scrubs and moisturisers nail polish etc. Fitness and pampering is fab and walking in the woods.have u been back to ur woods tea ?

Evening all, I have just caught up, ET I agree with Tea that if your son is happy to go with just Dad then let him take him, for your sanity's sake, after all you are there for your son 100% of the time, let XP do something useful!!!

WherecanIhide - welcome, say whatever you want on this thread. I really appreciate your PM, it was so kind of you. I really took comfort from what you said, re rather a week early than a day too late, as I was worried that maybe it was too soon, but he really didnt have any quality, was sleeping all the time and I was having to lift him out to the garden. But while waiting at the vets with me sobbing he was just watching the world go by, I felt so horrible. He is now waiting for my DS and I to bury him at my horse field with his friend who died 6 years ago.

Not lately but I want to go back again Patience

Oh Romney x posted with you. Must have been so hard and sad, sending you a huge ((hug))

That is so peaceful ROM.
I had an old staffie about 10 yrs ago and had to call time with her arthritis.she was my best friend ,but I think we know when the time is right.I think of her very fondly she was a good old girl,welling up now ,big hugs x

Elsie yes if ds is ok with it let xp take him as you say you are doing everything else

Patience you are right that some women for whatever reason remain trapped in awful situations and we have been released from ours. I feel sad though that xh was such a lovly H for several years but a certain event changed him sooo much and the changes gathered momentum until he was quite horrible to me. I often pointlessly wonder what he is like with ow , if she has the man I started out with.

Where this thread is a lifeline for women like us and helps me to understand what happened to me and more importantly eases the loneliness and feeling that I am the only person to be dumped. No matter how kind and well meaning people are unless they have been through it themselves they dont understand.

Fairy I am glad you have a supportive MIL and will get a chance for some time to yourself this weekend, just see how the mood takes you

Feeling a bit off atm. Last night chatting to a close friend about how xh used to speak to me often making derogatory remarks in front of everyone and other stuff and I just think what was I doing putting up with that and worse than that buying his version of me that I was the loser etc. I suppose I just have to focus on the positive ie hes gone.

it is my Hs birthday today and he arrived just as i was taking DD to school - he looks like shxt and seemed perpelexed that she didnt make a big fuss of him this am. He is picking her up from school today and she told me she is looking forward to Friday night when she is going to a schoolfrinds house and then we have been invited to friends - fairly new ones in the village we live who are rallying round- some people are really kind- rather than seeing daddy today. i couldnt help thinking about all the other birthdays we have spent together and how has it come to this?

Just over 4 weeks ago we were still togther - he was making plans for our Summer holiday and even looking forward to my big birthday next year and how were we going to celebrate it - and now he is living in a rented cottage - 5 miles away and seeing his DD twice a week properly. She was upset again this morning and i then have to be the one who cajoles her out of bed and to get ready for school when i feel dreadful and like getting back under the covers and not coming out again till May. I still want him back - not the man that he has become the one that i had before and was in a relationship with the last 13.5 years- the one who wooed me and looked after me and that i felt safe with. I know that i can cope on my own and will feel better in time but i just dont understand why this has happened and just pray that it doesnt last with the OW as i dont want my lovely DD having to associate with her in the future.