Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 12

[KateonMN]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Stay a while and tell your story and when you are ready we are sure you will make the move to being a Dumpling no more!

Waves to everyone,thoroughly recommend kick boxing btw if anyone needs to release a bit of tension.got to fight with gloves tonight for the first time ,definately a good sport for dumplings.hi 5 s fairy on the whole sickness thing.we are here for them all the good bits and all the vom bits,we will always be there for them because we are strong and X s are week.international women's day today a big whoop whoop to all those kick ass women that fight the good fight everyday.

It is hard but as regards plotting the OW downfall - but for what it is worth i think that she will be able to do that all on her own- she has never had a successful longer term relationship - she has 2 children from different partners one of which was a married man who then didnt leave his wife. She has a reputation - well earned as a tart and a slapper- someone wrote this on her car several weeks ago - and this is honestly nothing to do with me but given how much some people actually loathe her for her other actions long before her affair with my H i am not surprised-.

I think that she might also have been under the impression that my H had money - he only had the equity from his property sale and this looks like it is being rapidly spent and he is hardly working at the moment. If they move in together into her housing association property - which i dread because that is 500 yards down the road from us then i assume that this will affect her benefits ?

He would be living with her children - one of which is disabled- and he doesnt do other peoples kids as he has the patience of Atilla the Hun- I suspect the novelty is already running out as tbh neither of them look happy.

Ohh and finally i think he has been sold the line from her that her reputation is undeserved, she has had a terrible life and men have treated her badly and he has come in on his white charger to save her...sooner or later she will revert to her normal slutty behaviour of leaving the kids at home alone whilst she goes drinking to the pub and pulling/flirting with other guys- my H has always been jealous and i know that they will crash and burn.

Phew- sorry this sounds like a rant but i feel a bit better now!

Dev i cant imagine how difficult it is for you and dd having ow so close .I often think of you when i am feeling sorry for myself and i am thankfull that i do not have to have anything to do with ow,never met her hope i never do.
Well had an exhausting few days all of us eneded up getting the bug and yesterday was awful having to care for sick dc whilst ill myself,i am so lucky to have such great kids that even though they were very ill still managed to look after each other while i was stuck in the bathroom.I texted H in the end asking for help for today but took him 6 hours to reply to say that he was to ill himself and then has ignored my texts today,which he only does when with ow,luckily we have been much better today.After his behaviour the last few days,texting ow whilst here seeing kids then threatning to leave because i challenged him,refusing to come help with sick dc i really feel a huge chunk of my love for him has gone,now i know this journey is very up down but i am begining to realise that him leaving/getting a divorce is not the end of my life,he is not coming back and i am wasting my energy caring for him,i have set myself a goal that by next friday i will have made a solicitors appointment.I am being took for a fool by him and he is using the fact that i have feelings for him to get his own way,pushing me to agree to things/not challenge him,well no more.He is coming up tomorrow to watch ds assembly and have tea,i will be polite but spend the time in my room,am not playing happy families anymore.

well i have done it ,have started feeling detachment,not anger at the moment just acceptance that this is my life and fighting it wont stop it but will just waste my energy and make me feel worse.I have text him told him i am going to go ahead with divorce and that he can have his mid week visit at the house as there is no other option but sundays he must pick them up and take them out,no more playing happy families.I feel really good,strong,relieved not sure how i will feel later when he comes to see dc.

Hi - hope you dont mind me joining you all.

Have been ditched (have a 2.5 year old son) by now ex (not married, but we were engaged) for OW who lives abroad but will be moving here soon to be with the love of her life....

I am ploughing through the thread, but just wanted to say a quick hello and say that I really admire the strength of you all and feel for the various situations that we have been embroiled in and left with.

