Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 12

[KateonMN]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Stay a while and tell your story and when you are ready we are sure you will make the move to being a Dumpling no more!

thanks patience not sure if i am moving on or its the ADs working but its nice,feel numbed towards the darkest feelings. also think i cant really want someone back who can behave like this,we dont share the same morals or mindset he is a selfish man who has had to be pushed into seeing his dc,dont even want to speak to him anymore but for the dc i have to put on an act but thats what it is.

Fairy that is such good progress, I am like you not sure if it is the ADs that are giving me a more positive outlook on life or I really am moving on. It still hurts like hell at what he has done and I agree it is a case that we certainly dont share the same morals and mindset.

I spoke to a friend last night who I have just heard has got cancer back and he is going into hospital next week for a big op, I cant believe H didnt tell me about this but never mind, anyway friend was saying he has been a friend to H for years so will not take sides, (obviously I would never expect him too) but he said that H really is a selfish man who has been very cruel and I will find someone nice who deserves me one day. I think I will always be on my own as I dont think I will find anyone who I love like H, but then you have to think what he has done and compare that with someone eventually.

Anyway good on you fairy, keep it up.

hello everyone - it sounds as though we are all moving on a bit and i also feel a bit better and i think my DD is too. Perhaps it is the AD's or 7.5 weeks in the shellshock is wearing off?

Also i thibk that this is partly because when H phoned last night - i made the mistake i think now of buying DD her own mobile phone so that he can keep in touch with her and he persists in texting her and calling her differnt names that we have never used before - most of which she ignores and apparently had phoned her on this phone last night about 8 times. It was in the kitchen - i genuinely didnt hear it and she was in the bath. So he phones the house phone and when i answer - quite pleasantly - had a go at me for not answering her phone! I pass the phone to DD and they have a discussion - relatively short - but he asks her what she is doing for half term and once again asks her to stay at his house. I was so proud because she stood her ground and said Daddy i am not ready for this yet. I know that he thinks it is me stopping her seeing him - but as far as i am concerned that is not the case and when he is with DD he isnt with OW so if he thought logically about it he would know that is preferable for me as the thought of him with her is still very painful.

The pain is getting less though and DD was happy this am - and i had no tears at school- our motto now when she feels down at having to go into school- the OWs son is at the same school and we have to see her most days- is chin up, bottoms and boobies out! Recognise that anyone!

Also wanted to say that the romney and fairy i totally get what you say about morals and mindset - i am still shocked that the man that i loved for lots of reasons but one particular one was his honesty, genuineness and moral code has disappeared.

I hope this man comes back in the future so that i and his DD can learn to respect him again. When i say come back - i dont mean to us because i think the hurt is too extreme for this.

Devastated, your daughter sounds very mature and sensible.

What's with him constantly texting her and calling her different (pet?) names? As we can probably see, it is easier for him to blame you for your dd not wanting to see him rather than look at himself and come to uncomfortable conclusions.

My h has done a 180 degree turn re morals/mindset (walking cliche of midlife crisis) and even though these men may return to something of what we recognise, after the hurt/damage they have caused, why should we take them back? They have hurt us so much - we are the people closest to them, who love (d) them and cared for them, I still can't believe how they can change SO much

Sorry! I've gone off on one again.

Where you are so right, we were the ones who would have stood by them through thick and thin, but their selfishness and MLC has put pay to all that.

Where never apologise on here mate this is exactly what this thread is all about,always use preview if u r scared of posting too much but type it out girl xxx
Today I finally got my X to admit he was sleeping with the 21yo he is 41 yo.
I posted more on the other thread but getting closure is liberating.I'm getting divorced anyway but now I know no matter happens I will never sleep with him again and it feels soooooo good.I am 16mths seperated but my heart was refusing to finally let go and kept me in a bad negative place,but now I think they can't hurt me anymore.their secret is out .toast a glass to me tonite ladies ,wherever u are ur great parents because u didn't leave x

just when i thought that i was getting some semblance of normality back ... i come home from picking up DD at school - eventuallly go upstairs to get changed and realise that my H has been in the house again and has taken more things. This is after i said to him on Sunday and Monday that i didnt want him coming here when i was not around. So i phone him and ask him why he has done this when i had asked himk not to.. and he says that he told me he was going to coem in one more time and as though i was making abig deal out of nothing.

I said you were the one that has left - this is our home and i don't want you coming and going as you please. He also asks me why i have arranged dog walkers - he tells me that he has been in a few times and let the dog out - and again i explain that we (DD and i ) need to move on with our lives and we cant rely on him and things will never be the same. I just dont get it - he was the one who left because he was having an affair and chose her over me.

