Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 12

[KateonMN]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Stay a while and tell your story and when you are ready we are sure you will make the move to being a Dumpling no more!

oh devestated-your H is an idiot,how dare he give your number to her,like you say how can he take the word of her over someone he has spent 13 years with,does he have no care left for you at all that he feels you do not enough stress and that OW having your number is a good idea.

I'm trying to feed the kids dinner but I am completely gobsmacked at the audacity of that woman getting your number, let alone your H giving it to her. It seems to me she's so insecure that she has to ask her friends to keep tabs on you and report back to her, and watch your every move. So clearly she realises her behaviour is below the belt on havig an affair with your husband anyway or she wouldn't worry so much about what was said about her. How dare she after what she has put you through. She's trying to intimidate you and she has no right whatsoever. I'm hopping mad, this message isn't helpful and I haven't read the others but I'm thinking of you and sending ((hugs)), this must be so horrible for you, day in day out to live there right now, with all that you have to deal with.

Tea and Fairy thanks for your support and messages. I still staggered at what he has done and have a terrible headache from the stress of it.
I phoned both of the women to apologise and actually that was fine and has probably given me the upper hand when i look at the text messages that she sent to me 4 in the space of less than 15 minutes. My only reply was to her first one and only said that i will apologise to them both.

I thought that i wouldnt be surprised about anything that he or she does anymore - but he has sunk so far belopw my standards with his behaviour that i see no way of ever coming back from this. I do not ever see us being "friends" in the future.

You are far too kind to ring her friends and apologise, as it wasn't that bad what you said and quite frankly justified with your poor daughter struggling with it all and feeling anxious about seeing this other woman

yes i dont think i would enter in to any type of contact with her and her friends,would not apologise you were stating a fact.Ignore any texts,your H needs to step up and get her back in her cage,he has caused this giving out your number,he should know your priority is your dd and he should be helping make this as easy as possible for her.

Devastated, that is completely outrageous. Don't afford this woman any courtesy at all. She doesn't know the meaning of the word. This is a woman who has a moral code so far removed from your own that you will never understand her. Would it be worth speaking to the school? Is there anything they could do? If she sends just one more text then phone the police.
She obviously feels very threatened by you although that is not much consolation.

Could you arrange for dd to go to school 10 minutes earlier so that you can avoid ow?

Hello devastated I am sorry to hear about the awful situation - the OW also range me when ex gave her my mobile number.

The only thing I can add to the wise words is that it gave me the closure I needed on my ex and his affair. She was vile for ringing me - he was unrecognisable to me...why would he ever give her my number?

Any notion that I would ever be friends with my ex went out the window that day. I saw him for what he was and is. And he is not the sort of person I associate with.

When she rang me - it was the knock on the head I needed to dowse the flame of their 'secret, exciting' affair. I told him that she was not to ever ring me, contact me or when the hard faced vile cow started to ring my children in my house - I told him she must never ever speak to my girls at my house. I told him if she did then I would start spilling the beans over various dodgy dealings at their workplace.

So she doesn't, I took control, I don't engage - I will not be part of their little drama. He would rather be with her than his girls. They are a pair of vile dogs and suited to eachother. It sounds like you are doing the right things - I never fail to be surprised at what these 'men' can do.

I was a mess in November - but the new year has meant a new year and a new life for me...I used to pay lip service to the phrase "him doing this to me was the best thing that ever happened to me"

But - I know it's true now. Chin Up - you are a strong woman and worth a million gazillion of these people who trample over anyone to get what they want and to fulfil their own needs.

Elsie and others thanks for the messages. I have been talking to DD this evening about possibly going to breakfast club- this would mean that she would be in early.

I did arrange to take her early for the few first weeks - but given that she has been having trouble with her sleeping - this had always been a bit of problem with her and led to the H saying that she could sleep with Mummy at the weekends!- she struggles to get up early for school and is then difficult and feels guilty for being grumpy with me.

We have been having a discussion about it tonight during bathtime and i really thibk we are doing ok - we are so close - she says that this morning she saw the son of the OW and the OW and was also panicked byt the thought of leaving me-when one of your parents has left you and done what her father has done it must make you feel abandoned and she is worried about me.

I have reassured her - and we will go and have an early night, say a few prayers together and make some plans for the weekend. I gather that her Father is fully booked this weekend seeing the other woman - at least on Saturday. We know what his priorities are.

Kate - thanks for your post - i followed your thread before and know you have been through a trauma and it means a lot to hear from you and the other lovely people on here.

I know that in the future when he realises what he has done and the impact on his relationship with his daughter he will look back and rue the day that he did what he did.

Dev ,just to say people said to me " don't expect reasonable behaviour from someone incapable of giving it,its like going to a butchers for a loaf of bread,or a ironmongers for a piece of cheese,you just won't find it.I wouldn't engage with any of them,like u say it just adds to the drama and adrenaline that is their life(ie massive dysfunction).I would discuss everything with the school re ur dd ,breakfast club sounds great if dd is happy with that ,just takes the OW completely out of the equation.big hugs to u ,u have done so well ,ur amazing with ur dignified stance.no rear view mirrors ,tomorrow is another day ,trust ur gut instinct and get as much help and support from school as you can x

patience is right about the dont expect reasonable behaviour,you told me that before and the last few weeks that has rung true and have realised if i stop expecting him to be resposible/mature/caring i wont be constantly let down/hurt.H said last week he would ring dc every night and see them twice a week,told me yesterday can only see them once this week and probably same next week also didnt ring dc tonight,they were very upset,i put them to bed then text to say thanks for letting them down he replied he was busy at work then another text to say i should have text him earlier and then he would have rang them???? thought he was too busy ? now reading patience post i realise if i dont expect him to ring/see them as much as that is upsetting to accept he his a faliure as a dad i will be saving myself from being let down every time.