Hugs to everyone - we are all doing amazingly well and will get to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Fairygirl3 - well done on the detachment! It does take time (as I know all too well) and you may have a wobble or two. Mine came after the estate agent came round to take pics of the house. Had a nightmare weekend, where I re-opened all those 'why?' questions etc. Was bad in that ex was by then 'over' any guilt (still dont think he has shown any genuine guilt or remorse over what he has done) and so turned on me and was extremely angry with me and started blaming me again.....I did get back on the detachment horse, but that wobble was an eye-opener. Proved to me, like you, that no matter what I said, did or how far things go, ex is a selfish so and so and is only concerned with himself, so I am wasting my time and energy fighting it all. Let him/them realise his/their mistake in their own time....and fingers crossed they will (not that I want mine back - just want him to start to fathom an iota of what he has done!).

Be strong!

Dee-hello ,i think i remember reading a bit of your thread,was it you that joined me and dev on the single life on december 28th?
There are some lovely ladies on here who have helped me so much,i had to trust their wise words that time will make things better and as all these men seem to follow the same pattern they have been able to give me insight into why things are said happening.keep posting and dumping your mad thoughts on here it does help.

Waves to dee ,yes their self entitlement knows no bounds,neither does their disrespect for us,bloody eejits the lot of them.
Fairy hope the sickness has gone x

Hi Fairy, dev and dee, hope your all doing well today. I had a bit of a low morning as I dreamt about H last night, I was trying to get answers from him in my dream and then asking if OW was pregnant! I was almost torturing him to get him to give me some answers. Quiet relieved it was a dream didn't like myself in it.

Hello Fairy, Romney, Dee - hope you are well and that Fairy everyone is starting to feel better in your house?

Me and DD are away from Saturday for a week so i might not be back for a while but i will be thinking of you all and hope that things continue to get better for all of us. I am really looking forward to a week away without the prospect of bumping into the slapper down the road OW or my errant H.

Also dreams can be really unsettling i know because i often have very vivid dreams that disturb me but that is all they are.

Welcome Dee, I am new to this thread too...find everyone else very inspiring too.

Haven't really got to teh dreams stage...don't really recall any dreams ATM...but then I am going to bed v v late to make sure I sleep when I get there instead of crying my eyes out so maybe I am so exhausted.

I have foudn teh last couple of days very emotionally draining. Nothing specific. Think I am just hormonal due to PMS.

Slightly, I am 7 months on from H making the decision he wanted OW who is 27 years younger than him (sorry if youve heard the age difference before I am still amazed by it and that he thinks it can work) I would say that it is only in the last 2 months that I have started to sleep better, I used to wake at 0430 everyday even if I had gone to sleep at 0100 and very rarely got back to sleep, and I have always loved my sleep but its amazing how you can cope with such little sleep.

Im sorry to say but its that time thing again, just take one day at a time. I was such a wreck up until Christmas, didnt know how I would survive the pain and hurt but I am feeling so much better now and more positive, I still worry about dipping back again but hopefully it will last less time and eventually day by day I will move to a better place. Sorry to waffle.

Waves to everyone hope ur all managing at least one self indulgent thing this weekend x

dev-hope your enjoying your week off.
Hope everyone else is ok?
Managed to talk to H about divorce a little bit today although he was not keen.He said he had not really thought about it and wanted to wait and do it on 2 years seperation and just kept going on about money .I did not stand by making him take the kids out ,i know i am weak and he is using my feelings for him to get his own way but i will get there,i feel a little bit stronger each day.

Fairy - if you want divorce then do whats right for you, I dont think he should be the one who choses, if your happy to wait the 2 years then fine, but its your choice. Im glad your feeling stronger everyday, I am too but still worry about dropping back in some way but suppose I know that it wont last too long and I will be back up to being on the road to recovery.

Dev hope you are ok.

Slightly how are you doing?