Then things get worse becasue he says that he is going down to the local pub with the OW tonight - when he knows that we have arranged to be there with friends. I have appealed to his better nature and said that this is really not on - it is the only night that DD and i go out - she is really looking forward to it - it cheers her up and me - and that we will not want to go if they are there. I have suggested he might want to get some counselling or find someone who he can talk to because his behaviour is bizarre to say the least. Someone who has been through this might be able to talk to him about not rubbing our noses in it - he seesm totally clueless to me and totally under the thumb as he mentioned several times that it is a free world and that the OW can go where she likes> trus but this is supposed to be the OW who is trying to keep out of mine and DD's way allegedly.

How can somene change so much from a decent, honest and moral person to this scumbag who puits himself and his trollop OW first all the time.

No it's not on at all No wise words but he is totally out of touch with reality, he really is. What a thoughtless eedjit.

*eejit - even.

I'm so sorry Dorset, no one deserves half the crap we have all had to deal with on here but when they behave so insensitively all the time but think it's fine, it makes it so much worse imo.

Devastated - it's like they have lost part of their minds, or something. I don't think he should be letting himself into your house when you aren't there - appart from being clueless, it's like they want to hold onto part of their old life incase things don't work out with their trollop.

I'm still convinced they may well come around eventually - once they've got things out of their system. Trouble is, they are so wrapped up in their own selfishness and entitlement that they can't see beyond the next five minutes or beyond the end of their dicks

"it's like they want to hold onto part of their old life incase things don't work out with their trollop" I've often thought that in the past. I also thought things wouldn't last with ExH and OW but they're still together and moving in this Summer when she graduates.

I'm very tired as DD isn't sleeping well and I know it's been mentioned on mumsnet somewhere, was it here? But can you change the locks?

But my ExH has become a lot more considerate after a lot of e-mails, phone calls and getting cross. However I think he is one of the few that has out of all the dumplings.

I must admit Tea, I'd find that very hard - relationship seeming to work out with Exh and ow. Glad he is being reasonable now...

I have had some satisfaction of seeing my exh being dumped by his gf when he told her he couldn't keep spending money on her Mind you, he is probably desperately looking for a cheaper replacement. The last gf cost him (our family) £25,000...Twat

That would be satisfying, not that I'm a vindictive person by nature though.

Yes it's hard swallowing the fact after a previous wobbly patch that they may well move in together now. Certainly looks like it. Hate the thought of her having anything to do with my DCs.

Just stand ur ground dev ur doin great ,get the locks changed now u gave him his chance he blew it,lost keys is a great excuse .u can't trust him so take back control of who ,comes in at out ur house.have a nice nite tonite.could a friend have a quiet word in the pub with him,say they're not welcome.

Dev - what a twat, how unreasonable can he be. Keep strong.

dev-how did the night go?definatly change locks,like patience says he has blown it.
Tea-you and your XH have a very good set up with the co-parenting,hope that does not change when ow moves closer

Hmmm....I am a week on from officially ending it all...and it is taking all my effort to drag myself out of bed every day...you lot all seem to have come so far I just don't even know how to get started on that track.

I am trying to plod on for the sake of dcs...I just don't know where I am plodding....even without this going on I am in a difficult place in my life after being forced to retrain after redundancy...I just seem to have so many permutations of my life to sift through in terms of geography and career I don't know which way to turn.

Dp doesn't actually move out for another 4 weeks, until his flat is ready and I just want to go up to him and hug him and hope this is all a dream. The next 4 weeks are going to be agony :(

I am scared now too .all joking aside if she moves in with my X and wants to play step mum ,I will self combust.

slightly-is there no way he could move in with parents or a friend for next 4 weeks,that just sounds like agony for you.Dont think about the future to much,just getting through each day.
patience-how long has H been with 21 year old,does he see dc at yours or his?i doubt at 21 she wants to play stepmum,she probably resents time he spends with dc.

Xp spook,my heart goes out to u having to live together just now.I survived on irn bru and cigarettes at the "shock" stage ,not suggesting u try it just mean it floored me.can u manage to eat,just take one day at a time ,try and do something for urself everyday,try and get out a walk or do some exercise even if u need to force urself x
the pain is back today after yesterdays adrenaline.I'm glad of the news but u can't escape the final blow of ur husband having sex with someone half his age.he says I hope u meet someone really soon.I said how do I do that?Even if I meet someone how do I get out the house to see them.she has brainwashed him completely,between them they believe he has done no wrong and she is his saviour .oh well THIS TOO SHALL PASS.
what have u done u stupid man .

Thanks fairy he started (he says.)talking to her in August.huge phonebills.but def sleeping together since the new year,meals out together his maintenance is sketchy to say the least,she texted me that I should start paying my way.silly tart .she lives with her mum and she's a pt waitress.

lol,my H is with part time waitress too,silly little girls,wait till our Hs start getting greyer,impotence starts kicking in,their mates think he is her dad see how long they stick around,as for telling you to start paying your way that just shows her age,lack of knowledge,dont text her back,she will get a kick out of it,take care ,find that strong no nonsense patience and get her back out,they are not worth being upset over x

Thanks fairy I know what ur saying ,just in shock atm even though I know it was going on thanks for posting x