Thing is fairy we can work that way but its so sad for the little ones.my X used to see kids most mornings then phone at night ,now he sees them possibly on a Sunday and phones maybe x3 a week.my kids don't fret which is a blessing but it was def another trigger for me ,how could he forget ? Whereas now I don't stress it either ,I can only distance myself from his selfish behaviour ,I have no control over him.my kids are ,4 and 5 and he left 15 mths ago ,sometimes I realise it is only my angst that keeps the drama going.everyone else in the family as in X and dcs seem to have moved on.anyway big hugs to everyone fairy ,dev and co ur doin such a great job with ur kids,I know I always say it but this is an opportunity for development,doing things u never dreamed of ,this year will bring u great strength and great empowerment,u will learn to strengthen and explore ur weaknesses and re emerge as an ultimate force to be reckoned with,people will remember u when u cross their path x

i know patience your right it is not right on our dc to be let down like this and maybe when they are older they will let their dads know how let down they feel.I just know i have to harden up,realise he does not care for them as much as i do as its only day 4 of his phoning them every night and he has already let them down.I need to expect nothing and be suprised when he does something.

All I know is detatchment is the only healthy way forward mentally .detatch and become independent of him ,that is ur goal.I lapsed big time this weekend just because I answered honestly when he asked how was I doin? He insulted me (again)but I should know by now not to even go there.why did I? Well sometimes I think I'm talking to the guy I married,HUGE MISTAKE,I always get hurt ,but this happens less and less now.I find concentrating on me keeps me strong and positive,if I give headroom to him I get negative ,jealous,angry ,bitter,and I know now that is not a good look.just do what u can to nourish urselves ,treat urselves to one special thing everyday.

hope everyone is ok.
Devestated-how are things?has the OW left you alone?
Well i am home alone at the moment ,mil has little dc for the day,was going to be taking the elder dc out but i just couldnt face it so gave them money to go cinema with friends and they are more then happy.Felt a bit sad that i couldnt make myself go but they seem happy although they were trying to stay at home as they didnt want to leave me alone,its crap that they should worry about me.
Got woken last night by a text from H ment for OW,talking about a meet up and calling her baby and lots of xxxx

hello Fairygirl and everyone else.

Yes OW has left me alone - however part of ouyr routime has been goping to the local pub on Fridays and meeting up with friends and kids and guess who tunred up there last night> admittedly she does live over the orad and is one of their frequent customers but DD said she had to see her three times as she had to walk near her to go to the loo.

This morning DD also said when i was taking her out - Mummy we had to go past her house all the time - it just isnt fair.

I feel ok - a few people now know about her texting me and even more outraged than me and think she is desperate - she looks desperate and i would be if i looked like her and had her reputation.

Fairgirl - are you sure it was a mistake the text that is - it seems a bit strange - was he trying to wind you up do you think. Chin-up - thats what i keep telling myself

devastated-you are doing so well,and your dd,i dont know how i would cope seeing ow every day,going by what you have told us about her reputation,it may not be long till she is bored of your H and sets her eyes on the next married man,watch your H defend her then.
I always used to think growing up that my mum,was just vulgar and had picked the wrong men when she said "men think with their dicks"well now i know she was so right.

about that text,i had not thought of that til mil picked up dc,i told her about it and straight away she said,maybe he did it on purpose and thats his mum saying that.Will ask her when she drops dc off why she thinks it,i think it was either an accident or ow had his phone,i text back f*ck you,wished i hadnt and he just text "sorry" ,so this morning when i had the thought it could be OW i text to say be more carefull on your phone etc,no reply so assume was mistake ,he is coming tomorrow but i know i wont confront him,its like i dont want to upset him which is stupid after what he has done.I doubt it was him on purpose as he has not been 1 to enter into arguments/play games since split he has just wanted to get on with his life but the last 2 months has shown me you never really know anyone.

Fairy have a peaceful break ,can u have a bath and a pamper,I would never have done this before the split but it has helped me lots,what a lovely treat for the kids ,I'm sure u will be out and about with them soon x

dev so glad ur in a place u can join in with others on a Friday night and rise above her.

Sending everyone peace for this weekend x

Fairy you are so right about never knowing anyone, as we all thought we knew our H inside out, just shows how wrong we can be. You poor thing getting that text, bet you didnt have a very good night sleep.

Devastated you are doing so well with the OW living so close and keep turning up, it must make everything so raw.

As you say Chin up ladies!

romney it makes me sick just thinking about it,him calling her baby,makes me feel physical pain.
Patience-yes have caught up on boring chores which i never get to do with dd 18months being around and had a bath in peace with out having to have the door open to referee arguing kids lol

Mega!
Even with a 4 and 5 yo its tough to get a quiet bath with only me in the bathroom ,grab it while u can and enjoy the peace x

Mega!
Even with a 4 and 5 yo its tough to get a quiet bath with only me in the bathroom ,grab it while u can and enjoy the peace x

patience -enjoy it,it gets worse,the 1 and 5 year olds are not to bad with arguing ,its the 11 and 13 year olds that drive me mad with their arguing.

Lol thanks fairy ,I know they are just wee cubs tagging along atm and everyday is an adventure,Ds got big cold today so I got x5 videos for a pound out the charity shop this morning and we have been working our way thru them x