Thats it Romney even if we drop back into the gloom we know we will come back out,yet those first few months when you just cant see it are awful and so glad i seem out of the worse.
Everyday i feel a little bit of the love i have for him go,i see his selfish behaviour and know he really only cares for him.Yes your right Rom divorce should be my choice i just dont want to go for it on adultry if he denies it ,i dont want stress but he just seems more intrested in the fact that he is going to come out of this with very little money,was quite amusing looking at his face whilst the facts about money registered.I am just begining to see that he uses the fact i have feelings for me to get him an easy life but no more,today he told me he couldnt see dc twice next week,normally i wouldnt question him as wouldnt want an argument but today i told him exactly what i thought.

Fairy I never want to go back to that time in the first few months, its so awful, I have been there before when my exH left for OW and I can remember telling H that that time in my life was the worse and asked him if he was ever unhappy to please tell me and leave please never do what my exH did to me I cant go back there again and lo and behold he did it to me. That should show me what type of man he is, and as you say I am getting there and have started to see him as the flawed character he is and dislike him.

If he wont admit adultery can you not go for unreasonable behaviour? I dont see why it should be an equal thing when it isnt what you wanted.

Hi all,

Awful weekend here. XP went out last night and didn't let DCs know he wouldn't be home before bedtime...as a result I was dealing with upset children that didn't know where their daddy was, when he would be home or if he would be home....who know's how I will deal with bedtime next week :(

Went to cinema this mronign and came home to find him emptying the wardrobe...it is just hitting hard. I don't want him to be here, I just don't want the transition :(. Have spent most of hte day crying, DTDs are upset that I am upset.

I feel as bad as I did 4 weeks ago on day 1 :( and I have an assignment for uni tomorrow and a lesson to plan for my local school which I volunteered to do a couple of weeks ago and now don't really feel up to.

Add all that to the fact that DD3 has been in at 6am for the last few mornings with teh snuffles and therefore I am knackerd, and have a headache and all I want to do is walk out of this life and never come back.

Oh and XP has arranged for DDs to attend a football club he coaches twice a week....a football club which he jointly coaches with OWDH.

He expects me to take them 3 times per fortnight and face OW (based on the when they would be with me versus him when he moves). I wasn't particularly polite in telling him where to shove it.

slightly-i really feel for you,i cant imagine how hard things are for you,i expect you feel like you cant move on or deal with your feelings because he is still there.I think that although you will probably will feel worse when d-day is here,once he has moved out you can shut that door and lick your wounds in private and start to move on.Things will get better,wish i could fast forward your life a couple of months and show you,am not saying its easy but you will get there,be strong try not to talk to him about anything you dont have to,make sure you eat and get enough sleep x

I thought I was dealing with things though...until last coupld of days. All my friends say I am amazingly calm - which I think I am because I have been dealing with his relationship with eh other woman for 18m....and I think I started detatching myself over the last 6m or so.

It is hte impact on teh kids I can't deal with. I am OK until I start thinking about their next birthday, or holiday or Christmas etc.

I am planning an easter break in Eurodisney just to get the first holiday out of the way...and show some independance and "ability to cope and be stron" as an independant woman and mother to 3 children.

i think the fact you are even thinking about taking the dc abroad shows how strong you really are,no way i could do that at the moment.

I'm talking lots about it ATM...but not actually booked it yet....

Big hugs spook ,its tough but u will get thru it,keep putting urself first and follow ur instincts x

Hi, Spook. Hope you managed to get to uni. I found that achieving anything in the first few weeks gave me an enormous boost. I was like, hey I managed to go shopping and I'm going through the worst thing that ever happened. So if you managed to get there give yourself a pat on the back. As far as birthdays, Xmas etc go, it is your ex who will be missing out and feeling a million times worse than you. All these things that seem so daunting will be incredibly empowering when you achieve them. And what a cheek expecting you to take dc to football under those circumstances. His heart is obviously a swinging brick and you deserve so much better.
Dev, hope you're having a good break. Big wave to Fairy, Romney, Dee and everyone else, Tea, how the devil are you?
Sorry I haven't posted much on here lately. I do lurk but life has been getting in the way . I can't believe that I'm nearly 9 months down the line. Now that is an anniversary that will be marked with a few . A year into the start of my new life.